[I claim no rights to Rurouni Kenshin. I also make no profit whatsoever from publishing this work of Fanfiction.]
Kamatari raised his head to glimpse at who had entered the bar. What he saw caused his blood to run cold. Walking up to the bar, sitting down, and chatting up the bartender was none other than Yvette.
Panic froze him. If Yvette caught him here he would have no way to explain it. He had to think up a way out of here and fast. Abandoning all thought of the horrendous drink he had yet to finish, he prepared to sneak away. Watching Yvette's every move he slunk under the table, crouching and creeping as close to the wall as he could. Without explanation though, Yvette suddenly turned his way, and so he ducked under a table and hoped he wasn't visible from the bar where it was brighter.
After a few moments it was apparent why he was nearly caught: she was speaking to the couple next to her. She appeared to be acquainted with them. What is she doing here?! Has she been here before? Enough times that she knows people here so well? He hid under the table for what felt like an entire half hour before Yvette turned back to the bartender. Creeping away yet again, Kamatari began to get concerned because there was a large gap between the last table and the door. He would have no cover, so he ducked under it and looked around. No one was coming, and as luck would have it he would be well in Yvette's blind spot if he could simply make it from the table to the door.
He steadied his breathing. I can do this. I'm getting out of here. He stood up out from his cover and walked to the door.
And then for some reason the bartender was pointing at him, and everyone at the bar turned to look. Damn it all. He felt embarrassed at his failed attempt to sneak out. He was caught, plain and simple. Seizo would likely scoff, Manzo would be furious, and for all he knew he'd be on the first boat back to Japan in the morning. The whole affair made his cheeks burn.
"K-Kamatari...? That is you, isn't it?" Yvette stood up from her chair slowly, unsteadily. She looked unsure of herself.
"Yvette...I..." he couldn't finish his sentence. Instead he cast his gaze down and started to play with the hair at the back of his head. "You're...you're probably wondering what I'm doing here..."He was about to try and make an excuse, but in looking up he found Yvette immediately in front of him. She looked him in the face for a minute. It was like she was trying to look through him, into his mind or soul. It was a searching look. Then she took his hand and led him wordlessly out the door.
Once back on the streets of the gay district Yvette's pulling intensified, a definite command for him to follow. He had no idea what was going to happen. In fact he was entirely certain his cover had been blown. He had been caught somewhere he ought not to be, and now he was in for it, whatever 'it' was. Still, he wondered if maybe he could appeal to her somehow. Maybe he could play on their short time so far in an attempt to get out of this, or at least the worst of it.
"Uh-uhmm...Yvette...?" She said nothing to him. She didn't even turn her head. And then the grip on his hand tightened.
Back down the main street of the gay district, and then turning off in the vague direction of Kamatari's apartment he was led silently by the hand. As they left the seedy neighborhood behind the number of people on the street sharply dropped off, dwindling into no one at all apart from the two of them. Ten- nearly fifteen minutes went by like this, until they came to the middle of a footbridge over a river. An isolated area, a bridge...this is starting to look very bad. Martial training and honed instinct tugged at the back of his mind as he readied himself for a fight. He watched her every move. When she let go of his hand he instinctively found his center of gravity and loosened, trying to calm the inner storm.
"I'm angry and disappointed in you, you know. Going to a place like that alone, and in your school uniform no less..." Yvette sighed, calming herself and turning to face him. "But that's not important now."
He sucked in a breath, attempting to appeal one last time, but had it knocked out of him when she abruptly flashed forward and pulled him into a firm embrace.
"You don't have to say anything. I understand." He was dumbfounded.
"You...understand?"
"Yes. You don't need to be afraid. I won't tell anyone, and I don't like you any less for who you are," she told him in a firm but soothing voice. She held him tighter, attempting to reassure him, though about what he didn't know. Well, at least I'm not in any mortal danger, he thought wryly.
"Yvette, I'm not sure what you're getting at here..." Hearing this she relaxed her grip and pulled away to look down at him. Tenderly she placed a hand over his heart.
"It's ok. I'm a lesbian too." And then it hit him. Not only was his cover intact, it was working so well that his being caught in such a suspicious place had an assumed explanation: he was a lesbian.
"Huh?"
"I'm so glad I don't have to worry about you being disgusted or afraid of the real me. I don't know anything about Japan and how they feel about people like us, so I was worried you might not want to associate with me anymore."
"Heh. No chance of that—not at all!" He assured her, withholding the other reason why. Despite that, it still made Yvette happy, and she pulled him in for another yet much softer hug.
"I'm so relieved. Now, we should get you home. I don't know what it's like in Japan but here it's very dangerous to be what we are. You could lose your reputation, get thrown out of anywhere you're renting, even be killed." Pulling him once again behind her, she led the two off of the bridge and began weaving through the city streets en route to the apartment. Deciding not to maintain the silence of earlier, she asked him questions. "What's it like? For a lesbian in Japan, I mean...?"
"Ah...w-well, it's not easy there either. I mean, most women are expected to get married and have kids. For anyone who doesn't life can be difficult. Between parents and society, it's hard to be yourself." Though that applies almost as much to me as it does to a lesbian.
"I see...Is it also dangerous, like it is here?"
"K-kind of. I guess I don't really know. I've been lucky, and I can take care of myself." In fact I'm the dangerous one, generally speaking.
"That's good to hear, I guess. I haven't really ever been totally on my own, but if I could I'd...I'd like to see what it's like. Japan."
"..."
"Hey, where are we? I don't know exactly where your place is." She stopped to let Kamatari lead, and it wasn't long before they were standing in front of the very place he'd left this morning.
"Thank you for seeing me back. I'm...I'm sorry."
"For what?" Yvette tilted her head, looking concerned.
"For us meeting like this. For finding out your secret. I'm sure you didn't want anyone at school to know."
"Oh, don't worry about it. I think it made us closer, sharing this secret. Besides, the twins know." She clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Now go inside and get some sleep, ok? If you want, we can talk about it again on Monday." She left it at that, and turned to walk away. Kamatari watched her go, a familiar sickly feeling coming over him as he went inside.
"So it seems you had a big night Friday," Maria commented. This caught Kamatari's attention as he was cleaning up from his Sunday evening cooking lesson.
"What makes you say that?" he asked her, alarm bells going off in his head.
"You came in late that night. Very late, for a girl your age." She sipped her tea. "And the next morning you acted rather odd."
"Odd?" He turned, wiping his hands on a towel. "How so?"
"Somewhat gloomy, a little sluggish. Like you had something on your mind."
"I see. Well, maybe I was just tired."
"So it's a secret," she observed, and then smiled. "Is it really something you can't tell a lonely old lady?"
"It's...not mine to tell." He hesitated to continue. "It's about a friend from school. It's nothing terrible or disgusting or anything."
"Is it dangerous?" Her tone shocked him. It wasn't grave, it wasn't suggestive, it wasn't even probing. She simply looked at him flatly, expecting an answer.
"...yes. It can be dangerous."
"Hm." She nodded, sipped her tea again, and looked back up. "You're a good friend to her. You clearly care for her a lot."
"Maybe I just have strong principles. I'm not sure we're all that close just yet," he countered. He sat down opposite Maria at the small table, picking up the cup she'd poured for him earlier.
"You may have principles, yes. But you're keeping her secret. You're still friends, so I can assume you weren't scared or disgusted by what she told you." She smiled again. A very confident and happy smile. "Hence, you care."
"I suppose I do. But it really isn't a big deal to keep this secret for her." Kamatari sipped some tea, and then turned his head to stare out the window. It was gently sprinkling outside. "In my opinion it isn't something that should concern or upset most reasonable people anyway."
"Don't get too used to a secret, dear. Before too long it becomes a burden to the heart, preventing it from the proper flight one is capable of. In this case it's best that your friend told you." Her smile faded slightly as she continued, "Imagine how hard it was to carry that burden alone. But by sharing it with you she can escape her burden for the shortest bit. With you she can be honest."
"I hadn't really thought about that. That there really could be any relief. I always felt that telling others would just hurt them."
"The heaviest burden feels lighter when supported by others. That is my advice to you regarding secrets. I'm sure even you have a few that you could allow someone else to carry," she finished with a suggestive tone. She drained her cup and went about pouring another. "So, was tonight's lesson helpful?"
"Yes, very much, thank you. I appreciate it a lot. I think I'm starting to understand a few things about Western food," Kamatari replied. "You seem to know just how to teach cooking, as if you'd done it many times before. Did you teach your children to cook?"
"Oh yes, all of them. Although I thought my eldest daughter would be absolutely hopeless at first. Turns out all I had to do was change my approach. My son, the youngest, always enjoyed helping me in the kitchen." Maria's eyes drifted off into the past as she stroked the rim of her cup. "He loved cooking with me. In fact I had difficulty keeping him out of the kitchen sometimes. Now I miss it so much I wish I had let him cook to his heart's content."
"Do you see him much? He must be grown by now, but does he ever come to visit?"
"Ha," she puffed out sadly. "No, no he doesn't. Part of me likes to believe he would, were he able."
"Why isn't he? Work?" Kamatari knew he was prodding a potential sore spot, but his curiosity was getting the better of him.
"He's gone, dear. Long gone. In fact it's been nearly fifteen years, now."
"Oh. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you, but-"
"Think nothing of it. Truly, I appreciate the interest. And it's not like it's a secret," she said, her eyes coming back into focus. "But that's enough of that for today. No need to dwell on something so long past. Instead let's talk about that obnoxious woman upstairs," she said, the warm grin with a hint of mischief returning to her features.
"The one upstairs who brings home all those men?"
"Yes, yes, that one. You wouldn't believe...she asked me Friday night if I could leave the house any time Saturday night after 9. Said she wanted to bring more than one man over and thought the noise might be a bother to me. And when I asked her how many, she said six. Six! She can sleep with whomever she wishes, in fact I'd encourage it but for the kind of noise that would generate-!"
And so it went that Maria complained to her cooking student about the woman upstairs who seemed to have no conception of the hours common decency would observe in regard to noise.
Monday morning arrived, and trepidation washed over Kamatari with along with the dawning sunlight that streamed through his window. In what seemed to have become a ritual, he stared at the ceiling. Today would be the first time he saw Yvette since Friday night and the rather fortunate misunderstanding. Despite this, he now had to face her after such an awkward exchange that almost led to his exposure, with the added difficulty of maintaining an additional lie that had been thrust upon him by the unusual circumstances. Really, I should be counting myself lucky. My mission is intact, my friendship with Yvette is unharmed...and yet I feel even more anxious about everything than I did before. Thinking over and over about what to say got him nowhere, leaving no recourse but to get out of bed and get ready.
Stripping off the bedclothes and his sleepwear, Kamatari slipped into his uniform. The hem brushed over his thighs and provided that familiar modicum of comfort. He always knew he looked best in feminine clothing. A tiny sigh whispered past his lips as he did his hair, taking care to make it neat and pretty after his bed had messed it up. Small comforts like these helped him manage the toughest days, even if only just.
Maria was busy this morning, so there were no cooking lesson results for him to take as lunch. He made his way briskly out the door, Seizo waiting for him on the sidewalk outside.
"Again? Why can't you leave my weekday mornings alone? I'd like to have a peaceful walk to school, if you don't mind." Kamatari huffed in exasperation. Not waiting for Seizo to speak, he simply walked past him. As expected though, the 'it can wait' hint was missed entirely.
"It's not anything to be concerned about. Mostly things that could have been relayed by letter, but since Manzo insisted on sending me on such a bothersome errand this early I decided to stop by and talk to you in person."
"You needn't have bothered, then. A letter will do just fine for trivialities in the future, thank you," Kamatari informed him as he puzzled how much of his brief moments of relaxation Seizo would be stealing today.
"If you say so. In any case, I came to tell you that the first meeting we planned for later this week will be canceled. Manzo and I have something urgent to look into."
"Is it anything interesting?"
"Not really. Troublesome, but not in an interesting way," Seizo lamented as he fiddled with his already halfway unbuttoned uniform to undo yet another of them.
"Ah. I see. Is there anything else?"
"Yes. You stayed later on Friday evening than I did. How was the bar? Do you think it still meets our standards as a safe meeting location?"
"Ah..." Probably not, Kamatari wanted to say. But I can't tell them about Yvette finding me or they'll pick a new place. Probably somewhere horrible. "Yup. Best place we could have found. Nothing suspicious or dangerous."
"Good. We don't have to waste effort finding another, then."
"Ah! Kamatari! Kamatari over here!" cried a familiar voice.
"Y-Yvette?" She's come to find me. Are we that close now?
"Who is that?" Seizo questioned. He squinted at her as she was jogging toward them, her braid waving along behind her.
"That's Yvette. The one with the influential family that I made friends with the first day."
"The one whose house you're staying at?" Seizo again queried, turning his head and cocking an eyebrow at Kamatari. "And you're sure women aren't for you?"
"Really? You're really asking me that?" Kamatari glared at the older man, eyes narrowed in exasperation and a tinge of anger.
"Right, right. Sorry. Forgot who I'm dealing with. Anyhow, I'm leaving. I'll see you when Manzo and I finish what we're working on." Without another word or glance, Seizo turned and walked off in the opposite direction just as Yvette was coming within average earshot. Not that it mattered, considering they'd been speaking in Japanese.
"Morning! Who was that you were talking to?"
"Oh, no one. Just one of the government officials responsible for looking after me while I study here," he answered, the half-truth sliding out almost on instinct. His response seemed to relieve Yvette because she visibly let off some tension.
"Whew. I thought for a minute you'd been pretending to like men and had a boyfriend to help keep your secret," she said, with what Kamatari was interpreting as a sheepish expression.
"What? No, no, I'd never pretend to like men..." he started to reply, the irony of the moment hitting him halfway through.
"Oh good. I was a little worried," she told him, falling in beside him and indicating silently for the two of them to get to school.
"You were worried?" he asked, confused.
"Of course! Isn't it obvious I would be?" Yvette responded. Kamatari though merely tilted his head as the confusion continued. Looking at his face and deciding to drop it, Yvette changed the subject. "So, what should we have for lunch today?"
Zuri and Zara came to lunch looking entirely exhausted. They didn't say anything at all until their food was gone and even then the responses were lackluster. Kamatari had decided to give them some space about it, but Yvette wouldn't have it.
"You two look really worn out. Did something happen?" she asked.
"Oh, you can tell, huh?" Zara replied, drawing on the great degree of energy it required to speak. "Yeah. It's not very good."
"We had to stay and run the ballet rehearsal over and over again because the director was unhappy. The show is still two months away but..." Zuri sighed heavily and continued. "And then on Sunday a letter arrived from our parents telling us our aunt was getting too old to be reliable and that they want us to move back with them."
"That's awful! I don't know what I'd do if I lost you girls. Is there any chance you can change their minds?" Yvette's face as she inquired was remarkably downcast, like someone had just been kicked.
"It's possible I guess," Zuri theorized.
"I think so too. I'm pretty sure this only started because our aunt forgot to write a congratulatory letter for Mom and Dad's anniversary. And when she did she was a year off. She said she'd been wondering why they wanted such a big to-do about a 19th anniversary...Well, maybe we can calm them down. We're going to visit them again this weekend," Zara explained.
"What?! Why this weekend? I was gonna invite you two to have dinner with us while Kamatari was visiting..." Yvette pouted.
"Sorry, Yvette. But at least this way we won't be acting as a shield for you. You can get to know Kamatari much better without the two of us there to talk to," Zuri nudged Yvette, who was sitting next to her. Smiling, Yvette looked to Kamatari on her other side, meeting his eyes. He knew what she was remembering, and he smiled nervously in return, blushing noticeably red.
"Ok, now what was that?" Zuri asked.
"What was what?" Kamatari asked, feigning ignorance.
"You two seem kinda...different," said Zuri.
"Yeah. Yvette's looked at you that way before. But you've never responded that way." Zara squinted her eyes and went on. "What's going on here?"
"Uhm...Kamatari?" Yvette looked over at him. Her expression said they'd been found out.
"Over the weekend I...ran into Yvette. At a bar."
"Wait a minute. That bar, Yvette?" Zuri asked.
"Yes," she responded. "That bar."
"So then does that mean she's...?" Zuri continued.
"Yes, she is."
"I dunno..." Zara questioned verbally. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Why else would she go to such a place?" Yvette asserted. Her question hung in the air for a bit, each person at the table glancing about at the others. Kamatari held his breath. Nobody spoke. Settling awkwardly into the silence, the four students finished their lunches.
"Sorry about that," Yvette said as she walked beside Kamatari to their next class. "I'm not sure why that got so weird. They almost seemed skeptical. But they'll come around—I'm sure of it."
Kamatari said nothing, and merely grimaced at the memory of half an hour earlier. He wasn't sure what Zuri and Zara thought. To be honest though it wasn't the thing on the forefront of his mind. What he was most concerned about was the encroaching weekend. He had no idea who he would meet and how he would go about interacting. He could recall some lessons from long ago about Western manners of the upper class, but they were fuzzy and possibly outdated. His best plan for extracting information would be to sneak about the house when everyone else was asleep.
"Hey. Are you alright? We're here, you know." Yvette tapped Kamatari on the shoulder and motioned to a door. He turned to look. It was a changing room.
"What...what do we need to go in there for?"
"It's time for the weekly exercise period. They don't start it until this late in the term because it takes some time for new students to get acclimated to the place. But from here on we'll have this every week instead of the study period we had before." Yvette walked forward and pushed open the door and turned when she noticed that her friend wasn't following. "Come on. Let's go. We have to change so we won't be late."
Kamatari didn't respond as he walked with the braided girl into the changing room. It wasn't all that different than a changing room one might find at a public bath, he thought to himself. He walked cautiously behind Yvette, looking around. There were girls all about them, all in various states of undress. Undergarments covering chests, hips, and even discarded on benches. A few of the girls were staring at him he noticed. His nerves forced a little sound out, and Yvette turned to look at him.
"It's ok to relax, you know. They really don't mean anything by staring. It's just that you're new, and you're from a foreign country. And it doesn't hurt that you're..." Yvette's voice shrank as she went along, down to a near whisper, "really pretty."
"Yvette I...uhm..."
"What is it?" She inspected his face, leaning closer. "Ah! Don't tell me your shy! Is this normal for Japanese girls?"
"No! This is normal for me!" He abruptly snapped. "This is something about me, not about Japan. I just...don't like to change in front of other people."
"Oh. I can understand that." She put her hand on his shoulder. "If you really want to change mostly alone you can go into the wash room instead. I'll change right outside the door so nobody goes in after you, alright?" She shoves a fresh-looking set of exercise clothes into his arms.
"Thank you. I'll be right out."
The showers were dry, much to his relief. Though he could imagine what the washing would be like later. They would all probably be bathing in front of each other. Buckets and two spouts for drawing water indicated as much. He put the thought out of his head as he braced himself against the door. One thing at a time, he thought. Slipping out of the uniform as fast as he could, he donned the exercise clothes before Yvette had a chance to wonder if he was finished. Opening the door up and walking past his friend he placed his uniform in an open cubicle on the shelf.
"Ready to go?" she asked. Kamatari nodded and the two departed the changing room and exited onto the grassy outdoors.
Nearly two hours later, Kamatari and Yvette—still side-by-side—re-entered the changing room. They were engaged by a group of girls from their class, all enamored with Kamatari's performance on the field.
"You were amazing, Kamatari!" one girl exclaimed.
"Yeah! You're faster than Yvette, and you're almost as good at other things!" another added.
"No one's ever been able to beat Yvette in a race before!"
"Well, I like to stay fit. It's good for your health, you know?" Kamatari returned. His casual tone belied the little ego boost he was getting from all the adoration. "But thank you for your compliments. You're all very nice."
Yvette was merely looking down at him, a shy smile and a shake in her head.
"Goodness! Beauty and strength...next we'll see her shoot to the top of the class ranking."
"You have everything going for you, Kamatari! I'm jealous!"
"Well, thank you. I like to think I try very hard," he said, feeling an old sort of confidence come back to him. "But I should probably get dressed now." He waved and the gaggle of young women dispersed. He turned to Yvette, who was still smiling.
"They all seem to admire you," she said.
"No, I'm sure that was just flattery. They don't really think those things. They were just being polite, or maybe trying to cover their envy," he countered.
"Maybe a few. But I've interacted with most of these girls for many years. From what I know of them, what they said to you was true."
Kamatari blushed slightly and was about rebut her a second time when he stopped cold. He was standing before the wash room, now populated with many naked girls. He deflated instantly. He'd allowed the fun of the exercise and the compliments of the other girls to distract him from a huge dilemma. He looked back around to Yvette, concern evident in his features. She returned his gaze with a tender kindness.
"You're uncomfortable still. It's alright. Just wait out here, undress last, and wear a towel on your way in. You can take your time and adjust."
"O-ok..."
After all of the others had entered the bathing area, he quickly jumped out of his exercise uniform and wrapped the nearest large towel around his body. Opening the door and beholding the women before him, he felt he might lose his lunch along with his nerve. He stood at the edge of the wetness on the hard floor, looking about for Yvette. She noticed and came over to him.
"Yvette, I'm really not comfortable with this. Can't I just skip it and bathe at home later?"
"Kamatari, they'll never let you back in the classroom unclean. Besides, you need it. You worked up quite a sweat out there with your performance."
Note: Next time, don't do so well during exercise period, he thought to himself.
"Come on. Nothing's going to happen," she assured, pulling him by the arm into the room. She brought him to an empty spot near the one she'd been using, and went back to cleaning up. Trying to make the best of it, and not let his heart leap out of his mouth, Kamatari also began to wash himself. But it wasn't long before his additional garments were taken note of.
"What are you doing, Kamatari? You'll never get clean that way."
"You have to take the towel off, you know? Otherwise how will you get all the little spots?" The girl beside her smiled and leaned over to remove his towel. Instinctively, he withdrew from her touch.
"What's wrong? We're not going to hurt you or anything," said the girl to his other side. She put a hand on his shoulder as she too tried to take the towel away from him. Again he drew back, faster this time, as panic began rising up. He couldn't let them take the towel. He absolutely could not let anyone see! And yet other girls began to come forward, looking puzzled and reaching out. Some toward his hands, others toward the towel.
"Are you hurt?" one of them asked.
"If you got injured we have to look at it, no matter how much it hurts. You might need treatment."
No, no, no! Not this way! I can't let any of them see that!
"Girls! Give her some space!" commanded a powerful voice. Stepping forward, Yvette protectively held Kamatari by the shoulders from behind. "She's very shy, and being nude in front of others is extremely uncomfortable for her. You're making her upset, and you're crowding her!"
Kamatari stood very still. He was being held firmly, but in a tender and caring way. He noticed he had started to pant slightly and tried to regain his composure as he saw guilt trickle into the confusion on the faces of the other girls. He was saved. Once again, saved by Yvette's kindness and understanding.
"Go finish washing up, Kamatari. When you're done I'll get you your clothes and you can change in here."
Simply nodding, Kamatari returned to washing, as did the others. Recovering bit by bit, he mulled over what had just happened. And what had almost happened. He started to understand that he and Yvette were truly friends. She cared about his well-being, and despite himself, he realized that he cared about her too. A friend...he thought. A genuine friend. I don't remember the last time I had one. With his revelation, a tide of guilt washed over him. He was lying to his best and only close friend. And he would have to continue lying for as long as he knew her. Immediately he knew he was unworthy of her kindness.
He noticed the room emptying, so he stood up. As the last of the girls were leaving, he felt a hand placed on the small of his back. Look up and to his right, he met Yvette's eyes.
"I'll bring your clothes and an extra towel. Wait right here," she commanded. He watched her go, the guilt settling to the bottom of his stomach like a stone settles in a pool of water.
Being a spy really sucks.
Black mists cleared from his eyes and the surrounding earth. He was lying face down in the dirt. Confused and exhausted, he stood, muscles screaming with the motion. He looked about, taking in the scenery, and trying to remember where he'd seen it before.
"What a shame. You're not really very good at this spy thing, are you, Kamatari?"
His hair stood on end in the sudden realization of where he was. Back in that dream. Back with Shishio.
"Shishio-sama!" He spun about, looking around for his beloved, whom he found perched on a nearby mound of bones. The distant, pale light framed his form in an eerie fashion.
"You certainly didn't think I was finished with you yet, did you?" he said, the ghost of an evil smile pulling at his lips.
"No! No, I'm happy to see you again, Shishio-sama! I've longed to serve at your side again."
"Huhn. You weren't really by my side though, were you? I had Yumi and Soujiro for that, though Soujiro hasn't yet joined me in this place," he mused.
"Then-! Then I can be the best man for you! I can take Soujiro's place!"
Shishio laughed a dark but a mused laugh, refocusing his attention on Kamatari and the moment.
"No. That place belongs to Houji, now. I see no reason to give it to you," he said dryly. Kamatari's heart sunk from its momentary height. "Especially not for what you've become in my absence. You're s spy, not the warrior you used to be, and a poor spy at that. You've even come to be attached to a target."
"I...uh..." Unable to meet Shishio's eyes, Kamatari hung his head in shame.
"My. It's really that bad, isn't it?" Shishio went on. "If I didn't already know better, I'd say you'd fallen for her. You know, being secretly a man and all." Shishio smirked quietly from the top of his morbid throne, watching his words bite deep into Kamatari. And Kamatari knew that it was obvious the kind of pain Shishio was causing him by reminding him why he could never have been Shishio's woman—Yumi or no Yumi.
"You're right. I can't deny it. I'm not what I used to be, and I'm not sure why."
"No charm? No bravado? This isn't at all the Kamatari I knew. Well, maybe okama really are frail." Another bite. Kamatari wasn't sure how much more he could take. The man insulting him was the man he cared for more than anyone or anything. "You know, I could tell you what's changed if it would help."
"Please!" he lifted his head. "Tell me!"
Shishio leaped from the pile of bones, his feet crushing ones left scattered about the ground. He was in front of Kamatari, and so close that each wrinkle of the skin under Shishio's eyes was clearly visible.
"Because, in a manner of speaking, you're dead."
His eyes softly swept up, opening to the morning light once more. He had been in that place again. He had been with Shishio again. He wished dreams made sense. What's more, and despite the insults leveled at him, he wished that it hadn't been a dream. Nevertheless, life is for the living, and it marches on. It was Shishio's will that he live on, and he would fulfill the wishes of his beloved. Casting aside thoughts of the dream with some difficulty, he sat up and began to ready himself for the day. With the aid of his uniform he was able to quiet his restless mind. Friday would be arriving very soon, and he had preparations to attend to before he could meet Yvette's parents.