Disclaimer: I don't own Plum characters. A nod of respect goes to Janet Evanovich and her imagination for creating these characters.

Rating: R (Heavy Adult Content)

Writer Disclaimer: A Rabbit is.. um.. well.. you see... think Steph's fascination with the shower massager and turn it into a toy. Also, this is SO not canon. Also, not kind to Morelli.

You've been warned.

Challenge #8: Satire

Challenge #9: Rabbit

Challenge #10: Killing in an Unusual Way

Challenge #11: Instruction Manual

"Damnit!" I shouted, "I told you a little to the left, not to the right. Jesus!"

Morelli was at it again. You would think after so many years of working his Italian hips you think he'd have an idea of what he was doing. Instead, here he was again, act like a punk bitch and screwing this up. It was enough for a girl to want to pull out her trusty Rabbit and go to town with it.

Whoever said diamonds were a girl's best friend, hadn't found the Rabbit Habit.

"But Cupcake…" he whined and my arm's raced with goosebumps. This SO wasn't helping my displeasure. "You're moving around too much. Why are you moving your hips so?"

"Oh! So this is MY fault?" I shoved him off of me and clapped my hands twice. "Ranger!" I shouted, "Ranger! I need you, Ranger!"

I peered around Morelli's shocked face as I heard the door creep open. "You rang, Babe?"

"Cupcake!" Morelli cried. "Don't do this to me! Let me make it up to you! I'll do anything!"

I loved it when Ranger came into the room. The sniveling rat fink would promise me the world as long as I didn't toss him out of my bed for Ranger.

I grinned wickedly and crooked my finger at Ranger, "Ranger, please show Morelli what he was doing wrong. Start at scene two, you know, the part where you are sliding your hand up my thigh and working your hips in a reverse circular motion."

Ranger nodded his head and shot Morelli a look. Morelli cowered towards the far corner of the bed and Ranger's hot black eyes warmed me as they traveled the length of my body up to where I was handcuffed to the bed frame. Just how he liked me- wet and helpless.

The bed dipped as Ranger knelt onto the bed, his hands gliding up my naked legs, spreading me open so that he could come between them and Morelli started to weep.

"Please don't do this, Cupcake. This was supposed to be my scene. Now what I'm I going to do? Please, Please, Please, give me another chance, Cupcake."

"Watch and learn, Morelli. I've told you time and time again. Do I need to send you home with an instruction manual?"

"No!" Morelli swore feverishly, "that's worse than the time you sent me home with The Rabbit!"

"At least The Rabbit gets the job done, Morelli!" I spat. "Ranger. I'm ready. The camera is rolling. Do with me what you wish; my body is your playground."

Morelli started rocking himself back and forth, as Ranger took over where he left off, the more Steph's moans bounced off the walls, the more Morelli wept because he was inadequate as the Italian Stallion.

"Stop crying like a bitch!" Ranger said, exasperated, still moving his hips into Steph. "You're supposed to be watching and learning."

"I-I-I…'m… No! NO! This is so horrible! It should be me! It should be me you're watching with Cupcake. Gimme my life back Ranger! You stole it from me! You thief! You're a sexual thief! You stole my Mojo."

Ranger spied The Rabbit sitting not two feet from him and he grabed it and thumped Morelli on the forehead with it. "Shut up! Get a hold of yourself. You wished that Steph would love you more, and this is what you've become!"

Steph leaned up on her elbows, "Ranger. Please get the DVD out of the player and send Morelli on his way. I can't take anymore of his drama. He's ruining my orgasm."

Morelli crawled to the end of the bed; crying and screaming, "NO! You'll ruin my reputation! You can't do this! You've ruined me!"

Ranger grinned as he handed Morelli the instruction manual and Morelli's wailing turned into silence as his eyes rolled back in his head.

"No…" Morelli said, "I'm dying. You've given me a poisonous killer! I'm no longer the Italian Stallion. I'm a gelding..."

And Morelli died, as sad as that might be.

And Ranger and Steph and The Rabbit… well they banged like rabbits until the end of time.

El Fin.

Original Posting Date: May 6, 2007

A/N: Um, I really have nothing to say in my defense.