Title: Everything I've Ever Known
A.N.: The 1's and 2's signify the change in P.O.V. I know it might seem confusing at times, but just to give you a hint it starts with Draco and ends with Ron. Sorry for the delay in posting this. It's only been… oh let's see 5 months. I'm so sorry!
Chapter: Who do I belong to?
"Thank you." I say as we pull away from the kiss, No matter what happens, I hope that in the dark I may remember this moment.
"For what?" He asks with our foreheads resting against one another's. My eyes stay close, not wanting to lose this. Not wanting to lose this moment that will be brief no matter how I battle the second hand of time.
"For not running away." I state simply, knowing that once I open my eyes it will all be real again. I will have to, as much as I know I shouldn't and how much it might hurt him, tell him everything.
"I'm not going anywhere, I promise." He whispers firmly to me, I'm assuming he doesn't want to be the one to rift this moment from its hinges. No matter the agonizing prolonged anticipation of the moment being ruined, all good things must come to an end, as they say. Agony, pain, regrets these are things that I'm familiar with. So no matter how much I would wish for the moment never to end, it is easier for me to part from it than it is for him.
"We should get to the questions," I whisper to him. "The sooner we get through them, the sooner you can get past it." I lost my wording for a moment. I meant to say 'we' instead of 'you'. In my hopefulness that he missed this small choice of words I move back from him, looking deeply into those blue oceanic pools that stare at me with contempt.
"Are you ready?"
"As I'll ever be."
"Ok," he pulls the chart back to his lap that was unnoticeably disregarded onto my cot. He stares down at it, contemplating something. Contemplating where to start most likely.
2 "Have you ever been abused in any way that constitutes as abuse by Wizarding Law?" Straight and to the point I always say. It'll be easier this way, I have to stay strong for him, not for me. I have to move past this, like he said.
"Yes, I have, in almost all ways, in fact." He says, his voice stern, as if he's trying to put up a façade just for me.
"Which ones?" Steady yourself, Ronald
"Um… Torture, starvation, sexual solicitation, exploitation, neglecting medical care, forceful dosing of illegal substances, exploitation, being confined to a cell, and… rape." He whispered the last one, his voice hitching as it left his mouth. I couldn't help but hear the second hand of the clock across the room louder than his voice. Impossible, there's no way it can be all of these.
"So 4 of the 6 points of abuse?" I have to be mistaken.
"Actually," He pauses, and for a minute I believe that I'm wrong. "The first of the sixth, verbal falls under psychological, so there's that one. And because of some of the things that have happened discriminatory have happened as well but, I just don't see that as a big one." And I regret that I'm wrong.
"So psychological, physical, sexual, neglects and/or acts of omissions, discriminatory, and financial/material abuse is what you've gone through?" There is more disbelief in my voice than I want to admit because I'm supposed to be 'professional' about this.
"Yes." He looks down at his hands, one picking at the cast I made and the other cradling the other's wrist. I want to hold him in my arms and tell him that it's going to be okay. I know I can't do this. I have to know. He has to tell someone.
"I'm not going to ask you to go through each one; I'm assuming that Professor Snape and Blaise can walk you through each one. I'm going to need you to tell me about the physical, sexual and acts. Take your time Draco, there's no need to rush." I say slowly.
1 He's trying to ease it out of me. To be honest I've never been more eager to get it out. Not even Blaise or Sev know the extent of everything, they just know the bits and pieces they hear from them, what I say in my sleep or what I manage to get out while I'm crying before I regain some sense of pride and control. I want someone to know, I can't do this on my own anymore. I've broken down this much, why not let him in all the way? Where's the harm in that? You know where the harm in that lies. The voice of doubt creeps back to me.
"Okay," I respond, looking up at him. He's almost at the point of shock, riddled with worry. I can tell from the crease between his brows, after years of studying the Golden Trio I would know worry written on anyone of their faces. "Lucius and the others… Do I have to mention their names?" I ask, this could get people expelled, they'd know where to find me, not to mention the one's older than me, with more knowledge of magic and the 'art' of torture.
"No, not if you're uncomfortable to say them to me. If it's someone in this school you would have to tell Dumbledore though." He looks at me with concern seeing my panic.
"O-okay. Lucius Malfoy, Rodolphus and Rabastan Lestrange, Graham Montague, Adrian Pucey, Victor Krum, Vincent Crabbe Sr., Derek Bulstrode, Theodore Nott, Roger Davies, Professor Quirrell, Amycus Carrow and…" I can't. They'll break his heart, they'll rip him to shreds.
"Draco," He whispers, leaning forward in his chair and looking at me. Merlin this is tearing him apart. I can see the rage in his eyes. He knows these names, being a part of the Order he knows all of these names. Some of them are my family, some of them are... his.
"I can't Ron."
"You don't have to be afraid anymore Draco."
"I can't, it'll hurt you too much. You don't understand."
2 "No matter what you say I will be right here with you. Nothing you could say would ever hurt me as much as you've been hurt and I want to understand Draco. Please, help me understand." I see the struggle in him, I just want to help him, I have no clue how or why but I know he has to get this out. I have a feeling that this has been ebbing away at him for a long time, that not even Blaise or Snape know all of these names that are now written on his chart. He hasn't even told me what they've done and already he's in bits about hurting me. "How about you tell me what they've done before you tell me their names? Maybe that's a better approach?"
He's silent for a while, thinking of how to say what they've done I'm assuming, how to go into detail of what he's already said. I don't think there's a need to, but unfortunately I can't control what records need, if I did I'd be holding him and we wouldn't speak of this ever again. I'm fearing the worst. I'm afraid I might snap judging by how afraid he is to mention the last names. I run through all of the people I know in my life and that I surround myself with. There's no one I know that would be capable of such a thing. Then again everything is questionable now.
"They've all hit me in some way or another, raped me, and drugged me. They've made me do things I… I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Lucius is the only one of them that has tortured me to a point where I almost died. They each do different things. Some just scratch me while others cut or punch or choke me, but not Lucius. He loves blood, always loves blood." His voice seems far away, he's getting lost in the thoughts of what they've done. I don't want him to remember those things.
"He claims that I belong to him, that it's his blood that flows through my veins so therefore I belong to him. I've tried to bleed myself dry, on the nights when it gets to be too much, hoping I can drain all of his blood out of me. Then again I don't want anyone in my mother's family blood in me. My uncles saw to it that I knew I belonged to them too." I think I'm losing him, his voice is shallow and tears are flowing down his cheeks. I cast a spell on my quill so that it will note down names and the things they've done for me as I go to sit beside him again. I wrap my arm around him but he doesn't move an inch.
"Even Voldermort claims I'm his, it's almost true."
"What? Why?" I can't help myself, I want to know everything, he sniffles as he continues.
"One of the reasons they my father even had me, besides the pathetic need for an heir, was that Voldermort wanted a play tow, someone that he didn't have to teach everything to. So…" He licked his lips, his voice growing thick to the sound, "I was trained for him. They all did this to me for him, or at least that's what they tell themselves."
"You don't believe them Draco, do you?"
"What else should I believe, I've been playing this part since I was 7, I've been a spy since I was 15. This is who I am, what I belong to. This is what I know."
"These things can change Draco, you don't have to do this alone anymore."
He sways; the energy potion is wearing off sooner than I thought it would. He's half asleep when he leans on me, finally falling into my arms.
He looks up at me, he half smiles in his drowsiness. His eyes slip close as I move for him to lay on the bed. I feel the burning in my eyes, the need to breathe as I've been holding my breath. I stroke his beautiful hair back, moving it away from his face. What have they done to you? And just as I think he's asleep, he whispers one last thing to me.
"You're nothing like Marlbarus or Percy."