Harry had fallen in love with Draco.

Once the thought was there, it was impossible for Harry to hide from it.

Harry watched Draco strip off his clothes at the end of the day and look over at Harry lying in bed then turned to their wardrobe.

'I'll only take it off if you wear anything over here,' Harry said, helping Draco make his decision.

Draco still took it slow. His steps toward Harry, every time he moved to kiss him or even touch him. Harry joked that he wouldn't break or that he wouldn't run away, but it became far too quiet after the last time Harry made the later joke. That one wasn't quite true. Not at that moment, but Harry still planned on leaving in the end. It still hung heavy on Harry's mind.

As soon as Draco made it to the bed, Harry pulled him onto his lap and kissed him.

Pulling back, Draco studied Harry's face. 'Are you sure?'

'This isn't our first time. I'm sure.'

They made love. More and more often, even if Draco didn't seem sure of it each time in the beginning. Harry always found a way to convince him it was a good idea in the end. They were married, after all.

And when they made love, Harry had to bite the pillow, blanket or once his arm to keep from saying the words as he came.

I love you.

Because he couldn't let Draco know that he'd already won. He couldn't let Draco ever know that he won.

#

'What are your plans for the day?' Draco asked over breakfast, not looking up from his paper.

It was hard to hold back the only thought you had floating in your head. That it was a deep, dark secret Harry could never say only made it more prominent in his thoughts.

Holding his tongue, Harry said, 'Same as every other day: Auror training. You?'

Draco looked up from his paper and their eyes met. The words almost slipped out.

'Healer training. And lunch?'

It was an invitation and Harry knew it, but he was scared to come back. It could become addictive. Seeing Draco at work, at work with children. Harry'd been invited back, not just by Draco, but by the Medi-Witch who watched over the children all day.

'It's good for them to have visitors, and what a story they'll get to tell when they go home.'

Harry didn't mind this part of being a celebrity. That just his name could cause good things to happen in people's lives around him, not just call attention to himself. Yet, Harry hadn't been back.

There was no way to explain it to Draco. I'm falling in love with you and it's scaring the shit out of me, wouldn't work. And seeing you working with children makes me want to have them with you was a thought that still terrified Harry too much to say aloud.

Because Harry couldn't stop wondering if Draco had been lying this whole time.

He'd think of the good moments and think they couldn't possibly be lies. Like the day he went to visit Draco at St Mungo's. How he smiled and joked with the children, and how even the sullen ones seemed to like Draco. That had to be the real Draco. Harry tried to convince himself that Draco couldn't and wouldn't lie all day as he worked. But that one little girl called Draco too nice to be a Slytherin, and a part of Harry still agreed with her.

That idea stuck in his mind. Either he'd always been wrong about Draco or he'd become a master of manipulation. Maybe he'd always been that though.

Draco knew Harry too well. He'd always had, which was why he was so good at getting under Harry's skin. He had to have known that a hospital room full of children would get to him.

If Draco said it first—then maybe things would be different. Perhaps, Harry could forget all about the bet, and why they were together and just let it out. Draco either didn't feel the same or, like Harry, wasn't saying it because of the bet. For Draco to win the bet, they both had to fall in love with each other. Even if Draco did say it first, his words would be hollow. If Harry admitted he fell in love, Draco could lie and then Draco would win. In more ways than one.

Then again, if he truly loved Draco, did any of it matter at all?

'You're pensive this morning,' Draco said, breaking through Harry's panic.

'Stop it,' Harry muttered to himself, trying to push his paranoid thoughts away so he could have a normal conversation with Draco.

'Stop what?' Draco asked.

Harry stared at him dumbfounded for a moment. 'Nothing, my head—I have a headache.'

Draco watched him carefully and Harry wondered if being a Healer meant he could just look at him and tell when he was lying about a headache, but then he stood and came over to Harry, kissing him and running his hands through his hair.

It wasn't until Draco had left him before Harry realised that he really had had a slight headache and that he didn't anymore.

#

'I'm surprised you agreed to see me,' Harry said as Ginny joined him for lunch. They were sitting outside at a small table for two at a small cafe in the Wizarding part of London. One of the many that had popped up after the war. Harry had already ordered their food, pleased with himself when Ginny took a bite without asking what it was and nodded her head to say it was good.

'Why wouldn't I?' Ginny said in a tone that was far too innocent, her mouth still full with her first bite.

Harry shook the thoughts away. If he was seeing manipulative gestures in Ginny, he really was becoming far too paranoid. The thing was that Harry didn't have anyone else he knew he could talk to.

Ron and Hermione were convinced Harry was in love with Draco and they were being all supportive about it, not freaking out like he was. Draco's family and friends were out of the question, Luna's advice wasn't always the easiest to take, and Neville normally just shrugged and said he didn't know, but good luck.

Ginny was over Harry, planning her own wedding to Mark, but she wasn't all wooed by Draco either.

'I need your advice.'

Rolling her eyes, Ginny said, 'Of course, you do.'

'About Draco and the bet.' Harry paused as he tried to say the problem without saying he was in love with Draco. 'We're passed a year, and I've started to see him differently than I used to.'

'Hadn't you a long time ago?'

Harry was so relieved she hadn't accused him of being in love with Draco that it took a moment for him to gather his thoughts. He was so ready to begin denying it.

'I mean,' Ginny continued, 'you haven't been fighting for a while now, right?'

'Right. We have been getting along for, but—'

'You had sex with him.' It was matter of fact. And true, but Harry had gotten over that particular freak out by then.

Still, Harry couldn't look at her while he nodded. He had no reason to feel so awful about it. She'd been with Mark as well, before Harry had made it that far with Draco, even. Looking back, Harry was sure of that then. Without mentioning someone else, it wouldn't have mattered. Ginny a been the one who wanted the break up, for them both to be free.

And they'd never slept with each other.

'It's just sex, Harry, it doesn't change anything.' Ginny reached out and took Harry's hand. 'It doesn't mean you can't like women, too, or that you'll stop. After this bet is over, you can still move on like it never happened. Even though it won't be with me . . . it doesn't change anything, not really. Sex is sex. Everyone enjoys it.'

'Yeah,' Harry said, taking his hand back to his lap. 'Muggle upbringing and all.'

It was a lie. He hadn't thought much about what Draco being a bloke meant for his seuxality.
Ginny brushed the idea away. 'Besides, no one is going to know about you and Malfoy, anyway. Just pretend it never happened. In fact, I don't know why you're continuing with this at all, anymore. You did it to prove your love for me, remember?'

Since no one around him was bothered by it, Harry more had to get used to the idea himself. Worrying about what others thought of him, especially since most people had no idea they were even together, hadn't crossed his mind. Of course he could date women again when it was over. He could date other men when it was over as well.

His problem was that he didn't want it to be over. He wasn't looking at other women worrying they wouldn't have him because he'd been with a man; he wasn't looking at other women at all.

'I remember,' Harry said, wondering if Ginny knew anything about Harry at all anymore. Or if she had to begin with. There were no other women in his thoughts when he'd been with Ginny. Nor men for that matter, at least, not in that way. It was why the idea of a break bothered him so much. They'd already waited for each other so long. There was no reason to break up when all it would take to see each other was a quick trip through the Floo. There was no reason for it even if they only saw each other once a month.

The only reason to break up that Harry could think of was to replace each other.

'I've moved on,' Ginny continued, 'so there's no reason for you not to as well.'

Their eyes met. Harry suddenly felt lighter. He and Ginny were over; he'd mourned her and moved on—to Malfoy, his husband.

It didn't change Harry's position. It was just that a part of him had still been holding on to her. Feeling guilty about how it had ended, knowing it had all been his fault. Thinking about when it was all over, even as he mourned her and knew there wasn't an after with her.

He was over her. It took him until then to realise it, but there it was. The idea of no after Draco spent with Ginny didn't cause a pain in Harry's chest.

Part of what Draco had said over a year ago had already been proven true: Harry and Ginny weren't meant to last forever. Losing his first love wasn't the end of the world.

After a beat, Harry said, 'You're right. I don't know what I was thinking.'

'So, you're going to break it off with him then?'

'No.'

Ginny's mood darkened. 'Why ever not?'

A smile had forced its way onto his mouth. 'Just because he already won the bet, doesn't mean I have to let him know that. Yes, you moved on, but the bet wasn't just that you and I weren't right for each other. It was that he was a better match for me. There's no reason for me to cancel the bet.'

'Already won? Are you saying he is a better match for you than me?'

Yes, he was, but Harry knew it would be insensitive to say that. They were still on shaky ground over the whole deal as it was, and her being his best friend's sister meant Harry really didn't want to make it anymore awkward than it had to be. They weren't meant for each other. That much was obvious to both of them then. He still shouldn't rub his marriage in her face—just like it had at first hurt him to see her with Mark.

'Maybe I am more suited to a political marriage.' Jokingly, Harry added, 'I mean I've always been kind of shit when it came to romantic relationships.'

It was a truth, he knew she'd appreciate. His relationship with Cho and that Ginny had to organise everything in their relationship or she would have just been his friend with a glorified title had been a running joke with them since they got back together after the war.

They laughed, even if it was a bit forced; then looking up, Harry's eyes met Draco's and his heart dropped to his stomach. The shocked expression on Draco's face cut him. Jumping up, Harry ran toward him, almost shoving people out of his way, but Draco must have Disapparated back to St. Mungo's because he was no longer anywhere to be seen in the street. Harry had been avoiding Draco, and even if Draco had been brushing it aside this wouldn't look good from his perspective.

'What was that?' Ginny asked as Harry shuffled back to her at the cafe.

'Draco.'

'Is he coming over?' Looking behind her, Ginny saw he was nowhere to be seen. 'Did he just leave?'

'I don't think he's too happy to see us together.'

'Odd that.' She looked Harry up and down as if suddenly seeing something new about him. 'I wouldn't have figured him being the jealous type, especially when the marriage was arranged for a bet.'

Harry snorted. 'You don't picture Draco as jelaous? I'd say that's one of his defining characteristics since we met at a eleven.'

'Hmmm, well, you have always seemed to bring that out in him.'

#

No matter how busy they both were, Harry could always count on Draco to be home at dinner and—since the first fight it caused when Harry had—Harry made a point to be there or owl Draco as well.

Staring across the empty table, Harry knew he'd fucked up.

Harry was angry for the first ten minutes. They hadn't done anything but have lunch. Harry hadn't done anything wrong. It was just lunch. But then Harry reminded himself that Draco had been inviting him for lunch just that morning, and he'd been avoiding it. Now Draco probably thought he knew why.

But as the night wore on, Harry's anger returned in full force. Draco had tore into him when Harry had done this same thing to Draco.

When hours later, Draco stumbled in through the Floo drunk off his arse, Harry said, 'Would it be so hard for you to put a little bit of trust in me?'

Draco looked pale as he swallowed. Words were slow to him, but that wasn't unusual for a drunk.

Finally Draco said, 'I don't like her.'

'You don't have to like her. But she's a friend of mine, and a part of my family.'

Glaring at the floor, Draco looked like a sullen child. That fuck Draco is adorable part of Harry took over again, and Harry stood, making his way over to Draco. When Harry grabbed his arms and pulled him toward him, Draco stumbled against Harry's chest.

Draco opened his mouth to protest, but Harry kissed him before he could get a word in.

It was late and Harry was too tired to fight it out. He brought Draco down to the couch with him, pulling Draco onto his lap as he lay back. They broke apart for air and Draco stared down on Harry for a moment then leaned down to kiss him again. The kiss was slow and fragile. Their lips brushing more than touching before Harry arched up into it again.

'I'm sorry,' Draco said after pulling back, forcing Harry to sit up to remain close enough to kiss Draco again.

Harry brushed Draco's hair away from his face. 'Me, too.' When Draco's eyes met Harry's, he continued, 'I should have let you know I planned on meeting with her. I shouldn't have been avoiding you.''

'Why did you?'

'I—' but Harry couldn't say it. 'You're confusing me.'

'How?' Draco's expression started as confused but slowly changed to hopeful.

Harry swallowed as he prepared his lie. 'I'd never thought about being with a man before and—well, obviously, I've enjoyed being with you. I like this—' Harry kissed him.

'And that confuses you?'

Brushing his lips against Draco, Harry said, 'You don't know much about the Muggle world, do you?'

'Not much.'

He knew so much about more about Draco's life than he'd let Draco learn about his own. Draco's eyes were still unfocused but he seemed intent on the words coming from Harry. Maybe he was drunk enough to forget all about this conversation in the morning. More likely that was wishful thinking, but it helped the lie seem more real with the background information. He might not be able to tell Draco that he loved him, but he could take the next step forward and share a bit of his painful past with Draco like how Draco had already been forced to share with him.

'My family hates magic and used to call me a freak for being a wizard, even before I knew I was a wizard. But most Muggles don't believe that magic is real and certainly have nothing against it—how do you hate something that doesn't exist? You can't.

'But two men in a relationship is something that exists and it's something many consider socially acceptable to hate. Like vampires and werewolves here. They see relationships like ours as dangerous. And worse than that, many people see it as a choice. Because of that it was a common insult for my cousin to use against me. Not because he had ever thought it might be true, but because it didn't matter whether or not it was true.

'Not that I've ever cared what they thought of me, but when you're raise around an idea—it's hard for it not to come to mind when you begin to realise it might be true. If I thought about another boy—'

Harry watched Draco's eyes as he rubbed his thumb across his cheek. There was more truth in Harry's explanation than fiction, and as he continued he was more thinking aloud to himself than explaining his confusion to Draco.

'If I thought about another boy like that, I brushed it away. Like, Cedric. It was easier to focus on Cho than to let myself consider what it meant to be attracted to Cedric.'

'Didn't they date each other?'

'Yes,' Harry said, with a laugh. 'That they did. He wasn't the only one I noticed, though. Maybe he came to mind because he's . . .'

'Dead?' Draco asked.

'Not a real possibility.'

Not like the person still sitting on Harry's lap, who had occupied Harry thoughts as teenager more than any other person, including Voldemort. No wonder Ron and Hermione weren't surprised that Harry could fall for Draco so easily. Voldemort had a piece of his soul inside Harry and he didn't occupy his thoughts in the same obsessed manner that Draco always had.

At eleven his worst fear was making fun of Draco on broomstick, and then it was losing to him during a match, and then after years of saying all he wanted was Draco to leave him alone he got it only to fall asleep watching Draco's name on his map.

Draco's expression turned curious. 'Who is?'

You.