A/N: Alright! I'm back! Thanks for sticking around! The only thing I have to point out is that while the story is filed under Hawke (F), Marian is not related to Garret, that's simply the only category that made sense to me. Oh! And the italicized paragraphs at the beginning and end are (non-chronological) journal entries! And I know I said I was going to keep them shorter, but... sometimes things don't work out that way... Also, as always, a round of applause to my beta, Wynterkiss! Okay, okay, enjoy!
Today was wonderful! Father came back from his trip early this morning. He brought me this beautiful dress with the most adorable pink lace on the collar! But more importantly, new books! There's more than enough to last me until the spring. One of them is on Fade spirits, it's fascinating! Usually he only brings books on demons and various magic, so this is a nice change of pace. There's one on the fall of Arlathan too, though I'm sure it's just a reiteration of the last two, and there's a large tome on the history of Orzammar that I'm quite looking forward to. He brought that one for me special, he knows how I love the dwarves and their work.
Though I'd have to say that the most interesting of all is "A Study of the Prime Emotions". I think this means that I'll finally be able to continue my training. Of course, the whole thing is in archaic Tevinter, so it'll be a challenge, but that's all the better! I do hope father can stay longer this time, he promised me a week, but his work is fickle. I should get some sleep though, breakfast tomorrow is going to be marvelous! Father always has such wonderful stories when he comes home.
Isabela had spent the last two days in a state of perpetual excitement. After receiving Stanley's letter she had run straight to Hawke to inform him of the development. His response had been "As long as she isn't a useless eyesore I don't care." Fenris and Anders had been present as well, the former rolled his eyes and expressed his abject disapproval of another mage while the latter seemed quite jovial over the concept.
Stanley's instructions had been simple: keep the girl safe from Templars, find her some work, make sure she didn't die, easy enough. To Isabela it was an opportunity, a chance for the little sister she never had. The girl was only supposed to be nineteen. Nineteen! Apparently she was very talented though, despite her age and demeanor, though Stanley refrained from explaining exactly what 'demeanor' the girl had. She had also warned against questioning the young woman too much, the girl was known to clam up when it came to details about her life, but that was par for the course when it came to anyone in the caravan.
When Isabela awoke that morning (well, for her it was morning, to everyone else it was afternoon) Corff informed her that the lady Marian had arrived. Of course Isabela immediately backpedaled up the stairs and made her way to the girl's room. She pounded out two short knocks and a sing-songy chant of 'Marian!' that contained far too many syllables.
Marian's reply was not at all what she expected, nor was Marian exactly what she expected. The door opened and a pale, black-haired young thing stood in what she thought to be a menacing pose. In all actuality it seemed more as though she was about to start dancing. Isabela had expected someone with a little more meat on her bones and far more pigment to her skin. Marian didn't look sickly at all, but the people that traveled with Stanley tended to follow a type. She was absolutely beautiful though, and looked completely unwearied by the troubles life possessed.
Her shockingly white skin made her lips stand out all the more, especially against the contrast of her hair, which was pulled up into a high ponytail that cascaded to the back of her neck. Everything about her features was startling, from the icy blue of her eyes to the crisp line of her jaw. She wore a dark green tunic with light olive colored beading on every edge, with a matching skirt that was, while completely appropriate for life in the caravan, entirely too short for the Kirkwall scene. She donned sandals of leather that were intricately weaved to rise all the way up past her knee. When she spoke her voice betrayed her sentiment, she meant to sound frightening, but as with everything Marian said, it sounded sweet and cautious. "If you have come to grope me, I will light you on fire."
Isabela chuckled, "No, no, no, dear, I have not, and I wouldn't go about threatening to light people on fire, there's always someone listening."
Marian immediately dropped her act, "Well obviously. Why would I say it if there wasn't anyone listening?"
Isabela shook her head, suddenly realizing what Stanley must have met by 'demeanor', "Never mind, love. My name is Isabela, I assume you are Marian?"
"Oh yes! I am! It is good to meet you, Isabela! Stanley has told me so much about you!" Every word Marian spoke was enthusiastic and genuine.
"And you as well!" Isabela replied, "I think we're going to get along swimmingly."
"I hope so!" Marian smiled back at her, smiling was something she did quite often, unlike many of the people in Isabela's life.
"Well, I'm sure we can sit and talk later, but for now there's some things I need to show you. Are you ready to see the city?"
"Of course!"
Their trip spanned nearly the entire day. Isabela did not expect it to, but everything was so fascinating that each stop took hours. Marian walked around with her head in the clouds, always staring intently at something Isabela found thoroughly uninteresting. By the time they had made it through the better half of their trip she noticed the common factor.
"Have you really spent all this time staring at the architecture?" Isabela questioned on the long walk up to Hightown from its lower counterpart.
"Not staring! Studying!" Marian explained, particularly enthralled with the arch above the top of the stairs.
"You are... studying?"
"Oh yes! I have spent much of my time studying buildings and constructs and such, but until about four months ago I had never really seen any of them! They are far more interesting, and big, up close than they are in books." Marian's speech was rushed and excited.
"Well, I would assume so." Isabela felt as though it was finally time to question something of the girl's origins, "What happened four months ago?"
Marian did not speak for a moment, she actually paused on the stairs to think about her answer, then nodded to herself and continued, "I left home."
"You had never left home before?"
"Oh, I had, but only with my father. And only a very few times. Oh! And we never went very far." Marian's answer was choppy as she continued to add information.
"But surely you had seen the buildings in your city?"
"Only from the window, and they're nothing like they are here!" Marian did not realize the information she had given up.
Isabela was not certain what to make of it, 'only from the window' didn't sound ominous when she said it, but its connotation undoubtedly was. Marian obviously didn't think there was anything wrong with it though, so Isabela left it alone. "So, where are you from?"
"Starkhaven." Marian replied without missing a beat, "Well, a ways outside Starkhaven. We lived by the Minanter river. It was just my mother and I most of the time, her name's Nina. My father's away a lot, business, you know?"
Isabela didn't understand, Stanley had said that she wasn't good with discussing details about her life, but she seemed to be offering them up readily enough. Then it dawned on her, the caravan was full of liars, not because they were necessarily hiding anything (though some of them certainly were), but because their reality was far less than desirable. When Isabela had been with them she definitely hadn't gone about telling everyone that she had just escaped a miserable marriage after an Antivan assassin took out her husband. There was one way that Isabela could discern a kernel of truth though, "I do. So, how did you end up with the caravan?"
Marian smiled her wide, happy smile yet again, recalling the memory fondly, "About four months ago I met them when they were crossing the Minanter, I had headed up river some time before and our paths just happened to intertwine, I suppose."
That was more than enough for Isabela to understand why Marian would choose to lie, and further still, enough for Isabela not to question it. The caravan held to a very strict schedule, so people who knew how to find them could. Four months ago they would have been far further north than the Minanter, in fact, they would have been camped just outside Minrathous in the heart of the Imperium. It was the most dangerous leg of their journey, but also the most lucrative.
"Well, I am glad you found them! They are quite the group, aren't they? Does Sally still have her cat?"
Marian's enthusiasm seemed to rise even further when Isabela asked about Sally, "Oh yes! She says Bo-Bo is still in perfect health, and with how often she said it I was starting to believe her."
Isabela laughed loudly, glad to hear that some things really didn't ever change. Marian laughed with her, a lilting, sweet sound. Though a little air-headed and single minded at times, the girl was an absolute delight.
When they reached the top of the stairs Marian was totally overcome. She was completely unreachable while she examined everything as they progressed through the market and into the Chantry courtyard, which she stared at for nearly ten whole minutes. Isabela remained patient, looking forward to the next part of their journey, meeting Hawke and company. She was unsure of how they would react to her. She knew that the regular trio would be there, Anders, Fenris, and of course, Garret himself. Garret was a lech, a loveable lech, but a lech nonetheless, and Marian seemed far less than experienced. Isabela had dropped a few dirty jokes in their time together and she had reacted much as Merril usually did, complete ignorance. So it stood to reason that even if Hawke was as inappropriate as she assumed he would be, Marian wouldn't notice. Isabela was certain they would get along though, Hawke liked just about any mage on principle, and the fact that she was pretty would definitely help matters along. Anders was much the same way, minus the lechery. She was a mage, and not one of blood, so they would undoubtedly hit it off.
Isabela had also ordained that despite first impressions Marian was no idiot, in fact, she was extraordinarily intelligent. Her biggest fear when she had first met the girl was that she was going to be another Merril, and as adorable as Merril was, her foolishness did not gather the approval of their other companions. It was Fenris she was worried about now though. It took him quite some time to see past the word 'mage' and Isabela didn't know whether or not someone as sweet as Marian was equipped to handle how brutish he could be. She recalled her earlier discovery though, Marian was more than likely from the Imperium, surely she would understand his situation, maybe she was even in a similar one.
Just as she had come to the conclusion of her thoughts Marian had finished her inspection of the Chantry. "What a marvelous piece of work! How long must it have taken them to make this? Can we go to the Gallows next? My father always told me that they have amazing statues there, carved right into the cliffs!"
Marian obviously didn't understand what the statues represented, or perhaps she did, and was simply more concerned with their construction. Isabela assumed the latter. "I'm afraid that not only is that where all the Templars are, but we don't really have the time. There are people you need to meet!"
"Oh, I see." Marian seemed quite disappointed, but quickly reformed to her naturally joyous state, "Are they waiting on us? I would hate to leave anyone waiting."
"No, they're probably halfway through their daily argument, I figured we'd surprise them."
"Why would anyone take the time to argue every day? That seems quite the waste, especially when one can just talk with another person." Marian was genuinely confused, which was yet another display of her naivety, but also a sort of simple brilliance.
"I wonder the same thing quite often, but some people just can't let their differences go." Isabela explained.
"I see." It was a sad realization for Marian, "Are you sure we should just drop by uninvited?"
"Don't worry, dear, of course we're invited! They know we're coming, just not when."
Marian nodded, "Well then where are we going?"
"Not far at all!" Isabela exclaimed as she headed in the direction of the Hawke Estate. Marian stopped short when they grew close though, her eyes darted every which way and her breathing sped up. "Marian? Marian, are you alright?"
"Something is wrong." She whispered, truly panicked.
"What it is?"
"Something is- I sense something, something- I do not know what it- Oh." That something dawned on Marian as she spoke, and although her aesthetic symptoms quieted, her heart raced.
"Well, what is it?" Isabela's worry had turned to curiosity.
Marian debated whether to speak, but decided that there was no harm in it, "Lyrium. I sense a heavy amount of lyrium."
"Oh dear, that's just Fenris! He's- well, he's something else."
Marian did her best to seem innocuous, and luckily for her she really did seem simply interested, "Oh? What do you mean?"
"Well, I suppose you ought to know before we go in." Isabela sighed, "He used to be... a slave. His master branded lyrium into his skin, I imagine it was quite painful. He forgot everything that came before that, so he's not exactly very fond of magic. Do not be surprised if he isn't the nicest to you, he's not a bad person, just- jaded."
Marian took a deep breath, for the first time that day her voice was nothing but sad, "I understand. That sounds awful."
"Don't be so down, Marian, he'll come around to you eventually! I just know it! All you have to do is be your wonderfully nice self. Now chipper up! This is supposed to be fun."
Marian giggled a little and smiled again, "Of course! Is there anything else I should know?"
"Um, well, Hawke and Merril are both blood mages, but nice ones, and Anders is technically an abomination, but the good, spirit-y kind. Oh, and Leandra! She's Hawke's mother."
Marian just nodded, seemingly unshaken by all the information, "Okay, but who is Merril?"
"Oh, you'll meet her tomorrow, she's one of the Dalish, a bit quirky, but I think you'll get along."
"She's Dalish! Truly? How wonderful! Do you think she would be willing to talk to me about elven magics and the cathedrals at Arlathan?"
"Oh, I'm sure she would be more than willing."
"Good, good! I'm so glad!" Marian had almost forgotten what they were there to do, "Oh, should we be going now?"
"Yes, yes, of course. Come on, it's just right over here."
When they entered the vestibule Marian, as expected, stopped for her usual inspection. The sound of heated voices came from further back in the house, but she was too concerned with the legs of the benches to notice. Isabela peeked her head into the next room to find Hawke and Leandra, and gathered that it was Fenris and Anders arguing in the library. Leandra was getting ready to leave, probably heading out to see the new suitor that no one was supposed to know about, so Isabela thought to make things quick.
Marian finally made her way past the entry and was just as enthralled with the interior of this room as she was the last, so much so that she entirely missed Leandra's approach. "You must be Marian! What a lovely name, my name is Leandra."
Marian nearly jumped out of her skin, "Oh! Oh yes! You have a lovely name as well, ma'am, and an absolutely wonderful home. Do you know who built it?"
"Ah, no, but thank you! I'm afraid I have to be going though, it was a pleasure meeting you." Leandra gave the girl one of her warm, motherly smiles.
"And you!" Marian replied as she left, and then immediately returned to her diligent study of the room.
"What are you doing?" Hawke crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at her.
She snapped to attention, "I'm trying to determine whether your fireplace is of dwarven or human origins."
Hawke was a very attractive man, but Marian didn't seem to notice, and if she did, she didn't care. Her sheltered life had led her to be blissfully ignorant of the desires of men, and though her journey to Kirkwall had taught her much she had done her best to skim over that particular subject. Hawke had expected something, anything, women positively swooned when they saw him. It was a blow to his manliness that a woman as attractive as she was hadn't even paused to look at him. He wrote it off though, perhaps she was too young, or maybe there was something wrong with her, I mean, the woman was concerned with furniture of all things! He donned his charming smile nonetheless, "And what have you uncovered?"
She did not hesitate to answer, "I believe it to be of human make, though it has been altered by a dwarven hand."
"Quite impressive, that'd be Sandal's work." Hawke was genuinely impressed, though he still thought it something of an odd area of expertise. At least the girl wasn't as dimwitted as he had assumed her to be from her conversation with his mother. "My name is Hawke, Garret Hawke."
"Yes! I know! Isabela told me, I'm Marian." Then they shook hands and things delved into an awkward silence.
It was quickly broken as the arguing pair entered the room. "I'm just saying, Fenris, you catch more flies with honey."
"It is a good thing I do not want to catch flies then." Fenris growled back at Anders.
Marian was absolutely dumbstruck when she saw him. She had been able to lie to herself up until that moment, she could pretend that it was all fake and such a being could not possibly exist, but there he was. Proof, that's what he was, proof of her father's crimes. No, no, that couldn't be right. There had to be another explanation. Maybe he actually wanted the markings, they made him powerful and everyone wanted power, right? Right.
She was staring, that much was obvious, but her eyes had finally come to rest on his face. Maker, he certainly was striking, and frightening, and terribly handsome. When the thought crossed her mind she realized that all three of them were handsome. 'Ah-ta-ta, no, there's no time for that.' Marian scolded herself, but she had not taken into account that she was still staring.
Fenris did though, "Wonderful. Another mage to gawk at me."
Marian raised her hands in a gesture of surrender, "Oh no, no, sir, I did not mean to- I- I apologize! I am sorry I-" She sighed after flubbing over her words, "I am Marian." She extended her hand after introducing herself.
She came off as an absolute child. She was going to be a hassle, he could tell, she didn't carry herself like someone who had ever seen battle. If she really was going to be working with them it was going to be a challenge, and a danger. "Fenris, and I don't shake hands with mages."
Marian nodded and refrained from making eye contact, "I understand, it is good to meet you Fenris."
If he was going to say anything he didn't get the chance, Anders cut in, "I, on the other hand, do shake hands with mages. My name is Anders."
Marian was thoroughly affected by Anders' charm, his eyes, his smile, the warmth of his hand against her cold one, and for a second she forgot where she was. She replied with a single word, "Marian."
"I know," he chuckled, "so, Marian, I have to ask, what kind of magic could a girl like you possibly practice?" Anders wasted no time.
Fenris almost thought to leave, then realized it was not only rude, but that he should learn as much about this new mage as he could. He knew full well that looks could be deceiving. Marian seemed confused, "A girl like me?"
"Isabela assured us that you would be an asset to the team, but I don't see someone as young and pretty as you being able to hurt anyone."
Marian giggled nervously, Fenris and Isabela both scoffed, though for entirely different reasons, and Hawke rolled his eyes. 'She's gotta be ten years younger than you. Wait, never mind...'
"Well, I am, what the textbooks call a... manipulator, but I'm not a blood mage, truly." She paused, "And I don't hurt people! I've never turned my magic on anyone that didn't try to hurt me first, I promise!" Marian wasn't exactly sure who she was trying to reassure, "Oh! And fire! I'm good at fire, but I, really can't do anything else."
Anders thought her rambling absolutely adorable, though he could not place why he found it more than tolerable with her and irritating with Merril.
"Wait, a what?" Hawke asked.
"A manipulator." Fenris said with a scowl, "They prey on emotions, mutating and even manufacturing them. When skilled enough they can manifest such a feeling of fear in a person that it causes a heart attack, or a rage so intense that they turn on their allies." Fenris decided the moment the word came out of her mouth that he hated her and his disgust was far more than evident. It was more than just her magic though, there something eerily familiar about her that he couldn't put his finger on.
Isabela questioned him, "Why do you know that?"
"It was Danarius's specialty."
Marian stared at the floor. The pieces kept fitting together. The room was silent for a moment. "Can you really do that?" Hawke asked.
"Well, yes, but, I prefer not to." Marian answered, "I'm much more partial to the positive applications."
"What positive application could a talent like that possibly have?" Fenris snarled.
"Giving a person peace and joy! Happiness!" Marian was almost pleading with him, but it did not take.
"How about lust? Does it work with lust?" Hawke interjected, incredibly intrigued with the concept.
Marian's eyes went wide, "I- I hardly think that is appropriate."
"So yes?"
"Hawke." Isabela warned.
"Fine, fine." He said, "Where would you learn magic like that anyhow? As far as I know it isn't exactly common apostate practice."
"It's quite common in the Imperium, I assume you're a child of that death pit?" Fenris sneered.
"Fenris!" Isabela barked.
"What?"
"No, it's alright Isabela." Marian had been vaguely startled by her exclamation, "It is a valid question. I was taught by my father, he says it's just in my blood. I lived outside Starkhaven, by the river, not the Imperium." Marian smiled again, she was a skilled liar despite her limited experience.
Fenris just shook his head. "Well, we're glad to have you with us, just don't, you know, turn on us." Hawke replied.
"Oh, I won't, I promise!"
"Your promises mean nothing." Fenris practically growled.
"Fenris, what the hell is with you today?" Isabela put her hand on her hip and turned on him, "What did she ever do to you?"
"It is not about what she did, it's about what she can do. Do you have any idea how dangerous magic like that is? Especially in the hands of a complete idiot?" He shouted.
"She is not-" Isabela started.
"Isabela, please, it's alright." Marian tried to diffuse the situation, but Isabela was still upset. Normally she could handle Fenris's biased crap, but normally he wasn't so vocal about it, and was never this rude to someone who hadn't done anything but say hello. She couldn't understand how Marian could remain so abjectly nice through all of it either.
"No, it isn't alright, Marian, you don't deserve to be talked to like that."
"I am quite used to people judging me based on what they perceive my level of intelligence to be. It does not bother me." Marian had spent much of her trip interpreting what people thought of her, more often than not they believed her a simpleton and it tended to work in her favor. Her father was the only person who knew just how smart she was, after all, he had taught her. Architecture was her hobby, but magic and history were her truest subjects. She knew Thedas and the workings of the Fade and its creatures better than just about anyone. She had spent years upon years reading and studying, there was not much else to do in her situation.
Her situation. She had thought of it as a situation,as though her upbringing wasn't normal. She had never thought of it that way before. It was still home, it was still safety, but she felt her grasp on it slipping. It was amazing what a few short months in the real world had done to her, she had adapted far better than she had thought she would.
"It bothers me." Isabela replied. There was another tense silence.
Anders took a step closer to Marian, "So, have you had any experience with Templars?" He was good at talking, and Marian was grateful for it.
"Uh, no. Have you?" Marian asked.
Anders and Hawke both laughed, "Of course I have! How have you not?"
"Luck?" Marian smiled, by luck she meant solitude.
"Very lucky indeed. I'll show you how to avoid them, you... can even come stay at my clinic if you need to lay low." He smiled back at her.
"I hope I won't have to, but thank you!"
"Anytime, Marian."
Marian was completely unaware that he was hitting on her. Fenris groaned and headed for the door.
"Where do you think you're going?" Hawke called after him.
"I need a drink." He replied as he left.
Isabela waited until she heard the door slam, "I am sorry, Marian, I did not expect him to be that bad."
"I wouldn't worry about it," Hawke said, "he's just bitter. He'll warm up to you eventually, hopefully."
"Don't hold your breath, he still hates me." Anders added.
"That's because you're an overzealous abomination."
"As opposed to a blood mage?"
"Now you're just splitting hairs." Hawke replied with an effeminate wave of his hand.
The remaining group shared a laugh. The air in the room was light, happy, no one cared what anyone else could or couldn't do and they all seemed to be looking forward to working with their new friend. Marian pretended that she really was from that village by the river, and if she pretended long enough maybe it would be true. She pretended that the man she had come here to talk to hadn't just decided to hate her for what she perceived to be no reason, and that someday everyone would be happy. Her father and Nina and all of her new friends, happy, but she knew now that there was no amount of magic that could make that so.
"I think that we all need a drink." Hawke grinned at Isabela, his long standing friend-with-benefits, not that Marian knew that, to her it was just a grin.
"I'm afraid I don't drink." Marian smiled at the request nonetheless.
"You really don't? Everyone in the caravan drinks!" Isabela was slightly flabbergasted, but after thinking about Marian's demeanor she realized it wasn't all that surprising. She couldn't imagine her drunk at all.
"Never touched the stuff." Marian nodded.
"Well, that is going to have to be rectified." Isabela chuckled.
"Um, could we do that some other time? I'm not even sure it's legal for me to drink."
"Shit, you're right! How long 'til you're of age?"
"Fifteen months, I think."
"Until then!" Isabela cheered.
I figured it out. I know why Papa kept me away from everyone, why he always told me that the world is full of wolves. I do not wish to believe it. I don't want to believe any of it. Maybe there's an explanation, maybe there's something that'll make everything seem okay and, acceptable. There's a reason for everything, you know? I know the truth now though. I know what is and what is not, but despite that, I still love him. He's my father. I know he's evil, I know what he's done, and I know that he hid me from the world because he knows exactly what kind of monsters it contains, because he is one.
A/N: And there we have it! Are we going to do a drunk chapter? Well yeah. We have to. Them's the rules. Anyway, you know the drill, read and review, I love you guys!