Father.
I'm lonely.
I'm an only.
I learned to put on airs.
I needed them to breathe.
Today I wake up, tell myself this is me.
dSz
I've always hated feeling lost. It's a sickening feeling that sits in the pit of my stomach like a stone weight. The feeling becomes worse as I move through the hedge maze, wand out, anticipating some new danger to pop out at any moment. A terrible scream rips through the night air and I stop. A memory propels itself to the forefront of my mind. A memory of a nightmare, a horrible dream I've never told anyone about, not even Ron or Hermione.
It's dark but in the moonlight I can see a gate in front of me. A shadowy figure stands off to my right, it appears to be a man. He turns to say something to me but it comes out in a low mumble so I can't understand the words. The man starts walking toward the gate but when he reaches it he does not touch it right away. For a split second the gate glows in a sickly green color and a feeling of dread washes over me. The figure turns back to look at me and then around again to stare at the gate. His shadowy hand reaches up to open it and I yell for him to stop because I know there's something wrong and he shouldn't touch it.
The words that come out of my mouth aren't the same as what I wanted to say. Instead of telling him to stop, I encourage him to continue. He touches the metal and instantly a liquid mass green in color forms in his hand and begins moving up his arm. The world becomes completely silent for a moment before he lets out a scream so loud that I think my ears will bleed.
Then I wake up and I feel a deep sense of loss, like I've lost someone very close to me.
dSz
dSz
Severus and I rushed through the castle, our footsteps echoing through darkened hallway after darkened hallway. Hogwarts was empty and completely silent except for the whispering of the portraits as we passed by. The painted faces made me nervous and I glanced over at Severus in concern.
"Don't worry about them," he said in response to my silent inquiry, "The portraits are wise enough to know they should not meddle with time or time travelers." I nodded in reply and we continued on.
"Severus," I whispered quietly, "Aren't you a little freaked out that Dumbledore is really Ron Weasley?"
He shook his head and shot a glare in my direction. "I don't believe it," he replied icily, "That Weasley brat is not the most powerful wizard in the world, it is unfathomable."
"But..."
"Perhaps in another lifetime his name was Ronald Weasley, but in this time he is Albus Dumbledore and that is enough to satisfy me."
"I suppose you're right," I responded thoughtfully, "They may have some similar characteristics but they are two completely different people."
"Precisely."
A few feet away from the front door to the castle a thought suddenly hit me. It hit me hard, hard enough to stop me in my tracks. Severus looked at me curiously as I stared down at my feet.
"What is it?" he questioned.
"The prophecy," I replied, "What about the prophecy that was made about my father and the Dark Lord? It was completely worthless wasn't it because the more I think about it, it seems like Voldemort would have gone after my father whether it was made or not."
"You may be right," Severus stated in a serious tone, "but I think the bigger question is whether the other in the prophecy was your father at all. And besides that, you have to remember that the prophecy was made by a professor of Divination."
"Yeah, so?"
"So, the art of Divination, as sketchy as it is, revolves around the future. If the prophecy was a glimpse into the future, then events would have happened as they did whether anyone ever heard the prophecy or not. But one could make the argument that if the prophecy had never been heard events would have never happened the way they did, so in effect the prophecy was responsible for the future we are living in now."
"The future created the prophecy and the prophecy created the future," I replied slowly, "Is that what you're trying to say?"
"More or less," Severus responded, "But you must remember that as each second passes the future is changed. Even a wizard as old and powerful as Dumbledore cannot control the future. If he could then he would be so powerful that he could control the actions of every living thing on earth and all the forces of nature as well. Even the smallest event can set off a chain reaction, changing the future." As if to prove his point he suddenly stomped the floor with one foot and then lifted his shoe, revealing the remains of a small brown spider.
"It's only a small insect but imagine the multitude of different events it could have affected in its short lifetime," he explained as I gave him a questioning look in response. "This spider could have scared someone, causing them to fall down the stairs and die. This small, minut little bug could have crawled into a potion, changing its composition and creating a miracle cure for a horrible disease."
"Or it could have been smooshed by the next person to walk by," I interrupted, quickly realizing that Snape's speech could go on for hours if I let it.
"Correct," he replied in an annoyed tone, "Now stay close and try not to cause any more trouble."
"Yes Professor," I stated in a sarcastic tone and even in the darkness I could see Severus roll his eyes.
As soon as the door opened and we walked out onto Hogwart's grounds we were assaulted by the sound of shouting voices and the whiplike crack of spells flying through the air. Streaks of light could be seen zipping through the trees, reminding me of fireworks on the fourth of July. But there were no gasps of awe accompanying them, instead there was only chaotic shouts and the occassional cry of pain.
"Do you still have that invisibility cloak?" I asked as we cautiously made our way closer to the forest.
"I'm not sure," Severus replied, stopping to check his pockets. A moment later he pulled out the shimmering material. "That's strange," he stated as he eyed the cloak with confusion, "I was sure I had lost it along the way."
"Maybe our luck's changing," I said optimisically.
"Perhaps..."
A loud creaking noise behind us suddenly caught our attention and we both spun around at the same time. I could feel my stomach lurch as the door which we had just come out of suddenly began to open. Someone was coming!
"Severus, the cloak!" I exclaimed in a hurried whisper. Within seconds we were huddled underneath the cloak, standing so close that I couldn't tell which of us was shaking harder.
A slightly younger looking Dumbledore and Severus Snape rushed out of the castle and quickly walked across the grass in our direction. A younger McGonnagal ran along a few steps behind and trailing in the back, much to my surprise, was Draco Malfoy. I gave Severus a questioning look but his attention was trained on his younger self.
"What's going on?" I whispered and Severus shook his head in confusion.
"I cannot tell you, I cannot say anything about what happened this night," he replied in an eerie tone, "We all took a Wizard's Oath that we would tell no one of what transpired."
"So you know but you can't tell?" I asked and Severus nodded in reply, "Well, I guess we'll just have to..."
Severus suddenly grabbed my hand and shook his head fiercely, nearly knocking off the invisibility cloak and exposing us both. "We should go," he whispered frantically, "You do not need to see this. I cannot allow you to see this."
"But..." I began to ask why I shouldn't see it but was interrupted by Dumbledore.
"How long has this been going on?" he asked the rest of the group while motioning toward the forest.
"Potter's been out there for nearly a half hour," Draco responded worriedly. My eyes widened in surprise.
"So this started just after I arrived at the Ministry?" questioned Dumbledore. Draco nodded in reply. "And just who is Mr. Potter fighting?"
There was silence as Draco and McGonnagal shifted uncomfortably under Dumbledore's questioning stare. Finally Severus stepped forward to explain.
"It seems that Mr. Potter is not fighting any foe that can be seen," Snape explained calmly.
"But then who is crying out, where are the curses coming from?"
"Mr. Potter," Severus answered simply, "and only Mr. Potter.
Dumbledore gave the forest a worried glance before turning to the rest of the staff. "Minerva, assemble the staff. Severus, contact the Order."
"And me sir?" Draco questioned curiously.
One corner of Dumbledore's mouth turned up in a small smile. "You will accompany me into the forest. Perhaps the two of us will be able to calm him or at least stun him."
"Stun Harry!" Draco exclaimed in surprise, "I'm not powerful enough to even get close enough to him."
"Yes, but I am."
"So then why..."
Dumbledore grinned. "My dear Mr. Malfoy, in order for me to stun a powerful wizard like Harry, I will need a fairly good distraction."
"Sir, perhaps I would be more appropriate for this task," Severus interrupted.
"I want to distract him Severus," Dumbledore replied, "Not burn the forest down. Now..."
Suddenly Remus Lupin came running through the gates seperating Hogwarts and Hogsmeade. He stopped in front of the group, his hands on his knees as he fought to catch his breath.
"I...huff...can't...find...huff...Harry," he wheezed.
"Of course you can't," Severus ground out, "He's currently fighting his imaginary friends in the forest."
"Severus..." Dumbledore warned before turning to Remus, "Harry seems to be having some kind of episode. Draco and I were just about to head into the forest to see if we can't persuade him to calm down."
"I'll come with you," Remus replied, immediately standing tall as if to prove that he was up for the task.
Dumbledore nodded. "I'd like you to find Hagrid first, I think he may be able to help." Remus nodded in reply and headed off in the direction of Hagrid's cabin.
The two professors headed toward the school as Dumbledore and Draco made their way toward the forest. As Dumbledore passed he gave a worried glance in my direction and emerald green met twinkling blue for only a split-second, but it was long enough for a chill to run down my spine. Severus seemed to sense my distress and I suddenly felt a strong arm wrap around my waist, pulling me close.
Once Dumbledore and Draco were a few feet away I motioned to Severus that we should follow. He shook his head but was forced to make a choice once I took a step forward, come with me or chance being seen, he chose to follow.
"Albus!" Remus Lupin's voice called out as he came running out of Hagrid's cabin. "Albus, wait!"
Dumbledore and Draco both stopped in their tracks and gave Remus a questioning look. "Hagrid's gone and he left Fang in the cabin. I think he's gone into the forest!" Remus shouted as he pointed toward the dark mass of trees in front of us.
"No," I whispered worriedly. I looked to Severus for some sort of reassurance that I was wrong in my silent assumption of what events were to come. Instead of reassurance he merely stared into my eyes with the most miserable expression I'd ever seen. "No," I whispered again, "We have to save him."
"We can't," Severus replied quietly, "All of this has already happened."
"But Dumbledore changed time, why can't we?" As if he had heard my muttering, Dumbledore suddenly looked right at me. Our eyes met again and he shook his head sadly.
"Headmaster?" Draco asked in confusion, "Headmaster, is there something wrong?"
"Remus, I..." Dumbledore was suddenly interrupted by a loud roar. "We must hurry!"
Dumbledore, Remus and Draco ran towards the forest. Dumbledore could run surprisingly fast for being such an ancient wizard. Severus and I followed along as best we could with the cloak wrapped around us. A few times it nearly came off, exposing our feet for a few moments, but the three wizards running along ahead of us were too distracted to notice.
Another loud roar echoed through the trees as we came to a small clearing. The group in front of us stopped abruptly and stood silent, all three faces staring at something ahead of them. I motioned to Severus to the side of the clearing in order to get a better look at what was transpiring. When I finally did get a good look, I ended up wishing I hadn't.
In the middle of the clearing was my father and kneeling in front of him, roaring in pain, was the loveable half-giant who I had heard so much about, Hagrid. My father's eyes were dark and glassy as he muttered "Crucio" over and over again. I stared at the scene in horror, periodically shaking my head as if I could make it all just disappear.
"Harry!" Remus cried out, "Harry, what in Merlin's name are you doing!"
"The monster must die!" my father growled angrily, "I will slay him."
"Bloody hell Potter, what's gotten into you?" Draco asked under his breath.
Harry suddenly stopped and turned to stare at the group of wizards in standing in front of him. "Who are you? How did you get into this forest? You didn't touch the gate, did you?"
"Harry, it's me, Remus!" Lupin shouted in desperation, but my father didn't seem to recognize him, instead he turned toward Dumbledore.
"You know the monster has to be destroyed, you understand the greater good," he babbled, "You understand eternal life."
Dumbledore shook his head sadly, as if he'd already resigned himself to whatever might be coming next. "Harry, put down your wand."
"Harry," Hagrid sobbed, "Harry, why'd you do such a thing? Harry..."
The half-giant's voice seemed to cause something to snap inside my father and he turned to Hagrid with the most heartless and cold look I'd ever seen from anyone. "Silence monster! I've dealt with your kind before," he rambled senselessly, "Vampires, werewolves, dragons, dark lords, bulls and beasts, just like you!"
"Harry..." Hagrid sobbed once more but whatever he was planning to say next was cut off abruptly as my father slashed his wand across his throat, slicing it in a thin line.
The forest fell silent for a moment. Then a quiet gurgling noise filled the clearing as Hagrid wrapped one gigantic hand over the fresh wound. I looked toward the three wizards, sure that they would soon step in and do something, anything. I was surprised to see that Remus and Draco were frozen in place, both of them stunned, while Dumbledore stood betwen the two of them, calmly watching the events as they unfolded.
"The bastard!" I exclaimed in a throaty whisper. I attempted to whip off the cloak and go for his throat but Severus held me back. "Severus, we can't just sit here!"
"It is too late," he responded as he stared at my father. I turned to see what he was talking about and I found that he was right, it was too late.
Hagrid, the beloved half-giant, my father's best friend, lay face down in the dirt. Even in the position he was in, I could tell that the front of his body had been mutilated. The ground around him was soaked with blood, reminding me of red clay. Thestrals flanked the small clearing, tossing their heads fretfully as they nervously paced through the trees.
My father stood over Hagrid's body, staring at his hands for a moment before throwing his wand down into the bloodied earth at his feet. Silent sobs racked his emaciated form and a strange hum filled the clearing. It emanated from the small wizard and soon his whole body seemed to be shaking like a tuning fork.
"Severus?" I whispered in confusion.
The former death eater seemed to be frozen in terror. Without saying a word he grabbed my arm and pulled me to the ground, covering my body with his own. I grunted in annoyance and resisted but he wouldn't budge. A few seconds later I found out why.
A magical explosion of seemingly nuclear proportions passed over us. It was so powerful that the invisibility cloak was torn away from our grasp. There was nothing we could do as it was blown into the night sky. Depending on how and where it landed, it would be nearly impossible to find.
"The time-turner!" Severus exclaimed between gasps.
"But, I don't know how many..."
"Follow your instincts," an ancient voice said calmly, "Isn't that what I told you years ago?"
Severus and I slowly turned to look at Dumbledore. The old wizard's white beard was full of dirt and debris, his twinkling blue eyes seemed dull and he was hunched over slightly, pulled down by the weight of my father's body in his arms. An odd emotion bubbled up inside me, stopping somewhere between hatred and pity.
I closed my eyes and gave the time turner one hard spin, willing it to take us back to our own time. I didn't open my eyes again until Severus draped me over the back of a thestral and commanded it to take us to the Department of Mysteries. I glanced down at the small clearing one last time as we took off into the air.
No grass had grown in that clearing and none grows there today.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm so, so sorry about the long delay in updating. I should be able to update more once I stop working so much overtime. I work 13 hours a night and then I got to my boyfriend's every weekend, so I don't have a lot of extra time to sit and write. I hope this chapter is acceptable. I know it's not one of my best. I still haven't fixed my spellcheck so please excuse any mistakes.
Thank you to everyone who has continued to read my story and all those who have left reviews.