Last week I was busy with volunteer work, so I couldn't update as much, but I'm free of that, hopefully, so I'll have more time, but I'm going to try and focus on High school more than on this... Sorry. Just be patient.
And no this isn't a RosexJesse... And this chapter is a bit different ;)
Review!
"Apologize"-One Republic.
I'm holdin' on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground.
And I'm hearin' what you say,
But I just can't make a sound.
You tell me that you need me,
Then you go and cut me down...
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry,
Didn't think I'd turn around...
And say...
That it's too late to apologize.
It's too late...
I said it's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
Yeah!
I'd take another chance,
Take a fall, take a shot for you.
I need you like a heart needs a beat,
But it's nothin' new, yeah!
I loved you with a fire red,
Now it's turnin' blue...
And you say...
Sorry, like an angel
Heaven let me think was you...
But I'm afraid...
It's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
I said it's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
Whoa!
It's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
I said it's too late to apologize.
It's too late.
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah!
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah!
I'm holdin' on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground.
Tasha.
I missed her...Everybody did. But we all coped with it the best way we could. We all did in different ways. For example, I would stare at a picture of her and imagine what it would be like if she was here.
Lissa would read and read her e-mails.
Christian would sit in the couch and banter with a picture of her. To others it would seem crazy, but not to us. We knew he was just missing her, and trying to cope with it.
Eddie would go into her old room, and just... stare at it.
And Dimitri...
Dimitri would spend days in her room, sometimes we could hear him reading the letter she left him, or just randomly talking to her. He did a mixture of what we all did.
We knew she was okay, we often talked to her on the phone, but we just didn't know where she was.
Lissa wanted to search for her, she wanted to go to the ends of the world to find her best friend... I did too. But I understood Rose better than anyone else. I understood her pain, because I had gone through it. I understood what it was like to be... raped. And by the same man. A man who was now in jail.
A while ago, Rose sent us a picture of Ivan, with his eyes wide open, staring at us with those eyes... His same eyes. I couldn't begin to imagine what it was like to have a kid that reminded you so much of the person who had hurt you.
But Rose was strong, she just needed time on her own. She needed to find herself again, she needed to be away from all of us.
Especially Dimitri.
He was a mess. I think it finally hit him just how much he truly loved her. But it was too late.
Hell it was too late for a lot of things. Too late to fix what Dimitri did to Ambrose. Too late to stop what he did to me. Too late to stop what he did to Viktoria, Dimitri's younger sister. Too late for Dimitri to fall in love with Rose. Too late to save her. Too late to save Mason. Too late to save Ivan. Too late to stop Dimitri from committing the worst mistake of his life, which was to walk out of Rose's life... Too late to stop her from leaving. Too late to apologize.
Too late...
Always too late.
That it's too late to apologize.
It's too late...
Ambrose.
I sit here, cornered in this thing, that can barely be called a bed. I close my eyes and imagine her with me, laughing at my stupid jokes, making her witty remarks, her sarcasm, her smile... her voice.
And I have to open my eyes to the reality that is my life. The reality that I created for myself, and for what? For Avery Lazar.
I wanted to apologize, nit just to Rose, but to Tasha, to Vikktoria, to Ivan, to the boy named Mason.
But it was too late.
Like always.
Too late to stop Avery and Dimitri. Too late to save Tasha. Too late to save Vikktoria. Too late to save Rose, Mason, Ivan... Too late to stop Dimitri from loving her, and then walking away from her. Too late for me to have to find her. Too late for me to fall for her.
Too late to stop all my mistakes, too late to stop the past.
Too late for apologies.
Always too late.
Just a little too late.
Sorry, like an angel
Heaven let me think was you...
But I'm afraid...
It's too late to apologize.
Dimitri.
I miss her. I have this aching hole in my chest, in my heart. I want to run after her, I want to beg her to come back, and forgive me. But I also know this is something she must do on her own. She has to heal.
I want her to forgive me.
But as I sit her, and listen to this music, as I stare at a picture of her laughing as I take the picture, as I read this damn letter, I feel like its too late.
And I know it is.
It's too late to stop me from believing all of Avery's lies. Too late to protect Tasha. Too late to save my baby sister, Vikktoria. Too late to stop myself from loving Rose, and being her ultimate doom. Too late to save my best friend Ivan from the flames of the hell I built, too late to save young Mason's life. Too late to stop me from leaving Rose that day. Too late to stop her from leaving. To stop all her pain...
Always too late.
Just a little too late.
Too late for apologies.
I'd take another chance,
Take a fall, take a shot for you.
Rose.
As I sit in front of my vanity mirror, and I stare at myself, getting ready to go meet up with Jesse, I stare at myself. I feel better about myself, but I still have the wound...
I close my eyes, my mind drifting to Dimitri and Ambrose.
It was too late.
A tear rolled down my cheek, the only one.
It was a little too late.
Too late to stop all of this form beginning. Too late to stop me from meeting Dimitri, from falling in love. Too late to save Mason and Ivan, from the fire... Too late to stop Ambrose. Too late to stop Dimitri that day. Too late to meet him again, months later...
God, it was too late for many things... So many things that were just... so heavy in my shoulders.
Too late...
But never too late to forgive.
I loved you with a fire red,
Now it's turnin' blue...