Even If It Were Hate
Chapter 8
The opportunity that was lost forever at the 'Fountain of Sun' came to haunt Cassander with the form of a black panther in his dreams night after night. The beast's intense gaze of silver blue eyes bored into him as if to accuse him of cowardice. Regret poured oil into the flame of desire that kindled in his heart resentfully.
After receiving the prophecy from the oracle of Siwa, Alexander pursued the mission to defeat Darius even more keenly than before. From Egypt, the Macedonians made a hard march toward the heart of the Persian Empire while Darius attempted to rebuild his massive army. However, despite his overpowering force against the Macedonians, Darius made a final offer to Alexander before engaging into the battle.
Cassander saw the weakness in this. Alexander must have seen the same. He refused the offer as he stated that there should be only one ruler in the world. Being shut out from the alternate solution, Darius chose the location of the battle near Arbela.
Open field was an understandable choice for the Persians considering the massive force that Darius had. It was obvious that the Persian King was trying to avoid the same mistake he had made in the battle of Issus where his army was choked and stunned at the narrow valley, thus could not use their full potential.
As if to suggest that it would be the fateful battle, the strangest thing happened on the night before the battle. A dark shadow started to eat away the orange full moon. It added a strain to already nervous Macedonian soldiers who now knew that they were facing the massive force of the enemy. Their size was intimidating.
Although Cassander did not like Alexander, he had to admit the charismatic power that the king possessed over soldiers. Alexander also used his excellent rhetoric skills to convince them.
"Look at the moon! It symbolizes the Achaemenid Empire, which is losing and shrinking. See how it even looks like bleeding?"
And when the moon started to reappear in silver yellow color, Alexander added another comment in reassuring words.
"Now the moon is completely taken over by the new force. Remember! This new moon is us after defeating Darius' army."
Just one comment of Alexander had completely turned around the mood of the camp. The soldiers who feared for the evil omen were now hopeful with expectation. Cassander felt somewhat uneasy with the propaganda, and left the crowd. When he came to almost the edge of the camp by the stream, he spotted a slender shadow looking up at the moon.
The shadow turned around as he sensed someone approaching. The reflection of the moonlight flashed on the blade of the dagger in the hand of the silhouette.
"You should know not to sneak up on me."
Despite the disapproval, the tone of the voice was rather calm.
"I did not. I did let you hear that I was coming, didn't I?"
"Humm ... "
Hephaistion sneered.
"What is this brooding? You do not believe the victory that Alexander promised us?"
"It is not about if I believe the victory or not. I know as a fact if Alexander says that we will win, then we will win."
"Then, what is it? What is bothering you?"
"I am afraid."
"Not the battle, I assume?"
"No, not the battle. It is just ... it is hard to describe it, and I know that I am just overreacting, but I cannot help worrying about Alexander. You know, he never stays behind to keep the safe distance from the enemy like Darius does. He is always the first one to charge to the enemy's front line. I know that it is the way he keeps the rest of us motivated, and it is how he gives us the courage to advance, but still ... without the king, we are nothing. I wish he would be a little more cautious about his well being."
"But, if he were a god as he says, then he should not worry about his well being, should he?"
Hephaistion smiled at this, and Cassander continued.
"How about yourself?"
"What?"
"You do not worry about your life?"
"No, I do not ... No, I will take it back ... I am not afraid to die, but I worry for Alexander without me. How about you, Cassander? Have you ever been anxious before the battle?"
"The thought of dying at the battle never scares me, either. But, I am afraid of dying with regret."
"Regret? Regret of what?"
"Regret of not telling the truth."
Cassander looked into Hephaistion's clear blue pools that were slightly clouded with confusion. It was obvious that he had no idea whatsoever about what Cassander had meant. Cassander debated again. His heart was pounding so fast with force that he almost felt it coming up in his throat.
Hephaistion's concern rang in his ear. What if both or even one of them died at the battle tomorrow? Could he afford not confessing his feeling? Could he take it with him all the way to Hades?
What was he afraid of anyway? Being denied? Didn't he already know that this was not a fruitful love? So, what did he get to lose? Anxiety won over the fear of confessing. Cassander cleared his throat. Without looking at Hephaistion, Cassander spoke up.
"I care for you."
"Thank you. I knew that you had been hiding your gentleness behind that bitter face."
Hephaistion replied teasingly. Cassander held the gaze this time.
"No, I mean ... more than that … I love you."
A mixture of surprise and pain flashed in Hephaistion's eyes.
"Cassander ..."
"Don't say anything. I understand that you have given your heart to Alexander, and there is no room in your heart for anybody else. I am not expecting anything. I just wanted you to know how I felt if we were to die tomorrow."
Cassander said it all almost in one breath. Hephaistion smiled sadly, and nodded. Cassander looked away not knowing how to act in front of Hephaistion any longer. Now he was not sure if it was a good idea to confess or not.
The morning came too soon. In the soft rays of the morning sun, the enemy's front line spread miles long. The sight was intimidating. Alexander did the final preparation before the battle. He reminded his army that they were not like the Persians; a bunch of untrained soldiers who joined the army for the money. Instead, they were the selected professionals who fought with purpose under the protection of the gods.
Cassander was impressed again with the power and the skill of Alexander who knew exactly what to say and when to say to motivate and convince his soldiers. Despite of the clear disadvantage in size, the morale of Alexander's army was at its height.
With the final war cry, the front line of the infantry advanced in tight formation. Three layered massive waves of sarissas looked impressive and intimidating. Alexander attacked the right, the left flank of the Persians with his companion cavalries, while Parmenion held the Macedonian's left flank against the Persian's right.
Alexander moved with such speed that it was hard for the opponents to defend, and hard for his companion cavalries to keep up with him except Cassander and Hephaistion, who were right on the heels of the king. Alexander crashed the enemy's front line from the side making their formation folding over like a rolling carpet.
The number of soldiers was far bigger than the Macedonians, but those Persian soldiers who were assembled recently just for this battle were less disciplined. They ran away in all four directions when the panic hit.
However, as they got closer to Darius, more organized immortals put up a fight to protect their king. They were tougher and more skilled. It happened so fast that it did not register in Cassander's mind until he saw Hephaistion fall off his horse right in front of him.
Alexander did not notice this, since he was busy facing the soldiers in front of him while desperately trying to get through to heavily guarded Darius. Cassander remembered seeing a long spear moving with a lightning speed aiming at Alexander's back right before Hephaistion fell. When he blinked, Hephaistion was already down on the ground on his knee, while supporting himself with his sword.
Hephaistion must have placed himself between the spear-man and Alexander knowing there was no time for him to maneuver to slash the enemy with his sword. Cassander knocked down the spear with downward blow that was trying to finish the fallen warrior just in time before it could give the fatal wound to Hephaistion, and killed the soldier with the upward blow.
Cassander jumped off his horse and knelt down by Hephaistion who was barely keeping his upright posture. The wound was just under the bone of his left upper arm. The spear must have damaged the artery. The pool of crimson blood was increasing its size with a sickening speed.
Cassander felt that everything had faded away around him except the red of blood, and white of Hephaistion's face.
"You know what it means to lose the consciousness in the battlefield, right?"
Cassander shouted at Hephaistion.
"Death …"
Hephaistion replied barely above a whisper.
"Are you ready to die, Hephaistion?"
Cassander saw Hephaistion's lips twitched trying to smile in pain while shaking his head. He ripped a part of his chiton, and tied Hephaistion's arm at right above the wound. Hephaistion groaned in pain, and almost fell over.
"Then stay with me."
With this, Cassander pulled Hephaistion on his feet, and pushed him up on the back of his warhorse before mounting behind his injured friend. Cassander changed the direction to the medical tent in the interior of the Macedonian army, and then he squeezed the sides of the horse forcefully.
Hephaistion's head rolled against his shoulder. Feeling Hephaistion's body getting colder against his, Cassander panicked and squeezed the horse even harder under his legs. After it seemed to be taking forever, they finally arrived at the medical tent.
"Surgeon!"
Cassander shouted as he carried lifeless Hephaistion's body inside of the tent. He just hoped that he was not too late. As soon as they recognized who was the wounded, the veteran surgeon rushed to their side, and pointed to an empty cot.
Cassander gently laid Hephaistion on the cot before stepping aside to give some room for the physician. At this moment, he noticed that his empty hands were visibly shaking. He crossed his arms in front of his chest to hide the shaking. It was another reality check for Cassander that Hephaistion could make him this emotional and upset. It was rather annoying.
"How is he?"
Cassander asked impatiently.
"He lost a lot of blood, but he lives. The quick mending of his wound with the bandage saved him. We were lucky."
Without averting his eyes from the fresh wound, and preparing it for the stitches, the surgeon replied with a relieved sigh. It was strange that the surgeon said that it was not Hephaistion who was lucky, but they were. Yet, Cassander perfectly understood what the surgeon had meant.
As Hephaistion merely mentioned, it would not be a pretty sight if Alexander were to lose his most trusted and loved friend. Cassander sat on the stool by the cot and watched the skilled fingers of the surgeon stitch together the wound. He winced each time when the thick needle pierced Hephaistion's creamy white skin.
The only consolation was that the person who was receiving the torture of the pain was totally out cold. Wiping the cold sweats off on Hephaistion's pale face with damp cloths, Cassander realized how fragile life was, and how close they lived to the edge of the underworld. He was not certain before if it was a good idea to tell Hephaistion how he felt, but now, he was glad that he did.
"Hephaistion!"
Cassander did not know how long he stayed by Hephaistion's side, but the familiar voice gave him a cue to stand up. He saw Alexander's distraught figure at the entrance of the tent. He walked toward the open flaps along the narrow path between the cots filled with the wounded while Alexander walked toward him.
Their shoulders brushed as they passed each other, and Cassander held Alexander's glare. One corner of Cassander's lips curled up. It was rather childish, but he could not help thinking that it was he, not Alexander, who was there for Hephaistion when he needed help the most.
TBC