Can you do and sunayna4sho a favor? Read her new story and raise awareness for that son of a biscuit(: thank youuu.

"Big Girls Don't Cry"

Da Da Da Da
The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

La Da Da Da Da Da

I'd drilled it into my head that I was finally safe, that I could finally move on with my life, start fresh; and I was. I felt happy here, I was happy, I took care of my son, and Mia's daughter. I worked every once in a while, Jake, Mia, and I would go into town sometimes with the kids, and watch a movie, or out to eat.

Living here was healthy for me.

I e-mailed Lissa every week, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday's. I wrote to her, I sent her pictures of Ivan, but I never mentioned going back home. I was homesick, but I needed to get my things straight before going back to L.A. where I would possibly have to face Dimitri.

I never talked to him again, he'd called once and it'd gone to voicemail, but he hadn't been able to get anything out, only a "I'm sorry." And I'd drilled it into my head to get over him, and honestly, I was.

I was free from him completely. I wasn't anywhere near him, I wasn't in a city that he was in, and I didn't have a baby that was his. I was moving on from him, and I felt better, but there were days when I stared at Ivan and I hoped it was his. There were days, like these, in the porch, where my mind would wander off to him. Or nights that would be filled with dreams of him.

It was happening less and less, and when it did it left an aching in my chest.

I'd thought about removing my tattoo, but whenever I looked at it in the mirror I knew why I was here, I knew what it symbolized and I couldn't bring myself to destroy it. Not yet. Besides there were days when I didn't even remember I had it.

I'd also e-mailed my parents a picture of Ivan after Ambrose got arrested, and I'd written them some sort of a letter. Surprisingly enough I got an answer. They'd said my son was beautiful, and they missed me. They wondered when I'd be going back, they knew they hadn't been as supporting, but they wanted me back... I didn't answer. They didn't know I was raped. And I wasn't going to tell them, either.

I was thinking less and less, very day about Ambrose and what he'd done to me. But I knew it was impossible to ever be able to forget about him, or to have a day where he wasn't in my mind at least once, because I had Ivan, but I was doing better. Much better. I wasn't a victim anymore.

And I was proud of myself. I wasn't crying anymore, I'd kept my promise. Not to mention, I didn't blame myself for Mason's and Ivan's death... as much.

It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry.

"Hmm, I think our kids should hook up."

I placed the magazine on my lap, and looked up at Mia who was next to me. Jake, opposite of us, laughed. I placed my feet on the floor to stop the swing from going anymore. She looked at me.

"What?"

I looked at her, puzzled, the same way she was looking at me.

"You mean right now?" I asked.

She giggled and looked at where they were. They were in their own swings, sucking on their pacifiers, and drifting off to sleep. Mia's daughter, Annabelle, named after her dead grandmother was only four months, but she was a little thing, like her mother. I van was a bit bigger at 5 months, probably taking after Ambrose, who was tall. I bit my lip. I would never be able to get away from those eyes...

"Of course not! Can you imagine? They're babies, but I meant you know, in the future, though it couldn't hurt to drill it into their mind right now..." I rolled my eyes.

"That would be nice," I admitted. Growing up, Lissa and I had said our children would hook up... Of course after a few years I hadn't wanted any kids. But now I couldn't get enough of my son.

I rested my eyes, my mind drifting to Mason and Ivan... It'd already been a year since their death, and I hadn't gone to their cemetery. I felt guilty, when I realized I'd been busy with the whole Ambrose thing. His trial had been quick, and he'd been found guilty of my rape, added to Tasha's, and some other girl, Vikktoria, along with the second degree murder of Mason and Ivan. He was going to spend, at least 30 years in prison.

I looked over to Jake, and idea popping into my head. "What if we take a field trip?" I asked. This spiked the interest of Mia, who looked at us both.

"What kind?" he asked. Mia sat up straighter.

"Where?"

"Back to California," I said softly, looking over at Ivan, "To pay a visit to two men he was named after."

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone.

So, I'm not sure if I'll be able to update tomorrow, cause i gotta do an essay, well finish it, and i get distracted -.- but if I get 20 reviews... (;