Note: Well, I'm back from New York! And all the Broadway shows were awesome, especially the Book of Mormon. If you're ever in New York City, you have GOT to try to get into Book of Mormon; it's the greatest musical/play since CATS (maybe even better in some ways)! Matt and Trey use the same sort of humor that they use in South Park. In fact, I'd almost describe the musical as a two-hour live-action South Park special!

(Cut to: The Marsh Residence, Dining Room. It is around seven-thirty and the family is assembled for dinner. Randy is sitting at the end of the table, Sharon is sitting to his right, Stan is sitting to Randy's left, and Shelly is sitting to Stan's left. They are having ham, potatoes, and greens. While Randy, Sharon, and Shelly are focused primarily on eating, the look in Stan's eyes suggests that he is daydreaming.)

Sharon: So, Shelly, how was school today?

Shelly: Awesome. This one kid's chemistry lab went dangerously wrong and blew up in his face. It was the most hilarious thing I ever saw.

(Awkward pause. Sharon and Randy just look at their daughter blankly)

Randy: That's… lovely, Shelly.

Sharon: Stanley, how was your day at school?

Stan (still daydreaming): What? (He quickly snaps out of his reverie) Oh, it was… it was fine, Mom. Our class has two new students.

Sharon: Quincy and Juliana Morales?

Stan: Yeah, that's them. How did you know?

Randy: We got a call from their parents just before you got home. They wanted to have us over for dinner tomorrow night.

Stan: They said they'd do that. You see, a bunch of my friends and I hanged out at their place after school. They have this really neat place in their house called a "Holo-Room." I'm not entirely certain how it works, but it's got to be a breakthrough in physical science.

Randy: Neat.

Sharon: Their parents did mention that you and your friends were over there after school, but they also mentioned that you and Wendy got there at five o'clock.

Stan (after a moment of silence): So?

Sharon: What were you doing after school got out until then?

Stan (calmly): I was over at Wendy's house.

Sharon: Doing what?

Stan: Working with her on our history essay.

Sharon (slightly suspicious): Your history essay isn't due for a whole week.

Stan: I know. But I was already finished, and she needed help on hers.

Sharon: Stanley, if you were doing something else over at Wendy's house, you can be honest with me.

Randy (looking up at his wife): Sharon, don't badger Stan. If he doesn't want to talk about his personal time with Wendy, he doesn't have to.

Sharon: I know, Randy; I'm just asking.

Stan: Mom, don't worry. Nothing happened at Wendy's house. We just did our homework; nothing else.

Sharon: Okay, Stan; I believe you. (They all resume eating. There is silence for a few moments.) So I won't ask about the lipstick.

Stan (a little stunned): What do you mean?

Sharon: You have lipstick marks all over your face, Stan.

(Stan takes out his cell phone and uses the reflecting surface to examine his face. To his surprise, his mother is correct about the lipstick marks.)

Stan: Oh, uh… let me just rub that off (He picks up his linen napkin and wipes his face clean. When he's done, he sets his napkin back down and acts as if nothing has happened.)

(Cut to: South Park Genetic Engineering Ranch, Interior. Dr. Mephisto is still counting up the number of red pills he has. As he speaks each number aloud, he puts another pill into the bottle.)

Mephisto: 493… (There are three left on the table) 494… (Two left) 495… (One left) 496 (None left. Mephisto pauses for a moment. Then he stands up.). Kevin, I've counted these up three times, and I always come up four short. Of course, two of them were used on the mouse and the woodpecker, but… it would seem as if young Quincy was right. I must have overlooked two of the pills when I spilled them in Mr. Garrison's classroom this morning (There is a short pause). I'd better call Quincy back (He moves over the phone, picks it up, and dials the phone number of the Morales mansion.)

(Cut to: Morales Residence Interior, Living Room. Quincy and Juliana are on their laptops, doing some research on the periodic table of elements. There is a phone on a small table next to the couch they are sitting on.)

Juliana (without looking up from her laptop): Hey, Quincy. Two guys walk into a bar. One tells the bartender "I'm a chemist; I'll just have H2O." The other guy says "I'll have H2O, too." They get their drinks, drink them-

Quincy (interrupting): And the second guy dies.

Juliana: Have I told you that one before?

Quincy: No, I told it to you originally. (They both laugh)

(Once they stop laughing, the phone rings. Quincy gets up to answer it.)

Quincy (calling out): I got it! (He picks up the phone and puts it up to his ear) Hello?

Mephisto (over the phone): Mr. Morales, it's Dr. Mephisto.

Quincy: Hello, Doctor. How many did you come up with?

Mephisto (over the phone): Exactly 496. Factoring out the two I used in your class today, I'm still two short. It looks as though you were right.

Quincy (nervously sighing): Then it's just as I feared.

Mephisto (over the phone): Now may I ask what made you suspicious in the first place?

Quincy: Well, today after school, my sister and I invited over six of the children in our class. Their names are Eric Cartman, Kyle Broflovski, Kenny McCormick, Bebe Stevens, Rebecca Logan, and Lola Wagner. After our parents showed them around the house, Kyle wanted to invite his friend Stan Marsh, along with Stan's girlfriend Wendy Testaburger.

Mephisto (over the phone): That's funny; from what I've heard, Stan spends most – if not all – of his free time with his friends.

Quincy: You'd know that better than I would, sir; my family has only been in this town for a day and a half.

Mephisto (over the phone): Getting back on track, what were you saying about Stan and Wendy?

Quincy: When they arrived at our mansion, we showed them our Holo-Room. It's difficult to describe what this does in full detail, but-

Mephisto (over the phone, interrupting): Is it like the holodeck in Star Trek?

Quincy (stunned): Yes, sir; it's like that exactly. At any rate, we all took turns programming the room to produce whatever place was on our minds. When Stan and Wendy took their turns, they both came out with a dimly-lit bedroom, complete with Elton John music, candles on every surface, and a bottle of wine. Aside from that, they were spending a lot of time at each other's side for the entire two hours they were at our house.

Mephisto (over the phone): Peculiar. I don't quite think that's enough to draw a conclusion about the whereabouts of the missing pills. All the same, I want you to keep an eye on your classmates, and let me know if they demonstrate any type of unusual behavior around each other.

Quincy: Sir, are you asking me to spy on them?

Mephisto (over the phone): No, no, no, of course not. I merely want you to observe them. Study them, if you will. Think of it like that.

Quincy: Alright, you can count on me. I'll call you again tomorrow if anything of the sort happens. (He hangs the phone up and returns to his seat on the couch) Looks as though we just began our first collaborative experiment with Dr. Mephisto.

Juliana (smirking): I heard rumors that things out of the ordinary always happen here. Looks as though those rumors were true (Short pause). I like this town already.

(Cut to: Testaburger Residence Interior, Wendy's Room. Wendy is at her table, running her hairbrush through her hair. She hears someone knock on her door.)

Wendy: Come in. (The door opens and Stan walks in. Wendy turns around, looking a little surprised.) Stan, what are you doing here?

Stan (smiling): I just wanted to see you again. Is that alright?

Wendy: (She seems to hesitate for a moment, and then she smiles, too) It's perfectly fine with me.

Stan: Okay, then. (He approaches Wendy and kisses her on the cheek) How about we pick up where we left off earlier today?

Wendy (deviously): Now you're talking (She walks over to the far wall and turns off the light. Then she walks back to Stan, takes his hand in hers, and leads him over to the bed. They kick off their shoes, hop onto the bed, and face each other. She says this next line very sensually). You might have to jog my memory; where were we?

Stan: I believe we were… right here (He begins unbuttoning her jacket, revealing her white shirt).

Wendy (giggling): Yep, that seems about right… (She in turn begins unbuttoning his jacket. Once they are both finished, they slide their jackets off and lie down facing each other. Stan takes off his hat and Wendy takes off her beret. They toss them to the end of the bed and look towards each other. They run their fingers through each other's black hair, taking in each and every moment of pleasure.)

(Montage: Black Eyed Peas' "Tonight's Gonna Be A Good Night" plays in the background. Stan and Wendy sit up and begin French-kissing. They do it ravenously, both letting their tongues through each other's mouth. Next Wendy lifts Stan's shirt up over his head and admires his chest. He has a good build for a boy of his age. Before long, Wendy has her shirt removed as well. Now they are both under the covers, sweating from excitement and pleasure. Soon they are both under the covers and all their clothes are on the floor.)

Stan (lustfully): Oh, yeah, that's it. Right there! Oh, oh, Wendy!

Wendy (hungrily): Oh, my God, oh… oh, Stan! Stan! Oh, God! (Immediately, the room's setting changes. The lights are off, but Wendy is in bed on her own. She appears to be talking in her sleep) Stan, oh… oh don't stop, Stan! Don't- (She quickly wakes up. She rubs her eyes and looks around, blinking erratically. She folds her arms, frustrated.) Damnit, it was just a dream! (She looks over at her nightstand and notices that her phone is vibrating. She picks it up and sees that Stan has just left her a text message. It says "You awake?" She types back her response "I am right now. What's up?" She waits for a response. It comes through a moment later: "Meet me at my locker before class tomorrow." She writes "I'll be there. See you tomorrow. Love you!" He responds one last time with "Love you, too!" Wendy puts her phone back on her night stand and goes back to sleep.)

(Cut to: South Park Elementary Interior, 4th Grade Hallway. The corridor is mostly empty; only a few people are present. Wendy is at Stan's locker, eagerly waiting for him. He shows up from the left a few seconds later.)

Stan: You really are punctual, aren't you?

Wendy (smiling): I guess so. Why'd you want to meet me?

Stan: I just wanted to see you before class began. You want to go somewhere and make out?

Wendy: Sure, but I don't know how many private places there are in the school.

Stan: Oh… you're right. That's one thing I didn't consider. Where could we go?

Wendy (thinking hard): Well, the gym's being set up for P.E., the art room is having more equipment brought in, the classrooms are all occupied, and the cafeteria is still serving breakfast…

Stan (thinking hard): That severely reduces our options. Wait, I got it! (He whispers something into her ear. She seems a little shocked.)

Wendy: Are you sure about that?

Stan: Well, if you've got a better suggestion, I'm listening.

Wendy (shrugging): Good point. Let's do it! (The two of them saunter over to the Boys' Restroom. When no one is looking, they open the door and step inside.)

(Cut to: Boys' Bathroom. Stan and Wendy step up to the first stall and find it empty. They step inside it and close the stall door behind them.)

Stan (whispering): At least the bathroom's clean.

Wendy (whispering): True; can't argue with that. (The two of them close the stall toilet's lid and sit on the top so that their feet cannot be seen under the stall's walls. They silently begin making out. After a few moments, a flushing sound is heard and Butters steps out of the second stall, a look of extreme relief on his face.)

Butters (blissfully): Oh, jeez! I knew I shouldn't have eaten those prunes with that horseradish from Arby's for breakfast. Why do I always let Eric talk me into trying new foods? (He steps up to one of the sinks and is about turn on the water. But before he can, he hears deep breathing. It catches his attention and he curiously tries to pinpoint the source of the commotion. Soon he realizes that it's coming from the first stall. He cautiously approaches the stall and discovers that it is unlocked. He gently pushes the door open to find Stan and Wendy vigorously kissing each other. Butters is so shocked that he looks as if he has been smacked in the face with a two-by-four. Initially, Stan and Wendy pay him no mind. Then Stan happens to look up and freezes in his place.)

Wendy: Stan? What's wrong? (He slowly points towards the stall door. Wendy turns around and notices Butters. She is equally stunned.)

Stan: Umm… hey, Butters. What's up? (Butters appears to be horrified; his mouth is agape and his eyes are focused on the duo.) Butters, this isn't what it looks like.

Wendy: Yeah, we were just… we were just… hanging out, I guess. (Butters remains unchanged)

Butters (slowly): Oh… my… God… (he faints, falling flat on his back. Concerned, Wendy and Stan run to his sides.)

Stan (kneeling down next to him): Butters? Butters, are you okay? (He shakes him a little) Shit, he's passed out! (He pats Butters on his shoulders, trying to revive him) What should we do?

Wendy: We have to get him to the infirmary.

Stan: That's both a good idea and a bad idea. Maybe you should go and find the nurse while I wait here. Just tell her that I found Butters here and went out into the hallway to get help, and that you were the first person I ran into. That way, no one will know that you were in here.

Wendy: Smart thinking, Stan. (She gets up and leaves)

(Cut to: the Infirmary. Butters is lying on the examination table while Nurse Bronski takes his blood pressure. Stan and Wendy are standing on the opposite side, looking concerned.)

Stan: Is he alright, Nurse?

Nurse Bronski: I believe so. He only passed out. (She finishes taking Butters' blood pressure and looks over at the other children.) You two can leave now. His parents are on the way.

Wendy: Class doesn't start for a while. We want to be here when he wakes up.

Nurse Bronski (grinning): That's very considerate of you. (Just then, the door opens and Stephen and Linda Stotch walk into the room)

Stephen: We got your call, Nurse Bronski. How is he?

Nurse Bronski: Your son is fine, Mr. and Mrs. Stotch. His friend Stan found him unconscious in the boys' bathroom.

Stephen (to Stan): Thank you for helping him, Stan. Do you know what happened?

Stan: I'm afraid not. He was just lying on the floor when I found him.

Linda: Will he be alright, Nurse?

Nurse Bronski: I don't see any reason why he wouldn't be. He should be coming around any time now. (Butters begins to stir)

Butters: Oh… (He slowly opens up his eyes and sits up, rubbing his forehead. Stephen and Linda walk over to their son and sit down in chairs next to him. He quickly notices their presence.) Mom? Dad? What… what are you doing here?

Linda: Your friend Stan found you in the boys' bathroom. He and Wendy got help and brought you here.

Stephen: Do you remember what happened, Butters?

Butters (struggling to recollect): Well, uh… I think I remember. (Stan and Wendy look at each other nervously) I was just finished with doing my business in the bathroom. I was on my way to wash my hands when I heard some noise in the next stall (Stan and Wendy look as if they're about to faint themselves). It was strange noise; it didn't sound like anybody doing bathroom business. So I decided investigate. I crept over to the stall, slowly opened it up, and then… (Stan and Wendy look mortified. They fretfully wait for Butters to continue. Butters quickly remembers what it was he saw) Oh my, God. I remember now. I saw… (He pauses for a moment)

Linda: What, sweetie? What did you see?

Butters (appearing terrified): I saw… a girl in the boys' room. Oh, good God! (Stan and Wendy seem bewildered by this response). Yes, I remember! There was a girl, right there, in the boys' bathroom! That has to be the most terrifying thing I've ever seen in my life!

Stan (stepping forward): That's it, Butters? You just saw a girl in there?

Butters (nodding heavily): Yeah, Stan. I couldn't believe my eyes. I mean, a girl in the boys' room? That's unbelievable!

Wendy: Do you… recall who it was?

Butters: Umm… no, not really. I just know for a fact that there was a girl in that room. I fainted after seeing her. I guess Stan found me just a few moments later. Luckily for him, the girl must have left by then.

Stephen (crossly): Wait, wait, wait, wait… back up there a minute, Butters. Did you just say… you were "on your way" to wash your hands after you went to the bathroom?

Butters: Umm… well, yeah. I was going to, but I didn't get around to it.

Linda (angrily): You didn't wash your hands, you saw a girl in the bathroom, and you fainted?

Butters: Uh, yeah, that's about it.

Stephen (irately): Oh, that does it! As soon as you get home today, you are grounded, young man!

Butters: What? Ahh, gosh dangit! (Stan and Wendy look at each other again and both of them breathe a sigh of relief)

(Cut to: 4th Grade Hallway. The bell rings. Stan, Wendy, and Butters are walking to class.)

Stan: Sorry you got grounded, Butters.

Butters: Oh, it's alright Stan; it wasn't your fault. I'm just glad you found me when you did. If someone had found me later, I probably would have been late to class, too. Then I would have been in trouble for four things instead of three. (The three of them arrive at the door to Mr. Garrison's classroom.)

Wendy: You go on in, Butters. We'll be along in a moment.

Butters: Okay, then (He moseys inside. Once the coast is clear, Wendy turns to Stan.)

Wendy: That was a close call. We probably shouldn't try anything like that again.

Stan: You're right. But when's our next opportunity? Passing period is too short, the cafeteria's too crowded at lunch, and during recess we're out in the open.

Wendy: Maybe we'll have to wait until after school.

Stan: I guess so. But when? My parents want me to come home straight away. I'll be busy until… until… (an idea quickly dawns on him) That's it!

Wendy: What? What's "it?"

Stan: Did your parents accept the Morales family's invitation for dinner at their mansion tonight?

Wendy: As far as I know, they did accept.

Stan: Great; mine did do. I have an idea for something we can do tonight at their house. You think you can wait that long?

Wendy (shrugging): I'll try my best. I think I can.

Stan (smirking): Believe me; it'll be something to look forward to (He kisses her kindheartedly on the cheek. Then the two of them step into Mr. Garrison's classroom.).

Review, please! What do you think so far?