The next thing I know the magazine went down to reveal who it was hiding. "I'm Kurt Hummel."
And I swear I had a heart attack right there.
"Umm…h-hi…" I stammered. I don't know what had come over me; my palms were all sweaty, my heart was beating against my chest with such force I thought it would crack a rib and I couldn't take my eyes off of the man that is…Kurt.
I zoned out as Rachel said hello, and focused in on his featured, and how perfect they are. He had perfect, porcelain like skin, he had perfectly styled light brown hair, and his eyes… his eyes were the perfect combination of blue, green, gray and hazel. I had only been looking at him for a moment but I swear I saw his eyes change color…twice. Did I mention that he was perfect?
"Blaine…" Rachel shook my arm, "Oh my. Peter is right, you are Blaine the Pain."
At hearing this old nickname I snapped out of my trance and looked at her. She just rolled her eyes and dragged me over to sit next to Mercedes and…Kurt. Just thinking about his name made my stomach lurch.
What was going on? I mean I know that I'm…different then most men, but I shouldn't be thinking like this. I'm supposed to be the hot, straight singer that all the girls like (Multiply my ego times 100); I am not supposed to like guys. Am I?
As I sat in my seat I could feel Kurt's kaleidoscope eyes looking at me, and my heart fluttered. After a minute or so of some awkward silence, Mercedes said, "Ok…well…Kurt what's up with you? How was the doctor's?"
Kurt's eyes fled from hers and looked down at his hands, "I-it was…" He quickly looked up to her once again, and changed the subject from his doctor's appointment (Why? I do not know). "Well I'm more interested in what's going on here! Much more interesting then in my life."
He smiled at Rachel and me with a heart warming smile, "Other then our famous friends joining us for the week, what else is new here?"
He looked back at Mercedes as she answered, "Well, Mr. Schue gave us our assignment for the week." She motioned toward the white board nervously.
As Kurt's eyes flashed to the white board, his whole face went flat. "Do my eyes deceive me or does that white board say 'Duets'?"
Mercedes nodded, "I know you don't like them boo, so no one expects you to participate in this assignment."
Kurt sat back in his chair with a huff, "Well thank you. But I do not see why I have to take my talent off of the table. If someone wishes to ask me, if they need a duet partner that is, I would gladly say…maybe."
"What's so bad about duets?" Rachel asked, sounding rather defensive, next to me.
Kurt turned his perfect face towards me (well actually her, but give me some happiness please) and answered, "No offense to you two or anything, but I just happen to not like duets."
"Why?" Rachel asked. She really could be a pest sometimes because she really didn't know how to shut up!
Kurt sighed, "Because the last duets competition we had my partner was persuaded by my homophobic step brother to not sing with me. He did, in the end; end up ditching me to sing with the glee club favorite, miss Quinn-Ass-Kiss-Fabrey. " He made it clear that he did not like to talk about it.
WAIT! Did he say 'homophobic'? There are homophobes at this school? Why would he care about homophobes? …Why would I care about homophobes? I'm…straight, as far as the music world knows. And they will never know any different.
I don't know why, but Rachel pressed on, "Well, what did you do?" She had the tone in her voice like when she was reading a book and really wanted to know how it ended.
Kurt leaned back in his chair, "I did what any respectable guy with my voice and fashions skills would do. I made an ingenious double sided costume, got the dancers together and sang Le-Jazz-Hot by myself."
"And he did a hell of a great job with what he was given!" Peter's strong voice boomed as he walked into the classroom. (Always one to make an entrance he is.)
'Something has changed within me'
Someone's phone was ringing. Someone with a Wicked song as their ring tone (insert totally geeky fan boy, musical nerd moment here). As Peter sat down, neither he nor Mercedes even gave any sign of noticing the phone ringing, Kurt, however, started digging through the pockets of his skinny jeans until he pulled out a black iPhone.
He pressed answer and said, "Hello… Oh hey Reed… Wait, what happened…." A look of annoyance, and partial worried ness, crossed his face as he got out of his seat and started walking out of the room.
"Ok listen to me Reed! You need to get the first aid kit and-" he walked out of the room and into the hallway.
Who's Reed?
"Wait!" Everyone looked over to a confused looking Rachel sitting next to me. "He," she pointed towards the door, "sang Le-Jazz-Hot?"
Mercedes and Peter both nodded and started muttering things about how fantastic he was.
It takes a certain level of skill to sing Le-Jazz-Hot, and those who try to sing it usually end up failing. It Kurt could pull if off then I just simply have to hear that angel sing.
Did I say angel? I meant man…boy…guy….dude? What on earth do I call him?
Omigod, what on earth is that angel doing to me.
I said it again didn't I…
"Wow. That's amazing! I have to hear him sing!" Rachel gushed, putting her hand on my knees and leaning forwards in her chair.
Peter shook his head, "Don't count on it."
"Why?" Rachel asked.
"Because lately he hasn't been singing." Peter answered.
Mercedes sighed, "Oh it's much worse actually. He barely talks to anyone, and when he does he is usually angry or upset. And he isn't complaining any more about…stuff. And he has been missing school a lot."
Stuff? Why has he been missing school? And why is he so angry?
"That's so terrible!" Rachel said. She then looked up to me. "You can add something you know. You don't just have to sit there like a puppet and let me talk."
"I-I" I started. But I just couldn't say anything. I had too many questions buzzing around my head to think of anything.
All of a sudden there was a loud band coming from outside, and someone hollering, "Go back to the fairy hole!" Then two guys in varsity jackets walked past the doorway, high fiving.
A moment later Kurt scurried back into the classroom saying, "Sorry." After he sat down everyone stared at him and he looked down, blushing slightly, "It was nothing guys I'm fine."
Mercedes stared at him some more, but Peter just shook his head. "Fine, we'll try to believe you. Now what did Reed want?"
Oh right, Reed. Who's Reed again?
"He fell down the stairs, scrapped his arm and got rug burn…again." Kurt sighed and shook his head.
I was finally able to find my voice and ask, "Who's Reed?"
Kurt looked at me and I felt my heart flutter. "Reed is my friend from Dalton. He's a little accident prone."
"'A little'?" Mercedes laughed, "He can't drink out of a soda can without cutting his lip! It's a wonder that school can handle him!"
"W-what's Dalton?" My voice was slowly retreating as Kurt's beautiful eyes studies me.
"Dalton Academy is an all boys private school in Westerville. Some of the boys board there since their parents are so filthy rich that they are always traveling and can't bring their children along." He looked down at the floor and gave a dreamy sigh.
Mercedes rolled her eyes, "Kurt has been completely in love with that place ever since we sent him in to spy on then a couple weeks ago."
"Spy?" Rachel asked, sounding rather startled at Mercedes' statement.
"Calm down Rach." I said patting her shoulder. She glared at me.
Peter just laughed and said, "We are facing off with there glee club at sectionals and we just wanted to see what we were going up against."
"Reed showed me around, thinking I was a new kid, and brought me to one of the Warblers performances." Kurt said.
"Warblers?" I asked.
"Their glee club. Anyways once I confessed that I was a spy, he turned out to be pretty ok with that. And then we stared talking and realized we have a lot in common and he helped me with some…problems and now we talk like all the time!"
What 'problems'?
"Anyway!" Peter clapped his hands. "Kurt came back from his trip with, unfortunately, great reviews, and telling us of how heaven like it was."
Mercedes groaned, "That's only because of their zero tolerance for bullying rule."
Bullies? Why would Kurt care about Bullies?
I cleared my throat and said, "Why do you need to worry about bullies?"
Kurt looked at me, "It's simple. I'm the only out gay kid at this hell hole our parents call a school."
BOOM! It felt like there was a nuclear explosion in my chest.
"Y-you're gay?" I asked before I really thought about it.
"Yes, yes I am. Do you have a problem with that?" Kurt spit his words out like acid. Just shake your head Blaine…oh no, did you just nod your head? No, no no. No you're kidding, laugh it off! No wait laughing isn't working… Shit! People stop looking at me like that! I look down at my lap as I felt a blush cross my cheeks.
Yup, I nodded, and then chuckled. And if looks could kill I would be dead a hundred times over.
"Then I suggest you keep your opinions to yourself because I really don't need more of you people in my life thank you very much. " Acid words were sprayed in my ears. And immediately felt bad, and not just because everyone else in the room was staring at me like I had grown a third head.
Rachel knows that I have nothing against gay people. Well except the fact that most of them can come clean about their sexuality and I, for one, cannot.
I meet Rachel's eyes and it is obvious that she knows something is wrong.
My cheeks burn and I try to recover my dignity, "W-wait I mean… n-no. I d-don't have-"
"Sure" his voice is gripping with sarcasm and he refuses to meet my eyes. "Anyways, other then your homophobic cousin and his girlfriend visiting, what's up in your life?" his question was directed at Peter.
Peter's eyes left me and looked at Kurt. He sighed, leaned in and said in a hushed voice, "Dude, I'll talk to him later, just lay off for now." Kurt glared at him as he leaned back in his seat and spoke normally, "Nothing. Other then school, and glee."
"Oh how interesting!" Mercedes' tone was sarcastic, only to be made know when she rolled her eyes, then turned to the majority of the group and asked, "So other then you two," she gestured towards me and Rachel "Who are you guys going to sing with for our assignment this week?"
Mercedes didn't seem to be as repulsed by me as Kurt seemed to be, as she smiled at both Rachel and I while Peter and Kurt thought for a moment.
"Hmm," Peter began, "Well… I don't think I'm going to participate in this week's assignment thank you very much!" His tone was cocky, and from what I have learned about Rachel, she hates that tone.
"That's bad showmanship! You have to participate! It's your glee club, and since Blaine and I are visiting we should at least get to see you perform once!" Nag, nag, nag that is all Rachel can ever do!
Peter rolled his eyes, "And who do you think will want to work with me? I can't dance, barely sing, I don't like rehearsing, and am a major nightmare to work with! The person would have to be insane to want to work with me! They would have to love a good challenge."
Oh god Peter, don't give her a challenge. You are practically begging her to go all Commando-Rachel on your ass.
A small grin crept onto Rachel's face, "I accept!"
Peter raised an eyebrow, "What?"
"You said if anyone wanted to work with you they would have to be up for a challenge. Well just so happens that I am! You, sir, now have the famous Rachel Berry as your duet partner!" She smiled with confidence.
I leaned in to his ear and whispered, "Welcome to hell." Rachel then kicked my leg and I winced, because her shoes were pointed toes. "OW Rach!" I clutched my calf like it was a mortal wound and everyone (with the exception of the glaring angel) burst out into laughter.
"Working with me is not hell!" she said defensively. Then she turned to Peter, "But I do think we should start choosing our number for the assignment! Now as you know I have an incredibly wide range thanks to years of vocal coaching from my dads and numerous world famous vocal instructors." She stood up, got a hold of Peter's arm and started pulling towards the door.
But she just had to continue to talk, "But what we really need to tackle is your ability. Now may I ask are you a bass or a baritone? You're voice gives the illusion of a bass but-" and her voice disappeared into the hallway.
Mercedes and Kurt laughed. "She really is something isn't she?" Mercedes asked. Kurt didn't even look my way and I felt dreadful.
'Something has changed with in me'
Kurt reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone again. When he looked at the screen he smiled. He hit answer and then the speaker button. "Hello?" His sweet voice rang happily to whoever was on the other end of the call.
I envy their ability to make Kurt smile. (Even though I don't care if he smiles [right?])
The phone is filled with a bunch of background noise, but then two identical voices rang through louder then the rest with equal enthusiasm. "ALICE!" They said.
Kurt smirked and rolled his eyes.
Who is Alice?
"Hello Tweedles. How may I help you two today?" His voice was half happy and half (amusingly) annoyed.
"Well Alice," one of the 'Tweedles' said. "As you know tomorrow night is our school's open house. And as you know we have to perform a song for those coming to the open house."
Kurt sighed, "And?" he urged them to continue, though I am not sure where this conversation is going.
Wait, are these people from Dalton? People like Reed who Kurt actually likes (unlike me) are calling him up? Is one of these people his…boyfriend? [Insert my heart breaking into a thousand pieces here].
"Well!" One of the Tweedles said, "We need our faithful, dependably, and nonbiased Alice to tell us what you think of the song we might perform tomorrow."
"Guys do you have Kurt?" Another voice from over the phone said.
"Yes, oh Dormouse! Alice is right here!" The Tweedles said.
"Awesome, Guys SHUT UP! Gimme the phone Even." The other voice said. Though he sounded as if he was screaming at a large group.
Oh. These must be the Warblers. But why would they call up their competition to help them decided on a performance? Ohio is crazy.
"Hey Kurt!" The voice said.
Kurt smiled. "Hey Reed. What song are you guys gunna sing?"
Oh so the voice was Reed.
"We decided on The Downtown Fiction's I Just Wanna Run." Reed said. I love that song!
"Great pick, I love that song!" Kurt said. My heart fluttered at our likeness.
"Ok well. Guys ready? Let's go!"
The opening music came in, but it sounded different then regular music. It sounded almost like…voices.
'I just wanna run, hide it away,
Run because they're chasing me down,
I just wanna run, throw it away,
Run before they're finding me out,
I just wanna run!
I just wanna run,
I'm out here all alone,
I try to call your house,
Can't reach you on the phone,
I'll gather up the nerve,
I'm packing up my bag,
It's more than you deserve,
Don't treat me like a drag,
I'm feelin' like I keep on talking,
I'm repeating,
Myself, my words, lost all meaning,
I keep talking,
I repeat myself...
I just wanna run, hide it away,
Run because they're chasing me down,
I just wanna run, throw it away,
Run before they're finding me out,
I just wanna run,
I just wanna run,
I just wanna run!'
I clapped, Mercedes clapped, and Kurt clapped. To be honest…they were really good. This is their competition? Good luck.
"Omigod Reed that was awesome!" Kurt said. "You guys are gunna kill it tomorrow!"
"Didn't the Dormouse do great?" the Tweedles said. "Now if only our poor Alice could come out and see us perform tomorrow night everything would be amazing!"
Now before any can continue, I have just a few questions that I would like answered because I feel I would be less confused then.
What is up with the 'Alice in Wonderland' nicknames? I mean Alice, Dormouse, and Tweedles?
Who the hell are all these people?
And most importantly:
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? I mean seriously I can't even think about…Kurt…without getting all flustered and my heart racing. Damnit.
"What are Evan and/or Ethan talking about?" Mercedes asked.
Kurt's smile faltered for a second. "They invited me to their open house tomorrow. But I don't think I'm going."
"Why not boo? You've barely see them except for the occasional cup of coffee in the morning. You should go." Mercedes said to him.
Kurt sighed, and then spoke into the phone. "Guys can I call you back later?"
"Will we see you tomorrow Alice?" One of the Tweedles asked (Are the Tweedles the 'Evan and or Ethan' Mercedes was talking about?)
Kurt bite his bottom lip, "Maybe. Text ya' later!" With that he hung up.
He looked to Mercedes as he sat back down in his seat "I'm not sure I can go. I want to go, no doubt, but I'm not sure I…can exactly."
"Boo that doesn't make any sense. Why don't you want to see them?" Mercedes asked, eyeing him as if she can extract the information with sheer will power.
Kurt found a sudden interest in the floor. "BecauseIhaven'ttoldthemyet" he mumbled under his breath.
"What? Words Kurt, WORDS!" She clapped her hands on his cheeks and forced him to look at her.
Kurt took a deep, shaky breath and said very slowly, "Because I haven't told them yet!"
Mercedes' jaw hit the floor and Kurt buried his head in his hands.
I leaned over to Mercedes (because she didn't seem to hate me…yet) "What is he talking about?"
Kurt looked up to me, with tears in his eyes. "It's none of your business!" And with that he got out of his seat, took his bag, and stormed out of the room.
Mercedes just shook her head. "J-Just let it go. It is something we all need to deal with before he would ever feel comfortable telling it to someone like you."
"Someone like me?" I breathed.
She sighed. "Listen, Blaine, I don't think you are a bad guy. But nodding and laughing when you did, that was the wrong decision. Kurt…he's been hurt a lot in his life, and to have someone…even remotely to what he thinks you are, around him. It just isn't good. Not…not now at least. Give him time and I bet he will at least look at you. But I would start off with an apology."
She looked down at her wrist. "Lunch is almost over. Pete and Rachel should be back soon. Just stay here. I gotta go. See you later." She took her books and left.
Who does he think I am?
"You froze."
"I did not!"
"Oh yes you did. Your face went red when I brought you back into our world. What was going on in that curly head of yours? Well, barely curly anymore, since you insist on using a tube of gel on it every morning." Rachel laughed.
We sat across from each other on my bed, reviewing our first day at high school. We had just rolled across the topic of lunchtime and…Kurt.
"I was just…thinking." I could feel my cheeks turning red. She raised an eyebrow at me. "Nothing in particular really. I was just…surprised to see….Kurt."
I looked down at my hands and she gasped. "Oh no!" I looked back up to see a silly grin plastered on her face.
"What?" I asked her, knowing the minute she answered I would regret asking.
"You…you don't. I mean you could. He did say… OMIGOD you do!" Her crazy Rachel mumbo jumbo was making no sense to me.
But despite my better instinct, I asked, "What?"
She grabbed the collar of the t-shirt I use as pajamas and pulled me forward. She leaned in close to my ear and whispered, "You like him. It makes perfect sense! You froze when you saw him, and when he said he was gay it looked like you had been punched in the balls! I get it now!"
She released her grip and leaned back. Her face showed she was proud of herself for cracking the case.
Is that it? Do I…like him? I guess that would make sense. He is really handsome, with a voice like an angel. But the fact is he hates me!
"B-but he hates me!" I whisper, to afraid to say anything to loud.
Rachel just rolled her eyes. "Then you need to apologize for…whatever you did! And ask him out!" She whispered towards the end.
I leaned in and whispered, "But he and the whole world think I'm straight. Only you know the truth. And like I have stated a million times before, I don't want to risk our careers for a silly romance that will never last!"
She bite her lip. "Well I'm not saying you have to come out. Maybe, after you apologize, you can take him aside and tell him. I mean he must have gone through something like what you are going through! He can help you, you two can bond, and maybe if he happens to like the new Blaine, go out."
"We are leaving in a couple weeks. I only have this week in school. I'm not sure it's worth it. Rachel please! This is really hard for me. So maybe we should just start off with an apology. And end it there." I sighed.
Rachel huffed and got off my bed. "Not good enough! By the end of this week you will have made some progress….and I know just what to do."
Don't say it Blaine, don't say it. "And what will that be?"
"By the end of tomorrow, you will have a duet partner! And his name is Kurt Hummel!" She turned and sauntered out of my room.
I closed my eyes and got under the covers of my bed.
I guess I do like him… So first off is the apology. Then maybe if…I say it is to make amends, we could be duet partners. What if he says no? What if screams at me? What if the whole glee club thinks I'm a homophobe and shuns me? I might not even be able to go back there tomorrow. Everyone will hate me.
But I don't care about everyone.
There is only one person who I really want to like me.
And he hates me.