Even If It Were Hate
Chapter 2
Wiping the tears with the back of his hands, Cassander ran. His eyes stung with streaming tears, and his lungs burned with lack of air. Yet, Cassander did not stop, he could not. He was not sure if he could contain himself once he stopped. He could not trust himself.
Nobody had ever looked at him with such tenderness and concern like Hephaistion just did, not even his mother. Cassander's mother was too busy taking care of his younger half siblings by women that his father impregnated. Women and Eros were Antipater's weakness.
He was quite a womanizer. There was even a rumor that he had slept with Queen Olympias. Although he took many women, he also took responsibility for the child. Each time when his mistress bore a child, he brought the baby home to be raised as a child of Antipater. Cassander now had ten siblings.
His mother was not pleased with the arrangement, but she was too afraid of her husband to speak up. She never stood up for her own children let alone for herself. Especially when it came to discipline, she had no say in the matter. Antipater expected nothing but the best and perfection from his sons. He was particularly strict with Cassander as he was the eldest and the heir.
Cassander exceeded in many things, one of them was sword fighting, but wrestling was not his best. As he skipped the practice to hide the marks of caning, the lack of practice made him even weaker. It was a vicious cycle to break.
So when he was met with Hephaistion's eyes filled with nothing but warm concern, Cassander panicked. He did not know how to react. A part of him wanted to accept the warmth and being consoled, but a part of him was afraid to lose the wall that had been protecting him.
For Hephaistion, once he had known about Cassander's secret, he could not help but notice whenever Cassander was caned. He could pick up little signs from Cassander's posture. His heart ached feeling the other boy's pain, but each time when he looked at Cassander, he was shut out effectively by the cold glare. It told him that the boy did not want any sympathy, and wanted to be left alone.
oooOooo
When Hephaistion became thirteen years old, ripples went through the young Macedonians. King Philip decided to provide the best education possible for the prince. He invited a philosopher Aristotle as a tutor, whose father was once a physician of the Macedonian court. It was said that the philosopher accepted the position with two conditions.
One of them was to build a school away from the palace, and the other was to include other students whose age was fairly close to Alexander's. To be included in the group meant a chance to play an important role in the future Macedonian court. On the other hand, it was dishonorable not to be selected if you were a son of the Macedonian nobles.
A couple of days later after Aristotle arrived in Pella with his nephew Callisthenes, Hephaistion was summoned to the palace. His heart beat faster when he realized that the guard was leading him to the throne room where usually an important official announcement was made. It could mean that the king would announce the selection of Alexander's companions.
"Hephaistion, you are leaving for Mieza in ten days."
"To Aristotle's school, my king?" Hephaistion tried his best to contain his trembling voice.
"Yes, you will study with Alexander. He threatened me that he would not go if he could not take you with him."
"Father! I did not."
"No, but it is true that you did not leave me alone until I said yes."
King Philip chuckled seeing Alexander's flushed face in deep crimson.
That night, the king threw a party for those who were selected to accompany Alexander to Mieza. Hephaistion found himself looking for the figure of Cassander, and he was relieved when he found the boy among the selected. He could not imagine how severely Cassander would have been punished if he were not selected.
Cassander's face was slightly flushed and bright, yet as soon as his eyes met with Hephaistion's, he looked away crossly.
"What have you done to receive such a treatment from our friendly Cassander?"
Ptolemy commented in jest. He was amazed to see the effect of the younger boy on Cassander. Normally, Cassander would never avert his gaze, he always looked right back at you with such a defiant look.
"Nothing I know. Let's go to talk to Alexander."
Hephaistion replied uncomfortably, and Ptolemy could not help but ponder what kind of secret Cassander and Hephaistion shared.
Cassander was angry with himself for the rest of the night. He was angry because he hesitated when he met with Hephaistion's eyes; the eyes that seemed to see through everything deep into his soul.
oooOooo
The building of Aristotle's school was completed early summer that year. It nestled on the hillside by a little stream in the beautiful countryside of Mieza. The lower part of the building was dedicated to a study hall, and an open-air classroom with stone benches, while the upper part was used for the residence hall.
The shaded narrow path snaked up to the school after crossing a small bridge over the stream from the main road. The area was rich with flora and fauna, an ideal place to teach science.
The life in Mieza had been enjoyable for Cassander despite the annoyance that he had to deal with others once in a while, because Aristotle often gave them a group assignment. Nevertheless, it was the first time that Cassander did not have to worry about being the best, and he was free from the embarrassment of physical punishment.
"Class, we are going to study about 'causes' today, because For even in those kinds [of animals] that are not attractive to the senses, yet to the intellect the craftsmanship of nature provides extraordinary pleasures for those who can recognize the causes in things and who are naturally inclined to philosophy. (1) Study of Nature is a search for causes."
"First of all, we cannot forget that there are four attributes for any object. It does not matter if they are animate or inanimate, and living or not living. Four attributes we are talking here are matter, form, moving cause, and final cause."
"For example, the bench you are sitting on, what is the 'matter', Ptolemy?"
"It is stone."
"Very well, then what is the 'form', Harpalus?"
"It is rectangular with two supporting legs."
"Good, the 'form' is the shape, then, what is the 'moving force'?"
"Gods!"
"You are a helpless fool, Nearchus." Everybody laughed with this Cassander's remark.
"Do you know what is it then, bright Cassander?"
"It is a sculptor who carved the stone, you idiot. If you are that smart, too, then can you tell what the 'final cause' is, Philotas?" Cassander counter attacked.
"It's … it's easy. The 'final cause' should be being here. What more cause could it be for just a stone bench?"
"I think there's more to it. The 'final cause' should be 'to be sat in the classroom'.
"Hephaistion is right. Based on the 'final cause', the matter could be different. For example, if you were talking about a bench you would like to move from one place to another, then you would have chosen wood as the 'matter'."
Philotas was not happy, but there was no way of him arguing with the prince.
"Precisely Alexander. What about a man? What are those four attributes for a man?"
"I would say gods for the 'matter' again, but I think it is mother since we are all born from the mother. Although some of us do not know which mother it is though."
Another laughter echoed in the air.
"Nearchus, will you be a bit more serious? Can anybody answer for the 'form'?"
"The 'form' is animal, two legged animal."
"Excellent, Harpalus."
"And the 'moving cause' is father, because he guides you to what you are supposed to be. He also gives you a role figure."
'Father as a moving cause? Right!', thought Cassander. And sneered when he realized that it was true that his father was a moving cause, as well, except it was driving him to the opposite direction. He wanted to be everything that his father was not.
"I agree with Perdiccas, but it could be extended to include others such as heroes, couldn't it?"
"And the teachers?"
"You will not get any extra credit for flattering, Nearchus. And yes, Alexander, the 'moving cause' could be a hero. As a matter of fact, the 'final cause' becomes more precise if you have more than one 'moving cause'. Besides the obvious of becoming a grown man, what is your 'final cause'?"
"I, Perdiccas, will be the biggest supporter of the Macedonian court."
"And, I will become a rich man."
"That suits you Harpalus. I will be the Admiral of a ship."
"In your dream Nearchus, I will be a powerful general just like my father."
"Right, Philotas. Don't ruin your father's reputation."
"I know that you are thinking the same thing, Cassander!"
"No, my 'final cause' is to travel as far away as possible from Pella, and see the world."
"Mine too. I will become the ruler of a far land."
"It's still too small Ptolemy, I will become a conqueror of the world."
"And I will follow you Alexander, as a brave warrior like my father."
Aristotle smiled at those bright faces that were filled with dreams and ambitions.
"All right, now everybody is clear with four attributes of the causes that I will give you an assignment. You will make a pair and find a 'matter' to make the 'final cause'. You will also present the form of 'final cause' in the class tomorrow."
" Harpalus and Perdiccas, Nearchus and Ptolemy, Cassander and Hephaistion, and finally, Alexander and Philotas are the pairs. Now, class dismissed."
Aristotle noticed the disapproving expression of Alexander, but he pretended not noticing. The philosopher knew that the bond between Alexander and Hephaistion had become stronger for the last couple of years while they studied in Mieza, and they could produce the best result when they worked together. However, for that same reason, he wanted Alexander to work together with other boys as well to know them better and deeper. He believed that it would help him in the long run.
Cassander and Hephaistion had been climbing up the hill for a while on the mountainside near the school. They were planning to gather some juniper berries, and sketch the tree. They hadn't exchanged any words since they agreed what they would do for the project. However they felt quite content as being surrounded by the nature and moving along eased the awkwardness of the silence.
They found a single juniper tree in front of their eyes and stopped when the soil became more dry and exposed.
"Great. "
Hephaistion pulled a stylus and a sketchbook from a leather sack while Cassander squatted on the ground by the tree.
"What are you doing?"
Cassander extended his hands under Hephaistion's eyes for an answer. A bird was cradled in Cassander's palms.
"Oh. Is he injured?"
"No, I don't think so." With this, Cassander looked up at the tree. Hephaistion spotted a nest high up in the branches. It must have fallen off the nest, and was too young to be able to fly back by himself.
"Wait!" Hephaistion stopped Cassander who was just about to climb up the tree.
"Let me draw the bird first, so we can have the sketch of the 'moving cause', as well. It won't take long."
As soon as Hephaistion finished drawing the picture of the bird, Cassander climbed up on the tree and set the young bird back in the nest. It was not until he met with Hephaistion's warmly smiling face that he noticed what he had done. Cassander groaned. It was totally out of his character. He did not know why he lowered his guard whenever he was alone with Hephaistion.
"What are you smiling at? Hurry up and finish sketching the tree."
Cassander yelled at Hephaistion, but somehow the thorns on the words were duller than normal that were usually so harsh and cold. Hephaistion just smiled and continued sketching. The warm orange of the setting sun enveloped two silhouettes while the sound of stylus running over the papyrus filled the air.
TBC
Note 1): Aristotle's quote.