I thought this chapter was going to be the death of me- running on no sleep is no fun!

I hope you all find this interesting- please review let me know what you think and whether you'd like me to continue...

Disclaimer: I own zilch.

Paramour

(Desire)

The smell of blood was overwhelming her senses lingering in the air like an old companion as she stood in the darkness with nothing but the light of her torch pooling by her feet as her exhausted body attempted to let go of everything that had gotten under her skin.

"Sara..." Greg's voice travelled to her ear like headlights through fog hitting her out of nowhere. Sara turned to face him her expression blank, her eyes lacking anything tangible. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine..." She replied her voice shaking slightly as she did so.

"All the evidence is in the car- I'm all set to go..." He explained waiting for her response but without a word she made her way past him towards the front door of their crime scene.

Greg followed her to the car sitting himself down in the passenger seat while attempting to voice his concerns for her. Sara hadn't been herself all day. From the moment she walked into the break room he could sense that there was something wrong. But he had struggled to find the right words to ask her what exactly the problem was.

"What's going on?" He asked leaning back in his seat not taking his eyes off her.

"Nothing" She said through gritted teeth knowing Greg well enough to know that he wouldn't settle for that answer. He would push her for an answer but if she was honest she was finding it hard enough to explain to herself what she was experiencing.

"You're lying." He pointed out the obvious his eyes turning to face the road. Trial and error had taught Greg that it was best to leave Sara to silence, to wait, until she spoke first.

"It's just..." Sara took a deep breath tilting her head against the knot that was forming in her neck. "One day we're all going to stop existing...no one will remember us, no one will know who we are, what we did."

"Sara...One day we're all going to die, there is nothing we can do about that..." Greg commented not fully grasping what she was trying to say.

"I know..." Sara snapped back, sighing at the lack of understanding from her friend. Instead of being offended or upset Greg simply just shrugged looking through the case notes that had been abandoned on the dashboard.

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean to snap at you..." After a few moment of cooling down Sara spoke her eyes focused on the road ahead of her not turning to face the man beside her. "It's just...I'm scared that I'm completely alone..."

The statement felt ridiculous considering the family she had built around herself in Las Vegas, and her relationship with Grissom. But Sara realised that when she went home after work there was no one there. She would be left alone with nothing but her thoughts. She would spend her evenings waiting for the scraps of attention the man that claimed to love her would throw her way.

If that was all she had wasn't she in fact alone?

Greg shifted in his seat turning to face her with his soulful brown eyes, studying her expression, while letting all of the thoughts run through his mind before he replied. A part of him wanted to reach out- touch her hand- do something to prove to her that she wasn't alone but nothing seemed appropriate.

"Sara you're not alone..." He muttered clearing his throat. "You have me...you have the rest of the team..."

"Do you ever have those days, where you think about who you wanted to be, and who you've become?" She asked ignoring his response. He thought hard about his answer; he wondered if his beliefs about his future had ever been particularly in-depth. Greg soon realised that he had, from a young age, just taken life as it was thrown at him hoping that what he was doing was making a difference and that he was making at least one person smile every day.

"Not really." He replied honestly; wondering where all of these questions and thoughts had come from. Sara often said profound things, but usually it would be one line that she'd leave him to unravel rather questioning him about matters of life and death. Greg thought it strange how for people in their profession that hadn't had this conversation earlier.

"Our victim today probably had. She probably imagined herself growing up, falling in love, getting married, having children. She might have even had one of those dream books with pictures from magazines about what sort of a life she wanted to have but...that's not going to happen now." Sara ran her tongue over her lower lip attempting to make the words less like sand paper in her mouth. "And what's to say we're going to get all of those things we wanted just because we're alive?"

"You're right- but if you keep thinking like that Sara you're never going to be happy with what you do have." Greg pointed out hoping that she would realise that it was not worth dwelling on such things. He noted that during certain moods it was easier said than done.

"You're right Greg." Sara sighed, leaning back in her seat as she pulled up in their usually parking spot. "We better go and log our evidence in" Sara gave up on trying to explain her current state of mind to him, realising that Greg hadn't experienced enough bitterness first hand to realised that sometimes life just simply isn't fair.

An odd emotion bubbled up in her system and as she studied the man beside her she realised that it was envy. She was jealous of him for the sheltered life he had lived; she envied him for having the things that she had always wanted; a family, unconditional love, stability.

What she would have done to have those things as a child.

The thought evident in her mind as memories of those years played in her mind like a broken record, repeating and getting stuck at moment that had scarred her deeper than anyone could perceive.

"I can do it- if you want to go home..." He offered attempting to figure what it was exactly that Sara needed.

In that moment Sara found herself feeling unjustifiable resentment towards her friend for always trying to do the right thing, for always wanting to be a good person. A manipulative part of her deep down wanted to break him just to see how far he'd bend but brushing those irrational thoughts aside she turned away from him.

"Thanks" She simply just nodded climbing out of the Denali waving a goodbye at Greg over her shoulder as she made her way towards her car.

As Sara drove through the traffic filled streets of Las Vegas she realised that she felt exhausted. The time without Grissom had proved to her just how empty her existence had become; under normal circumstances when she wasn't at the lab she would be pining over him.

Another thing that had become apparent to her was the fact that she didn't want to be by herself anymore.

Abandoning her things at the door Sara her way towards the kitchen pulling out a beer from the fridge she made her way to her bedroom subconsciously making a decision. She threw the cupboard doors open finding the one slinky black dress she owned simply for the purpose of cocktail parties and the highest heels she could find.

Once she'd dressed herself Sara painted her features with the various powders and paints she had stashed away in the top drawer of her dresser. She wanted to recapture something. She wanted to be the person she had once been; someone who had been full of life, someone who had something that was desired. With a deep breath Sara stepped out into the Vegas evening leaving her inhibitions and with her usually routines at home.

She wanted to reclaim her life.

Seeing death every day reminded them of just how short life could really be, how living with regrets and doubts was not worth the pain the caused. She found herself in the same parking lot she had been in the night before with the same doubts in her mind as the indigo sky stretched out about her.

Lovers strolled arm in arm through the parking spaces, beautiful young women strutted in stilettos towards the entrance of the club reminding Sara that she did not fit in there. She wasn't one of these women. She wasn't the better half of one of these couples.

But perhaps that's why she needed to be there- perhaps she just needed to be someone other than herself.

Glancing at herself in the mirror one last time Sara made her way towards the club, throwing her shoulders back and walking as if there was no other place for her to be. A small sense of satisfaction settled in her system as strangers noticed the small sway in her hips, the cut of her dress. Sara felt like someone else- someone desirable.

Her gaze locked with Reuben's as she made her way towards the bar. He eyes didn't leave her for a moment until she was standing within an arm's reach of him.

"You came back..." He sounded surprised, the pupils of his hazel eyes darkening slightly as he flashed Sara a chipped tooth smile.

"I don't want to be alone anymore..." She replied her voice low as if they were strangers sharing classified information.

Sara acknowledged that was exactly what she was doing; Reuben was her secret...