Disclaimer: As per previous chapters.
Le Bateleur
11th July 1882
I have so many things to tend to tonight. Yet my thoughts stray needlessly to such dark places, that I cannot possibly keep my thoughts on the tasks' ahead. I cannot possibly find a way to describe the conflicting emotions that play out such a dreadful war in my mind. They torment me, as they fight in my mind, and I cannot help but to try and understand why I feel so conflicted, yet the elusive emotions quickly fall out of my grasp. What is truly good, and what is truly evil? Philosophers have been trying to understand that question for centuries, and I am certain they- we- will truly never understand. For how can a person provide an answer, if they do not first understand the question?
I fear I have gone off the topic that truly disturbs me.
I have managed to acquire a very rare vial of sanguine vampiris blood, taken before the purging. The possibilities that this could provide are endless! I truly cannot wait until it arrives tomorrow morning, when I shall announce my outline for an experiment I wish to conduct, using the Vampire blood, which I believe could be the source for some of the genetic abnormalities displayed by my father's patients.
To properly conduct this experiment, I have realized that I cannot possibly ask another sapient being to inject themselves with a serum made from the 'Source Blood', as I have named it. I have no reliable data, on what the possible repercussions may be. A feat such as what I will be attempting, has, to my knowledge, never before been attempted.
There are many conflicting thoughts that overwhelm me, I understand the character of my friends well enough, that they will certainly object to this. However, it isn't their right to dictate my actions. I refuse to let them attempt to quell my scientific curiosity, based only on the inherent 'weaknesses of the female specie.'
There is much at risk with this experiment, but I am certain that the possible outcome outweighs the intrinsic risks.
If this experiment is successful, it could revolutionize all we know about science, medicine and history. While I hold an exceptional amount of faith in it's worth, I still hold reservations over its effects.
I have considered the change of irreversible damage to my person, and I have made arrangements in the unfortunate event of my death. If I truly wish to prove its worth, then it must be I who will undergo such a procedure.
There is also the issue of John.
I love him, of that I am absolutely certain. However, I know he will be the one who will disapprove of this experiment the most.
I then must show him the significance of this experiment, and hope he agrees to be there when I attempt it.
-HM
12th July 1882
The source blood has arrived at last. I have three hours before I shall meet with my dear friends. An experiment of this nature has never been considered, and yet I ask them to help me. Does that make me a selfish person?
Still, as the hour draws closer, I imagine the reactions of each of them.
I am certain that James will be just as excited as I am. He and I share a peculiar way of thinking, of imagining. He of course, will object at first. If only at the small chance of injury. However, he will understand the most; he had always understood my burning desire for knowledge.
John will certainly be against the entire idea, but I am certain he will support me, if he others lend me their support. I truly hope that he will agree to such a pursuit. Everytime I think about him, my heart and mind seem to twist, and so I leave my thoughts surrounding him to blend into the background.
Nigel will certainly offer himself in my place. He has always been so sweet and kind. Always polite and courteous, without treating me as others do. He respects all of us equally. It is he who I must convince of the safety of the trial, as it will be his biggest concern.
Nikola. Nikola will truly be the proverbial 'wildcard'. His behaviour is very difficult to dictate on the best of days, as the quirks of his personality force him to act in such peculiar ways. Still, I consider him a dear friend, and I hope he will adhere to my decision.
It had taken me over an hour to pen down my thoughts, and as there is much to do before I meet with the others, I must take my leave, and pray for a positive outcome.
I fear for them, the repercussions they may face if the experiment goes very wrong. I have taken the appropriate measure to absolve them of any punishment they may face in the event of my incapacitation, as result of this experiment. If it does go horribly wrong, it would have been through nothing more than my own foolishness.
To pen down all my thoughts, in this journal, I understand that this will be nothing more than fiction to any informed eye. As a scientist, as a researcher, I feel as if I must observe, note and record everything that occurs, to record for further generations.
It feels at times, that I simply do not have enough time to research and see, everything I dearly wish to.
I must place trust in the opinions of my friends and if it comes down to it, I must respect their decisions as well, as I know they respect mine.
-HM
13th July 1882
Tomorrow. Tomorrow shall be the day, which we take our futures into our own hands. In which we must decide on which path we choose.
I feel so emotionally, physically and mentally drained. As I had predicted, James saw what I had imagined, and stood on my side as we debated for hours on the Source Blood. John, again, as I predicted, was completely against the idea of myself being the test subject. Nigel seemed, in part, to agree with John. Both eloquent speakers, they argued with James and I for hours.
Nikola, for once in his life, was silent. He agreed with John on the 'absurdity' of I as the first subject. This was perhaps the only time that both Nikola Tesla and John Druitt had agreed on a topic.
Towards the end of the meeting, Nikola and Nigel both conceded to my arguments, but the image of John, looking so utterly betrayed haunts me. Even though, he assures me that it is only the thought of harm to me that drives him to dispute my research.
We have all agreed to inject ourselves with the serum I have derived from the blood, all five of us. It is truly heart warming to see that my friends are willing to place themselves in harm's way to prove that I am a capable scientist.
After the dispute was settled, we all agreed to lay our emotions aside, and to speculate on the most likely outcome. Both James and Nikola seem to agree that dormant abnormal genes will be activated, even if their lines of thinking are completely different, they both intersect. Nigel however, seems to think that the source of possible abnormalities lies in the source blood itself, and not within any latent abnormality. That the blood itself will mutate us, through its chemical makeup.
John however seemed to be certain the Source blood was going to bring nothing but death.
There is no turning back now.
-HM
14th July 1882
Oh Good Lord. What have I done?
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