A lump in her stomach forms as she pulls into Elliot's driveway. She dreads seeing him again. She knows she can't hide how much she misses him, and that bothers her. She's always wanted an unshakable façade, but could never quite maintain it. She reminds herself that she's here for Cragen, not Elliot, and walks to the door.
A year ago she would have skipped knocking and just walked in, but tonight she feels like an intruder. She reluctantly lifts her hand to knock when Elliot opens the door from the other side. She's shocked by how much older he looks even though it's only been a year since she's seen him. His hairline has receded just slightly more, and she can distinctly see gray hairs starting to take over the brown. His forehead is wrinkled a little more – worry lines – but he has no sign of crow's feet. He hasn't been smiling.
She just stares at him, searching her brain for something to say to him. She wants to ask him all of the questions that had been plaguing her mind for the last year: Why didn't you tell me you were retiring? Why haven't you called? Why wouldn't you let me be there for you?, but she doesn't. She doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he can treat her however the hell he wants without pushing her away. It probably doesn't matter; I might never see him again. Her eyes well up with tears at the thought. She quickly passes Elliot so he won't notice.
Elliot feels his chest start to implode with guilt. She walked right by him without saying anything. He finally did it; he pushed her away, and she isn't coming back. He thought she would have been okay without him. He's quick to silently correct himself. You're all she had, asswipe, and you've treated her like nothing more than a coworker. He flinches, but then reminds himself of the task at hand, and hopes there will be an opportunity for apologies later.
"Hey, Cap," she says kindly as she sits down on an ottoman facing the couch. The captain looks up at her, and then Olivia realizes she's staring at a broken man. But she knows deep down that he couldn't have killed anybody. Even if he did end his sobriety, he just didn't have it in him to kill a woman in cold blood, and she was determined to prove it. "What's the last thing you remember?"
Cragen takes a deep breath. "I, uh, I took a shower, I set up my coffeepot for the next morning, then I got in bed. I swear, Liv, I don't remember anything else."
Olivia nods solemnly. "We have to launch an official investigation. If IAB gets wind of us postponing it, we'll lose the investigation to them. They'll just hang you out to dry. I'm going to call Nick, okay?"
She starts to walk to the outside of Elliot's house to get some privacy for the call, trying desperately to avoid eye contact.
"Who's Nick?" Elliot asks nonchalantly once she's within whispering distance.
She looks him square in the eye. "My partner."