A/N: Sorry it's taken me so long; the worst thing is I don't even have an excuse (well, I had a buncha essays in for around the same time, and I got my edits back for my novel-in-progress, so that was my main project for a while, but I'm not sure if that counts). Anyway, I felt guilty about leaving this for so long, so this is the triumphant return! Hopefully. :P

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Pink clouds billowed out from the love potion, expanding in all directions like a sensual mushroom cloud. One tendril of gas made its way up the stairs and curled into Rufus' room through the keyhole, snaking over to Tseng's nose and then sliding up his nostrils.

Tseng shuddered, tingling all over, and looked down at Rufus. Rufus saw him looking.

"Tseng, stop that."

Tseng groaned and balled his hand into a fist, trying to resist the impulses that threatened to overwhelm him. Nonetheless, he felt his other hand creep toward his flies.

"Tseng, I'll get the gun."

With great exertion, Tseng used all his strength to resist pulling down his zip. The sight of Rufus' blue eyes, however, blazing with fury and confusion, was too much for him. With a moan of lust, he pounced on the boy-president.

Rufus gave an uncharacteristic squeak as Tseng forced down his pants.

"You cannot be left alone for three seconds, youngling, before a vampire is doing unspeakable things to you," Tseng panted with a growl. "There is only one thing for it: I must put you on a leash."

Rufus' face was blank; he was unable to express the sheer depth of his horror and disgust. "Get off me," he said flatly.

Tseng did not reply. Instead, he knelt and grabbed Rufus' penis in one hand. With his other hand, he reached up and grasped a section of his own long, black hair. Leaning forward, he tied his hair around Rufus' penis, looping it around so that it made a neat bow.

"Teeheehee," intoned Tseng.

At that moment, Rufus started to judder and gasp. "I-I think I'm turning into a vampire!" he managed to croak out, as his body went hot and cold and he felt like a bubble.

Tseng's eyes widened and he hastily tried to undo the knot; he knew that unless he got away, the boy president would suck out all his blood. Unfortunately, Tseng could have put Gordias to shame, and the only swords available were of the euphemistic variety.

"I can't hold out much longer," said Rufus. At that moment, the golden-haired president could have been Mina Harker in a wig. Tseng desperately tried to pull his hair free. Suddenly, he had an epiphany; he twisted his head, grasped the section of hair between his teeth and then started to bite through the strands, one by one.

But there were so many, and Rufus was changing...

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Reno lay on his back next to Genesis.

"Whew, yo," he said. "That was good, yo."

Genesis nodded lazily. "You really squealed. Like a pig. Hmmm." He sat up. "Actually, Reno, from now on I think I'm going to call you my little sex piggy."

Reno scowled. "No, yo."

Genesis giggled erotically. "Sex piggy! Sex piggy! Squeal, squeal squeal!" He tickled Reno's achilles tendon.

Reno realised that it was too late; the nickname had stuck. Grumbling, he lit a cigarrette. "Fine, yo," he said. "As long as I can call you Twinkletoes, yo."

And so Sex Piggy and Twinkletoes cuddled up together post-coitus, cozy and relaxed.

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A/N: I hope you enjoyed the chappie! Again, sorry it took me so long; hope it was worth the wait! Please read and review!