After the Storm 19
I don't own these characters; I just like to spend time with them. No other profit to be had than that.
Author's note: Parts of this chapter were written by Lilyjack.
MKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMKMK
Kitty stood in the early morning coolness of her parlor, holding onto to the rocking chair as she listened to Matt explain his actions so many months ago. Actions that had nearly destroyed her.
"You could've told me," she pointed out quietly. "You could've explained this to me then."
Matt looked chagrined and saddened. "Yeah, I could've," he agreed, "and I probably should've, but I didn't. I thought I was protecting you by not telling you."
"Protecting me?" she asked incredulously. "How on earth was this protecting me, Matt? I thought you hated me. There is nothing on earth worse than that. Do you know what that feels like, to think that the only person in the world that matters to you hates you? Matt, if you had only told me everything, all of it, it would have made a difference."
With an effort of sheer will, Matt kept the tears of frustration at bay as he continued. "I didn't want you to know how bad things were, Kitty. I wanted to keep you away from all that."
Kitty sighed deeply, fighting a losing battle with the tears. "Well, you did that alright. You kept me away from everything." The anger had left her voice replaced by a sad resignation of the facts. "But you kept yourself away, too, Matt. You missed being there while our child grew inside of me. You missed the first time he kicked. You missed seeing him born. You missed his first smile, his first…."
As she spoke, Matt wanted so badly to take her in his arms, but he knew she wasn't yet receptive to that. He waved her off.
"I know all too well what I missed, Kitty, and who I missed. And if I had to do it all over again, maybe I would've done things different. Maybe I would've put my badge down and taken you out of there. But I can't do it over. No matter how much I want to." Matt paused, praying fervently that his words were sinking in.
"Kitty, you've got to think about this, too. If I had just quit and taken you away, what would it have solved? Those men would still be out there. Still trying to find a way to hurt you and me. I had to stop them, Kitty. I had to. But I couldn't do it with you in harm's way. And you wouldn't leave."
Kitty looked up into the sorrowful depths of his blue eyes and saw the anguish and grief reflected there. She had been so angry and so hurt herself; she had not considered how he had felt about it all.
She had never thought about the very real danger she and Matt both had been in, not to mention their unborn child. She had been so happy about being pregnant that she had never considered the ramifications of staying in Dodge to be near the man she loved so much.
"Oh, Matt," she gasped, as the tears she had been pushing away, broke away from her defenses and fell in a torrent down her cheeks.
Finally, Matt did what he had been aching to do for so long. He started forward to pull her into the circle of his embrace as Kitty started toward him. But she moved too quickly. Once again, her back caught and she fell forward. Matt scrambled to catch her, but instead ended up falling with her. He landed on the floor with Kitty falling in his lap.
"Kitty, you alright?" he asked, kissing her forehead, worry creasing his brow.
She nodded as she turned her tear-stained face up to his. "Matt, I'm so sorry," she cried. "I didn't…"
Matt bent down and stopped her with a kiss, his own now free-flowing tears mingling with hers. "You have nothing to be sorry about, Kitty" he told her. "You didn't do anything but want to be with me."
Kitty turned slightly, ignoring the twinge in her back, and buried her face in his chest as she sobbed, washing away the grief and anger and pain, she had borne for so long. "I love you, Matt Dillon" she finally managed past the tears. "I've missed you so much."
Matt held her tightly, carefully stroking her back and whispering soothingly, his own heart aching in his big chest, wishing that he could erase the hurt and sorrow she felt so keenly. He rocked her and kissed her flushed face until the sobs subsided and her blue eyes gazed up into his with that old yearning that he remembered and missed so acutely.
Then, resolutely, Matt rose to his feet and swept Kitty into his strong arms, devouring her tear-swollen lips with his hungry mouth. Breathless, he murmured, "Kitty, you know how much I love you, honey." Eyes burning passionately, he declared in a low voice, "And I'm never gonna' let you go again, you hear me?" Kitty eagerly wrapped her arms around his neck and returned his searing kisses as he carried her determinedly to the bedroom to slake the passion they'd both been denied for far too long.
TBC