OMG, I'm so, so, a million times sorry for not updating in a decade it seems like! Its just that I just moved into a new house, a house that does not internet, so I've been getting on the internet whenever I can, which is rare LOL. I am getting internet in the next week or so, so when I do, I'll be updating a lot more, I promise!

- Nagianna

P.S. Okay, after this chapter, I think I'm going to start the main conflict (yeah, and like Kurt Darby isn't conflict, right?) which mirrors something that happened in the show, but which occurs with a different child ;) and don't worry, Jax and Velvet are going to be returning to normal in due time :)

Velvet hated the gazes she garnered now. She hated the gazes of sympathy; of sadness . . . she hated those most of all. She didn't want people to feel bad for her; she didn't want people to be sad over what happened to her. She wanted revenge, something that Jax had promised her but also something she had yet to receive.

It was those looks that she garnered from the people she knew and loved best as she made her way across the blacktop to the shop and clubhouse. Jax was in the shop sitting beside Tig, both of them seeming to be arguing quietly over how best to fix the Harley sitting in front of them. Immediately upon seeing her, Tig elbowed Jax in the ribs and nodded toward her. Jax turned and smiled lovingly as he stood and wiped his greasy hands off on a rag hanging from one of his belt loops. She closed the distance between them and the happy smile on his face from seeing her, immediately disappeared when he saw the cold, sorrowful one on hers.

"Jax, I need to talk to you. It's about my doctor's appointment."

Jax nodded, but swallowed heavily. Today had been Velvet's fallow-up doctor's appointment, the first one she was to have after being released from the hospital after the rape. It was nothing too big, something that was supposed to give her some closure upon being told that everything was fine and normal. Jax had prayed and hoped that everything would still be normal, but at the look of Velvet's arms crossed in front of her breasts and her hunched over shoulders and Jax knew that something was wrong.

He swore to God . . . if she . . . if he . . .

Jax shook his head, ridding his mind of the thoughts that threatened to poison him. He would refuse to believe it, unless, of course, that was her news.

He gestured to the door leading to the clubhouse and she nodded as he looped an arm around her and led her through the door. He moved to the door leading to Chapel and led her inside the room. Here, he knew they would have privacy and Velvet felt a weight fall off her shoulders as she stepped onto hallow ground, it seemed. It was here, in that rainy day in 1967, that ten men founded the Sons of Anarchy motorcycle club. It was here, that Velvet felt most safe.

Jax turned and leaned up against the massively carved wooden table, gazing at his fiancé standing before him. Of course, he didn't think of her as his fiancé . . . he thought of her as his wife, as his Crow, the one woman who he would fight and rip the throat out of anyone who tried to hurt her. It was something he hoped to do to Kurt Darby very soon.

"What did you need -" He began but was interrupted by Velvet placing her face in her hands, where her shoulders immediately started heaving with sobs. Jax stood and immediately took her in his arms, shushing her gently. He was long used to these bouts of sobbing, something that her doctor and Lyla had assured him would occur almost on a tri-hourly basis. It was the sobs and the Nightmares that made Jax want to kill Kurt with his own bare hands even more.

The Nightmares . . . Jax could not begin to describe the agony, the fear and the overwhelming guilt that would envelop his body when he would be awoken in the pre-dawn hours to Velvet screaming and sobbing in pain, thrashing in the bed madly and sweating like a stuck pig, screaming 'Jax!' over and over again in pain and fear until he managed to wake her with soothing words and gentle, loving touches that would have her curled up in his arms, sobbing into his neck. The Rape had been brutal, the Nightmares agonizing and terrifying.

"Velvet, what are you -?"

"I'm sorry, Jax, I'm so sorry!" She sobbed and Jax's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he gently pushed her away so that he could gaze into her tear-stained eyes. It seemed like such a long time ago, eons, in fact, that they had made love, and that she had laid in his arms after, warm and snug in his arms, their bare flesh touching in a heated embrace that had tears springing to both their eyes now. Now, he could barely touch her without cringing from him, sadness and longing echoing in her eyes but emotions that were also accompanied by pain and fear.

His face suddenly became still as he gazed pointedly into her eyes. "You're not . . . you're not . . . pregnant, are you?" He spat out the word like it was bile on his tongue, and he wanted to laugh as how just a few short months ago, he had rejoiced in that word being spoken from her lips. He had reveled in feeling his son grow stronger inside her, feel his kicks through her skin and the joy when Reid was born to them safe and sound, with no hole in his heart and no digestive system problems.

She tearfully shook her head and Jax let out a sigh of visible relief which was quickly overpowered by the look of agony that was still in her eyes. He felt his jaw get heavy and tears start to come to his eyes as he gazed at her. "Velvet . . . what is it?" He asked her, pain echoing in his voice, and she swallowed heavily as she opened her mouth and began,

"I went and they got the blood tests and all the other tests back, and the blood tests came back fine. I have no STD's, which is great, I suppose . . ."

"You suppose?" Jax asked her, but Velvet ignored him and continued telling him what had happened at the doctor's office.

"But then he came back, a clipboard in his hands and he had this-this sad look on his face and he told me that he was sorry, but . . . but . . ." She let out another sob and Jax gripped her upper arms tightly.

"But what is wrong Velvet?" He demanded of her and the next words came out of her mouth like a shotgun blast to the chest, wounding Jax like he never thought he would ever be able to be wounded.

"The rape was too traumatic, he told me. I can't . . . Jax, I'm sterile . . . there is no possible way that I can get pregnant again. I can never give you another child, no matter how many times we tried." She told him and he swallowed heavily, feeling a tear fall down his cheek as he slowly, painstakingly comprehended the enormity of her words. He would never have another child with her . . . he would never again see and feel her stomach swell with his son or daughter, he would never feel another baby kick within her, hear its heartbeat on the ultrasound, watch her with an unparalleled swell of love when she would jump and press her hand against her stomach when it would kick.

He swallowed again, heavier, and when he spoke, she turned her red and puffy eyes onto him. "Then we should be all the more thankful to have Reid . . ." He told her tersely, feeling anger swell even more in his heart and it was all directed towards Kurt Darby. He had, had everything before Kurt came back into the picture. He was expecting a child, a growing family with the most beautiful woman on the planet and life could not have looked any better. Then he had come . . . and crushed all of that.

"You're not mad, are you?" She asked him quietly, fear edging into her voice, and he shook his head and pulled her into his embrace again, enfolding her up into such a protective hug that she temporarily felt like every worry in her life was gone . . . she would give anything to feel like that always. She would give anything to feel like everything was back to normal that the rape had never happened, that her life, her sanity, everything she knew, was not bashed into smithereens at her feet. She would give anything to take away the insecurity she now felt at being nestled into Jax's arms, something that she would have been reveling in, had none of this ever happened.

"Of course I'm not angry with you, Velvet! Why would I be angry with you?" He asked. "You had nothing to do with this happening to you!" Velvet nodded and swallowed again heavily, although it was only to reassure Jax . . . reassurance that she herself, did not feel.