Dear Journal,

Oh my God, I don't know why on earth I'm even doing this. I know that if anyone (especially the Tweedles) gets there hands on this, it will so not be worth writing down everything that's wrong in my life. But I have to listen to my dad, don't I? He said that it is important for me to have a creative outlet, other then singing. Other then singing? He is killing me! But he is right. I do need to express myself. And I should record these…troubles I am having for future references. Either that or it will make a lovely eulogy.

So why don't we get this, torturous, first entry over with?

My name is Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. I am a boy and yes I know that Elizabeth is a girl's name (It's my mom's name, so give me a break). I am a junior at William McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio and am apart of their glee club, the New Directions. And at WMHS I am the only out gay kid. Right there is where most of my troubles form because I'm not really…the most…non-stereotypical gay kid in the world. I might just be the opposite. But do you think I chose this life? No! It's not my chose to love girl's cloths, to have a high pitched voice and to like guys. I just do! Anyways, because of my stereotypical-ness and all there are a few homophobic assholes, hell-bent on my utter internal destruction. Delightful don't you say?

But here is where it gets interesting!

Two weeks ago I was sent on a spying mission to our (the glee club's) competition at sectionals. I was sent to the private, all-boys boarding school in Westerville, Dalton Academy. I ended up making a lot of new friends. There is Wes, David, Evan and Ethan (the twins or Tweedles as they prefer to themselves) (they give everyone weird Alice in Wonderland nicknames. You don't want to know what mine is) and then there is my best Warbler (that's their show choir's name) friend, Reed. Ever since I spied on them we've all been meeting up every free second we have. I have so much fun with them all because well, their school has a zero tolerance anti-bullying policy and they all don't care if I'm gay. I tell them practically everything because well…they want to hear it. I know it might sound mean since I have a lot of friends in the New Directions, but….none of them really gets who I am. None of them can relate to me in ways that my friends from Dalton do.

Now yesterday, after school, I was getting stuff from my locker when the biggest homophobe at the school shoved me. It's nothing new, but with some newfound confidence, or should I say courage, I tried to stand up to him. I followed him down the hall and into the locker room and tried my very best to confront him about all this bullying nonsense.

But what happened next even surprised me….

He kissed me.

I have only told Mercedes and Peter (my two best friends in the whole wide world) about this, because I really don't feel comfortable sharing something so private with the rest of our gossip/drama-filled glee club. But tomorrow is the first time I will see my Dalton friends since the incident. I tell them everything! So how do I explain to them what happened? And God knows I cannot lie to them! I don't know what to do. My life just sucks right now. Oh but I almost forgot. That's not where my torture ends.

Have you heard of Blaine Anderson?

Yes that Blaine Anderson, part of the Most Talented Duet Group of the Year and one of the Hottest Teens of the Year.

And I have to admit, after meeting him formally, and in person, he is rather hot. See Blaine, and his duet partner Rachel Berry, are spending the week in Lima because Blaine is Peter's cousin. Just my luck, right? Well I hate to break it to you, but Blaine Anderson is as straight as they make them in Hollywood.

But when Blaine met me, all he could do was stare at my like I had three heads or something. (Weird, right?) But then when I said that I was gay, it looked like someone had punched him in the guts. He barely talked and continued to stare at me. I should be flattered, right? Well I am not. Because when I asked him if he had a problem with me being gay, he nodded! And worst of all after that he laughed at me, as if being gay was some type of joke to him!

I'm sorry to say but with all that is going on in my life right now, I do not need someone like him hanging around me or any of my friends. And no matter how suave the magazines portrait him as, he really just seems like any other awkward teenager to me.

I just hate my life right now. And I don't know of anything that would make it any better. Well thank you journal for listening to the Soap Opera that is my life right now. Got to go, Mercedes is calling.

Sincerely,

Kurt Elizabeth Hummel

P.S.: My Dalton friends invited me to an open house tomorrow night. And I really want to go, but I really want Mercedes and Peter there with me. But I know that if I ask for Peter to come he'll have to bring along his parade of singing hobbits. Please let me control my anger until they leave at the end of the week. I know one thing for sure though. Blaine Anderson does not belong anywhere near somewhere like Dalton Academy.