Everything I've Ever Known
A/N: Sorry for the months later update. Between college and two jobs I've had no time for anything. Luckily one of my jobs is on a light load right now so here is the result. I think I need a beta, I read over this thing 100 times before I even thought about putting it out and it's still long as hell. The next chapter's point of view will be split between Ron and Draco, let's see how that works out.
Please read and review. I don't own anything by the way.
Chapter 5: He's Not Leaving
"Do you really want to know?" I ask him, looking down at my hands. There's no use in lying to him. He deserves the truth, he needs to know it. Once you tell him, you'll lose him. A voice chimes in the back of my mind. No, he wouldn't just walk away; he's too noble for that. So he will stay with you because it's the right thing to do, not because he wants to. Once you tell him everything he'll see you as used goods. Nothing more, nothing less. Just like all the rest. He wouldn't.
"I'm not some piece of trash, you know." I say before I can stop myself as I look up. He takes my hand in his and looks at me.
"I know you're not a piece of trash. In fact you're a piece of mango." He smiles at me, god how I love that smile. We both chuckle for a moment, but the looming feeling is still there. As if a rain cloud is above us just waiting to drench us in its tears.
"Are you sure you want to know Ron?" I ask him, in hopes he'll say no, but knowing he'll say yes.
"If you want to tell me, then yes. If you don't want to Draco, I can bring Madame Pomfrey and you can tell –"
"No, no, no. I'd rather tell you than Pomfrey who's a total stranger." He was serious in what he said, and the sadness dripping in his voice made me want to hold him and protect him. Once he knows everything, I know that sadness will turn into anger. A stray tear falls from my eye; I can't stop them from coming in time. I move to wipe it away when Ron brushes it away with his thumb. We stare into each other's eyes for a moment, however brief it was. In that moment his eyes told me he was strong enough to take it and I told him I didn't think he was with mine.
"It was Lucius."I look down as I whisper so low he could barely hear me. I can feel his body tense and the hand on my cheek go stiff. I look back up to him and see the shock on his face and the wheels turning in his head as if he's trying to figure out why.
"Your father did this to you?" He asks with a raspy voice, I can hear the break in his voice.
"That… thing is not my fucking FATHER!" I yell at him, I can feel the heat in my cheeks. "That thing has no human feelings and everything he does is inhumane! He's a fucking monster!" I yelled at him again. Why am I yelling at him? He moves back slightly, He's scared of me.
"I di-" Ron was cut off by someone bursting into the room.
We both look to the door and standing there is Severus. He rushes over to me and sits opposite to Ron.
"Draco," Sev hugs me and holds me tight for a moment. This is my father, the closest thing I have to a dad, a caring, understanding, and loving dad. "What happened?" He let go and looked at me. For some reason while looking into his eyes I felt ashamed and looked down. I hug him once more, this time I think my grip on him was too tight, but I didn't care. I can't bear to look at him. He would tell me the same thing he always has, it's not my fault. That's not true, far from it. This was my own fault. If only I had done better, if only I did what I was told. I'm crying now, for how long? I couldn't tell you. I begin to shake as I burry my head in my true father's chest.
"Draco, what happened?" He pulled away from me, his hand under my chin, moving my head so that I'd look up at him. I held out my wrist that held faint scars, a result from the healing potion. "Oh, Draco. It's ok. I'm here, he's gone. He can't get to you now." That's what they've said since the summer, but it's not true. He gets to me almost every day, every night.
I glanced at Ron as Sev pulled be back to his chest. He had a look of shock on his face, he was glance between Sev and me. I guess Sev, like me, has always put up a great façade. He cleared his throat, breaking Sev and I out of our hug. Sev looks around and notices that 6 other people are in the room. Blaise, Seamus, Harry, Hermione, McGonagall, and Dumbledore are all looking at us curiously. Within an instant that façade is back up, I wouldn't expect any less, I smiled.
"Mr. Malfoy, I-"
"Don't call me that, Dumbledore." I felt the heat rise within me, I feel like I'm ready to fly off the handle. "You call me that and you make me out to be just like him."
"I do apologize Draco, but this has been going on for far too long. Since your first year here at Hogwarts, I've always found it odd that you're in the Infirmary more frequently than Mr. Potter. I, as the Headmaster of this school, refuse to let you return to the Senior Malfoy estates."
"But Professor-"
"Draco, a child of your age should not have to go through this." He paused and looked at me, his eyes were filled with concern. I couldn't bear to look at him. After all I've done, I don't deserve his concern. "Draco, I know about your wear a bouts in this school, I have monitored you since Senior Malfoy requested private meetings with you in your first year after Mr. Potter made the Quiddich team. After Senior Malfoy exited the room, I walked in and saw you picking yourself off the floor."
I feel betrayed, no one besides them have ever seen me like that. Dumbledore would have never let it gone as far as it has if he only knew.
"Ever since then I've been monitoring your 'meetings' with the Senior Malfoy. After those meetings there always seemed to be anti-bacteria cream, gauzes, and a heavy amount of bandages go missing. You have to understand, I am not allowed to stop one from disciplining their child that is not within my power. If I had only known that Senior Malfoy developed a Portkey to enter the grounds… Draco, as Headmaster of this school, and also as a person who cares for your well being, I refuse to allow you to return to the Malfoy Manor ever again."
"But Professor, if I don't go back Lucius will surely be upset. He will bring hell to the school, let alone what he will do to my mother." I won't let anything happen to her. I take this to protect her from him. If I don't, there's no telling what he'll do to her. I have to go back.
"Mr. Malfoy?" Dumbledore's head cocked to the side a bit. "Senior Malfoy is in Azkaban, he can't harm you for many years to come." There was a twinkle in his eye. I've said too much. What have I always told you, watch your words. Now you know what'll happen. Thank you for stating the obvious. I look from Dumbledore to Sev to Ron. "Unless…"
"There is no 'unless'. I'm just tiered. I'm confused." I say franticly, trying to salvage the secret that I've just spilled.
"Draco is Lucius at the Malfoy Manor?" Sev asks, I can't look at him. He'll be able to tell if I lie to him. No matter the drills and the beatings and the… Shit. He's always been able to tell.
"No, he's not he's in Azkaban, just as Dumbledore said. And I have to go back to the Manor, I am still a spy Professor." I've lost control of the situation, this can't be happening.
"Albus?" McGonagall chimes in. "You enlisted a 17 year old boy to be a spy?" Oh god, that's it, just let it all slip out of your mouth Draco, that's it. Tell the whole world, and then they'll all really be after me. It's not as if you don't have a few of them after you already, why not add in the whole lot of them while you're at it?
"We will attend to that later Minerva." Dumbledore said. "Draco."
"Draco is Lucius out of Azkaban? And look at me when you answer me." Severus said in his stern, I don't give a crap whether or not you want to tell me voice. I look up at him, before I could even answer he saw the guilt in my eyes. I hate it when he does that. "Draco, why didn't you tell us sooner? How on earth did he escape Albus?" I could tell a million questions were running through his head.
"I was under the impression that it was impossible." He replied, he makes a great actor.
"Well there was that way that Sirius escaped." Leave it to Potter to chime in with a brilliantly wrong idea.
"Impossible, Lucius can't do that, he's not an Animagus." Sev responded with at least some form of sense.
"He hasn't left," I say, the room falls silent. They're waiting to see what excuse I'll pull out of my hat now. I'm tired of this; I'm tired of lying and covering up things. Here, in front of all of these people who are spitting out ideas about the man who has abused me my entire life, I think I've given up. They will find out, regardless if I tell them or not. Either way I will get what's coming to me. I'm figuring why not bring it on now, why not let it all come at once rather than anticipating when it'll happen. At least now I can prepare for it. "If you go to Azkaban you will find Lucius, or at least another version of him."
"What do you mean Draco?" In all of this, Ron has remained silent. He shouldn't be here for this. As much as I want to tell him everything, I don't want him to find out like this. With this he's getting bits and pieces. There's no way Ron, Potter, Granger, or Finnigan have any clue of what's going on, not even McGanogall. I'd be surprised if she does. The only people who know what really happened are Sev, Blaise, and Dumbledore. I stare at him for a moment that feels like forever. We haven't even been talking for a day and this is all he hears on the first day. I never wanted him to hear this, in fact, up until Potter found me, I never wanted him to know. But it's almost all out now. There's no turning back anymore.
"I mean, as much as Lucius despises any invention that is even a minuscule Muggle related, he has developed a way that is similar to the Muggle idea of cloning one's self. He's altered it in the way that you inject a vile of your blood into another human being and perform an incantation. For every vile you inject, the person becomes you for up to 27 day. Over the time span of a year before he was sentenced to Azkaban he took out a vile every week. There is no way of telling the two apart." Welcome to Dark Arts 101.
"How is that possible?" Potter asks, but before I can answer, Granger takes it away.
"Correct me if I'm wrong but since Lucius is injecting his blood into another person, that person is taking on his DNA, abandoning theirs. I believe I've read something similar to this in 'Blood: Dark & Light Uses by Arnaldur Hasslet.' He explains that for any blood ritual all participants must be willing to perform the magic because it takes both wizards and witches to perform the incantation." Leave it to Granger, she may actually be useful after all.
"Correct Granger. The person you will find in his cell will be Arnold Flemmington. He sounds, looks, carries the same characteristics, and is Lucius. When the blood is injected and the incantation is recited, he takes on Lucius. At this point, although he was willing in the beginning, he has no idea how long he's been under. Lucius was there at the trial, but the moment they reached Azkaban the switch was made. Flemmington only did it to protect his son after Lucius killed his wife."
"Where is the son now?" Dumbledore questioned.
"I haven't a clue. Mother knows but refuses to tell me." I'm done with the lies. Who was it that said 'If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.' I want to forget everything. There was a long pause, Dumbledore and Minerva were figuring out in their heads how to handle the horrid meal I've just served them on a wooden plate.
"Draco," Sev looked to me and held my hand. "Has Lucius been visiting you?"
"Don't make me. Not with everyone here." I barely whisper, thanking my mother for teaching me to project my voice properly. They don't know the whole truth yet, and although I want to forget everything and just let it all out, I would like to maintain some dignity through it all. I'll tell them when I'm ready to tell them. Only Dumbledore, Sev, Blaise and possibly Minerva know about the trial this past summer. I don't want the other unfortunate occupants of this room finding out just yet.
"Very well," Dumbledore chimed in. "We will continue this tomorrow, it is after hours, I do believe. Miss Granger, Mr. Potter, Mr. Finnigan and Mr. Zabani please return to your house and speak of nothing that has been discussed or that has been seen here tonight." They both nodded and looked to Ron, he gave them a look that I've never seen.
"I'll walk you out." His voice was barely above a whisper. He walked them out of the room beyond my view.
"Dumbledore, may I speak to you in private sometime tomorrow?" There are a few things I need to be made clear between myself and this ancient rune.
"Of course, Draco, anytime after you've been released." The twinkle in his eye that was slowly returning is starting to give me the creeps. "Severus, Minerva will you join me in my office for a moment?"
"Will you be alright?" Sev asked, looking at me.
"I'll be fine, Sev." I reassured him. "I need to speak to him." He knew who I meant by that. He knew I meant the boy I've admired from afar for so long, the guy who was walking back into the room.
"Mr. Weasley, is Madame Pomfrey available?" Ron looked up to him.
"No professor, she went back to her room. She was in a slight state of shock, I told her to rest."
"Well am I right to assume that you will be able to take the assessment without her?"
"Yes Professor, I've had my training. I should be fine." He looked down, hiding the evidence of lying that was written in his eyes.
"Very well then, Severus, Minerva." Dumbledore, Uncle Sev, and McGonagall walked towards the entrance of the Hospital Wing ahead of him. "Mr. Weasley, Draco, do try to get some rest tonight."
With that they all left, leaving Ron and I alone. For a moment there was a eerie silence. I want to tell him everything. I want to tell him without anyone coming in and asking questions I'm not ready to answer.
"Ron, I-"
"I'll go get the papers." He walked over to Madame Pomfrey's desk and opened the drawer. He seemed to shuffle around some papers, looking for something. After 10 seconds of searching he got frustrated and grabbed a clean file that was on the top of the drawer. I can't help but feel guilty. It's my fault he's frustrated, it's my fault he's upset. He shouldn't be going through this. He deserves better. He walked back to my cot. He sat on a chair that was right beside me. He pulled out a pen from his pocket and began to question me.
"Full name, please." He said with a sigh.
"Isn't that in my file?" I ask, apparently it was the wrong question.
"I don't know where the file is so I'm just going to do the full assessment." He snarled as he said that, I'll admit I jumped when he said that. I've seen Ron upset but those times were under different circumstances. He must have seen me jump because immediate regret was drawn on his face. "I'm sorry Draco, it's just been a long day."
"I get it," for some reason my voice was low. "If you want I can just fill it out, you don't have to ask me if that's easier."
"No, no, it's fine." He rubbed his eyes, I could tell he was willing the tears away.
"Draco Lucian Malfoy Black."
"Your middle name is Lucian? Sounds a lot like…" He didn't finish the sentence out of fear.
"It's ok. It means Light in Latin." He nodded.
"Date of Birth?"
"June 5th."
"Sex? I think I can answer that one."
"Please don't put female, as funny as it would be." My jokes aren't that funny I suppose as he almost forces the smile on his face.
"Any allergies?"
"Skelegrow, Servego, and peanuts."
"Peanuts, really?" He almost couldn't believe it.
"Yup, bad experience finding that one out."
"Height?"
"5'11'' "
"I know it's obvious, but I'd like to point out that I'm taller."
"Not by that much, and you know that only means you get to reach for things for people." He chuckled a bit. The mood is lightening.
"Weight?" Oh no.
"Um… Can we skip that one?" He'll be upset if I answer this one.
"Why? I need to put it in."
"Fine… I'm 130." I shut my eyes as I say that, knowing his reaction.
"130? Draco, how can you weigh 130 if you're 5' 11'' tall?"
"I don't know, malnutrition? I'm simply boney? Too fast of a metabolism?" They were more questions than answers. I didn't want to tell him my reasons for everything just yet. He didn't say another word.
"How is your sight?
"I have to wear contacts, I'm almost blind in my right eye." He didn't ask why this time.
"Your hearing?"
"It's ok, the left one fades sometimes."
He sighed, turning the page. He read over the questions that were on the next page. He seemed to stare at them, as if he was unsure whether or not he should ask the.
"Just ask, Ron." I didn't notice I was whispering.
"I'm going to ask you about your home life. If you want me to stop asking, simply say so." He looked into my eyes. He cared about me, I could tell. He wanted to know the answers to these questions, but at the same time he really didn't.
"I'll answer any question you have for me Ron, even if it's not on those papers." I look down to my hands. Even though one is in a sling I'm still fiddling with my fingers. I feel a burning behind my eyes. I don't want him to see me any differently. His view of me will change after this. We won't ever be able to go back. No more 'I'm a Malfoy, superior to you' act. No more taking whatever you want kind of Draco. This will change it all.
Out of nowhere, I jumped at the skin to skin contact I was now sharing with Ron. His hand rested under my chin as he lifted my head. His face moved closer to mine, I was expecting a kiss on the lips but instead he kissed away my tear that had somehow slipped from my eyes without me even noticing.
"We can stop whenever you want to Draco. You're the one calling the shots. I don't want you to answer something you don't feel ready to, okay?" I nodded to him, looking him in the eyes. I don't think I'll ever be ready for this, but I'm going to do this.
His face leans closer to mine and he unexpectedly kisses me. It's a soft and reassuring kiss. His arm wraps around me, his hand resting on my upper back. I wrap the arm that isn't in a sling around his neck, pulling him close to me. The kiss goes no further than lip to lip contact, but that's all I need to let me know that he's not leaving yet. I'm not ready for anything else right now, and soon he'll know why.