CHAPTER FOUR! STEVIE STU!
Exerpt from: How to be perfect, Pg 29.
When you want something, do not hesitate to take it. Mary-sues deserve riches beyond the commen folks dreams, and be loved unconditionally. Those who do not love a Mary-sue, is not human. We are perfect beings, almost God-like, and must be loved. If we are not loved, then we die. So love us! Love us and never let us go!
"HIIIIYAAAAAAAA! TAKE THAT! AND THAT! WAAA CHAR CHAR!" Ai screeched, swinging her paint brush every were, as well as splattering paint. Natsume ducked as a glob of wight paint flew at her head.
"AI! STOP THAT!" Natsume yelled in her best teacher voice. Already stopped Saya from almost destroying another house, and Dango from eating all the apples. Ai sniffed sadly, but went back to painting the fence normaly. Natsume sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. Why did she have to be forced with such ungodly Mary-sues?
"YEAH! WE GOT ARE FIRST C-RANK!" Naruto Uzumaki yelled as he and team 7 passed. Ai stopped painting, looking up frowning.
"What? Sasuke-Kuuun got a C-rank...and we cant even get a S-rank? THAT'S CRUEL!" Ai screamed, sobbing into Natsumes shirt.
"Well if its so cruel stow away or something." Course Natsume-sensei was being sarcastic... but that didn't stop Dango's brain from turning. Dango smiled evilly and pulled out a random summoning scroll that said, "Summon dah Marry-Sue trio."
Dango snuck up behind Naruto and suddenly glomped him, and seemingly butt raped him, before running away laughing all crazy like.
"... What the fuuuuuuuck" Naruto said sweat dropping.
"NARUTO!" Sakura screamed pounding him on the head, and than mysteriously was hit by a rock. A secretly evil Hyuuga smiled at her good rock throwing skills. Sakura looked around, rubbing her head confused.
Ai sniffed, then went back to painting slowly.
Kakashi thanked what ever kami was out there that he was stuck with these three lunatics, and not the Mary-sues.
"Kakaaashiiii! Help meeee!" Natsume wailed, crying pitifully. Kakashi looked at her, then pulled out his book walking away.
THWUMP!
"DON'T EVER WALK AWAY FROM SENCEI WHEN SHES TALKING TO YOU EVER AGAIN YOU HEAR ME?" Saya screamed, after hitting Kakashi in the head with her paint can.
"Ya!" Ai shouted. "...Freak!"
"Nice one Ai!" Dango gave her a thumbs up, grinning happily. Ai smiled, and went back to painting.
Kakashi rubbed his head glanced at Natsume and shruged.
"I am NOT getting caught up in THAT." He said causing Natsume to sob pitifuly. Another paint can zoomed past his head. Kakashi flinched, stepping to the side.
"How dare you make Sencei cry! what kind of knight in shining armor are you?" Ai shouted angrily.
Kakashi sighed.
"Well I'm not a knight in shining Armor." He said looking at his book, and walking away.
"I LOVE YOU KAKASHI!" Saya yelled waving hakerchef dabing at her nose. Ai rolled her eyes, not understanding why saya was in love with an old man, no matter what he mite look like under that mask.
000
"OMG WHY THE FUCK IS MY PANTS SO HEAVY? DATABEYO!" Naruto yelled spazing. Sasuke's Head turned roboticly towards Naruto.
"Your... pants are.. heavy?" Sakura asked confused.
"Yeah ever sense Dango butt raped me." Naruto said nodding sagely. Sasuke twitched at that comment, anger bubbling from no where at Dango. Naruto dug in his pocket, pulling out a scroll frowning.
"Its really...heavy..." Naruto broke the seal, letting it unroll.
BANG!
All four ninjas jumped in surprize as smoke filled the small road side team seven was at.
"DANGO WAZABI!"
"AI NAKAHARA"
"AND SAYA MCNUGGLES!"
"WE ARE~" Dango cryed out as the smoke was wiped away by random gust of wind,
"THE POWER PUFF NINJA'S~" They all cryed at once, capes flowing in the wind.
.
.
"What the fuuuuuck." Naruto and Sasuke chimed in horror.
"I'm glad you called us Naruto-Kun!" Dango yelled running over to Naruto and hugging him.
"KAKASHI I LOVE YOU!" Saya declared, making kakashi twitch in horror.
"If only you were hear Shikamaru Nara, my one true love~" Ai sang staring up at the sky. Sasuke felt his eye twich as the insanity unraveled around him, taking what he knew of the world...
And utterly crushing it.
"Get off me! I don't even know you!" Naruto shouted in horror.
"Silly! we have been going to the same academe for who knows how long!"
"THREE DAYS!" Naruto shouted, but Dango ignored him.
"I mean I'm surprised you haven't fallen for me yet. I AM perfect you know." Dango said posing for Naruto. He shuddered, pushing Dango away and running behind Sakura. Ai was picking dandelions, and popping the heads off them sadly.
Dango pouted at Naruto and shook her head.
"Its OK. It will take some time. I'm sure my perfect beauty has simply dazzled your mind." Dango nodded sagely and turned to Kakashi who was fending of Saya with a stick, her one... weakness. Her kryptinight. Her nemesis. The. .Doom.
"I WILL HAVE YOU KAKASHI! YOU CAN NOT RESIST MY BEAUTY!" Saya screamed int o the heavens.
"Yes I can." Kakashi monotoned.
"NO YOU CANT! ACTIVATE FAIRY POWAH!"
"WERE MOON PRINCESSES DAMN YOU!" Dango screamed at Saya, throwing a rock at her head but missed miserably.
"lalalallala!" Saya sang beautifully surrounded in a green glow. She twirled some, letting her clothes disintegrate, and be replaced by a breath taking dress of diamond.
Kakashi didn't even look up from his book.
"KYAAAAAAAA!~~ ITS A PUDDLE! NOOOOOO!" Ai screamed, running away from a small puddle and hiding behind Sasuke. He pushed her away emoly.
"Go away brat." he grunted.
"b b but! its a puddle!" she whispered, materializing behind him again.
"hn." He pushed her away again, stepping aside when she ran at him. Ai slammed into a tree, sliding to the ground.
"Sasuke-kun! How come you hurt Ai?" Dango asked giving Sasuke puppy dog eyes.
"Hn."
"I WILL LOVE YOU TOO!" Dango declared.
"Naruto and Sasuke and Me. We will be the fearsome threesome!" Dango laughed madly as two ninja sat listening in the puddle shivered.. Kakashi looked up from his book, wondering why the puddle moved.
"No." Sasuke and Naruto deadpanned.
"...but... i love you both and i cant possibly chose." Dango said thoughtfuly, as the ninja decided they would kill her first. She was disgusting them after all.
SPLUSH SPLUSH!
"NO THE PUDDLE CAME ALIIIVVVVE!" Ai screamed running up a tree in fear of her kryptinight. "SHIKAMARU SAAAAAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Back in the leaf village, a cold wind blew through the Nara compound, sending shivers up a certain lazy ninjas spine.
Chains wrapped around Kakashi, because Dango hide behind him, and sliced him to peaces, much to Dango's sadness, and Saya's horror.
"MY BEAUTIFUL KAKASHI-SAMA! HOW DARE YOU!" Saya burst into chakra flames and grabbed the two chunin by the throught instantly killing them.
"DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!"
"Saya! there dead!" Ai yelled.
"...oh." the chakra died down and the Mary-sue dropped the two chunin with a sniff.
Kakashi dropped down from a tree, visible eye wide. "Well...that was...unexpected..." he said frowning.
"Psh, what do you expect? Were Mary-sues." Ai said laughing.
Sasuke's eye's were wide in shock.
"How...?"
"Sasuke-Kun, we do not share the book of Mary Stevy Sue Stu unless they are proven worthy. If one is worthy they are granted with unimaginable power!" Dango said in a misty voice, holding a pink fuzzy book to her chest, birds and rainbows in the back ground. Ai nodded, grinning happily.
"The secrets are only for thoes who can keep to the Mary Stevy Sue Stu pledge of allegiance!" Saya yelled, pointing to the sky as if the pledge was just going to scribble its self in the stars like the beginning of star wars.
"Ah the beautiful pledge." Dango sighed happily looking to the stars as well...
"Why are you staring into the sun?" Kakashi asked confused.
Eveyone ignored him in faver of sasuke who was in Dagos face in a nano secent.
"Tell me the pledge."
"Hmm you have the right attitude i guess, and you do appear Stevy Stu... what say you Ai-Chan?" Dango asked curiously.
"Hmm..." Ai circled around Sasuke, as well as Dango and Saya. "He is well groomed, the properties of a Stu. His hair has a lush to it only a Stevie could do, but his personality." Ai stopped circling and looked Sasuke strait in the eye.
"You are too emo. You must embrace the happy flowers, and joyful sunshine of the optimistics!" She declared, pointing a finger at Sasuke. Dango nodded.
"And than, KABASH! you say the pledge and the world is your power! I The Pinaple princess holds the power of lightning and wind!" Dango shouted, "With never ending chakra reserves only mary sues and naruto can achieve!"
"Oi don't bring me into this! Dattabayo."
Sasuke twitched. "What do i... have to do?" he asked slowly, as if trying not to throw up. "To be...optimistic...?"
"You have to beleive in everyone! even when you know there going to lose!" Saya said suddenly.
"Oh, and when you are faced with an opponent, you crush them utterly, in the kindest way possible, while humiliating them, and showing them the right way in life. The way of worshiping the marry sue." Dango said nodding.
"At least you get to shower them in flowers." Ai said dropping some flowers on the two dead chunin.
"Agreed." Saya said nodding.
"Fine.." Sasuke said desiding he needed the power.
"First and foremost, you must take the pledge." Dango said handing the book to Ai.
"set your hand on the book, and hold your other hand eye level." She instructed. Sasuke did so, eye twitching. Every one couldn't help but watch as Sasuke condemned himself to misery.
"Repeat after me. "I pledge to be perfect, in mind, body and beauty.'" Ai said slowly.
"I pledge to be perfect, in mind body and...beauty." Sasuke quoted, chokeing slightly.
"'To live in the wonderful sun-lit world, and to hold the codes of the Mary Stevie Sue Stu dearly to my heart.'"
"To live in the...wonderful sun-lit world, and to hold the codes of the Mary Stevie Sue Stu dearly to my heart"
"'I will banish the ugly imperfectness from my body, and mind. i give my whole soul to the book, and will live and die a Stevie Stu.'"
"I will banish the ugly imperfectness from my body and mind. i give my whole soul to the book, and will live and die a Stevie Stu." Sasuke said, glaring hatefully at the pink fuzzy book.
The book suddenly gave an eary light and it shot into sasuke, filling him with the power of... The Evil Stevy. Ai grinned holding the book high over her head.
"Welcome to the fellowship of the book!" Ai cried happily.
"Now UZUMAKI NARUTO,! IT IS YOUR TURN!"
"NEVER!" Naruto screamed throwing kuni at Dango who smirked and used her mind to control them and push them away, like the marry-sue she is.
"And now that you have joined Sasuke, your first task is to give complements to... everyone." Ai said ominously.
Sasuke's head snapped around with a sharp crack.
"What!"
Omaki:
This is what we misspelled and came out funny:
"Welcome to the fellowshit of the nook!"
Akatsukilvr: THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING! this story is really amusing to write...STAY TUNED FOR CHAPTER FIVE! UHF! OUT!
Me: WAIT! we have four reviews, two of witch were flames, and one of which was a death threat... THANK YOU! please flame us some more! We are masochists and we like it!