Author's Note: I hope you guys enjoy this story. This author's note probably won't really change for the rest of the story, so you won't have to read it after you've read the first part. I'll put the story info here, I guess.
Title: Switch-A-Roo
Rating: T
Description: "Did you see the new kid? Gilbert, I think his name was. Yeah, he's weird. He doesn't change in the boys' locker room, his voice is a little strange, and the way he walks is almost like a girl! Oh, and did you notice he always wears a hat? Yeah, he's definitely a strange one."
Warnings: AU, fem!Prussia, PruCan, USUK, some swearing, France probably just being France. (I'll post a big !LOOK! If there's a warning for a certain chapter.) !LOOK!: Well, this isn't really a warning, but for part of this chapter, there's a really good song that fits with it. I suggest you put it on repeat during that part. I'll tell you when, don't worry. And if you can't stand the song, I'll post lyrics at the end.
P.S: Hey, guys. I just noticed that I use parentheses a whole lot in this story. CHALLENGE TIME! Either by this fic is over, or whenever you decide to start, have a drinking game with whatever you're allowed to use (Pepsi, here I come!) and drink every time I use parentheses. xD
I dedicate this fanfiction, along with all my others, to God. May all glory be to Him.
My world feels like it's crumbling around me.
That sentence has never been truer. I force a fake smile with a 'today was awesome, Mom!'. I'm acting like everything is alright, but no, it's not. Nothing's 'alright'. It won't be okay. This can't get any better, no matter what. And I still have to go to that hellhole. No, not the hospital. I mean school. It's not over for a at least a few more months.
I can't even show the slightest bit of emotion without having somebody say something about. It's better just to keep a poker face and say nothing, but I don't want to be that kind of person. I want to have fun and laugh and stuff. Stupid Ivan! It's his fault! It's not my fault! Besides, I can't control how I think of myself. Other people do...right?
Why did I even come today again? It's not like people are expecting me to show up. Ivan's right, nobody would care if I just died, wouldn't they? Everybody hates me, I'm sure of it. Matthew's just pretending! Antonio, too! They're all pretending.
Man up, Gilda! You're not supposed to be some weak girl who feels like the world is out to get you! It's not your character, a voice says in my mind. Shut up and stop lying!
I heave a sigh of relief when I notice that Ivan isn't here today. He never misses school, so it's a little strange, but I'm not complaining! Maybe I can escape the usual Monday taunts today. I really really really hope that it's something serious. Something that could even kill him...
STOP IT! You'll be just as bad as him if you keep wishing death upon people like that!
But how I wish he'll be weak enough so I can-
Gilda Beilschmidt, keep talking like that, and I will make you hit yourself! I rest my head in my hands. I don't want to think like this! None of this! Maybe if I did go to that etiquette school, none of this would have happened! This is why you should listen to your parents, children! If you don't, you'll end up like me.
"Never give in. Never back down."
Music starts faintly playing. Am I dozing off or something?
"Never give in.
Never back down.
Never give in.
Never back down.
When your life feels lost, FIGHT AGAINST ALL ODDS!
Never give in, NEVER BACK DOWN!"
I lift my head up. "Huh?" The headphones slide off of my head. Alfred's standing in front of my desk grinning.
"You looked kinda down, so I decided to be a hero and give you encouragement music! Pretty awesome, huh? Iggy-"
"MY NAME IS NOT IGGY, YOU BLOODY TWAT!" Arthur interrupts from the other side of the room.
"-showed me it when he was in his punk rocker mood." Alfred then takes his headphones back and skips back to Arthur. Watching them, I realize that they could make a good couple.
Well, that music was sort of encouraging. Fight against all odds, huh? Meh, seems hard. If you're fighting against every single odd, then you can't watch what's going to sneak up on you. If you're fighting the odds, then they're all against you, and that's bad. Especially if it's only you against all those odds. Where are the evens? Aren't they supposed to keep the odds in line? Moral of the story: Fight against the odds. Maybe the evens are on your side.
I crack a smile. A real one, too! Wow, that feels awesome. Try keeping a straight face and only smiling fakely for a while. You'll see how refreshing it is to smile genuinely. Today might actually be a good Monday after all!
o-O-o
I've really gotta stop jinxing myself. Guess who showed up after lunch today? Yep, you guessed it. Ivan. Can't he just leave and stay gone? I tell Alfred to keep his 'encouragement music' on standby for me. I might need it later. I'm gonna fight back today. Well, I'm going to try, at least. Just like that song said, fight against all odds! What it didn't mention was that you could possibly be beaten to a bloddy pulp if you don't run fast enough!
So I walk up to Ivan, take a deep breath, and...
...
Wait for it.
...
"You're meaningless."
Still...wait for it...
Almost there...
...
"YOU'RE SO NOT AWESOME!" I shout. Here comes the 'sprint-and-get-out-of-there-as-fast-as-you-can' part! I'm really close to laughing maniacally as I run, but I refrain because I could run out of air quicker that way.
I sprint through the seemingly endless hallways calling out 'sorry!'s to people I bump into or cut in front of. I make quick, sharp turns so it's harder to follow me, and then I run out a side entrance of the school. It's almost the end of the day anyway, so it's not like it matters. Chest heaving, I'm out of the danger zone. I think.
Back to Gilda mode! I skip back home, happy with myself for once.
"I'm home!" I announce.
Mom is rushing around the house, dressed like she is about to go somewhere important. "Oh, hello, Gilda! Did you have a good day?" She doesn't wait for a response. (The one time I feel good about answering!) "Will you be alright if you're by yourself this weekend?"
"With West?"
"No, he's going to be out all weekend, too. You see, I have an important meeting with a company. It's very good, and I might be able to get a new job." Mom smiles widely at me. "Won't that be nice?"
I nod. "I'm a big girl now, Mommy! I can take care of myself!"
"Okay, good. I'll see you soon, Gilda." With that, she kisses my forehead and promptly leaves the house, suitcase rolling behind her.
When I hear the car leave the driveway, I let out a laugh. "Kesesesese~! What shall the awesome Gilda do for fun?"
Hm...Let's see. I've always wanted to stay home alone for more than two hours, but now I don't know what to do. Oh! I remember what was on my list now! There are things like go to the store by yourself (kinda lame, I know), raid West's room (I made this up when I was younger, okay? But still...what kind of dirty secrets could you find in there?), stay up all night without leaving the living room couch (why is this on here?), trick someone into thinking you're a boy (how ironic), and have a sleepover (nah). What was I thinking when I put those things on here?
I'm hungry. Skipping, I make my way into the kitchen and look through the pantry for my favorite cereal. Gasp! There's no heavenly chocolate cereal that has chocolate filling in it! Makes you want to try it now, doesn't it? Double gasp! There's no milk! I can't possibly survive the weekend with no cereal or milk! Time to check off number one on the list! I better change back into Gilbert (now it sounds like I'm talking about another form of myself or something) just in case some of the boys at school are there. Better safe than sorry, as some random person said!
Meh...maybe I'll go out later. I've already changed, but I don't feel like going outside right now. Hm...maybe I'll play a video game until I really want my cereal. Popping in the little disc, I sit on the couch with the control in hand. It starts to rain. Doesn't matter; I'll just take an umbrella with me. The game I'm playing takes FOREVER to load. Waiting, waiting, I made it out of snow,-WHITE SNOW!-but they won't stay lit, and this song makes no sense AT ALL!
Do do do do do~! Walking around in-game, pulling up weeds to make my town (named Awesome-town!) more awesome than it already is~! This is a really interesting life-sim. You can have your character go to school and everything, and it's just like real life. You actually have to 'do' homework and 'clean' your character's room, or else you'll face consequences. Unfortunately, the school also has bullies. But in this, you can actually fight back.
"You're pathetic," the in-game bully (that I named Stupid. His friend is named Ugly-face) says to my character.
It triggers something, though, even when I really wish it didn't. I'm recalling what Ivan said to me today. Meaningless? Am I...meaningless? N-No, I can't be meaningless. I mean stuff to people, right? But...what if they're being paid to like me? What if Mom and West aren't really my mother and brother and are just being paid to act that way to spare my feelings? What if the government secretly is paying everyone who interacts with me because I'm really a psycho that could be set off by the slightest thing, and everybody is on a script because of that?
(Start listening to 'Falling Through The Black' by Skillet [on repeat!] here.)
And everyone really has an extreme hatred of me? And I'm a criminal in thirty-one countries? Or if I'm really a controlled robot that thinks they have feelings? I'm cold...and meaningless. I mean nothing. If I disappeared, everything would be better for everybody else, right? They wouldn't have to be on a strict script anymore. They wouldn't have to force emotions. They wouldn't have to interact with someone who's supposed to be in a mental hospital. It would all be better without me.
I feel so alone right now. I bet nobody else is in my same situation. I'm unique in a bad way. Nobody likes me. Nobody. Not even Feliks or Mom or West or Mama or Papa. Hell, I bet even my own father hated me! Maybe that's why he appeared in my nightmare. Him, Ivan, and...
...Matthew. H-he would hate me, too. If everybody else does.
"...even if the world is turning against you..."
That liar! I knew he was lying to me! Why can't things go back to the way they were, if it was ever different. When people actually cared about me. When I wasn't meaningless or weak or stupid or pathetic or useless or worthless or anything! When I wsa still genuinely loved.
Pfft, there was no such time, a part of me says. No such time? Someone told me that everybody was loved at least once. If nobody ever loved me, then I am quite meaningless, aren't I? I can't ever go back.
Brr...I don't like being this cold. I'm shivering. What's with the sudden temperature drop? And it's dark out here. Wet, too. Wait...back up. Out here? Wet? I can't see anything. Judging by the sudden flashes of lightning (followed by thunder), I see that I'm outside. But even those flashes give me only a glimpse. I can't be too far away from home. Maybe a couple steps out? How long have I been out here? The wind picks up, chilling me even further. I-I can't move. The most I can do is just curl into even more of a little ball.
"Gilbert? I-Is that you?" Matthew's voice calls.
"M-Matthew? H-Help me. P-Please." My teeth are chattering. I just want to know how long I've been out here. Ow...I feel numb all over. "I can't m-m-move. Or see. I-It's hard to see."
I feel a slight warmth, and I no longer feel the hard pavement I was on (I think I'm in the driveway). I can feel that my clothes must be soaked all the way through. The wind starts to whistle rather loudly.
"Are you okay?" I can only faintly hear Matthew's voice. "Don't scream, Gilbert. It's just me."
Huh? Screaming? When I start to ask him about me screaming, the whistling stops. Dang, I can scream like that? "S-sorry."
"Why were you just laying there in the driveway?" he asks.
"I-I don't know. I w-want to g-go inside," I mumble in response. With sudden realization, I find that I'm being carried. Blood rushes to my cheeks. "I'm cold."
"Do you have a key to get inside?"
With numb fingers, I pull out the key from my back pocket (it takes serious skill to take stuff out of your pockets when you're being carried, children!). Minutes later, we're inside. The air conditioning is on, which makes it all the more worse.
"L-Let me go change. Just sit on the couch or something, 'kay?" I say softly (now I know what it feels like to talk like Matthew), heading into the bathroom.
I change quickly and run into my room for my blanket. I might be semi-dry, but I'm still cold. Besides, it's fun to have a blanket in a thunderstorm. I enter the living room again to find that the power shuts off as soon as I enter the room.
"Why are you here?" Ack! That sounds rude! Snuggling into my blanket, I rephrase my question. "I mean, not that I don't want you here. I was just wondering...why'd you come over?"
"I decided to come check on you. Y'know, just in case you developed some fear of thunderstorms." He chuckles. "But I guess I have to leave soon."
I reach out blindly for him before finally grabbing his wrist. "N-No! Don't leave me alone! It's dark, and I don't want to be alone in the dark!" If the situation was different, I would've been fine. But considering that I ran home while possibly being chased by Ivan, it's dark, and there's a thunderstorm, I don't want to be murdered. "Please don't leave!"
"What's wrong?" he asks, sitting back down. "When I first met you, you were tough. You had a 'nothing-scares-me' attitude and-as my brother so delicately puts it-you looked 'badass'. What's been bothering you? Is it Ivan?"
I nod, but remember that he can't see me. "Yes, it is," I whisper. "I-I'm meaningless."
"Don't say that."
"But it's true, isn't it?"
"Did Ivan tell you you're meaningless?"
"Yes."
('Kay, you can stop listening to the song now.)
"Did you know that he was lying?"
"...No. But how is he lying?" I proceed to explain to him about my psycho murderer idea with the script thing. "I don't really mean anything to anybody, Matthew."
"That's one of the biggest lies I've ever heard. There's someone out there-not very far. He goes to our school, actually-that cares about you. In fact, you're his whole world, really. I can't say his name because he'd, well, he'd be too embarassed to ever talk to you again. This person may just be one person, but he still cares about you a whole lot, and he really would be devastated if something ever happened to you," he tells me.
"Really? Who is it?" Hm...I've never noticed. If someone really does care about me, then why don't they come comfort me or something? Why don't they come talk to me? Why don't they even say hi or something?
"I already told you that I can't say his name."
"Aww..." For extra warmth purposes (and this time not for my own pleasure/safety! Okay, maybe a little bit for my own pleasure...), I press myself to Matthew. Mm...warm...just like at that sleepover that one time. "You're warm. Why are you always so warm?"
I feel him shrug. Deciding it probably won't be too weird (and I also momentarily forget that I'm supposed to be a guy at the moment), I curl myself onto his lap. The only part of me that is warm on its own is my face. It's much warmer here. I don't care if it's weird; it's warm, and that's what matters. Not to mention that I'm on a really cute guy's lap. We're both silent, but I don't think it's really an awkward silence. A comfortable silence.
"You're really adorable when you randomly do things like this," Matthew comments. "You remind me of a kitten or something."
I feel like responding with a 'you're cute all the time', but instead I just do this: "Mew."
He pets my head. "Good kitty," he laughs.
Then there's that awkward moment where two people are laughing, and they both stop at the same time. It's awkward because we don't start laughing again like what usually happens in the movies. Hesitantly, I crane my neck up so I can kiss him. Why? Just 'cause. But get this, he actually lets me kiss him. Cue the 'squee' coming from weird stalker fangirls. Heart pounding, I slip my tongue out a little. AND. GET. THIS. He lets me do that, too! Now I'm surpressing a 'squee' of my own. Part of me is like OMG! You're kissing your crush, Gilda! OMG! OMG! And the other part's all like WHAT THE FUDGE? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? QUIT IT, RIGHT NOW!
Okay, I have to pause my thoughts for a moment. Must control self. Must not break out in giggles/squeals. Must be a calm girl/boy/female-posing-as-a-male person thing. Huh?
Thoughts starting back up in: Three...two...one...okay. Back now. So now we both pull away, and my face feels like it's burning.
"Uh..." Matthew starts.
"That was..." I start at the same time.
"Nice," we say in unison. Yay! We actually got to finish something just like in a movie!
"Can I tell you something?" Matthew asks.
"Yeah?"
"Well, remember the guy I was talking about earlier?"
"Mhm."
"Well...he's actually me."
What? Did I hear him correctly? I don't know whether to kiss him again and tell him about my crush on him (which has probably been extremely giant), or kick him out and yell at him to stop lying. Okay, I've decided. Taking a deep breath, I...
Author's Note: ^.^ Since Gilda was feeling all down and stuff, she gets a little treat~! Don't worry, don't worry, it won't be all unicorns and rainbows and happy PruCan for much longer. Oh, wait...That's a bad thing...Haha, my friend woke up in her driveway the other morning, so...yeah. But yeah, left y'all with a cliffhanger~! Anyone who can guess the song name and band of the 'encouragement music' gets a free cookie!
Ren-Kyo: Review, please?
-XiXi Scarlett (accompanied by her Renny-chan~!)
PS: OH, RIGHT! Lyrics for 'Falling Inside the Black'! Here's some of them 'cause most of them are just repeated:
Tonight I'm so alone
This sorrow takes a hold
Don't leave me here so cold
(Never want to be so cold)
Your touch used to be so kind
Your touch used to give me life
I've wasted all this time
I've wasted so much time
Don't leave me alone
'Cause I barely see at all
Don't leave me alone, I'm
Falling in the black
Slipping through the cracks
Falling through the depths; can I ever go back?
Dreaming of the way it used to be
Can you hear me?
Falling in the black
Slipping through the cracks
Falling to the depths; can I ever go back?
Falling inside the black
Falling inside, falling inside the black
You were my source of strength
I've traded everything
That I love for this one thing
(Stranded in the offering)
Don't leave me here like this
Can't hear me scream from the abyss
And now I wish for you my desire.
Lyrics belong to Skillet, not me!