Hi guys - apologies for being a bit later than usual, I've been meaning to do this for a few days now. Thanks for all your thoughtful, kind reviews. You're all ace. you inspire me to want to put out something I'm happy with, hence why it's taking me so long to tweak things, so ya'll only have yourselves to blame ;)
Chapter Seven
The harsh lighting awoke them each at the same time, their bodies stiff and sore from lying on the hard exam table.
"Ugh, what time is it?" Bo asked sleepily. She didn't want to open her eyes. Lauren's arms were still tight around her and she felt safe, warm and protected. She didn't want to surrender the feeling that had settled over her in her sleep.
Lauren reluctantly cracked one eye open to read the wall clock. "Four AM. Guess we're free to go," Lauren said.
"Thanks for keeping me warm," Bo replied. An unintentionally suggestive tone had crawled into her voice. She'd almost misspoken and said thanks for making me hot. It was impossible to tell whether she'd dreamed about making love with Lauren or if it was just the fact that Lauren's body had been so close to hers all night. She stared down at Lauren's hand resting loosely across her stomach. Bo arched backwards in a stretch and then cleared her throat to try to cover her awkwardness.
Lauren eased away from her and moved towards rising, so Bo slipped forward, holding on to Lauren so that she wouldn't fall over. Then Bo took Lauren's hand to help her sit up on the table, their eyes fixed on one another's as she did so.
Lauren closed her eyes and rubbed her face, wanting a moment to compose herself. She felt self-conscious and smoothed out her hair, hoping that she didn't look too ragged. Bo looked as luminous as always. "I can't wait to have a hot shower and crawl into bed."
Bo looked down at the floor, as images of Lauren naked with water sluicing over her body blazed through her mind. It was crazy but she wanted to follow Lauren to her apartment, she felt that she was somehow supposed to. She was grabbed by the foolish notion that they were not meant to be parted; the conviction that Lauren was somehow her home and not Dyson.
The thought was sobering. It occurred to her that she hadn't even called to let him know where she was. They spent most nights together these days and there was no possibly that he wouldn't have missed her. He was going to be pissed when he found out who she'd been with, and that she'd even gone to visit Lauren. It hadn't been in her power to control the lock-down, but she realised that she'd practically forgotten about his existence as soon as she'd walked into this room.
"I guess I'll see you later," she said, driven by her feelings of guilt now to get out as quickly as she could. Lauren nodded and gave her a small smile.
Bo was halfway towards the door when she paused. "Oh, um, thanks for telling me what you did last night."
"That's alright," Lauren said. "I'd been wanting to tell you. I never knew how to bring it up."
"I understand," Bo said, and she meant it. How much Lauren must have suffered all these years; and how much she'd sacrificed for someone else. She wanted to talk more, and was beginning to wonder if she should even apologise for how she'd been lately. The information cast a new light over everything.
But she could feel herself getting in too deep. It was dangerous, and she didn't like what it said about her. She wanted to prove that she could be faithful; the last thing she wanted was for Dyson to feel like all of his fears and accusations had been proven true.
"Okay, well I'll see you later," Bo said, embarrassed by how long she'd been standing and staring. "Now I'm really going."
X X X
Lauren woke up after napping, and felt a strong pull of sadness pass through her as she realised that she was alone again. She could still feel the soft weight of Bo pressing against her, the feeling of her hair against her fingers.
It took a moment to become aware that she'd been woken up by the buzzing of her cell phone next to her on the bed. She picked up the vibrating phone and saw that it was Ava, and she bit her lip, tapping the phone against her thigh. She let it ring once and then again before she finally decided to answer.
She was so keyed up from a night lying against Bo that she agreed to Ava's offer of a visit against her better judgement. Lauren felt like she was always reaching for something she couldn't quite grasp, like their lovemaking was a shadow of what it was supposed to be. By the end she was almost crying. When it was over she lay there quietly, feeling Ava's eyes on the side of her face.
"That was the last time, wasn't it?" Ava sighed.
Lauren turned to look at her sadly. "I'm sorry, but yes."
"I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. She's all you can think about, isn't she?" Ava said.
Lauren avoided the question. She pulled the sheet around herself, feeling naked in every sense. "I feel like I'm using you."
"We're using one another, remember?" Ava said, frowning at the silly human.
"I know. But that doesn't make it right. Not to me," Lauren said. She had always known that it was never going to be enough, but now she felt like she was making a mockery of her own feelings. It didn't matter if she could never be with Bo; this was only going to make it worse.
"Well, it was fun while it lasted," Ava said, sitting up in bed to light a cigarette. "Just make a move for God's sake will you? I won't feed from you any more if that's what you want, but if we're going to be friends then that's my suggestion."
Lauren smiled ruefully to herself. Ava made it sound so simple. "Weren't you just telling me that my trying to get into a relationship with a fae was a bad idea?"
Ava cocked an eyebrow at her as she released a plume of smoke. Lauren watched her for a long moment. She had a mermaid in her bed who looked like a 1940s pin-up, and they were talking about another woman. It would be nice if she could transfer her affection or even attraction to Ava, but it was impossible.
"Sure, I said it was a bad idea, but love is always a bad idea to someone. It's not going to stop the way you feel is it? The only love worth having is the kind you have to fight for. And who wants to be boring anyway, right?" Ava finished, pointing towards her with her cigarette.
Lauren waved the smoke away. She'd asked Ava not to smoke in bed more than once but she still persisted. "None of this matters. I keep telling you, she's with Dyson,"
Ava waved the mention of him off with her hand. "Please. I've come to respect Dyson, but he's not competition for you. I think you're the only one that really believes that."
X X X
As soon as she'd left the compound Bo had pulled her phone out from her pocket, wincing at the amount of calls she'd missed from Dyson.
Bo texted to say that she was alright and then went over to his place to amends. On the way she'd picked up coffee and donuts, feeling all the while like she was a cheating guy bringing flowers to overcompensate.
Of course they'd done nothing but fight. Dyson explained angrily had stayed up all night, spending part of it looking for her, and he was edgy the whole time. He made her promise that nothing had happened between she and Lauren. Bo felt like she was lying when she said that it hadn't, despite the technical truth of it.
There were times when she had spiteful thoughts about how she should just sleep with someone else and be done with it. If she were going to have to fight about it all of the time she might as well have the pleasure too. Still, when all was said and done it wasn't about that.
You just don't cheat.
It took her some time, but she finally convinced him that they'd done nothing but wait for the lock-down to end. She omitted almost everything else, especially the part about cuddling up to Lauren. It was beyond her imagination how much he would hit the roof at that detail.
There were questions she wanted to ask Dyson. Had he known about why Lauren was enslaved? Did he know how they were keeping her there with their threats? She couldn't stop thinking about it, turning it over in her mind. How could he treat her like he did if he did know? She'd been judgmental towards Lauren herself;Trick's explanation making her feel that lack of respect towards her. The thought made her feel ashamed now.
For one of the first times she could remember lately she felt anger towards Dyson for his place in the fae world. She didn't understand how he could bear to be aligned with someone that would treat humans that way. Even if he did know about Lauren's circumstances Bo could bet that he wouldn't care or give it a moment's thought - and that bothered her.
What did he really care about, anyway? He was starting to appear so world-weary and simple to her. All he ever showed her was lust, possession or anger, that was the extent of his complexity. Maybe it was never going to be enough.
"So will you go with me?" Dyson's words broke into her thoughts. After they'd finally finished sorting everything out they'd gone to bed, and she'd insisted that she was too tired to do anything but sleep despite her sharp hunger. It would have felt wrong to feed from him now, while her thoughts were full of Lauren. The thought didn't reach her conscious mind but she knew it all the same. It had been eight in the morning by the time they'd laid down. Although she was used to skipping sleep for work by now, she felt like her eyes were going to fall out of her head.
She'd just been dozing and thinking, unaware that Dyson had started to talk about the reason he'd initially started calling her the night before.
"Go where?" Bo groaned. Her eyes still felt sandy and sore.
"I was saying, we have this ridiculous human invention of a police ball coming up. Want to be my date?" Dyson said, dropping a kiss on her shoulder.
"When you make it sound like such an appealing event, how could I say no?" Bo replied sarcastically.
"I can't wait to show you off," Dyson said in a low voice against her ear. Bo thought guiltily how that would have given her shivers as recently as a week ago. Now he was just annoying her.
"Sounds great," she said, to mask her reluctance.
"Good," he said finally, leaning against her and pulling her tightly into his arms.
Maybe it would actually be nice. It could help to rekindle things for her and remind her of why she'd fallen for him. Surely it was normal for the intensity to die by degrees like it had; they just needed to work at their relationship more. She needed to work at it more. They could benefit from spending more time together doing things that didn't involve cases – or arguing. It would be nice to get all dressed up and go for a night out.
She wondered if Ava would be there, and then realised with irritation that of course she would be. According to Dyson she was a ladder climber when it came to work, and Bo guessed that someone like her wouldn't miss the chance to network with her superior officers.
Bo decided she'd have to enlist Kenzi's help to get the right dress. Thinking about Ava brought out her competitive streak – she wanted to make sure she'd look better than the little mermaid, as she had derisively come to think of her.
At least Lauren wouldn't be there with her; so there would be no chance she'd have to see them together again. They wouldn't risk being seeing publicly as a couple.
She visualised what it would be like if she were going to an event like this with Lauren. Lauren would look beautiful in a dress, but her fantasy involved Lauren wearing a well-cut suit with her hair flowing over her shoulders. When she entered a room with Lauren on her arm everyone would stare; admiring the contrast between them and the way they complimented one another.
That was the shallow part of the fantasy – then there was another layer where she just imagined how they would treat one another. They wouldn't be fighting all of the time and there would be no need for anyone to be possessive. It would just be about two people appreciating one another for who they already were. She could imagine Lauren's hand in hers, the two of them walking side-by-side.
She guiltily brought herself back to the life she was living instead of the one that she was wishing for, and slept.