HI all, SO, this is kind of different for me. I hav never written a Rizzoli and Isles fic, but I thought it was about time. This was rolling around in my head. Blame Rihanna. I just wanted to let it out. Please read and review. Reviews means faster updates, though you could all hate it an not want more.
It was so goddamn close.
Jane buried her face in her hands and let her tears gently fall through her clenched fingers. She remembered the moment so well with the emotions.
Jane smiled to herself as she closed the web browser and a picture of her and Casey filled the computer screen. He had been back from Afghanistan for almost a year, had gotten an apartment and stayed in Boston to be close to Jane. They had been officially dating for that time. He had come home from Afghanistan, knocked on her door dressed in sexy jeans, a warm sweater as it was cold outside, a bottle of wine and a smile.
"Hey Jane."
"Casey? What are you doing here?"
Casey had smiled at her.
"Well I'm here for you. I realized that I wanted a real shot at something with you so I came back asked to be assigned to a training job here in Boston, I just want to be close to you. Jane, will you be my girlfriend?"
Jane had smiled and nodded. They spent the evening eating dinner and laughing, Loius Armstrong playing on the stereo. Casey smiled as the conversation lulled and standing gently pulled her into his arms. He pulled her close and slowly they circled and danced together in the living room. Casey dipped her and Jane giggled. As he pulled her up he kissed her gently. One thing had led to another and they had made love on several surfaces of her house. Over the several months Jane had built so many memories of the man she now looked at on her computer screen. They had so much fun together, between him taking her on a yacht for a weekend, to Jane booking an entire paintball field for his birthday and the girls winning, primarily because Maura was a better shot than she let on. Laughter bubbled out of her mouth. Maura and Casey were constantly at it, always trying to outsmart each other, and had become good friends. Something Jane was glad of. She loved that they wer good friends just like she and Maura were. Letting her mind drift Jane reviewed so many of those memories and It was that moment with a soft smile on her face that Jane Rizzoli realized she could fall in love with this man. With a chuckled and a gentle caress to his digital cheek she pulled on her jacket and walked out the squad room doors. She turned on her car and headed to Casey's apartment. She wasn't supposed to see him tonight but she couldn't help it. She inserted her key into his apartment door, slipped off her shoes and gnetly closed the door. Often after Casey's training sessions he would be sleeping. She smiled as she saw the bottle of wine open on the counter. Pouring herself a glass she headed back to the bedroom looking for her boyfriend. As she neared the bedroom she furrowed her eyebrows together. Gently pushing open the door she stopped short at what she saw, a hand made its way to her mouth. Realization dawned.
"Oh My God."
Casey seeing her and hearing her, immediatly got off and pulled out of the young woman on his bed. Jane growled and set the wine glass down on the nearest piece of furniture gathered her things and stormed out of the apartment. Casey grabbed the nearest article of clothing and pulled it on following Jane out of the aparment. He caught up with her as she reached the elevator.
"Jane wait."
Jane immedialty shot her hand through the doors of the elevator. Holding up her hand to stop his explanation.
"Let me make one thing damn clear Casey. I don't ever want to see you again. You can keep all my shit, I don't want to do the breakup shit. We are done, through over,. I don't deal with cheaters, I never ever want to see you again. I will ship you your stuff if you want it. If you ever come within a mile of me or my family or friends ever again I will personally make sure you can never have children." Her eyes held a blazing fire and anger as she stared down the man she had been falling in love with. "Do we understand each other?" Casey simply nodded clutching the sheet to his naked, albiet sexily naked form as the door closed and Jane clenched her jaw trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over her face. She held it together until she reached her car. The tears began to spill down her cheeks as she started the engine and drove to the highway where she merged with Boston traffic. She made one stop. She bought a bottle of rum, light rum from Jamaica and drove the rest of the way to her apartment. She walked into her apartment and sank down against the locked door, finally dissolving into sobs. Opening the bottle of rum she tok a long drink. The white clear liquid burned all the way down her throat and swearing softly to herself she took another long pull The sobs continued to work through her body as her masscare ran down her cheeks and the bottle of rum got less and less. Standing up after thirty minutes and almost a ¼ of a bottle later Jane went about "De- casey-ing" her apartment. Taking pictures, several articles of his clothing, anything that reminded her of him Jane put it all ina box and stored one in the attic, marked another with his address and took one out in the street and pouring some of the alcohol on it set it ablaze, watching the orange flames lick at it and resolve to ashes some of the more painful memories of Casey. Walking back up to her apartment with ½ a bottle of the rum gone she immediately taped her hands and grabbing her ipod turned on Rihanna's song "The Last Time", and began to punch the bag as hard and as fast as she could. Desperate to get the emotions out of her system and to take away the sting of the deep betrayal. Jane punched it until her physical body and the alcohol took its affect and barely made it to her room before she passed out on the bed.
Taking a deep breath and grabbing for the bottle of rum that she had a habit of buying when she had a hard night dealing with Casey, Jane pulled her blanket closer around her shoulders. She had moved today. She had changed apartments and cheersing herself softly she realized that this apartment was better anyway. She had a roof to enjoy, with the moonlight streaming down on her and a hell of a view. She loved this place and it had less memories of Casey. She heard a light tapping on the door of the rof and a very soft voice she had known would always be there asked for permision to join her. Turning her head Jane smiled.
"Sure."
Maura was wearing designer jeans that hugged her frame, knee high black boots and a comfortable top. Taking a seat next to Jane she smiled at her friend.
"Are you going to finally tell me whats been bothering you for the last month?"
Jane sighed, she owed it to Maura. Maura had been incredibly patient and when Jane had said she didn't want to talk about it Maura was distressed but knew that her friend needed time. Maura was playing with her hands and rememberd the day she had first noticed.
Maura had just finished the report Jane had been waiting for and waited for her friend to come down and join her. Taking a deep breath she let the images fill her mind of her best friend. Maura had long ago realized that she very much was in love with her friend, but she also knew that Jane would never return those feelings. She was incredbly happy with Casey and Maura was happy for her. She remembered the day Jane had come in and told her that Casey came back from Afghanistan to be with her, the twinkle in the brown eyes and the happiness that pervaded her eyes. Maura remembered the stab of pain and the hard gulp she had taken and forced a smile on her face. She tried to befriend Casey, and they seemed to have a decent friendship Jane was happy and that was enough, even if it wasn't Maura who made her happy. The rough voice pulled her from her thoughts and she opened her eyes to see Jane. Jane smiled wanly, but looked exhuasted. Maura noticed that she seemed almost depressed and more sullen than usual. Jane ran her hands through her thick black hair.
"Hey got that report for me?"
Maura nodded and all the pieces fell into place. Something was bothering her Jane. Jane took the report muttered a thanks and started to walk out. Maura stopped her gently and glanced down at her hands, they were swollen and her knuckles were badly bruised like she had gotten in a fight.
"Jane! What happened?"
Jane flinched and pulled her hands away aggressively. Seeing the hurt that entered the green eyes she sighed and ran a hand through her hair. He brown eyes met the beautiful green eyes.
" I got in a fight with my punching bag." Noting that the sarcasm didn't work and Maura's eyes still held deep concern Jane sighed. "I'm fine Maur, I just need time, please don't push me to talk about this. Just be a friend and love me anways?"
Maura nodded wanting to respect her friends privacy.
"I can do that."
Over the successive days Maura watched the tiredness that seemed to enclose around her friend. Her knuckles were getting more and more bruised. Jane walked in with a limp, smiling she explained she injured herself while running.
"How far did you run?"
Jane calculated in her head.
"I think about fifteen miles."
"Jane..."
"I'm fine Maur. Please just not yet. I trust you, I just need to be introverted right now. Ok?"
Maura nodded knowing her friend was deeply hurting and that she was pushing others away so she could deal. She seemed incredibly sad and holding back tears at certain moments. Jane came into her lab the next day to collect more evidence on their case and before she could leave Maura grabbed her wrist and spun her into a hug. Jane at first tensed but after a moment she melted in Maura's embrace and let herself cry. Maura let her cry for several minutes and whispered sweet words of rassurance to her friend. She wished she knew exactly what was going on, but she respected Jane to much to push her. It was very uncharacteristic for Maura to initiate physcial contact of any kind but she sensed Jane needed it. The normall stoic detective was deeply deeply hurting. After several moments Maura released her as she felt Jane pull away and gently reached out to brush the tears away. Leading Jane back into her office she handed her some tissues and some extra masscara and eyeliner. Jane smiled her thanks and before she left she looked at Maura.
"Thank you. I'm not ready but thank you, you have no idea how much I needed that."
Maura nodded and her mind went for the hundredth time to what was bothering her friend. Maura wandered up to the brick several hours later, to give Jane an important bit of evidence for their case and noticed that her computer screen had changed. Frost intejected as Maura's mind began to process all this new information.
"Hey do you and Case wanna joi us for a drink tonight Jane?"
Jane shook her head at Frost.
"Casey is gone on a buisness trip and honestly I am just to tired. Raincheck Frost?"
Frost nodded and Maura tensed slightly. Jane as lying. What was going on? A week later Jane had called and asked Maura to help her move and it all fell into place. Jane and Casey had broken up and Jane was running from the memories. Now here they were sitting on Jane's new roof drinking a bottle of rum.
Jane spoke after a moment.
"Casey cheated on me, and we broke up. I was such a fool Maur. I saw it before I actually caught him, but I kept telling myself he would be faithful, that he loved me enough to only see me." Her voice cracked from the pain. "For the first time in a long time, I was letting myself fall in love with someone, let myself rust someone again and then he turns around and does a shitty thing like that." Maura felt her hands clench in anger, she wanted to kick Casey's ass. She wanted to make him hurt as much as her Jane was. Careful to keep her reactions neutral Maura disicplined her mind to focus on what Jane was saying and hide her angry reaction. Jane's normal husky voice held pain, her sense of humor was almost nonexistant and that made Maura sad. Reaching out she crawled into the blanket with Jane and took her hand gently. Jane continued as she opened up to her friend and Maura felt the pain in her voice and was a silent listeneing pillar of strength. Jane shared the memories, hard ones, good ones, and bad ones and Maura listened until she was done. They finished the bottle of rum and Maura gently helped her up.
"Come on."
Gently leading Jane inside she grabbed two pairs of pajamas from a box and threw a pair to Jane.
"Change."
Jane looked at her quizicaly.
"You don't have to stay maura."
Maura nodded.
"I know, but I would venture a guess that your nightmares have also returned and Jane you need a good night sleep, you trust me. Your body relaxes more when I sleep in the same bed with you and I can calm down your nightmares. So I am staying, you need a good night sleep medically."
Jane snorted ruethfully.
"Something Casey always hated about you. You could calm me down but he never could."
Maura held a small smirk on her face, that secretly was something she was damn proud of. She chuckled as the humor gently begin to seep into Jane's eyes.
"I remember that night. The night he called me so freaked out because you had locked yourself in the bathroom with a knife and he had no idea how to get you out. He was so mad at me, then the next night we got into a medical argument about the various types of dreams and the best way to calm someone down. He was pissed when I won that argument."
Jane chuckled.
"It was pretty funny." Jane's brown met Maura's green eyes and for a moment Maura took a deep breath staggered by the intensity she always felt around Jane. "Thanks for always being here Maura."
Maura nodded and shooed her into the bathroom. She slipped her own clothes off and into one of Jane's sweats, taking a moment to enjoy the scent of the woman she was in love with. God would it ever happen? Taking a moment to stabalize herself and blinking back her own tears she heard the door open and smiled at Jane. Jane smiled back and the two women crawled into bed together. Maura knew they would eventually drift together at night but at the moment her arms ached for Jane. Jane seemed to want the comfort when she opened her arms to Maura.
"Come on it's cold outside, you're inevitably going to be curled around me in the morning, so we might as well get it over with and honestly I could use the snuggling. You're like a fucking sticker, I move in the middle of the night and somehow you just find me again."
Maura chuckled and rested her head against Jane's shoulder and felt Jane's arms close around her.
"Do you mind that I do that Jane?"
"Horribly Maura, Horribly." Adding a dramatic flair to her words Jane waived her hands in the empty air above them. "I've always secretly been peeved about it."
Catching the sarcasm in Jane's voice Maura chuckled again and settled into the farmiliar place that she fit perfectly. They had done this plenty of times, when either of them had bad nightmares or night terrors, it was normal for their friendship, especially after Hoyt. Maura's alst thought before drifting off to sleep was how much she wanted to protect Jane from the heartache she was going through. Her last thought was how much she wanted this to be normal. She wanted to love Jane Rizzoli. Hours later Maura awoke to Jane thrashing about int bed in the throes of a nightmare. Maura reached out, ducked a fist sent towards her and scooted into janes body. She wrapped her arms around Jane and held onto her tight. She was screaming out.
"Maura! NO. Leave her alone Hoyt, you have me, leave her out of this." Her body was soon wracked with sobs as tears began to stream down jane's sleeping face. "NO Maur, stay with me. please stay with me. I can't lose don't leave me."
Her whole body was shaking and Maura cuddled closer into her embrace flipping them so Jane could hear the steadyiness of her heartbeat.
"Shhh Jane I'm right here. I'm ok. I'm right here."
Jane shot awake almost catching Maura's chin in the process.
"maura!"
Maura immediately wrapped her arms around the burnette from behind.
"I'm right here Jane. I'm safe its ok."
Jane turned to her panic evident in her eyes as she took Maura's face in both of her hands