How could he possibly ask that of me? I'd known the man less than a week, I'd jumped into the sack with him, and now he wanted me to terminate any possibility of a life I may carry? I walked through the dilapidated park, kicking my shoes at the ground.
Throwing myself to an old bench, I buried my head in my hands to clear my thoughts. First and foremost, I should have never gotten involved with him or his 'Brotherhood'. Second, I shouldn't have brought him home. I should have just kept walking when I knew I wasn't cut out for that sort of thing. Third, I was an idiot to let things go as far as they did. I'd never been sexual with a man that quick.
I pinched myself on the arm, there was no way this was my entire fault. I couldn't burden the blame like I had done everything else. I'd blamed myself for being a mutant, for my parents kicking me out, and I couldn't do that now. I was better than that; I'd made a life for myself. It wasn't my fault Creed had broken into my home. It wasn't my fault I was softhearted, well maybe a little.
I'd been bored; I'd went with him for excitement. Now, I'd learned my lesson, but there was a possibility that I might pay for it. I growled, pulling at my hair in frustration. I'd brought Eric home, but I wasn't the type to leave a dying man to die. He'd been bleeding, and if any one of those cops had found him, they'd have shot first and asked questions later. I didn't regret bringing him to my apartment, at least he was still alive.
He was still alive. He might have done horrible things in his past, but after hearing about his wife, his daughter, I could begin to judge his actions. It was hard to fathom the U.S. Government putting mutant kind into camps, like Hitler had done. I knew it was possible, what with slaves, then Hitler's acts, and it wasn't completely out there to think they might do this. It's just when I thought of camping, I thought of the movies and such. Where there are tents and neat little fires you can roast marshmallows on. I wasn't a complete idiot; I knew the concentration camps had been nothing like that, but reading and seeing were two different things. I had no clue what he'd been through; he was only trying to save others his awful fate.
He was a good man at heart, whether he realized it or not. I'd seen it in his eyes when he'd spoken of his late wife, his daughter. He was trying to prevent another genocide, and I could respect that. I liked the way he spoke of a better world for mutants, I liked the way he'd swooped in to save the woman from the FOH, I liked the way his eyes lit up when he was passionate about his beliefs, and I liked the way he filled out a pair of boxers.
I sighed. Yeah, I had just went too long without another's touch. Maybe if I hadn't kept myself so isolated I wouldn't have craved it so much. Maybe if I wasn't so alone in this world, I would have never went with Creed in the first place. I'd enjoyed our little tea-tea, but I hadn't taken any precautions. I'd never gotten on birth control, because I wasn't with anyone long enough for it to matter. It wasn't like I brought men home for one nighters or anything like that, it was just I usually came clean about my mutations after the first time. There had never been a second, and I'd just stopped trying for that part of life. I'd accepted I would spend it alone, but Eric had offered me intimacy, and in that moment I had latched on to it. I had lived in the moment, and now I was going to have to decide what I could live with for the rest of my life.
I understood what he meant about putting us in danger. I wasn't looking for child support or anything, I didn't necessarily need him around to provide. I had provided for myself this long; another little one wouldn't be so bad. I did have money put aside, it had been with a small hope of leaving the city and buying a small place of my own, but it was there if I needed it. If anyone ever found out that he was the father though, everyone would be after me and my little one.
I gripped my stomach, almost feeling the start of a new life already beginning. This was just crazy! We'd only had sex once, and it wasn't a for sure thing. I could have been having an infertile day, he could be shooting blanks by now, anything could happen. Pregnancy wasn't a for sure thing, at least not yet. I'd just have to play the waiting game.
If I were pregnant, I couldn't live with myself knowing I'd killed it before even giving it a chance in this world. I'd rather put myself out of misery before taking my baby's life, and it would most certainly be mine. It would be mine to care for, mine to teach, mine to love, and I couldn't throw away the chance of such a precious gift. Some women would do anything to have children, others ignored theirs, while others like my parents took them for granted, kicking them when they were down. Would it be any different if I killed mine before giving it a chance? Would it make it okay, since it was Eric's child to kill it? No, I'd bear his child. He would just have to accept that. There was no other choice. I'd give him no choice in the matter.