So sorry for the wait! I applaud your patience :) I don't own Castle
Rick finds her curled up in his office chair staring out the window. Something heavy seems to be eating at her, and he thinks he may have an idea as to what. While searching for sweats, as pants seemed to be the most pressing issue, Castle had decided to hang Kate's damp clothes up to dry. What he found, well actually what he didn't find, puzzled him. There was no gun or badge. If they had gone on a date, or if she'd come over for dinner, this wouldn't have surprised him too much. The thing was it hadn't appeared as if Kate had gone home after work. She was soaked when she arrived, like she ran there, no car, no umbrella, definitely no trip back to her apartment. This being said, her weapon and shield should still be on her, yet they weren't. All Rick had to do was connect the dots. Now, seeing her, a little ball in his chair, he doesn't want to bring it up, interrupt her thinking, so he stares at her and allows himself drift in the silence. Minutes trickle by, and eventually she sighs and fidgets in the seat. This isn't enough to shake Castle entirely out of his trance, so he doesn't notice when he mumbles,
"You're not a cop anymore," it's not a question, more a verbal thought. She props herself up on her knees, looking over the back of the chair. She looks startled, but open, eyes soft. That's when he snaps out of it.
"Nope," she says casting a quick glance to the floor then back up at him, "how'd you know?"
"No badge or gun," he says simply. He does not want to push her. Kate's a smart woman, she has to understand he wants to and deserves to know the truth, but she's also very private.
"I went after him. Esposito came with me, and when we were searching his room he got the drop on us. Knocked Javi out cold then ran. I was stubborn enough to chase him…up unto the roof," she let out a shaky breath, "he threw me around like a doll Castle." As she speaks, she toys with the upper buttons of his shirt.
Rick, who was still standing just inside the doorway, takes this as an invitation to step nearer, but not enough to close the distance. With a flick of her fingers the top v's open, and she pushes it back a smidge to reveal faint bruising around her neck. She watches him as his own fingers play at his throat. This hurts him; she can see it in his eyes. Dear God she hasn't even gotten to the worst part yet. So before continuing, she reaches out a hand to show him she is still right there, an anchor of sorts.
"When he dropped me, I went rolling off the side of the hotel." Something like a squeak escapes him then. She knows what he is aching to say, but not wanting him to interrupt, Kate squeezes Castle's hand. She throws in fierce yet pleading look as back up. He stays silent.
"Maddox, he left me dangling there. I know you want to say you should've been there. Honestly, I'm glad you weren't. This past year I've been trying to heal, trying to grow. The intention was to put the case somewhere in the back of my mind and lead my own life. Not let it define me anymore," she mashes her eyes shut and shakes her head, "Dammit I thought I was there. Plus, you and I, we were talking again; we had a movie night planned. I could kinda see the light breaking through the mortar in my wall. Then this murder, the robbery, what it led to. It let the beast I thought I'd tamed out. Nothing mattered but getting my answers. Rick I understood everything you said yesterday, but I chose to focus in on the one thing I didn't like. I twisted it until it hurt and used it justify my crusade. I'm so sorry I did that. And I needed to face the consequences. Hanging, in those terrifying moments, you got me Castle. I was slipping away, screaming your name. You, us, that was an enormous part of what I had been working toward this year. I wanted to be whole for you. Not a fragmented shell of what I knew I could be. I was basically there, and in a mere minute I had destroyed it all. I had known we had something, I just didn't see until then, after the rage had escaped me, and all that lingered was the calm, how important it really was. What we have, what I feel for you, outweighs anything else in my life."
She's shaking, Castle notes. She has never been this upfront about her feelings with anyone; he needs to show her that it is okay, that they are more than okay. He never lets go of her hand, as he walks in front of the chair. Instead, her body glides around to face his, and he envelopes her in his arms. They stay that way for what seems like hours.