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Paramour

(Doubt)

Sara watched him carefully his eyes darkening slightly as her gaze travelled down to his lips; Rueben took another step forwards completely decimating the space between them their bodies brushing against each other. Sara's breath caught in her chest as she attempted to figure out how to respond to the man before her. His musky scent had her feeling light headed, the smile playing on his lips had her fingertips tingling and as she imagined his skin against hers she could hear her heart rate double.

"I won't know what I think unless you kiss me..." She whispered letting the words settle between them like smoke; a silent way of assaying her approval.

Without a word Rueben leant his head forwards pressing his forehead against Sara's before finally placing his lips on hers. Sara could taste the mix of cigarettes and beer as he slowly kissed her. She found herself kissing him back as her hands curled up into fists at her side as her self control slipped away. His lips moved softly against hers as his hands rested on her car capturing her in his warmth.

Reuben ended the kiss their lips brushing against each others with a silent agreement that somewhere deep down they both wanted more. That the scarce physical contact they'd allowed themselves to indulge in was not enough.

Their eyes met nervously as they attempted to analyse what it was they felt in that moment and what it was they'd done.

"What do you think?" Reuben asked in a hushed tone breaking the silence between them looking her in the eye searching for honesty in her verdict.

"I think I'll see you tomorrow." Sara replied not knowing exactly what she felt for him; not knowing if she should feel anything for him. What she did know was that she wanted to see him again and talk to him about his book, his broken heart, his life.

"I look forward to it..." He smiled finally moving out of her personal space. "I'll see you tomorrow." he nodded a goodbye his hands clasped firmly behind his back.

"Bye" Sara responded with a nod finding her car keys.

As she drove home she wondered if she had made a mistake by going to 'Over Under' in the first place. Sara attempted to unravel why she had let Jesse's words get under her skin so much. Shouldn't she have been able to brush aside his accusations of being lonely and not properly loved?

Another good question she needed to ask herself was what was it that she was gaining from being there at all. Companionship didn't make sense with a stranger, and she had repeatedly reminded herself that there was no such thing as love at first sight. (If that was the case she considered why what she and Rueben had created felt like a whirlwind romance.)

She could recall childish dreams she'd once had of being swept off her feet but wasn't it too late for all of that?

She'd experienced love for the destructive and obsessive emotion it truly was. She knew it for the times she'd been alone after having a drink too many pining over a man who didn't seem to understand just how much he meant to her. Sara had experienced the dark part of the feeling that had led her to abandon her life in San Francisco for him.

But hadn't it been worth it?

They were together- they had made it through the obstacles life had put in their way and found their places next to each other- wasn't that enough?

The city around her seemed to speak for itself, answer the question in her mind. Sara had always imagined herself moving away to somewhere full of nature and beauty enjoying the simple things in life but here she was in Sin City surrounded by artificial neon all because of one man.

Sara had moved away for someone who initially seemed to force himself to only handle in her a professional capacity when all she had wanted was his affections. She had changed her surroundings for someone who eventually realised that he was breaking her heart.

She had let go of all of those older dreams for a halfway romance.

Had giving up the life she had built been worth it? She thought it ironic how it seemed to be questions answering her.

Sara had never seen herself as one who falls for the chase but as she found her mind wandering to Rueben she realised how captivating it was to be in a relationship where she had a chance, where she might even have the upper hand. She scolded herself for thinking like that- it wasn't a real relationship. Everything between them was false.

However she couldn't deny the way she had felt when they'd kissed. As hard as it was for Sara to admit, she'd never been kissed like that. Not even Grissom who she had spent years imagining kissing had managed to make her melt in quite that way. It was like a moment stolen from the silver screen, the jitters, the anticipation; the excitement all seemed to be unreal.

Perhaps that itself was the problem?

Maybe all of these years of anticipation of feeling real love had just left her with unrealistic expectations of what it would be like to meet someone who longed to be with you as much as you wished to be with them and what she had found with Grissom was as real as it was going to get.

With an exhausted sigh Sara pulled up into her drive way attempting to ignore the disappointments and pain that love had brought her way over the years. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her phone ringing.

"Hello" She grumbled throwing herself haphazardly onto the sofa.

"Well hello there sunshine..." A familiar voice mocked.

"What do you want Greg?" She rolled her eyes to herself as if he were there in person to see her response.

"Nothing...I've got a six pack and a lot of new DVDs...I was wondering if you were interested in being my company for the night." He asked the sound of rustling in the background irritating her slightly but she ignored it realising it would be a bad decision to yell at Greg for something he can't help.

"Sorry Greg...I'm not really feeling up to it..." Sara responded a part of her wanting to be left alone to wallow in self pity while the other part of her seemed to be telling her she's an idiot for turning down company.

"I've got Daniel Craig films Sara are you really going to say no?" He teased, remaining persistent.

"Fine..." Sara groaned convincing herself that company wasn't a bad idea- she needed to get out of her own head. She needed to stop thinking about Rueben (and maybe even Grissom).

"That's good because I'm outside your house..." The sound of the doorbell ringing through the living room accompanied this comment. Taking a deep breath to regain her composure Sara opened the front door. Like he'd said Greg had a six pack of beer in one hand a DVDs in the other.

"You didn't have to get dressed up for me..." He said in a low voice carefully giving her the once over before he made himself comfortable on the sofa.

Sara didn't say a word glaring at him as she took a seat beside him but Greg just smiled; there was something endearing about the way he did so, as if he was unsure of himself and she couldn't help but let her expression soften.

"You look beautiful..." Greg leant slightly towards her, their shoulders bumping against each other. "But then again...you always look beautiful to me..."

"So what movies did you bring?" She cleared her throat looking away as a blush crept onto her cheeks. "There better be plenty of Daniel Craig in them Sanders..."

"Casino Royal, Cowboys & Aliens and The Invasion" Greg handed the cases over to Sara as he opened two bottles of beer acknowledging that he'd embarrassed her and would happily move on.

"Casino Royal it is..." Sara decided placing the disc in the DVD player before taking her seat beside Greg again.

Every so often he would glance at her, his eyes wide with what could only be described as concern. The conversation they'd had earlier that day had been playing on his mind since he'd gotten home from work that day. As much as he hated it- he was worried about Sara. Greg had seen the way that she looked at Grissom and he had seen the way that the older man had distanced himself from her. He was no fool he had seen just how much it'd hurt Sara.

Their eyes met and silence seemed to speak volumes between them as Greg gave up on finding the right words or the right time

"I've been thinking about what you said earlier and Sara I just want you to know that you're not alone...I know it feels like it sometimes...but you're not." He paused to take a swing of his beer and a deep breath. "I'm going to be here for you no matter what."

"Thank you...That means a lot..." Sara smiled placing a gentle kiss on Greg's cheek before resting her head on his shoulder letting him wrap his arms around her.

As they lay tangled together on the sofa all of the doubts and worries Sara had been experiencing about Rueben, Grissom, relationships and love just seemed to evaporate.