A/N: It's been forever, but please understand. I don't want to tell you guys the exact situation I'm in, but there has been a tragedy within my immediate family. I wasn't even going to finish any of my fics, but then I reminded myself that writing is what I do, my outlet. So this chapter is inspired by all the anger, frustration, and deep sadness I've been feeling. There really is no correlation or anything, but those feelings did give me the power to write this and post this. Thank you for understanding. I don't know when I'll be updating anymore, just whenever. I try to keep it steady by I don't know what will be happening a week or a month from now. Please stay with my fics! Sorry if this chapter sucks, btw.

7.

Finn was lying down on the couch in the basement to be away from his family. He has no idea how his mom is doing right now. She was released from the hospital yesterday. He hasn't seen her since he went in with Rachel. He doesn't want to see her. Not yet.

Finn is torn. Maybe being an adult is actually very hard. He remembers parents always telling him that as a kid. "Things get tougher when you grow up and become an adult." Right. He never believed that one. He thought being an adult meant freedom from everything and everyone. It was always something he had looked forward to.

But now he's wishing he could go back in time. A good spot for him would be eighth grade. He and Rachel were already declared 'friend-mates' (in his mind at least). Rachel was turning into a very pretty teenager. Of course Quinn Fabray was the prettiest through his eyes and he had a total crush on the blonde, but that didn't stop the reality of his best friend. Her dark hair had been cut to her shoulders and she would have it hang in loose curls. Her bangs were grown out fairly long by then, too, pushed to one side and framing her face. She wore mascara and a very light pink lip gloss on her plump lips. When she smiled everything just lit up. Her body was still oddly short and small, but her waist was starting to dip in and her hips were starting to jut out. Not to mention the slight development of boobs.

Other than Rachel's body taking a change, his was too. Really the only difference was that he was now 5'9 and a half, the oaf of his class. He was teased but was popular too, so people gave him respect.

Anyways, eighth grade was a good year. Not only because of the developing bodies but also because of the events. He was quarterback of the middle school football team all year. No more upperclassmen to take over his position. Plus he had never looked appealing to the coaches before since he was the runt of the litter. Their team almost made it to state, if it weren't for Karafsky making a nasty fumble at the regionals game. He was so close to making a touchdown. Dave got some heat because of that.

Quinn Fabray as well as many other girls totally had their eyes on him. He never accepted any dates trying to be hard to catch (and because his mom wouldn't let him go out with a girl until he was in high school), but they followed him with rosy cheeks and puckered lips. Rachel always found that to be the most annoying thing ever.

"I get it; you're extremely good looking. But does that mean they have to follow you around with their tongues hanging from their mouths?" She exasperatedly said at the lunch table.

"You think I'm hot?" He grinned, teasing her.

People were pretty chill with Finn hanging out with Rachel then, too. It wasn't until freshman year when they started being mean to her. Finn still thinks (knows) to this day that they only bully Rachel because she's an easy target. Rachel doesn't like to fight with people. People she doesn't know at least. They can attack her with their words and she'll bite her tongue and let them go. Her self-esteem was the most fragile thing in the world. That's why he always tried to build it up by making her feel good. Plus, it wasn't that hard to compliment her since she was so perfect.

Freshman year had gone by pretty slowly. He struggled in his classes, but with the help of Rachel, maintained a C average report card which his mother approved of. He had a hard time getting the football coaches to look at him again since the seniors were outshining him. The girls that once followed him found some upperclassmen to hit on and he was just a guy. Of course he was still popular in his grade. But in the entirety of the high school he was just fresh-meat.

Sophomore year was the best, really, but the worst too. It was the best because he experienced so much on his own. Finn became super popular. Finn was the quarterback of the high school football team. It wasn't just football that he shone in though. Basketball and baseball were very strong suits of his as well, and he was even the team captain of the baseball team. With his athleticism came tons of friends and tons of girls who wanted to be with him. He got his driver's license at the beginning of the school year and had full permission to take girls out on dates. And the first girl he got to take out?

Quinn Fabray. The smoking hot blonde Cheerio. If you could see the new cheerleading uniforms Coach Sylvester had ordered for the Cheerios that year, you would cream your pants. Those skirts were like crunchy toast and he could practically see the girls' ovaries when they bent over in them.

Quinn was on her way to stardom in the school too. She was captain of the Cheerios and super-hot so she pretty much was given popularity. He went out on a date with her and they ended up becoming a couple. The power couple, after about a month or two of dating.

While all this was happening, Finn was trying to hold onto his relationship with Rachel. But the thing was… Quinn didn't like him spending time with "man hands" and Rachel didn't approve of his relationship with "Barbie". In the end, he made the decision to dump Quinn because Rachel was way cooler and understood him. He never told anyone besides Rachel, but he actually did care about feelings and stuff. He liked when people supported him, believed in him, and encouraged him. Rachel did those things daily (up until recent events at least) whereas Quinn always was putting him down. She constantly reminded him of how stupid he is and how he would never make it out of Lima.

Of course he knew those things himself. Having someone point it out consistently just made reality even shittier.

While he chose Rachel's friendship over being a couple with the hottest, most popular girl at school, that didn't mean that Rachel chose him over herself. He had spent so much time with Quinn and popularity that five months of the school year had passed. Finn hardly knew what Rachel was up to in any depth, which is unusual for them since they knew everything there is to know in their lives. He had blown her off too many times and she was hesitant to pick things back up where they had left off.

Rachel was the most passionate, determined girl he knew. As soon as one of her projects checked out (i.e. Finn) she picked up another one. She decided to restart the high school Glee Club, focus on her future Broadway career and school studies to get there, and even found herself a boyfriend.

Finn was totally cool with all of that, with one exception. The Glee Club turned out to be a huge success. Look at them their senior year of high school; the team has a mixture of popular kids and labeled 'losers'; an awesome advisor and musical genius, Mr. Schuester; three sectionals trophies, two regionals trophies, and a pending nationals trophy; and it gave Rachel, and other not so popular members, friends. Rachel's dedication to becoming the valedictorian of their class to increase the appeal from the big New York colleges she was to apply to senior year had turned out in her favor as she did get the position as well as many academic scholarships. She invested a lot of time in vocal and dance lessons and by the summer of sophomore year she was singing better than she ever had.

But she got a boyfriend. A real grade-A douchebag. Jesse St. James was a senior at Carmel High, a school forty five minutes from William McKinley High. He was the captain of their glee club and had won their team, Vocal Adrenaline, three national championships, almost four. He wasn't the brightest kid when it came to common sense or books, but when you talked about music and dance he knew everything there was to know.

He too, like Rachel, wanted nothing more than to be a star and would heading to UCLA after his graduation to get there. Rachel was absolutely head over heels in love with this guy while he showed little interest in her whatsoever. But after WMHS glee club performed at Regionals against Vocal Adrenaline (and lost), Jesse pulled aside the loud singing petite brunette and asked her out.

Finn can remember when Rachel told him about all of this, too.

"He said, and I quote exactly right now, 'You're decent. Let's go out,'" She squealed excitedly, "So direct, right? It's incredibly appealing to my interests!"

Finn rolled his eyes, "I don't like him."

"Well I didn't like Quinn, and that didn't stop you from dating her for all that time," Rachel huffed.

"But that was-."

"No different than me going out with Jesse," She interrupts. "Well, it kind of is I guess. Because Jesse actually cares about me. And I won't just ditch you to make out with him under the bleachers after football games."

He sucks in his breath, "I apologized for that. You don't need to drag it up all the time."

"Whatever," She shakes her head. "Finn, if you're not going to respect my decisions to date whomever I want, then this really isn't going to happen again between you and me. I miss the old you. The guy who wasn't always looking around to see if people were watching him talk to the unpopular hobbit."

"I really regret all of this year, Rachel. I just… I let my reputation become the only reason to live. I didn't have any sense of direction this year," He explains.

"I could have been the guide," Rachel softly offers with sad eyes.

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm incredibly sorry and I will not let you down anymore when it comes to us, okay? I promise you that I will try to get things back to the way they were. And if they can't go back to the way they were, I'm willing to change and transition into a new version of our friendship. I'm willing to do anything for us to be friends."

"Even if it means you have to accept me dating Jesse?"

"I don't even know the guy at all, and so far by what you've said he doesn't really sound someone I'd get along with. Maybe because this is your first boyfriend-boyfriend or whatever, but… yes. I accept the fact that you are dating Jesse."

She smiles so brightly and lunges herself into his arms, finding that the hug isn't awkward like all the others they've shared recently. She's fitting in his embrace just like it used to and it's warm and comfortable and… this will be good. This will be good for them. He can just feel it.

Obviously things turned out for the better for them. Jesse broke her heart during the summer (shocker) and Finn had avenged his best friend by punching the guys face a few times. Junior year ran smoothly for them friendship wise. People left them alone. Of course there was the occasional bully, but Rachel could handle that. Finn joined glee club and turns out he's a pretty good singer and yeah, he's played the drums for like ever, so he was kind of thought to be musically inclined. He became the lead next to Rachel for big competitions, and although they didn't win nationals that year, or placed for that matter, they at least made it there to perform.

So maybe junior year would be a good year to go back to. But still… being a kid is still way more appealing to him. Because sure last year rocked, but it was also a time to think of what to do with the future. And of course Rachel was already talking about New York colleges and he was sort of just hoping he'd graduate and get a decent job he could survive with.

If he could live a life where he didn't have to worry about doing anything but have fun and feel young, everything would be perfect. It'd just be him, his family, Rachel, and his friends. There wouldn't be any talk of colleges and tests and shit like that. It'd just be 'let's go to the lake' or 'let's throw a party and have a super fun time together'.

But that stuff doesn't just happen, unfortunately. Because when you grow up your priorities change from having fun to paying bills and crap like that.

Finn's head hurts like a bitch and his eye that is perfectly bruised from that hairbrush stunt Rachel pulled is throbbing wildly. He doesn't even want to think of going back to school tomorrow. He doesn't want to face Rachel, he doesn't want to have to worry about all of this crap anymore.

He just wants to stop wasting his time he has left with his best friend.

When Finn arrived at school that dreary Monday morning, he expected Rachel to be standing at his locker, ready to argue with him some more. However, she wasn't there, nor was she at her locker. When he got to his study hall he has with her during third period and she was nowhere to be found, he didn't think anything of it. She probably just skipped today because she herself was having a hard time.

So he waited until tomorrow to see her. And even though he knew there'd be a lot of shit that had to be said, he still was anxious to see her. But she wasn't there. And on Wednesday she didn't show up either.

Finn was starting to get seriously worried. Rachel never missed school, never. So that night at dinner he asked his brother.

"Have you talked to Rachel recently?" He questions seriously.

A strange look appeared on Kurt's face and he quickly shook his head an looked down at the meatloaf his mom had made.

"No, I haven't... why?"

"Okay, obviously you have," Finn rolls his eyes. "Just… what's wrong? Where has she been?"

"I don't know, Finn," Kurt looks up with wide eyes.

"God damn it, Kurt!" Finn explodes, dropping his fork onto his plate and standing up so fast the chair he had been sitting in toppled back and fell to the floor.

"Finnegan!" His mother gasped.

"Just leave me alone, all of you!" Finn outbursts, kicking the chair out of his way and making his way to his bedroom. His stupid fucking cowboy wallpaper clad bedroom where his head hits the ceiling at certain points and his feet hang off his bed at all times.

He throws himself down on his bed and kicks his shoes off, letting them fall to the floor directly below where his feet hovered in the air. Finn was just so… so frustrated that this was happening. He wanted to know that his mother was safe, he wanted to know that Rachel was safe, he just wanted everyone to be good, but no one is.

"Finn," A soft voice comes from his closed door. Damn walls are paper thin. A knock follows and then the voice says, "please let me come in."

"Okay," He says to his mother.

Carole walks in the room and sits down on the chair by his desk. His screensaver is currently playing all the photos he had on his computer. After a photo of some Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model flashes by, a photo of his family and Rachel appears and he just breaks down. Like, tears are literally pouring from his eyes and he feels like his body is going to just… just break down or something.

"Oh, baby, shh, it's alright, it's alright," Carole soothes, coming over to his bed and sitting down on the edge so she can rub his back gently.

"Everyone is upset with me and I just feel so shitty," He murmurs into his pillow.

"No one is upset with you," Carole argues.

"Yeah you are, don't lie. You told me how disappointed you are in me and that you don't approve of the choices I'm making-."

"I was just sad, Finn. I said those things because I was sad. You're my baby and I don't even want to think of you… of you being in the position your father was in, you know? I lost one love off in war, I can't lose another. But I understand why you want to do this, Finn. I understand that you're doing this to honor him. And honestly this may be the best option for you. You can take college courses while you're there and then when you're done you can get a job that you love here. I… I actually think it's a great plan," She admits.

Finn turns his face away from the pillow, sniffling at the runny nose he had and blinking at the tear filled eyes.

"You do?"

"Yes, sweetheart. And it's a great risk and I know that things could… they could end badly, but… but if this is what you want to do, this is what you will do. And I promise you that I will be so proud of you every day and every night for your devotion to this country."

The soft sincerity in his mother's voice causes him to feel like things might work out fine. That this sucks, sure, but… it'll get better.

"Rachel…" He sighs, reminding himself of his next issue.

"She's hurting right now, Finn, understand that. When your father told me he was going to be enlisting I was exactly like her. An emotional wreck," Carole explains.

"Yeah, but Rachel's not like my fiancé or anything like dad was to you," Finn argues.

"You love Rachel, right?" Carole asks.

"Of course."

"It still hurts. Doesn't matter if it's friendship love or romantically involved love. It still hurts when a loved one goes."

He lies back down, letting this sink in. He never thought of how bad he'd feel if Rachel left. Well, like left for war or something. Obviously she was leaving, really soon too, but he knew she'd be safe. She's a smart girl and she was going to a really good school in a very nice area in the city. Sure there was still a risk and he'd be worried constantly, but really, nothing would happen.

College. NYADA. Auditions!

"Rachel had her audition on Sunday! Shit, I totally forgot about that. I'm such an ass-."

"Okay, just because I approve of your decision to enlist does not mean I approve of the use of expletives in my house. Watch your language, Finn. And please come back downstairs to eat dinner. Kurt feels really bad and I believe you have a chair to pick up."

Of course Mom mode had to click back in.

"I'll go pick up the chair and I'll deal with Kurt later. Right now I need to talk to Rachel. Thanks mom, I love you," Finn stands up and before he leaves, bends back down to give his mother a kiss on the cheek.

He's out of his room so fast he barely hears his mother reply with an "I love you, too".

"Finn! What are you doing here? And why are you so sweaty and breathless?" Hiram queries.

"I… I'm here to see," He pauses to take a deep breath. "I'm here to see Rachel."

So… he kind of ran to Rachel's place. It really is only five blocks from his place, but he was in this like dead sprint. It would've been easier to take his truck, but… well he was powered by adrenaline.

"Oh… well, Rachel isn't here," Hiram casts his glance behind him guiltily.

"Hiram, I know… Look, I know that Rachel is really mad at me right now, and she's super upset with my choice to join the military, but I really need to talk to her. I know that she's home."

"Finn, sweetheart," Hiram sighs sadly. "Rachel doesn't want to see you right now. Although I respect your decision to enlist, I also must respect my daughter's wishes to be alone right now. She's had a really rough week."

"She's missed a lot of school," Finn dejectedly states. "I'm worried. Is she sick or anything?"

"No, no. She's in perfectly great physical health. But, like I said, she's had a rough-."

"Hiram, who's here," Leroy's voice booms behind the doorframe. Finn's eyes adjust and he looks into the foyer to see Rachel's other dad, the big scary one, appear next to his partner.

"Oh, Finn," Leroy's voice lightens. "I wanted to actually speak with you."

There's this serious note at the end and Hiram looks up to Leroy with a confused gaze. Leroy just stares deeply back and Hiram nods slightly.

"I'll see you around Finn. It was nice seeing you."

Finn is so damn confused at this moment. Like, what the hell was that look they shared? What's going on?

"Um, it was nice seeing you too," Finn sputters.

Leroy turns to face Finn once again, stepping through the threshold and closing the front door behind him.

"Sit down with me, son," Leroy speaks smoothly as he crosses the deck over to the swinging bench. Finn nods and follows behind, sitting down next to the older man. Leroy was always the strict parent of Rachel. Of course Finn had crazy respect for the guy and, yeah, Leroy was there for him before Burt to do guy stuff like going to baseball games and stuff. But Leroy scared the shit out of him. And right now, Finn's feeling really anxious as to what they need to "talk" about.

"So you're joining the Army?" Leroy questions, an eyebrow popping up.

"Yes, sir," Finn responds.

Leroy chuckles lightly, "I think that you'll do just fine. I know that most people are going to freak out on you. I remember those days."

And then it sort of hits Finn. Those days… Leroy has been in Finn's position! Leroy was in the Marines for 8 years after high school. He knew what it was like to have the people you love 'freak out on you', as he so wisely stated.

"You experienced this too, right? I mean, when you told your mom and your girl… I mean-."

"Yes, believe it or not Finn I did date a girl before I found out that I was completely into men," Leroy laughs again.

Finn has to laugh too because seriously, why was he such a dumb shit at times?

"Well, I mean I'm not dating Rachel, but… you know we're really, really close. Obviously you know that… What was your girlfriend like when you told her, though?"

"She broke up with me when I told her. Didn't want to deal with it. She wasn't that into me anyways," Leroy explains simply.

Finn slumps down slightly.

"But that's a good thing for you to hear, right? Rachel didn't brush you off forever. She just wants to separation. Figure things out. After her NYADA audition… I'm not sure how she's feeling," He admits.

"What happened?" Finn's face contorts into a look of horror. He hopes to God that Rachel didn't…

"She choked."

Shit.

"What… what does that mean?"

"Well, she won't be in a class with Miss Tibideaux for sure. But the real fright is that she might not get in anymore at all."

"What? But… it clearly was just a fluke. She's so talented they'd be stupid for not accepting her into their college."

"I know, that's what I tell her. But she doesn't believe me. Right now she's not applying herself. If the school loses interest in her, they could take away her full ride scholarship. If she gets another chance, which I'm sure she will, she would have to give it her A-game. But I don't think she will be strong enough to do that. I would hate for her to lose her chances."

"Maybe I should talk to-."

"No," Leroy cuts off sternly. "She's made it clear that she's not ready to see you. I wasn't supposed to tell you about her audition either, but I thought you should know. I just wanted to tell you that I'm proud of you Finn, and no matter who says what or does what, your decision is a good one if you intend to do your best during your service."

"I do."

"Good, then there shouldn't be a problem. I've got to get going. CNN News Channel is calling my name. I'll see you later, Finn."

Finn stands up and shakes hands with Leroy before turning down the driveway to leave. When he's out on the street he looks back at the modern house the Berry's reside in. The corner window on the right is Rachel's. The light is on, signaling that she's in there. He moves forward a bit and tries to see if he can catch a glimpse of his favorite girl, but he can't see far into the room. All he can see is the wall with an enlarged Playbill of the musical 'Hair'.

Finn wants nothing more than to climb up to her window, crawl in, and hold Rachel while she mourns over messing up her audition. He wants to know how it happened and how she's feeling and he wants to make her feel better. He hates seeing her be sad.

And he hates how he's part of that sadness she's currently feeling.