sorry for such the LONGGGGG delay. Life gets in the way sometimes. I want to thank those who have kept up with this story and those who have continued to ask for updates (This is my fav story I have going on). I'm HOPING to be able to keep up with it again because I have many ideas for it.

So I know its been awhile, lets see if theres still some people wanting to read it :)

Thanks as always, and reviews are love :)

- Beth

They say in the absence of love time will linger on. Haley James never understood the meaning until a month ago…

"Marry me."

His words danced on her mind throughout every day, every night and every moment in between. Haley sat quietly in her newly rented, newly fumigated and newly roach free studio apartment. It's been one month since Nathan's proposal and subsequently one month since Haley's rejection. Night was quietly creeping in as new shadows played on the wall behind her. She sat in silence, her only friend on this night; a bottle of her favorite wine.

She enjoyed staying at Brooke's but after she rejected Nathan's proposal she couldn't bare to be around anyone. She needed space. The Anderson's money from the apartment finally cleared and she rented the first available apartment she could find within her budget. It was close to work, in fact it was above work but Haley didn't mind. She actually enjoyed the very short commute. Nathan hadn't called her or tried to contact her since she rejected him, his broken face still haunts her every thought…

"Marry you?" Haley took a step back, "What are you talking about?"

"Haley, I know this sounds crazy and its sudden…but with everything going on. With not knowing if my brother's going to live, with loosing a wife with loosing everything I touch…I don't want to risk loosing you. I know that my feelings for you couldn't possibly get any stronger. I know that when I look into my future…you are there. So yes Haley James…I am asking you to marry me."

She couldn't breath, in a moment the past six months flashed before her eyes. Chris. Rachel. The plane crash. Meeting Nathan. Falling in love. She felt her heart race quicken, unstoppable tears began to fall, "Nathan…this is crazy…"

"I know it is, but everything in my body is telling me this is the right thing to do. I want you to be my wife. I want to have a marriage…not the marriage I had…a REAL marriage…I want a marriage with you. I want to have kids with you, I want to wake up every morning and see your face…I want you Haley. Always and Forever."

"We barely know each other Nathan…and we just lost-"

"Stop fighting it Haley. Just answer me, yes or no?" His face was full of desperation and excitement.

She slowly dropped his hands, tears still falling from her face, "I can't Nathan….I just…can't."

"Haley…"

"No…" She turned away from him, "You need to go…." She hurridly walked into the room she shared with Brooke, passing a shocked Brooke.

Soon after she moved out of Brooke's and only saw Julian at work. He tried to ask her what happened once but she refused to talk about anything with anyone. Brooke would try to get her to go out but she would say she was too busy or she didn't feel very well. Any excuse that would get her out of the situation. So she did what she did most nights, sit alone in her meanial apartment and think. Think of him. Think of his hair. Think of his skin. Think of all of him.

The sound of the bus stopping pulled Nathan from his sleepless nap and he prepared his bags to get off. He'd been on the road for two weeks straight and he was more than relieved to be home. Lucas had come out of the coma about a week after his disasterous proposal to Haley and though his coach told him he could take all the time he needed, he wanted to get back to basketball. He needed something to take his mind off the constant ache in his heart.

After a short cab ride he was back at his apartment, the apartment that once gave him solice from the pain of Rachel now held the pain of Haley. He saw her everywhere. He smelled her everywhere. She hadn't even come back to get the few things she'd left there. Clothes, shampoo…her guitar. He cracked open a beer and found himself staring at the curved piece of wood sitting on the chair…where she had left it. He couldn't bring himself to move it, to move it would be admitting she was never coming back. To move it would mean he'd lost her.

He made his way back to the kitchen and focused on the strip of pictures they had taken that day at the street fair. She looked beautiful and he looked happy. Memories such as this haunted him daily. He had the perfect relationship and he scared her away. He thought about calling her, he thought about breaking down Brooke's door and telling her nothing matters, she can marry him or not he just wanted to be with her. But he couldn't bring himself to do anything. He couldn't come up with any reason that she would want to talk to him. He was stupid, he should have known it would scare her…he should have known a lot of things.

He slumped down in a chair at the kitchen table, taking another swig of his beer hoping like he did most nights that the alcohol would take away the sting but knowing all to well it was a lost cause, this pain…this ache would never go away.

The sound of Nathan's cell phone vibrating on the kitchen table awoke Nathan the next morning. His neck and back killing him from his chosen bed for the evening…his table. He grunted while reaching over and grabbing the phone and quickly saw that it was an email from Whitey…

From: Brian Durham

To: Nathan Scott

Subject: Haley James

Good Morning Nathan. I happened to catch your last game in Baltimore, well played son. I was contacting you because Ms. James has missed our past two sessions and I haven't received back from her. I'm hoping she's well and if you could please have her call me.

Thank you as always Nathan.

-Whitey

Nathan let out a heavy sigh, "Great…" before he replied back…

From: Nathan Scott

To: Brian Durham

Subject: Re: Haley James

Thanks Whitey, it was a tough game but its always worth it for the win. I'll do what I can with Haley.

Nate

Nathan put down his phone and ran his long fingers through his ebony hair, he nervously tapped his fingers on the table starring at the phone, "Wonderful…" Frustrated he picked up the phone, continuing to tap his fingers. After a few moments a voice was heard, his fingers stopped, "Hey."

Haley nervously paced her apartment. Her once long and lustrious nails were nearly bitten completely off. "What am I doing? What am I doing?" She continued to pace and look at the clock on the wall, "Ok, he said 7 o'clock its 7:15…he's not gonna show…I guess I'm glad he's not gonna show…not sure if I was really prepared to face him anyway…" She contined the battle with herself until she heard the knock at the door, "Shit."

"I'm really glad you decided to meet me…"

"Gotta be honest Nate…it was a surprise."

Nathan nervously smiled, "Ya, I wasn't sure who else to call…" He looked down at the coffee he ordered but hadn't touched before speaking again, "How is she?"

Brooke lightly smiled, "I wish I knew…"

Nathan's eyebrow rose, "What do you mean?"

"She moved out…and honestly I haven't really seen her. She stays to herself, won't talk to anyone…and believe me I've tried."

"Oh…"

"If you don't mind me asking…why did you call?"

Nathan cleared his throat, "I got an email from Whitey this morning…from Empire Records…I guess she missed a few sessions or something, he's trying to get in touch with her. I figured she didn't want to talk to me…and figured you could tell her."

"Well, I'll stop her apartment tonight…if I call I know she won't answer…" Brooke and Nathan shared the same lost look. Neither knowing what to do or what to say to make the other one feel better, "Hey Nathan can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, shoot…"

"Why did you propose?"

Nathan took a deep breath, "I love her."

Brooke smiled, taking note of the present tense he used, "Then why don't you call her?"

"I honestly wouldn't know what to say Brooke. Maybe my timing wasn't perfect but she looked at me like it was the most abserd thing she'd ever heard…"

"In her defense Nate…you hit her like a tidal wave and I'm not just talking about the proposal. Your whole relationship was a unexpected."

Nathan chucked, "Tell me about it…" Nathan's voice came to life as he started to talk about Haley, "When I lost Rachel, I thought "Hey bacholar life it is…" And I was almost ok with it…you can't imagine my surprise the same day I saw my dead wife was the same day I saw the love of my life. She gets me…and I don't mean laughs at my stupid jokes, she really GETS me. I can be myself…and" He took a solem breath, "I scared her away."

"Give her time Nate…she'll come around…" By the tone of her voice Nathan could tell Brooke was trying to convince herself as well.

"Haley I was so happy to hear from you, come here sweetie…" Mr. Keller pulled Haley into a huge hug and immediately released her, "you're too thin…"

Haley chuckled, "I'm fine Mr. Keller."

Robert Keller walked around her apartment which honestly would take about three steps, "Well this is…"

"It sucks Mr. Keller, you can say it" Haley joked.

"Well it's definetly a change" He started to laugh, "It reminds me of that first apartment you and Chris mo-" His voice faded, "I'm sorry Haley. I didn't mean-"

Haley smiled, "It's ok Robert…really." She pointed to the couch, "Sit, please. Can I get you a drink? I don't think I have scotch but I can get you a glass of red wine if you'd like?"

"That would be wonderful Haley, thank you."

After a few moments Haley returned to the couch with two glasses of wine, "I'm glad you decided to stop Robert."

Mr. Keller took the glass from Haley's hand, "Honestly I was surprised…pleasantly but surprised none the less."

Haley took a seat across from her ex-father-in-law, "Ya, I thought about calling you so many times but I didn't-"

"Know what to say?" Mr. Keller kindly smiled, "Me too." He took a sip from his glass, "So kid, how have you been?"

Haley began figeting with her hands, "That's why I wanted to talk to you…I've been ok…or at least I was."

"What do you mean?"

"Robert theres something I want to tell you and I hope you don't hate me."

"Haley, honey…I don't think there is anything you could tell me that could make me hate you-"

"I met someone." Haley blurted out before he could finish.

Robert stared at her blankly for a moment. After a few seconds Haley took the opportunity to continue, "We're pretty serious…or at least we were. And I know I should have called you a long time ago…I just couldn't." Robert still met her with a blank stare, "Rober-Mr. Keller I know you must think I'm a horrible witch of a woman but I wanted to talk to you because I didn't you to find out from someone else…theres not anything even really to say anymore. He proposed and I said no and its over and-" Haley's ramble was interrupted finally by Robert's voice.

"Proposed?" His voice was filled with curiousity and confusion. Haley said nothing just nodded in agreement.

He gently put his glass on the coffee table, "Well…that…that is a surprise. Can I ask you a question Haley?"

"Anything."

"Do you love him?"

Haley again said nothing just nodded in agreement with fresh tears threatening to fall from her brown eyes.

"…Then why did you say no?"

There was no holding back anymore the tears began to fall like an opened dam, "I don't know…" Her voice was high and almost inaudible through the sobs, "I just…it all happened so fast…and honestly the moment he asked me your face showed up. I thought of how the last time you saw me you said you not only buried your son but you buried the last part of your wife…" Robert cringed at the thought but she continued, "..and I couldn't bare the thought of you hearing how only after six months I was marrying someone else. I didn't want you to feel like I didn't love you son. I loved your son very much Mr. Keller and it breaks my heart every day that he's not here…"

Robert rose from his seat across the table to join her, he gently put his arm on her shoulder, "Haley…shh, you don't have to explain anything to me.."

Haley's voice rose, "Yes I do! This isn't right…I shouldn't feel the way I do…and please know I'm not saying this to somehow make my actions seem less horrific…me and Chris' relationship wasn't perfect, we had problems and at the end we weren't happy…but that doesn't mean for one second that I did not love your son." Haley closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "I jus-I just needed you to know that."

Robert brushed a piece of hair behind her ear, "Listen to me. You don't have any justifications to make to me. I know you loved Chris…I know that….and if you feel the way you do about this man that proposed…don't miss out on happiness because of the past. I've made that mistake." Robert took a deep breath, "Since Chris died I've evaluated my life…and I'm not happy with the results. I wasn't a good father-"

"Robert…" Haley tried to defend.

"No. It's the truth…I wasn't the father Chris deserved. After his mother died and it was just us…I tried to do what was best for him, but I failed. I pushed him into a career he didn't love, I put constant pressure on him…I pushed him into the arms of that woman."

Haley couldn't breath. He knew, "You….you knew about his affair?"

Robert removed his hand from Haley's shoulder, "Yes….who" Robert closed his eyes and carefully continued, "Who do you think got him the apartment."

Haley's heart sunk. The man infront of her not only knew about her husbands affair…he encouraged it. She slowly rose from the couch, "You mean to tell me…you HELPED him have the affair?"

"Haley, please just list-"

"No! How could you do that? You were there on our wedding day! You told me you couldn't ask for a better "daughter!"…and no-now you're telling me you helped my husband cheat on me?"

"Haley it wasn't like that…"

"How else is it like Robert?"

"Haley please just listen to me…I was just trying to protect him. I knew he loved you but I thought that his fling with Rachel would…I don't know calm him down he'd get it out of his system, I wouldn't have to bail him out at work anymore, he would stay more focused…"

"So you condoned Chris' affair for business purposed!"

"Haley I know you can't understand-"

"You're damn right I don't understand!..." She began walking to the door, "I think you should leave…"

"Haley-"

"Now."

Robert slowly made his way to the door, "If I could say one last thing…" Haley refused to look at him, "I know what I did was wrong. I know what Chris did was wrong…but what you're doing…with this other guy…Isn't wrong Haley. You need to start believing that." He put on his jacket and before fully walking out softly whispered, "I'm sorry."

Haley slammed the door behind him not quite believing what just happened.

The pursistant knock on the door forced Brooke from the couch, "Wha-"

"Hi…"

"Oh my god…Haley!" Brooke pulled her friend into a hug that would never end, her tears almost immediate. "Are you ok?"

"No…."

"Come in! Come in! Sit down…."

"I'm so sorry Brooke."

"Haley…"

"No. I've acted so horribly, I pushed you away when I know you just were trying to help…I just don't know what to do anymore. I've made such a mess of everything."

"I just miss my best friend…you haven't made a mess of anything."

"Brooke…I pushed you away. I pushed Nathan away…he's never gonna want to see me again."

"I wouldn't say that…"

"He was devastated…you saw his face. How is he ever going to forgive me."

"Haley you should kn-"

"I've thought about picking up the phone and calling him so many times but I can't. I don't know what to say and…I wouldn't blame him if he hung up on me anyway."

"He's he-"

Brooke tried to cut in but Haley wouldn't allow her, "I just wish I could tell him I was sorry. Tell him I was scared tell him I love him…"

"You just did."

Haley froze. Words no longer could escape. She slowly turned her head and was greeted with his piercing blue eyes.

Let me know!

*Authors Note: I know Nathan and Haley are constantly going back and forth, but they will reach a resolve coming up. I'm trying to keep the story believable (meaning not rushing them into everything). They're are some things from each of their pasts that will be coming up. Hopefully I still have some readers!