The second part :) Sorry that it took so long to post - I'm on holiday and managed to find an internet cafe.
Thanks to Gillian Deverone for beta'ing, as usual
Enjoy!
He can't sleep.
There are too many thoughts whizzing around his head and he can barely keep his eyes closed for a few seconds.
He remembers seeing her today, their conversation on repeat, like a broken record. Finn doesn't want to listen to it again, but it's all that he can think about. He can't escape it. She's his friend and he cares about here. Well, he'd like her to be more than his friend…but he doesn't really know how to tell her that…
Finn thinks about it a lot, asking her that very question. But he just… he can't work up the courage to do it.
He doesn't know how to ask a girl out, especially not Rachel. And especially not after today. She has other things to worry about, more important things than him.
This doesn't mean that he can't be a friend to her, the best friend that she'll ever have. She deserves that.
Rachel doesn't ever remember being in so much pain, slipping into between sleep and consciousness. She doesn't know whether it's day or night, nor is she aware of the people around her. She thinks that Doctor Smythe is there sometimes, but then others she is able to tell anything.
Moving hurts. Even breathing hurts.
She wants to cry, as if letting the tears escape would rid her of the assault on her body. Only, it is her body that's doing this. It's attacking itself, and she can't bare it.
She clutches to her sides, teeth clenched and head thrashing back and forth.
What did she ever do to deserve this?
Maybe she's been a little cocky in her youth, and she's had her selfish moments, but why is she being punished in such a way?
She thinks that she sees Finn – it's someone of his stature and height, and they look very Finn-ish. But then they're gone, and she feels a prick in her arm.
And suddenly the pain flows out of her as she begins to lull into subconscious once more.
He visits her a couple of days later. He sits by her bed, takes her hand in his. She isn't sleeping – she just doesn't really have the energy to do much, and he totally gets that. Anyway, he's happy just being company for her.
Rachel smiles when his thumb brushes over his knuckles softly, massaging the skin. He'd always thought that he'd had clumsy hands, and had nearly fell out his chair when Rachel had called them 'gentle' one time. He's always careful around her though, like she's going to break at any second – she's like a delicate ornament, one that you take the uttermost care with, and always, always love above the others.
"How are you feeling?" he asks, voice barely above a whisper.
She hesitates, like she doesn't know what to say to him. His fingers clamp tighter around hers, though not too tights – he doesn't want to hurt her. "Okay," Rachel says. He prefers it this way, Finn thinks, when she doesn't lie to him. Sometimes that can feel worse than like, hearing the truth and stuff. He just, he needs to know exactly how she's feeling, and if there's anything that he can do to help her. He just wants to help.
"I know."
Oh, apparently he'd said that out loud.
"I care about you," Finn admits, the words falling from his lips easily, naturally, as if he's said them a thousand times. Rachel's smile brightens, eyes shining with happiness.
"Thank you."
"No, thank you."
Her eyebrows knit together, wondering what in the world he could be thanking her for.
He kisses her.
Actions speak louder than words, after all, and this simple action yells his affections to the moon and back. He wants her to know just how he feels about her, that he's here and he's not leaving. His feelings are rooted deep within his body, like it's always been there but is only not choosing to flow out of his every pore, radiating to Rachel and around the room.
It's a little awkward, 'cause like she's lying down and he's not, and it's like trying to kiss Snow White or Sleeping Beauty, although Rachel is prettier than any Disney princess, and her lips are softer too.
And, when he pulls away, she has this really big smile on her face, bigger than he's ever seen. It's like someone has just granted all of her wishes at once.
"What was that for?" Her eyes suddenly because unsure. He's confused – isn't she supposed to be happy? He sure is.
"I just…I'm not really good with words," he says, "so I thought I'd show you instead, so that I don't mess anything up, although I probably…messed it up, didn't I?"
Those sparkling eyes fixate on him, and him only, her teeth gently tugging at her lower lip. "You can show me again if you like." Her voice is a whisper and it's almost teasing; she thinks that it's adorable how nervous he is.
She slowly sits up, holding herself steady against the bed and staring at him expectantly. Oh yeah, he almost forgot. His hands move to cup her face, delicately brushing against her soft, warm skin. He draws her face closer to his, so close that he can feel her shaky breath on his lips. Eyes meet, lock and become lost in each other as he presses his lips onto hers once more, the exciting feeling shooting through his body yet again.
He'd happily do this forever.
Chemotherpy.
Rachel sits in her room, completely silent. Her fathers are there, watching over her with worried eyes though remaining just as quiet as her. She feels sick, her throat dry – she shouldn't feel like this. She's getting better. Well, cancer-wise. Her kidneys are still…bad, but that doesn't deter from the fact that she could rid herself of the cancer.
Only, she has to go through chemotherapy, and she's scared, more than scared. Her inside swirl uneasily.
She grasps onto her daddy's hand, wanting him to protect her and fix everything.
But it doesn't work that way.
"I just…" she says, "I don't know what to do. I'm so scared." She hates admitting it, not only to herself, but to Finn of all people, watching as his face falls at the news that she's scared. No, not scared, she's terrified.
"But you said that you want to get better. You told me that you do." He frowns, fingers playing with the tips of her soft hair. "Isn't this all part of it?"
It's hard to hear her, with her face pressed against his shirt, body curled around him as though trying to get as much contact as possible. Her own hands grip him tightly, and he holds her closer, resisting the urge to kiss her forehead, to whisper sweet, soothing words into her ear.
"I'm going to get even weaker," she says, "chemotherapy is just…" No more words come, but she doesn't need to say them. He knows.
Finn rubs her back, hand gliding over the material of her thin hospital gown. She shivers in his arms, whether from the cold or from fear, he doesn't know.
He's scared for her. Like, he feels everything that she feels. The worry, the doubts, but there's still hope, hiding somewhere in a tiny beacon, veiled behind all the bad stuff. He wonders whether, when you get so close to someone, it's normal to feel what they feel. One look into her wide eyes, and he's hit with it all, her emotions come at him without mercy.
And like, most guys would freak out, they would. They'd get too scared because things are moving so fast, and the level of commitment that Finn feels to Rachel is more than some guys can handle. He likes it, more than likes. And Puck'd totally beat his ass for saying this, but he actually enjoys being with Rachel like this, being the person that she knows she can depend on, a shoulder to cry on.
Speaking of crying, he peers down at her sad face, watching as a tear trickles down her cheek, but his thumb catches it before it can fall down to the bed. He brushes away the salty tear, thumb gliding delicately across her cheek.
He doesn't tell her that he's scared too, because the guy is supposed to be the strong one, not the one who worries and frets.
Rachel's just so tiny.
She says that she's getting better, or she will after the chemotherapy. The cancer will be gone, hopefully for good.
But then there's a whole host of other problems, like she still needs a new kidney and not to mention that she could get ill again after the chemotherapy. Doesn't it like kill everything, not just the cancer cells?
He looks to her, so thin, like a tiny breath of wind could knock her over.
And then he thinks about what he'd do if she got ill again, if she picked up another disease in her vulnerable state. What would that do to Rachel? Would it finally break her?
Finn immediately shakes his head – he should think about something else, something more positive.
His hand slides down her arm where it reaches her own hand, trembling against the bed sheets. He takes hold of it, gripping it firmly, trying to reassure her – he's going to be there, and he's going to hold her when she's sad, and laugh with her when she's happy. He's not going anywhere…
"Knock, knock." Kurt chuckles to himself as he enters the room, offering Blaine a smile as he enters the room. He sees the boy, sitting cross-legged on the bed, though he turns to him with curious eyes when he notices that Kurt is carrying something.
"Is that… a guitar?"
"How did you know?" he grins, looking down to the obvious guitar case before placing it on the bed. "I thought," he begins, "that we could have a little fun. And you mentioned that you could play the guitar." Kurt bites his bottom lip, "So maybe you'd like to show me." He smiles at the memory of their last conversation, how happy Blaine had been to explain his love of music. Singing, playing instruments, and even writing his own songs.
Of course, Kurt had been delighted to hear this. They have something in common, something to bond over, and the thought of spending more time with Blaine sets his heart off racing and the tiniest of blushes to his face.
He peers at Blaine, feeling oddly giddy from just being in his presence.
"You wanna give it a go?" he gestures toward the guitar, adding an encouraging smile.
Blaine looks like a kid at Christmas as he unwraps the instrument from its casing, completely in awe of it. Kurt thinks that it's the most adorable thing he's ever seen. He places himself on the edge of the bed too, never letting his eyes leave Blaine and his excited face. "So," he smiles, "what song do you want to sing?"
His face is thoughtful, soft. It looks angelic to Kurt. And then suddenly a grin creeps onto his lips and he says, "I have a song just…don't laugh."
At this, he finds himself laughing, "What? I'm not going to laugh at you, silly."
Blaine gives out this tiny little huff, like he doesn't believe him, but then proceeds to place the guitar in his arms, smiling at the familiar feel of it. His fingers hover over the cold wood of the instrument, reaching for the strings and experimenting with a few notes. With one final glance toward Kurt, he begins, and Kurt finds himself grinning at his friend, mostly at his song choice.
Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the guy
The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
Looking around here you think
Sure, he's got everything
He chuckles at Blaine changing the lyrics to suit a guy, while at the same time swooning over the beautiful voice that sweeps around the room, ringing joyously in his ears.
I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamabobs?
I've got twenty!
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more
The last note is drawn out, Blaine's eyes solely on Kurt as he finishes the song early. "Why'd you stop?" he questions. In all honestly, he'd happily listen to Blaine's perfect voice all day long, every day.
"You laughed." He can't quite interpret Blaine's tone. He sounds a little embarrassed, and there's something else, something that he can't detect.
"Blaine, you sang Part of Your World," he says, like the reason for his laughing is obvious.
Blaine smiles shyly, "I like Disney." He then adds a shrug, placing the guitar to the side of him.
"There's no need to be embarrassed!" Kurt quickly reassures him. "I loved it actually. It was cute."
"Cute?"
Kurt's smile widens as big as the Cheshire cat's. "Yes, like you."
His eyes widen in shocked and surprise, and he feels Kurt's hand in his, squeezing it tightly. He gulps nervously. What is he supposed to say to that? He doesn't remember that last time he'd ever been in a situation like this. Well, that's because it'd never happened before. And he thinks, maybe, he likes Kurt. Maybe he likes him a lot.
But how do you act on that?
"How about," Kurt starts when the silence has lasted a little too long, "we do some more songs?" His eyes lighten up. "We could do a duet," he suggests. "Hey, we could sing that one from Tangled, but only if I get to sing Rapunzel's part."
He grins – how can he say no that that?
She goes to start her chemotherapy treatment.
He remembers sitting with her, holding her and telling her not to be scared. She mumbled something back, but he can't quite recall what.
"I'm going to lose my hair," she tell him sadly, "I've always had long hair, ever since I was a kid. It's just…" Her face crumples up with tears. "I'm gonna miss it, you know?"
"I know," he whispers, letting her cry into his shirt.
His fingers gently stroke through her hair as they remain completely still and he tries to imagine her without these long luxurious locks, but he can't do it. It's only hair, he knows that, and it'll grow back, but he feels bad for her.
Maybe it's not just about the hair; she's probably scared too. Hell, she's practically shaking in his arms.
They can get through this. He won't let her be alone. And her dads will be there, and Blaine too. He kisses her forehead gently. "You'll be okay, baby," he tells her.
He jogs up the stairs, waving to Tina as he passes her and she smiles back, returning to her rounds once he's down the hall.
Rachel's door is already open, which he finds strange as she's usually only just waking up from a nap at around this point and he just sits with her until she's fully awake. Normally they just mumble short, quiet things to each other, so what's going on? Are her dads there?
He's met them before, of course, but they're still a little daunting, especially when they give him that look, that don't even think about it look. And, you know, he totally is thinking about it and worries that they can read minds or something, and then he'll be completely busted and they'll chase him out of the hospital with pitchforks and torches. Well, maybe minus the pitchforks and torches, 'cause they totally don't live in that era anymore, but the point is that they'll be pissed.
So yeah, he's slightly intimidated by the two men.
But, as he turns into the room, his mouth falls open when he realizes that it is most definitely not her dads. Instead, he's looking into the faces of Santana, Puck, Artie, Sam, Brittany, Artie, Quinn, and Kurt. Oh, and there's Rachel in the middle of them.
"What the…?" His face scrunches up in confusion, eyes squinting.
"Finn, your friends are lovely," Rachel announces, clapping her hands together happily.
He looks around the group, eyes demanding answers, but he doesn't want to say anything in front of Rachel, not when she seems so happy. And he's glad that she looks happy. She started wearing a wig, since the chemotherapy. Her fathers had shaved off her hair, and she'd cried. He even cried a little too, but it's hardly noticeable that it's a wig, and she's still Rachel, right? Santana smirks at him, "Lurch, you hear that? We're lovely."
Puck walks up to him, clasping a hand solidly on his shoulder. "Hey, buddy. We thought that we'd introduce ourselves to Rachel, since you seem to have forgotten, and we've heard so many great things about her."
"Noah said that you talk about me all the time," Rachel beams, turning back to Brittany who is trying to braid her hair, while Artie, Sam and Quinn are playing a card game on the bed.
"Noah?" He doesn't seem to realize what she'd just said – that he talked about her. And that Puck had told her that.
Santana snickers as Finn sends a glare in the Latina's direction. "I made sure that Rachel knows what to call him. Noah's such a good name, right?"
"Definitely," Rachel agrees. Finn glances at her, her large smile and positive expression not getting lost along the way – she looks happy, really happy, and it's been a while since he's seen her smile so big. She seems to be in her prime under all the attention, basking in being the main focus of everyone. "Finn," she says, snapping him from his thoughts, "do you want to play? Noah is going to teach me how to play poker!"
"He is, is he?" he raises his eyebrow at Puck, as if to ask seriously?
He shrugs, "Never know when it might come in handy."
"Finny!" she almost whines, a pout appearing on her plump lips. He instantly blushes at the use of the nickname, especially in front of his friends, who are watching with bemused expressions, and Santana even contributes with a few snickers. This leaves Rachel frowning in confusion, clearly questioning her choice of name. Her gaze drops to the floor, as if she's scared that she's embarrassed him.
But he just holds his head up high and smiles, "I'm coming, Rach."
He catches the shocked look on Santana's face – she'd clearly been expecting him to react differently, to be upset that she's calling him that, yet he isn't. It's just a name, isn't it? And he kind of thinks it's cute when she calls him that, and the way that her eyes light up as it leaves her lips is enough to get his heart beating quickly.
Joining them on the bed, which is really a little too small for all the people who're trying to squeeze on to it, and one of them is Finn, after all. He sits right beside her, pretending not to notice when her head falls against his shoulder, or her fingers brush against his arm that is supporting his body up on the bed.
She looks up at him, her face saying it all. Rachel is content, she's sporting a happy expression, her body completely relaxed and free of stress. Well, for now. He wraps his arm around her shoulder, moving her closer to him.
Puck clears his throat, wearing a cocky smirk.
"What? I'm making more room for everyone."
In response, he hears Santana scoff and she leans over to Puck to whisper something in his ear. Finn watches the exchange between the two, eyebrows scrunched together and lips tight.
Brittany finishes the last part of Rachel's hair, smiling proudly at the neat braids. "It looks pretty." She stares at it and says, "You have really nice hair."
Rachel beams at the compliment, her hand flying up to gently run over the two braids. "T-thank you," she replies, her face a mixture of shock and happiness – it's clear that she's not used to things like that, just the simple interaction of friends. Well, a friend who's a girl, since he's pretty sure that she only sees Tina on a regular basis, and that's when the nurse is working, therefore she can't really spend time with Rachel like this, girl time.
Maybe it's not so bad that his friends are here, maybe it's what Rachel needs right now, especially with the upcoming chemotherapy.
She smiles up at him, and he instantly returns it. It's good to see her happy again, for now. She could revert back to what she'd been like before and that thought is a little scary, leaving his heart sinking slowly in his chest.
He doesn't want that, of course he doesn't. Rachel is so special to him, one of the people that he cares about the most in this huge world, one person that he truly feels is part of him, like they're attached somehow.
And he'll do anything to keep her smiling.
Unfortunately, what he dreads the most is exactly what happens.
As each day passes, her free time in the hospital allows her to dwell on the future and what is going to happen to her, which she's pretty much convinced herself is going to be terrible, and much more painful than the state that she's in now.
But like, the chemotherapy is supposed to help, it's supposed to be a sign of her getting better, so why is she so sad? Why can't she smile with the act not seeming forced - as though it's a chore to do so?
Why is she just giving up like this?
He truly doesn't understand. She should fight it, he would. He's willing to fight it for her, to take all of her pain away and be burdened with it himself.
He sits with her. She's just woken up from a nap, so she's a little out of it, though all she does is hold his hand and then let out a wistful sigh, the corners of her lips turned upside down, the complete opposite of what they should be doing.
She kind of goes through these mood swings. One day she'll be happy and wearing a constant smile, and then the next she'll be the complete opposite. It kind of throws him, and he never knows how to handle it.
"Did you figure out what you want to do yet?" she asks. This was a popular topic between them. Rachel threw herself into helping him pick a career, or even something to study at college, since she'd been shock at his lack of considerations. And graduation is only a few months away, and he still doesn't know.
But it's scary, going into the unknown, especially feeling as lost as he can be sometimes. Finn pulls a face, "I don't… I don't know."
She's a little disappointed, he can tell by the way her face drops. Had she been expecting him to have chosen something yet?
He knows one thing. "I want to help people."
The corners of her mouth twist into a smile, "You do?"
"Yeah, like… I'm not smart enough to be a doctor or anything, but then I could be an EMT, or I could do something like…work in the police…or the fire service." He searches her face, trying to judge her expression. Does she like the idea? More importantly, does she think that he could do it?
Rachel grins, "You know, I like the sound of those. I could imagine you in a job like that."
"Really?" he breathes.
She nods. "Of course! You know that I think that you could do anything. I believe in you." Even when you don't believe in yourself, she thinks.
He feels his heart swell proudly and he takes hold of her hand, forming a physical connection between them, he feels the need to. "But what if I screw up?" he can't help letting the insecurities seep in. He could not be a good enough driver, or not pass the acceptance tests or –
"You won't."
"You sound very sure of that."
"That's because I am very sure." She smiles. "You will succeed Finn Hudson, you will."
Maybe she isn't going to be on Broadway, or be the famous superstar that she'd always dreamed of being, but her legacy can be helping Finn to become something, to be someone. Not someone big or extremely famous, but someone who makes a difference, whether it be to just one person or a hundred people.
He chuckles, "You're like my own little cheerleader."
"I'm on team Finn," she giggles, blushing slightly. "Oh, God, that was bad…"
"Nah, I like having your support. You're one of the only people that believe in me. Sometimes I'm sure that even my mom thinks I'm going to just end up in a dead end job…"
"Finn," she frowns, about to tell him that that isn't true, that his mother has just as much faith in him as she does, but he cuts her off.
"It's okay, you don't have to lie to me, I know –"
She sits up straighter, gaze stuck to his face. "I'm not lying, and you know that I'm not. One day you're going to be this amazing man, and you're going to go home from a job that you're passionate about to see your wife, and your children, who love you more than anything." It doesn't help that, at this point, he imagines arriving home to find Rachel there, a tiny little girl in her arms. "And you'll have so many friends, and so many people that you've helped, whose lives you've changed. People like me."
"I didn't –"
"Yes, you did." She smiles. "You're amazing, Finn Hudson."
He stares into her deep brown eyes, unable to believe her words. How can he have done that? Maybe he can do it though… do something to truly change her life, even if it's one night, one action. But what can he do?
"This has to be perfect," he says for the hundredth time, and everyone is probably sick of his drilling it into their heads.
"It's going to be," Santana groans, "if you get off your lazy ass and help us rather than dictating what we should be doing." She's the most annoyed and keeps threatening to take back her offer of help, but he knows that she won't – it's all just a bluff. Puck appears beside her, not so subtly staring at her ass. "Puckerman, I can feel your eyes crawling over me. Quit it."
"What can I say?" he grins, "I like to appreciate fine art."
Finn rolls his eyes, "Guys, come on!"
He stops to observe their creations, finally letting the stress leave his body. He'd truly convinced himself that they weren't going to finish in time, but, thankfully, it had been achieved, and now they can start the plan.
He feels Puck's hand on his back as he joins him. "It looks great, man. She's totally gonna love it."
"You think so?"
"I can hear wedding bells already," he smirks.
Completely shocked, he turns to his friend, though he can't hide the blush on his cheeks. The thought of marrying Rachel makes his pulse increase and his head feel dizzy – she'd make the perfect wife.
"Can you stop thinking about Berry for a second and help me with these?" Santana carries a large box of cameras, trying to hide her struggling. Puck swoops in to help, adding a comment about his 'guns' that causes Santana to glare, but soon the two are out of the room, and Finn is staring around the auditorium, his eyes filled with hope and a little bit of fear – what if it all goes wrong?
He quickly pushes that thought to the back of his mind and hurries to join everyone else outside. Finn thinks about all the work that he'd gone through to even have this night, to get her out of the hospital for no more than a couple of hours. But it'll be worth all of the headaches and time waiting and convincing her dads. Just seeing her face light up will be worth it all.
"I can see the car," Kurt walks up to him, tightening the tie around Finn's neck. "There, that's better. You ready?"
Glancing around at the group, he earns nods of confirmation. They're ready, they can do this. Everyone knows what they're doing – he'd convinced the photography club to help out, and his friends seemed happy to help anyway. He looks at Kurt, who smiles back. "I'm ready," he tells himself.
The car rolls by the auditorium, stopping slowly against the curb.
Finn takes a deep breath, and begins walking toward it.
When he opens the door, he's met with a very confused Rachel. Taking her hand, he slowly helps her out, completely in awe of how she looks. The dress was really Kurt's idea, and he deserves full credit and honestly, it looks amazing on her. It's a soft pink dress, the material flowing elegantly all the way to the floor as she steps up, leaning against him in the cold of the night. He suspects that Tina had helped her with the makeup, and he smiles at Rachel, a smile as bright as the stars in the sky that night.
"You look beautiful."
She blushes, running her hands down her arms nervously. "What's going on?"
But Finn just grins, closing the door after her and waving goodbye to her dad, before he links their arms together and begins to lead her around the corner to their set up.
As soon as she sees it, a loud gasp escapes her lips.
The first, and most obvious, thing is the sign. This was only achievable through Artie, who he owed a lot to right now, as the sign was huge, like really big. He doesn't even know how they'd got it onto the building but, you know, no star is complete without her name in bright lights.
He smiles at the "Rachel Berry" sign, sweeping light across everything else and even lighting up her face.
Her eyes then drop lower to the ground as they walk, until they reach the red beneath their feet and she looks up at him with even more shock. The happiness on her face is enough for him –that's all that he's ever wanted, for her to be happy.
"Is this…" she stops, "is this a red carpet Finn?"
"Gotta arrive in style, right?" he whispers back.
Before she can say anything, there's the explosion of camera flashes as pictures are taken from either side of their very own red carpet. At first, she's startled and almost cowers into his side, but he smiles. "Shall we, Miss Berry?" he gestures to the path ahead of them.
She nods her head, linking arms with him again and walking at his side.
"You wanna pose for some?"
Her eyes widen. "But Finn, I –"
"You're the star tonight," he says, "and stars pose for pictures, so go on, have fun."
"Only if you'll pose with me."
Finn smiles, turning her to face one side of the cameras and wrapping his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him, their body flush against one another. They both smile together, experimenting with different poses. At one point, he literally sweeps her off her feet as he picks her up bridal style. It's not red carpet posing, but he likes the feeling of Rachel in his arms, especially when she rests her head against his chest, giggling softly.
He has to put her down eventually, keeping his arm around her shoulder as they walk further down the carpet, where they're met with another group of people.
"Miss Berry, Miss Berry," Kurt smiles and uses his best reporter voice, "Are you excited about your musical debut?" He sticks a microphone in her face, and the others around him all mumble words of agreement.
"Musical debut?" she frowns, brows knitting together tightly before she looks up at Finn.
He leans down, whispering in her ear. "Just go along with it. What would the star say?" She moves her gaze back and forth between them against, her cheeks aching from smiling so much. They're interviewing her. Finn got his friends to interview her. Oh God, her heart feels like it's about to beat out of her chest, and she wants to cry from happiness, but then that'd ruin her make-up.
She peers to him again and he nods and smiles. Turning back to Kurt, she takes a deep breath. "Yes, very excited to be… on the stage once more. Nothing gives me more pleasure…"
Finn watches her as she speaks animatedly, the smile on her face irreplaceable. This feels good, making her happy. If he could do this every day, he'd die with an accomplished life. She moves from Kurt to Sam to Artie, each time glowing with more joy, but her hand still remains stuck to his, fingers interlocked.
She was born to do this, and he knows that one day he'll be seeing her do it for real.
Santana steps forward, moving Sam out of the way, "Yeah, yeah, all that is nice. Now, let's get down to the juicy stuff. Have you and your… escort done the nasty yet?"
A small gasps escapes Rachel's mouth before she tries to stammer a response. Finn grabs her arm, glaring at Santana. "Come on before you get cold."
"We wants to know," Santana insists, smirking as he leads Rachel to the door. They're just about inside when he hears her say, "Has he tried your berry pie?" Way to be totally inappropriate, Santana.
"Sorry about that," he mumbles to her.
"It's okay." Rachel blushes, staring down at the floor. Her heels click against the steps as they finally get inside the auditorium, and her eyes strain to the front where she sees the single spotlight in the center of the stage, a lone microphone there.
"What is all this?" she stares at him. "The red carpet, the sign, your friends taking my pictures and interviewing me… why are you doing this?"
Finn encases her fingers in his, bringing them against his chest and staring straight into her eyes. "Because you deserve to be the star, with your name in lights, the center of everyone's attention. I'm just showing you what your life is going to be like. You better get used to this, Rachel Berry… this is your future." He pauses, "Well, everything will be real, of course, and you'll be in New York, and you'll have a better escort than me –"
She springs her lips on his, standing on the top of her toes to meet his height. His hands rest on her waist, body in complete shock. This is so much better than the first time they'd kissed, so much more emotional. She grasps tightly onto him, showing that she doesn't want to let go. He doesn't want to either.
Their lips separate for a second, foreheads resting against each other. He spies a tear slipping down her cheek.
"Hey, no tears, babe. You still have to wow me with your song."
She smiles brightly, letting him take her to the stage. He stops at the steps to it, his eyes smiling back at her, "I'm not going up there. It's just for you." Rachel nods, making slow, shaky steps upwards until she's on the stage. She walks across it, arriving in the middle beneath the intense gaze of the spotlight.
The seats are empty, save his friends scattered in the higher seats, but she imagines an audience there, the seats filled with happy, applauding fans and a wide smile spreads across her face.
Then she spots Finn in the middle on the front row, looking more proud that she's ever seen. But he…he's taking off his jacket. Underneath, he reveals the shirt, and she resists the urge to start crying once more, but it's really inevitable at this point. He has the words Team Rachel written on his shirt, proudly wearing her name. He points to it. "If you're team Finn, then I thought that I'd be team Rachel."
She wipes her eyes, smiling adoringly at this man in front of her. She's the luckiest girl in the world.
"Sing," he orders, his voice soft, commanding. "Have your moment, Rach."
Rachel smiles, she nods and she wraps her hands around the microphone, staring out into the grand auditorium once more before her gaze returns to Finn, who's taken a seat.
And she sings.
Her voice echoes around the room, leaving Finn entranced in his seat.
He can barely focus on anything other than Rachel, and her beautiful voice, her beautiful everything. He doesn't even notice his friends poking their heads down watch him, to watch them. He wouldn't care anyway. Nothing can take his focus away from her.
Before Rachel realizes, it's over and there are no more words floating from her mouth. She feels dazed while at the same time on a euphoric high and then she smiles at Finn and her happiness flies through the roof.
He's on his feet, clapping and cheering.
She cries happily, feeling overwhelmed by this – all of it. Finn has done so much for her, given so many things, and she doesn't know how to repay him, ever. He joins her on the stage. "Rach…that was…wow, you were incredible."
"I love you," she blurts out, and she does. Every fiber in her body loves him more than she can ever say. Her heart beats crazily when he's around and she is dizzy with love. "I love you so much," Rachel tells him again. She just wants to repeat it over and over, shout it out for all the world to hear. She is in love with Finn Hudson. Rachel breathes erratically, vision fogging over for a few seconds – the adrenaline of her performance and her realization leaving her lightheaded.
His face softens, eyes watering. "I-I-"
He doesn't get a chance to say it back. Instead, he has to watch as her eyes loll to the back of her head, and she crumples before him.
"…and then she just collapsed," Kurt finishes the story for Blaine, who'd been begging to know what'd happened to Rachel for over a day now and, as she's barely able to tell him herself, he felt the need to reassure Blaine that his friend was going to be fine. "But the doctors say that she's okay now."
"I just don't understand why it happened…" he stares ahead, "she was getting better."
Kurt's face falls, eyes sad. He feels for Blaine, he really does. One of his best friend's is lying in a hospital bed, barely strong enough to do as much as sit up, and he's not even allowed to go and see her, to make sure that she's alright.
But then again, he doesn't want to lie to him about her condition either. Blaine means more to him than that, and he shouldn't be hiding the truth from him, no matter how painful it is.
"We can only wait and see what happens…"
He hears Blaine let out a sigh and his hand moves up to join his, hesitant at first before he wraps his fingers around Blaine's hand, unable to keep his lips from curving into a sweet smile. "Thank you for telling me," Blaine says, eyes lowering to their joined hands. The very sight of it causes his heartbeat to rise to a probably dangerous level. "No one else would," he adds.
"I just had to," Kurt admits. He bites his lips, eyes darting about the room before landing on Blaine once more. "How're you holding up?"
"I'm worried for Ra –"
"No," he instantly corrects, "I meant you, as in how're you feeling? Health-wise. I care about you too."
Blaine's eyes seem to light up at this, a smile gracing his lips. "I'm fine."
His eyebrow rises slowly. "Really? Or do you just not want to make a big deal out of things?"
There's a long silence, Blaine visibly thinking about his answer. Eventually, it just falls from his lips, "I don't want to worry you." Kurt gulps, unable to say anything in response, because he is worried and he knows that he shouldn't be – he just is. It's the same way that Finn's worried about Rachel, how he's kept up on some nights, drowning in terrible possibilities And having to watch the person that he lo – really cares about in such a horrible situation.
"Just tell me," he says softly, trying to put on a brave face, trying being the operative word.
"I-I… sometimes," he begins slowly, forcing the words out, "I dunno, sometimes my chest hurts, a lot. And then, I feel sick a lot – not throwing up sick, but just…ill…"
He can't look at Kurt as he speaks – he doesn't want to see that way that Kurt's face falls as he speaks. "Oh Blaine," he hears the boy say, his voice almost an angelic whisper. "Have you told Tina, your doctors?"
His silence is all the Kurt needs. "Please, they need to know. They'll make you feel better."
"I know but R-"
"No, this is about you, only about you Blaine." He leans closer, both his hands now cupping Blaine's. He finds himself staring into those eyes, those large puppy dog eyes that draw him in closer without mercy, pulling and pulling until his face is so near to Blaine's that he can feel his shaky breath on his skin
"Kurt, I –"
He takes the plunge. He kisses him. It's sweet and soft and gentle, so gentle – both are hesitant; it's their first kiss, and they're inexperienced. That doesn't matter. His head feels fuzzy, almost delirious with happiness. This is one of the most perfect moments of his life, and he doesn't ever want it to stop.
Blaine's hand moves to cup his face, fingers running against his skin slowly before they dig in, the kiss deepening. He brings him closer, they kiss some more, and they forgot about everything other than the sweet taste of each other, the pure bliss that accompanies their actions.
He feels Blaine's fingers move up to his hair, weaving through it and locking him in Blaine. "Kurt," he whispers against his lips, "I think I love you."
"Hmmm," he smiles, then the words begin to register in his mind. "Wait, what?"
"I-I… I love you," he says. They've pulled apart now, though only barely. They're still only inches away from the other. "I think… I think I loved you from the moment you walked into my room, you were beautiful. And I – I couldn't help but fall for you on the spot.
"And then you came back. You kept me company and you were my friend. I don't really have many friends my age, other than Rachel," he smiles softly, encasing Kurt's face in his hands again, forcing Kurt's watery gaze on him, "and the more time we spent together, the harder I fell. And I… I don't know how to not love you Kurt."
Kurt's rendered speechless, eyes brimming with tears and wonder, mouth agape. Did he… did this just really happen?
"Blaine," his voice is high, muffled when he begins to cry, awash with emotion. He doesn't know what to say, so he kisses him back, eagerly, hungrily.
"I love you too," he whispers eventually.
Her eyes slowly flicker open, feeling like they haven't been opened in years. Gaze completely foggy, she tries to focus on something around the room, but only sees white, and all she can hear is the beep of a machine.
Oh, wait, there are voices.
"Looks like someone's up." That's Tina, definitely. She tries to find her, eventually focusing on her nurse, who is standing to the left of the bed. Her fathers are beside Tina though, seeing her fully awake, they rush to her side, planting kissing on her cheeks and hugging her tightly. Their words are rushed, and she barely hears them, but she smiles anyway.
She hugs them back, or as much as she can because, upon further inspection, she can see the IV drip falling from her arm, and it's pretty hard to hug her daddy with it there.
Wait, why's she got an IV drip in?
Tina must have noticed her confusion, her creased forehead and worried eyes, because she soon steps forward to explain, "You collapsed Rachel."
And then it all comes flooding back. The auditorium, the "red carpet", the singing. Oh, and Finn, she can't forget Finn. But then she remembers falling into darkness, and then nothing. She can hear Finn's frightened voice calling her name, his voice breaking like it pained him to watch. She can only imagine how scared he'd been, having to deal with something like that, and an onslaught of guilt washed over her for making him go through that. She can't even imagine how scared he must have been.
"Rachel, what's wrong?" her dad frowns, holding her a little closer.
"Where's Finn?" she questions.
They turn to each other, the actions so slow that it feels as though time has almost stopped. Her heart drops.
He sits, glued to the seat. He wants to get up, he wants to go and see if Rachel's okay, because he needs her to be. Only, he's scared – what if she isn't? What if she's worse than even he imagines?
The image of her body crumpling to the ground is on replay in his mind and he can't escape it, no matter how much he tries. It hurts to have to watch it over and over, but he can't rid it from his thoughts. She'd just become limp in his arms, falling before he could do anything.
He'd sat with her, cradled in his arms, until the ambulance came.
Finn tries to stand up, forcing himself to go to the hospital. He can't. He wants to slam his head against the wall: this is so frustrating. He isn't supposed to do this – he was supposed to be there when she woke up, ready to lift her spirits.
But he isn't there.
He's here, cooping himself up in this damn house, torturing himself of images that physically pain him to see. Why is he doing this?
A tap on the door brings him from his thoughts, and he's grateful for it.
"Come in!"
He hopes that it isn't him mom, because she just gives him this look, this sad look, and he wants to cry. He feels guilty and scared and he just doesn't know what to do. The reality of his situation with Rachel had finally hit him, and he doesn't know whether he is cut out to watch…that happen to her.
It's Santana.
She glares at him, her lips tight and jaw clenched. "You're a real douchebag, you know?"
He knows, he doesn't need her to remind him.
"She's in the damn hospital Finn, right this second, and she needs you. She needs you to be there and support her, and all that crap."
Finn closes his eyes and, once again, is hit by the same image. "I can't look at her without being terrified. She just…just dropped down. God, I was so scared." He feels his body literally shaking, and he wants to forget, forget everything.
"Whatever you're going through, she's got it ten times worse."
He turns to Santana, her blazing eyes giving him death glares. "I didn't know that you cared so much."
Her face softens at his tone, surprise registering. "You're my friend, of course I care and Ber – Rachel, she's my friend too…" His scoff interrupts her. "She is! I wouldn't have helped you if I didn't care Finn."
She's telling the truth, he knows. She could have not showed up at all, but she did, and she did so much, going as far as helping him with the ideas and making sure that everyone followed the plan. "Thank you for that," he whispers, his voice grateful.
Santana sighs, moving closer to him. "You need to go and see her. Look how miserable you are without her."
"But what if she's worse than before?" He frowns deeply, "I was there once…when she couldn't really do much. It killed me to see her like that, San."
"And it'll kill you more if you spend time away from her, trust me. When you're in love, being away from that person makes you feel like you're incomplete, like you're missing something. And you make it so obvious, Finn." He's taken aback by her words – is this Santana Lopez talking about being in love? "I see you two together. It's like nothing else matters, like the whole world disappears and it's just the two of you...Are you really going to throw that all away because you're scared?"
He stares at her, trying to group together some words. None come. She's right. Why is he doing this? As terrifying as the situation is, the amazing feeling of being with Rachel outweighs any of the negatives, by far.
Finn glances up at Santana, seeing so much compassion in her eyes that it's a little daunting. "She needs you. Let's face it, you make her happy Finn. She looks at you like the frickin' sun shines out of your ass. I've never seen someone more in love…"
She trails off, before adding, "Except you."
"Me?"
She now smirks, "really? You're a complete goner, Finn." He doesn't know whether to be offended or not, then she's grinning and he thinks that maybe it's not such a bad thing 'cause, you know what, being in love is awesome. And it's nothing like he imagined. One day it just hit him, like Cupid's arrow.
He wouldn't take it back though, ever. Being in love with Rachel can be heard sometimes, and can take a real toll on his emotions, but he loves it… he…
He needs to see her, that's what he needs to do.
Without even thinking, he throws his arms around her in a tight, suffocating hug, shocking Santana into a frozen statue. For a minute, he thinks that she's hugging him back. She then snaps into action, pushing him away with a look of disgust on her face. "If I wanted to be smothered by your manboobs, I would have asked."
He just grins.
With a spring to his step, he's out of his room, leaving Santana yelling after him. She'll understand – he's in love.
He runs, and runs, and runs some more until his legs ache with exertion and his adrenaline levels start to sink. But he's almost at the hospital, so, so close to Rachel. He can practically feel her nearby. He makes it there quickly, panting and huffing for much needed air.
Once he's inside the building, he decides to just walk fast 'cause you probably shouldn't run in a hospital. He knows where her room is, and so his feet carry him there without much thought. He's smiling so big that it probably looks creepy, but he's going to see her again.
And sure, he's scared, yet that won't matter when his eyes fall upon his perfect girl.
Room 407. It's here, and he finally has his breath back. He knocks on a couple of times before slowly opening the door, ready to see her again. It's been days.
"Rach," he begins happily, only to cut himself short when he's met with an empty room. What the…?
Where is she? Why isn't she here?
This is her room! She's supposed to be lying in the bed, smiling up at him and telling him how much she missed him, that she's going to be okay.
What if she…?
No, he can't think like that – that hasn't happened. Santana would have said, but then he doesn't know exactly how long ago Santana had seen Rachel and Rachel's dads are probably pissed at him for basically ignoring their daughter, so they wouldn't call and…oh God, what if the worst happened?
He feels sick.
He doesn't know how to focus all of his thoughts. He doesn't know what to do. Maybe he could ask someone, yet he knows that if it's what he's dreading then he won't know how to react, or do anything else. Hell, he might find it hard to breathe. Speaking of breathing, he should try doing it now to stop himself from hyperventilating.
Leaning against the door, he slides down it so that his wobbly legs don't give way. His head is a mess right now. Why can't he find her? He – he can feel her, but not see her.
Pain wracks through his body, so hard that he just wants to cry. He even lets a few tears stray. This isn't supposed to happen, it is never supposed to end this way.
And he never got to tell her that he loved her too…
He doesn't know how long he sits there. It could be minutes, but it feels like hours, but then someone is talking to him and he opens his eyes to see Tina, worry etched onto her face. "Are you alright? Are you hurt?"
Finn doesn't know what to say. "Rachel…" he croaks out.
She looks up at the room, and then back to him. "Oh, Finn, it's not what you think." With surprising strength, she helps him back onto his feet, "She's okay, Finn, she was just moved to another room."
He explodes with more tears because, for a moment, he thought that he'd lost her forever.
Tina leads him to her new room, and just the sight of her brings pure happiness to him. But she's asleep, and he doesn't want to wake her, so he just sits by her bed and talks to her sleeping form, taking her small hand in his much larger one.
He swears that she smiles.
Her eyes are closed, breathing slow and labored, her chest barely rising at all. Though it is the gentle rise and fall of her chest that actually reminds him that she's alive because, other than that, she's lifeless.
The hand that's resting in his hand twitches, the movement jolting Finn back into his alert mode. He blinks rapidly. She's been asleep for hours, he's not quite sure how long he's been sitting in the bleak hospital room by her side, eyes downcast and tired as he waits for something, anything – a sign that she'll be okay.
But they never come.
She's just slowly slipping away from him.
"F-Finn?" he hears her croak out and looks up to her stare at him under hooded eyes.
She tries to sit up, but the exertion of the act is too much for her weak body and she falls back into the mountain of pillows around her. "Rach," he moves closer, "just try to stay still, babe. Are you in pain?"
She shouldn't be. The doctors have been giving her drugs, anything to cancel out the excruciating attack inside her body. And Finn would rather die than see her in pain. "Not really," she mumbles, yawning to herself. She doesn't seem quite all there, like part of her has already gone – it's withered away.
Finn squeezes her hand tighter, afraid. "Good."
She manages a smile, dry lips curving upwards. Finn chokes out a smile too.
"Why do you look so sad?"
Really? She's really asking him? And what is he supposed to say to that anyway? An internal debate sparks in his mind, worrying himself with what ifs and what her reaction could be. In the end, the words fall out of his mouth before he can stop them.
"Rach," he blinks back tears, "you're dying." That's probably the first time he's said it out loud, and sealing it with actual words feels like accepting it, accepting the fact that the girl he loves is going to die.
"I know."
She sounds so sure of it that it's painful to hear. He holds back a sob, face scrunched up with hurt. This can't be happening, it can't. She isn't supposed to die – not when he loves her. She doesn't deserve this, she never has, and it's a cruel game that someone is playing to be killing Rachel Berry, his Rachel.
"Don't leave me," he begs, the words loving, desperate. It's fitting, he thinks. He's desperate to save the love of his life, after all.
"Finn," she coos softly, a soft, warm hand caressing his face. Her thumb rubs over his cheek, catching the fresh tears, "You know that I can't promise you that."
"Then lie to me, I need to hear you say it."
Rachel shakes her head, eyes watery. "I'm not going to lie to you Finn ."
But he wants her to. No, he needs her to. Then it'd be easier to lie to himself, to delude himself into thinking that she'll be okay.
This is all so unfair, it really is. Everything is unfair. And he hates the world right now, hates it for taking her away from him at a painfully slow pace.
He hates having to watch her wither away in that hospital bed. Each time he's sees her she's thinner, paler, weaker.
"I love you," Rachel says, bringing him back to reality, the both of them crying. "I never thought that I'd fall in love. I'd lived in the hospital for months, and I'd accepted that I was going to die – I was relieved because, with death, it meant no more pain, no more tears. My dads could stop worrying, they could move on." She pauses, taking a breath.
"But then I met you."
His breath hitches in his throat and his eyes snap onto her face, unable to move.
"You were this perfect guy that just walked straight into my life without any notice. You were kind, thoughtful, generous, and you cared about me. You didn't even know me, and yet you still cared. I think that's when I first felt something, during the first time we met. I saw you standing there, in a suit and with that bouquet of flowers," she smiles at the memory. "You were like something out of a dream."
"Rach, I –"
"You were perfect," she insists. "You still are, actually."
Her eyes close for a few seconds, as if merely talking is exhausting her of all energy. The hand cupping his face slides down, but Finn manages to catch it before it drops, pressing sweet kisses against the skin. "Come on, baby," he wills.
When they open again, he sees tears brimming in those chocolate eyes, ready to fall at any second. He'd tell her not to cry, but he's doing the same thing.
"You made life worth living," she confesses, "I'd look forward to every time we met, and I never wanted you to go, ever."
"I'm not going anywhere."
She smiles, gaze softening, "You really are special, Finn Hudson."
It feels like a final goodbye, getting the words out before she can't, before she can't do anything.
"You've given me so much. You gave me your friendship, you gave me your blood to keep me alive, but most of all you've given me your love, and that was stronger than any medicine. That's what's kept me going all this time."
Why can't it keep working then? If only it was that simple, if love could cure something like this, but it can't. He can't do anything else.
"Rach, you've gotta keep fighting." He's begging now. He'd get down on his knees and beg if it would help.
"Thank you, Finn," she goes on, "thank you for everything."
He shakes his head, "No, you can't give in Rachel. Baby, c'mon, you can do this." He wipes furiously at the never ending tears on his face, "I'll help you, of course I'll help you, just hold on a little longer."
Her eyes are closing again. She's so tired.
"I love you," he raises his voice, "you can't leave."
"Shhhh," Rachel goes on. "It's okay. It'll be okay."
It won't. Why can't she see that?
And when she doesn't wake up the next day, he feels like he's lost her. She's never going to wake up again.
But she's still breathing – she's still there.
Her fathers sit beside the bed, but he stands, he needs to pace around the room. Everyone being so quiet is freaking him out and he needs to do something, so pacing it is.
"Finn, son, Leroy and I should thank you."
His head snaps up to Hiram, who's staring straight at him.
"What?" his voice is almost numb, completely devoid of emotion.
"For making her so happy. For being a friend to our daughter," he carries on, "and it never would have happened if you hadn't donated the blood to her." Hiram's words are shaky, forced from his mouth. "But, you know what? I think that it was planned all along. You two were matches, and it's no coincidence that it was you who's blood she received."
"I –"
His words leave Finn unable to speak, and hardly able to think either.
It was a plan. A plan, as in God's plan? Finn isn't sure whether he believes in all that stuff, fate and God and all, but he knows that the Berrys do, and so he nods. "Yes, sir."
"It's too bad that it's her kidney," he says, "even after beating the cancer, her kidney has to fail her." His voice is broken, but he tries to sound strong, strong and sure. Finn can see right through it – he's spoken like that a lot lately. "A year that she was on that list, a whole year, and nothing. There are thousands of people out there, so why couldn't one of them save my daughter?"
Leroy's hand moves over Hiram's, hushing him with a gentle squeeze.
But an idea has sparked in Finn's mind, the thoughts whooshing around rapidly as things fall into place.
What if… what if he could still help her?
What if there's still hope yet?
His heart is racing and his head delirious with the wash of thoughts and ideas. But first he needs to talk to his mom; he's happy with doing this, though he needs to make sure that she is.
For the first time in days, a smile appears on his face. It's tiny and not so bright, but it's a smile nonetheless.
"Mr. Berrys, I have a suggestion."
The Berry's cry, hugging him and kissing him, their gratitude so bright that it's almost blinding.
His mom cries too, and Kurt. Kurt tells him not to get his hopes up, that there's still a chance…still a chance that she might die. He knows, but he has to try.
He cries as well.
She wakes up, feeling better than she has in days. Her brows furrow together – this isn't right, is it? Is she dreaming, or is she already dead, just imagining that she's here?
"Rachel?"
That's Tina…why is Tina here?
Her eyes focus on her nurse, who is smiling happily back at her, "How're you feeling?"
"G-good," she says. "Better." She can move and it doesn't hurt. "What's going on? I thought… I thought that I-"
"You're going to be just fine," Tina says, "trust me." She begins to check over Rachel, pleased with her progress. "Rachel, I need to make sure that your stitches are healing properly." She delicately helps Rachel move her hospital gown so that she can do so, and Rachel's eyes bulge in shock at the stitches on her skin.
"Tina, what is this? I don't –"
Her nurse smiles. "You got your transplant, Rachel."
"I did?"
"Yes."
Tears spring to her eyes, "ut I've waited so long… I – who did this?"
They're interrupted by someone knocking on the door, and her daddy walks in, face lighting up at the sight of her awake. "Sweetheart!" he rushes over, planting a kiss on her forehead and, carefully, hugging her. "So glad to see you better."
"Daddy," she smiles, eyes watery, "I-I…"
She honestly thought that her life was ending, and she'd said her goodbyes – she was ready. But now…she's here and alive. Rachel is overwhelmed by her emotions, face scrunched up as she cries. "Where's dad?" she chokes out.
As if on cue, Hiram arrives, pushing a wheelchair into the room. Her eyes widen at the sight of Finn in said wheelchair, donning the same hospital gown that she is. "Look who I found," Hiram smiles, moving the wheelchair closer before he greets his daughter lovingly.
But she's staring at Finn. He's in a wheelchair, and a hospital gown. Did he…?
"We've got matching scars, isn't that cool?"
All the words get caught in her throat.
"Rach?"
"Y-you…"
His eyebrows furrow, "I what?"
Her hands fly up to her cover her mouth, more tears rolling down her cheeks. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see her fathers beaming at her, nodding their heads.
"It was you."
He gave her a kidney, not blood this time, but one of his organs. She doesn't quite know how to let the information sink in, all thoughts swimming around chaotically.
Finn wheels the chair forward, his knees touching the edge of the bed. "I couldn't let you die and then, when it turned out that I was a match for you, nothing could stop me."
Okay, she's definitely dreaming. This can't be real. She… she…
He takes hold of her hand, "I love you Rachel." He shakes away his own tears, "I'm so happy that you're alive." He then stands, wincing slightly but, with the help of Tina, he sits himself down on the bed next to her. She's a little worried about her fathers seeing that, but they're both still smiling, looking at her like she's not really awake, like they can't fully grasp the idea yet.
Finn leans closer and kisses her softly on the cheek. Before she can say anything, he's peppering her entire face with sweet kisses, causing her to giggle, her face blushing from embarrassment. "Finn," she says.
"Hmmm," he grins.
She's very aware that there are other people around them, unlike Finn, and so she tries pushing him away, instantly feeling guilty when he winces. "Sorry, I –"
He silences her with another kiss. "That was the last one, I promise."
Rachel chuckles, taking hold of his hands. This moment is amazing – she doesn't know what to feel or how to deal with so many emotions at once. Finn and her dads are there, some of the people that she loves the most in the entire world. The only person missing is…
"Where's Blaine?"
Her heart sinks as their faces drop.
The machine is turned off.
The bed is empty.
Kurt stands against the wall, staring at the made bed. A couple of hours ago he was there. He was alive, and he was smiling
But that is in the past.
He breaks down into sobs, wishing that he could wake up from this nightmare.
Tina finds him there and she leads him back to Rachel's room, where he's immediately pulled into Finn's strong arms. "I'm so sorry, man," Finn repeats for the hundredth time that day. He has an idea of much pain his brother is going through and he'd never wish that upon anybody – there's nothing worse than watching a loved one die.
Finn sits him on the bed, where Rachel joins in the hug too, crying for her best friend. "I told him that he'd get the kidney," she says, "I lied to him, Finn. I – I…" He silences her with a kiss, where he can taste her salty tears on her lips.
And they cry together.
"Come on Rach," he says, "it's time to go." Finn is unable to keep the smile off of his face as he enters her room. He finds her stood up, wearing some casual clothes, a soft pink dress, and peering around at the contents of the room. "Hey, what's wrong?"
"It's weird."
His face scrunches up. "What is?"
"I've lived here for so long, and now I'm going home. I just… I don't know…"
"That's to be expected," he explains, slipping his hand into hers. It truly is miraculous to see her so healthy after everything that had happened. After running so many tests, she knows that she is now clear of cancer, and that her new kidney is functioning as well as it can.
It's a gift – her life, especially considering what happened to…to Blaine. He still gets this horrible feeling in his stomach when he thinks of Blaine. Sure, they'd only spoken a few times, but Kurt loved him so much, and his life was ripped away from him, all because he needed a new kidney. But they hadn't been lucky like him and Rachel. They're matches –the transplant had been successful.
Kurt and Blaine weren't matches.
He wishes that he could have helped in some way. It's too late now.
Rachel leans her head against his shoulder, "I feel sad, Finn. Well, happy too, but sad. I don't want to feel like this."
She still misses Blaine too. It'd taken a good week for her to stop crying, but he didn't mind being the shoulder for her to cry on. Not at all.
"Why sad, baby?"
He doesn't actually ever remember them agreeing to date. It just sort of happened and then one day they were boyfriend and girlfriend. He loves the way that she announces him, so proud of him, wearing that big smile – he wants to see her smile all of the time.
"I'm going to miss Blaine. We met here, and we…we…you know, the last time we saw each other was here," she shakes her head, "I really miss him, you know?"
"I know. He's happy now, watching over you. Watching over Kurt too."
"You really think so?"
Finn peers down at her, his mouth twitching to frown at the sight of tears. "I know so." He is sure, he really is, and Rachel should know this. He isn't really gone.
"I'm so glad that I met you, Finn."
Now she's smiling, her eyes sparkling. They begin to walk out of the room, and he sees her fathers walking toward them, both happy to see their little girl finally returning to her life. "Why?"
She looks to him. "You sacrificed your blood so that I could go on living. Finn, you kept me alive. But, not only physically…mentally… you gave me hope when I'd lost it." Rachel presses a chaste kiss to his cheek, "I love you so much, Finn Hudson."
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