When Lyla gets home, she immediately heads for the shower. Taking a shower after one of her escapades has become a ritual. It separates everything in Gabriel's apartment from Carter's place. In a way, it divides the fantasy world from her real life.
After her shower, Lyla considers preserving her pancake tradition. She quickly decides against the idea. Any pancakes made today would undoubtedly taste tarnished. Instead, she settles on going online. The Skype icon in the corner of her desktop catches her attention. It's only eleven in the morning, but she knows who most likely will be online. Suddenly, what she needs to do becomes incredibly clear to her. She readily clicks on the icon and signs onto the video chat.
Right away, Lyla sees Jason's username lit up in green at the top of the page. Half of the time, he stays online to converse with various members of his athlete cliental. Even on a Saturday afternoon, a little bit later East Coast time, he's available. She prays that he's actually nearby as she clicks the video call button.
To her relief, Jason answers quickly. "Oh hey there, Genie," he greets her, referencing the turban style towel on top of her head. It does look a little I Dream of Genie. "Do I get three wishes or do you not go for that whole deal?"
Rolling her eyes, Lyla shakes her head. By now, she expects the teasing from him. "I think you're confusing one Genie with the whole other Aladdin Genie, unless you're intentionally saying that I look blue."
"Now that you mention it, you do look kind of blue. What's up with you, sad eyes?" Jason transitions. His careful switch reminds her how her old friend always can move seamlessly from his humor to seriousness, not to mention read her emotions.
"I'm not doing so hot," she replies, trying to keep a small smile on her face.
"Uh-oh. Don't tell me Buddy Garrity took a surprise road trip out to Tennessee to spend the weekend with you," Jason speculates, surely picking a scenario he knows would drive her a little insane.
Lyla laughs a little bit. "Oh God, that'd be terrible. Please don't say that out loud. Daddy might end up with the idea in his big old head," she plays along, afraid to return to her real problem. Can she bring herself to tell Jason? He always helps her. Despite facing his inevitable disappointment, she trusts him completely.
Jason guesses again, "Alright, let's see, is it something to do with the kids at school? Some crazy sex scandal going down that all falls upon Miss Guidance Counselor Garrity to save the day?" With the way that she throws herself into her work, the guess is a lot more serious. Often, she shares wacky situations at school with Jason. Other days, she does ask for advice. Jason always gives such good advice.
"Nah. I've been whipping all those kids into shape," she jokes, still avoiding the subject. She wishes she could ask him how to solve some teen's problem just as an alternative to what she's about to say.
Of course, Jason doesn't just let the topic go. "So spill," he insists, still willing to take on whatever she needs. If only he could see some giant flashing neon sign to warn him.
Still afraid, Lyla ponders how to approach her confession. "What would it take for you to hate me?" she asks, carefully considering if her compulsion to come clean is worth risking her longest friendship.
Jason looks at her as if she's a little bit crazy. "Oh gee, I don't know- maybe if you became a Redskins fan," he teases, alluding to their infamous rivalry with his beloved Cowboys. "Don't tell anyone I said that though. I'm supposed to be unbiased and all with my job," he laughs.
"Jason, come on, I need you to be serious here. It's really important," she stresses, impatient now from the anxiety building inside of her.
Making a point of hiding his grin, Jason gives her his best serious look. "Nothing could make me hate you, Lyla," he responds genuinely.
She doesn't believe him. "What about when I slept with Tim? You hated me then, didn't you?" she challenges. As much as she still dreads bringing that time period up, she needs to know. Given the situation, it seems especially pertinent now.
"Are you planning on pulling out memories from the Clinton administration next? Geez Lyla, that was ages ago," Jason levelly remarks. Now, she sees him watching her a little more closely with concern. He sighs. "If it makes you feel better, I didn't hate you then either. I could never hate you. Ever."
Convinced, Lyla nods. She needs to tell him. "What if I told you I did it again?" she questions without specifying what she's referring to with the "it".
Lyla intends to ease into revealing how horrible of a person she continues to be. She still isn't certain that she's making the right decision about telling Jason. It's all a whim. On her way home, she certainly didn't plan to tell him everything. With the guilt like a wrecking ball, the urge to tell him came upon her suddenly. As much as she knows that he surely will be disappointed, he's the only one who might not completely hate her. She wants to hear some advice even if it involves her being reprimanded for her actions. In fact, she expects him to scold her.
"Did what again?" Jason immediately specifies. She's caught his attention.
By now, tears are forming in the corners of her eyes. "What I did to you- with Tim," she whispers nearly inaudibly.
"You slept with Timmy again?" Jason concludes incredulously. It scares her that the assumption seems much better than the alternative. He continues, "But he's with Tyra now, and then there's-"
Lyla interrupts him before he goes too far. "No, not Tim," she hastily corrects him. "What I did to you with Tim," she repeats slowly, begging him to realize what she means without her saying the words directly to him.
His mouth opens to form a little circle. He understands. "You're cheating on your boyfriend?" There it is. Someone finally says it out loud.
"My fiancée," Lyla whispers. "Yes," she confirms, her voice breaking as the tears splatter down her cheeks. "Yes I am," she reiterates through the tears.
"Lyla," Jason says her name gently, but she can hear the disapproval in the edges of his voice. Until she tells him the whole story, she knows he won't judge her. He has always been a big believer of hearing people out and trying to see their perspective.
Looking away from the computer, Lyla bites nervously at her thumbnail. She lets her tears slip down her cheeks. She takes a slow deep breath. "It started on my friend Hannah's birthday," she begins, stumbling over the words. "We went to this bar. You know, I hardly do bars anymore since I've been working, but it was a special occasion."
Patiently, Jason listens to her tell him about the night. She explains how Gabriel bought her a drink from across the room. Normally, she would accept with a little smile and let it go. During the day of the party, she had been fighting with Carter. He was supposed to join them for Hannah's celebration, but felt too tired after work. Stupidly, they argued about priorities and work dictating his life. In a bitter state, she ended up going alone to meet Hannah. When Gabriel began flirting with her, she played along. She didn't intend for it to go any further. Hannah and the rest of the crew announced that they were heading out to another bar. Rather than joining them, she told them she planned on calling it a night. She meant it too. At the time, she planned on sharing one last free drink from Gabriel and then heading home.
After everyone left the bar, Gabriel leaned forward to kiss her. She finally admitted to him that she was engaged. She murmured a thing or two about her fight with her boyfriend. Before the night out, she had left her ring on her dresser. Later, she rationalized that she didn't want to risk losing it while partying. In actuality, she decided to leave it behind because of her argument with Carter. She convinced Gabriel that she needed to leave. He offered to share a cab, which she accepted.
Lyla decides to spare Jason the details of what happened after she left with Gabriel. She summarizes the aftermath of the cab ride simply, "One thing led to the next and I ended up at his apartment rather than mine." She pauses, finally looking right at Jason. She tries to gauge his reaction. He looks a little astonished. "I don't know why I did it, Jason."
Calmly, Jason nods. "Did it only happen once?" he asks.
Lyla wants to lie to him, to keep some of his ideals about her alive. She's already gone too far to stop now. Besides, Jason would see right through her. Regretfully, she shakes her head. "No."
Jason groans. "How many times, Lyla?"
Shaking her head, she declines to say the exact number. If she tells him thirteen, he absolutely will be disgusted with her. "Too many," she replies. It's the truth. She sleeps with Gabriel far too frequently. She's certain that she's not a good person anymore.
"Oh man, Lyla," he responds with so much disappointment. These days, she deserves every ounce of his disappointment.
Lyla wants to slink away from the computer to hide under her comforter and never come out. Hearing someone else express the extent of her flaws emphasizes her guilt. "I know," she murmurs. It's all she can think to say. She has no excuses.
Jason scrunches his eyebrows a little. Lyla can tell that he's struggling to give her good advice. "You need to tell Carter," he informs her. Of course, she already realizes that she needs to tell Carter; still, it's a lot harder to complete the act of confessing to him. Despite everything, she doesn't want to lose Carter. So selfish.
"I can't," she mutters, probably making Jason hate her more.
Immediately, Jason disagrees, "Yes you can and you have no choice. He deserves to know." She wonders if he's thinking back to when she hurt him by cheating with Tim. Reaffirming her thoughts, his voice softens when he continues, "Do you love the other guy- that Gabriel?"
Lyla flashes him a look of disgust. "No!" she answers quickly. "Of course I don't love him, Jason." She immediately realizes that it's silly to act like the accusation's preposterous. He knows as well as her that she fell in love with Tim.
Without question, Jason believes her. "Okay," he replies softly. "You know how to handle this without me telling you. You're gonna have to stop the affair and fix things with Carter. C'mon Lyla, you're a good person."
"I'm not a good person," she tells him. It surprises her that he still believes some essence of that statement.
A slight smile forms on his face. Despite the smile, Jason looks sad. "You absolutely are a good person. You're just…human." When she doesn't respond, he continues, "Oh come on, I've known you since we were in middle school. I know you. It kills me that you can't see it yourself."
"How can you say that, Jason? I just told you about just how horrible I am." Lyla's voice breaks, "Carter's a good person. He's a wonderful man- and somehow, a wonderful man isn't good enough for me." She almost wants Jason to yell at her. After all she's done, she deserves the pain.
"Maybe you're punishing yourself because you don't feel good enough," Jason suggests.
It might be true. Honestly, she struggles to understand the reasons behind her own destructive behavior. She shrugs, unable to offer Jason any insight.
Suddenly, Jason pounds his fist down against what she guesses is a table. "God Lyla, stop. You're amazing. You need to stop punishing yourself all the goddamn time." He pauses. "You deserve to be happy," he adds, emphasizing the words.
"Do I, Jason?" Lyla earnestly asks. She isn't so sure anymore. "Because maybe, after awhile, I lose that privilege." She expects him to ponder what she's saying. She expects a delay before he can answer her truthfully.
Instead, Jason replies immediately, "That's complete bullshit."
Lyla can't quite believe him. She moves onto the next pertinent issue. "I don't know how to tell Carter," she admits, ashamed at how pathetic she sounds. After bringing the problem upon herself, she sounds so weak like a little damsel in distress.
"I can't give you some step-by-step. You need to figure that part out on your own," Jason gently responds. "I believe in you though, if that helps. I know you can make this all right."
Jason still believes in her. It means more than she can possibly express, even though she knows she doesn't deserve his unending support. "Thank you," she whispers. "I really appreciate your help."
"What kind of friend would I be if I ditched you now after everything we've been through?" Jason asks lightly. Even in the direst of circumstances, he always tries to raise the mood. "You've made a mistake. God knows that I've made a bunch myself. There's no weakness in forgiveness, right?"
Years ago, Jason told her where her that those were Tami Taylor's magic words that guided him to forgiving her for cheating. Hearing them again causes an idea to pop into her head. "I think I know what I have to do next," she replies.
"Of course you do," Jason agrees, most likely assuming that she's referring to a confession. In a way, she is talking about telling Carter, but not just yet. First, she needs to do a little traveling.
If Lyla gets a head start right now, she can be back for school on Wednesday morning. As for Monday and Tuesday, she can use up a couple of her sick days. It's the only plan that's feels right to her so far. Relying on her instincts often proves to be a mistake, but leaving feels undeniably right. In order to tell Carter, she first needs to pay a visit to her old home town.
"I need to go," Lyla tells Jason. "But thank you again, for everything." Like always, talking to Jason makes everything so much clearer.
Jason smiles a little. "Alright now, go make it better. You keep me updated, okay?"
"Absolutely," she murmurs with a tiny tight-lipped smile back at him. "Good bye Jason," she concludes, clicking the icon to end the call. The sooner she leaves the better. With so much to accomplish, she needs to book a flight right now. Fortunately, she has plenty of extra money. Carter's well enough off that her salary almost goes straight back to her own personal use. She has to call and cancel with Gabriel. Tonight, she won't be available.
Lyla Garrity is going back to Dillon.