A deadly silence fell in the room. The only sounds that Trowa could hear were the humming of the electromagnetic devices in the walls and his own blood thrumming in his ears. All he could do was look at Quatre with wide eyes.
'God, no. Please tell me I just didn't hear that.'
Quatre was still crying quietly and looking away. Trowa blinked and shook his head, trying to ground himself again. But his own problems suddenly vanished when Quatre paled and whimpered, holding his belly.
"Quatre? Quatre, what's wrong?"
Quatre was unable to answer, his now too frail body assailed by waves after waves of pain radiating through his abdomen. He began to dry-heave, the muscles in his belly tensing spasmodically as they tried to expulse something that wasn't there. Cold sweat began to cover his body and he shivered. He was now only dimly aware of another presence in the room, too far gone into the pain to even reach out and ask for help.
Trowa's hand reacted almost faster than his brain, catching Sally's panic button and pressing it. There was not much he could do after that but wait as Quatre wailed in pain. He didn't dare come too close, afraid that he would somehow make things worse for Quatre, but he didn't want to leave either. He was still trying to figure out what to do when the door hissed open and Sally and Iria barged in, both slightly out of breath.
"What's up?" Sally barked.
"He's awake!" Iria interrupted.
"Sally, there's something wrong, he was…"
Trowa stopped short of saying 'fine' because Quatre had not been fine at all. But he didn't have to add a thing. Iria was already getting to the bed to check Quatre's vitals, and Sally steered Trowa to the door. She began speaking before he could protest.
"Please, Trowa not now. He needs some rest first. Just go get the others and gather them in the study, please, we've got some stuff to tell you that needs to be told away from prying ears."
"But what is happening to Quatre?"
Sally smiled sadly.
"This is an unfortunate secondary effect from the sedative. I had to mix several strong things to manage a concoction powerful enough to take you guys out, but without anything that you would have too bad reactions to. I couldn't eliminate all the bad effects, though. Nausea is very common when you've been under this stuff. Just ask Heero, I pumped him full of it at the beginning of the year. Quatre has been under sedation for almost twenty-four hours, and his stomach is empty, that's why it's painful for him."
Trowa looked worriedly at the bed, where Iria was busy trying to feel Quatre's pulse and gently calling out to him.
"I don't…"
"I know, Trowa. You don't want to leave, and under any other circumstances I would keep you in there. But I really need you to gather the guys. We may have a lead into what caused… whatever happened to him. And… you need a break. You look like death warmed over. Like you saw a ghost or something."
"I did," Trowa said weakly, and before Sally could react to that strange comment, he all but fled from the room.
Iria had let Sally manage Trowa, her every sense focused on her little brother. He was holding his middle section and trembling under the pain, whimpering softly. He did not look like he had seen her.
"Quatre?"
He did not answer, just letting out a pitiful sob as a more intense wave of pain crashed through his body. Iria managed to take a hold of his wrist and checked his pulse. Too rapid, a bit erratic. She checked again, this time in his neck, then gently wiped cold sweat from his brow, and tried to make him lie back down. Sitting was not a good position for him right now.
"Quatre, can you hear me? Can you open your eyes? Look at me, little brother, come on!"
She tried very hard not to panic, not to think about what Dr. Carter had said before in the corridor. She had to concentrate on making sure he was alright first.
"Quatre, lie back down, sweetie. Come on, let me help you there, you'll feel better once there's less strain on your upper body."
Sally appeared at her side, dosing some kind of medication in a syringe.
"What is it?" Iria asked.
"Something to stop the spasms. It will make him drowsy, but it's not a sedative. I want him to get back on a proper diet as soon as possible. It will stop the pain," Sally added with a smile to Iria. "Another of my little personal concoctions. I swear some labs would kill to get their hands on this stuff."
Iria stood silent as Sally injected the drug to Quatre. He went limp in her arms, moaning softly, his body still shaking, but soon the wracking shivers stopped. Sally slowly examined sore belly muscles, and massaged them to help Quatre relax. All the while, Iria kept her brother against her, stroking the white blond hair and murmuring reassuring things. Then, Sally took out her stethoscope and checked both Quatre's pulse and breathing, satisfied to find them back at a more normal rate.
"That's better. But he's probably going to be tired from it all."
"Quatre?" Iria tried again, brushing blond bangs away. "Quatre, can you hear me?"
Slightly unfocused green-blue eyes slowly opened, and Iria held her breath as they turned to her face. Quatre gasped when he saw her, but didn't pull away. In fact, his eyes went very wide, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing.
"I… Iria?" he choked out in a croaked voice.
Iria felt tears spring to her eyes, but she smiled, a heavy burden lifted off her shoulders.
"That's me," she cooed reassuringly. "It's okay now, Quatre. Everything's alright, you're home with your friends, and we will make sure you are going to be okay."
Quatre swallowed, too exhausted to even try to move.
"Am… I… dead?" he asked in a whisper.
Iria frowned.
"What makes you say that, Quatre?"
"Used… to see you… 'fter the shuttle got blasted away… didn't know if you were okay… no one told me…"
Iria froze, unable to find anything to say that wouldn't sound incredibly stupid or idiotic. Fortunately, Sally saved her.
"Quatre," the blond doctor said, "do you know what day we are?"
Quatre turned to the new voice and gasped again.
"Sa… lly…"
"That's my name," Sally said cheerfully. "Now don't panic and just try to concentrate, Quatre. Do you know what day we are today?"
"I…"
Quatre blinked several times and his face showed definite fear as he suddenly realized he had absolutely no idea what the date was, nor the time of the day. The only thing that prevented him from having a panic attack right away was that Iria was holding him and caressing his back soothingly.
"It's okay, Quatre," Sally said. "It's normal for you to be disoriented. Today is the 7th of March, AC 197."
"What… happened to… me?"
Iria and Sally shot a look at each other, and Iria decided to answer.
"We don't know yet, Quatre. What is the last thing you remember?"
There was a short silence.
"I don't know… it's all… messed up in my head… was Trowa really here?"
"Yes, he was, and he is really worried about you. Quatre, something bad happened to you, and we don't know what yet, just that you need rest. It would be really good if you could sleep now."
Quatre winced, as if the thought of sleeping was not something he would gladly consider.
"You're not under any other drug than the little painkiller I gave you, Quatre," Sally intervened. "Iria is right, it would be very good for you if you could sleep a little. You need some natural sleep."
"Everything is okay, Quatre," Iria added. "You're home, on L4-A001. Trowa, Wufei, Heero and Duo are here, and they all want you to get better. Nothing bad is going to happen to you, I promise. We are all here for you."
It was only at the end of her little speech that Iria realized that Quatre was already asleep. She glared at Sally when the woman snorted, then eased Quatre back on the bed and arranged the blankets around him.
"We should not leave him alone," she said.
"Well, we've got a qualified nurse here with us," Sally pointed out. "That's part of why I asked her to come along. She can keep an eye on him, right?"
"Yes, of course, I should have thought of that. By the way, should we invite Dr. Carter to our little meeting?"
"There are some things he needs to know…" Sally began.
"I will keep him updated on Quatre's medical condition so that he can help us and report to Dr. Hewley, but I don't think he needs to know about… that… just yet. This is only a suspicion," Iria said in an uncertain voice.
"Yeah, but both you and I know it would explain things."
"I know, Sally," Iria sighed. "I know. But until we know more, and mostly until we know how it was done, I don't think it wise to get… uninformed people into this."
"You're probably right. And I bet the guys will agree with you on that, so I'm not even gonna try to argue. It's safer that way."
Trowa found himself in front of Wufei's door without really knowing how he had come there. But the fact that this was the first place he had thought of coming to made him stop and consider, putting aside the fears for a moment.
'I told him we wouldn't pressure him. Now is not a good time to make a liar of myself. I meant it, and I still mean it, I don't want him to be thrown into something he doesn't want, and Quatre won't want it anymore than I do. I shouldn't have come to him first.'
But he knew that his logic would always be defeated both by his instincts and his heart. He knew that the decision to come here first had not been made consciously. Just that his heart felt like it was going to explode soon, and that he needed someone to be strong for him just for a moment. And since Quatre couldn't, his feelings had directed him to the second person he knew he trusted and loved with all his devotion, and that was Wufei.
'I just can't keep running anymore… but I don't want to push him away by being too insistent. I want it to come from him, I want him to come to us because he really wants it, not because I feel like I need someone to cling onto. How do I always seem to put myself in such situations? First Cat, then Wufei…'
Trowa felt panicked, blocked by his internal struggle. He had a perfectly valid excuse to be here, Sally had asked for him to gather his comrades in the study. But it didn't make it any easier for him to realize just how much he needed to hear someone's voice reassuring him right now, and how much he would love that voice being Wufei's.
Unfortunately for him, his dilemma was solved as Wufei opened his door. The Chinese had realized that someone was standing in front of the wooden panel quite some time ago, but had patiently waited to see if that someone would make themselves known or not. Upon not seeing anything happen, Wufei had decided to go confront whoever it was, and the reason they had to be standing outside of his door doing nothing.
"What's up?" he snapped a bit more abruptly than he intended to.
His face lost its irritated frown as he saw Trowa standing there, too pale, eyes wide and a lost look on his usually reserved face that was decidedly not normal.
"Trowa? What's going on? Are you okay?"
"I…"
Trowa looked at a loss for words. Wufei frowned again and pulled Trowa in his room, closing the door behind them and making his comrade go sit on the bed.
"What's wrong?"
"Quatre… woke up."
It almost crushed Trowa to see how Wufei's face lightened at that simple sentence, because he knew he would have to kill that light soon.
"Well, that's good then, isn't it?"
"He recognized me, but… I think he… he thought we were back during the war… right after when he shot me with Zero."
"Oh" was the only thing Wufei found to say, suddenly understanding the cause for Trowa's paleness and shakiness. That was sure to have brought back painful memories for his friend, both from the actual time when he had lost his memories and from the time both he and Quatre had spent trying to repair the damage that had been done. And Wufei suddenly found himself with the urge to make that awfully lost look on Trowa's face go away. And it shocked him to the point of leaving him speechless.
'I love Quatre, I know that much, but Trowa? Since when did I start caring about Trowa so much? Since when has his happiness become as important as Quatre's happiness in my eyes? God, what is happening to me? What the hell am I doing?'
Wufei was sure that Duo would have had some smartass comment to answer to that. He himself was a bit too caught up in the sudden realization that yes, Trowa mattered to him more than just a friend, and that it was making life both incredibly simpler and incredibly more complicated all at once.
"Wufei?"
Trowa's anxious call brought Wufei back to reality. He realized he had been staring in the void. Trowa shifted uneasily on the bed and looked away, a slight blush on his cheeks.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come," he said very softly and began to get up.
To his surprise, a very firm hand forced him back on the bed, and he found himself face to face with a suddenly quite irate Wufei.
"I thought you knew me far better than that, Barton!"
Trowa blinked. Wufei smiled wearily and rubbed the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath.
"You never had any troubles talking to me when you had a problem before," he said. "So what's wrong this time?"
To be honest, Wufei had a pretty good idea of what was wrong, but he felt like Trowa should be the one to say it.
"I just… I told you there was no pressure on you and here I come begging for attention when you probably need time and space…"
Trowa stopped talking and looked down, but Wufei caught the shame that flashed in the green eyes. He sighed.
"Trowa, you've been honest with me. Even if what you told me kind of... destroyed my vision of the world, so to speak, you were honest, and I wouldn't expect anything less from you. You told me that whatever happens, you and Quatre would always be my friends. It works both ways."
"I know, but…"
"No buts," Wufei interrupted firmly. "I do not give out my friendship with conditions. You were there for me in times when I was in difficulty, and I likewise will be there for you. I do not know yet what I will decide about what you told me, and I definitely need more time, not to mention that a quite lengthy conversation with both you and Quatre would probably be a great help in sorting a lot of things out, but… I mean it Trowa. Whatever happens, I will remain your friend, no matter what, and if either you or Quatre need me, I'll be there. You just have to ask."
Trowa remained silent for a while, gazing at his friend and savoring his every word. It was true that he had feared his confession would drive Wufei away, and he had counted on Quatre to convince him to come to them because he knew it was Quatre Wufei had fallen in love with. He felt almost ashamed now to have underestimated the feelings that Wufei had for them, whether of love or friendship.
"Thank you," he said quietly.
"Now that it's settled, do you want to talk about it?"
"I… maybe later. We don't have time now. Sally wants us in the office as soon as possible. She and Iria said they had a possible lead into the case."
"Good. Then let's fetch Maxwell and Yuy and go wait for them. You're sure you're okay?"
"No," Trowa answered in a slightly shaking voice. "No, I'm not okay, but I can't afford to break down now. Not before I am sure he is okay."
Wufei didn't add anything, but his hand on Trowa's shoulder comforted the young man more than he could have possibly said.
They didn't have to wait for long. Wufei had first dropped Trowa in the office, made sure he had something hot to drink and then had gone to find Duo and Heero. When Duo had gotten in the dimly lit room, he had immediately understood that something was wrong with Trowa, but to Heero's surprise and very unlike his gregarious self, he had simply assessed his comrade's state of mind with a rapid look and waited until Wufei sat down beside Trowa before coming closer and putting a comforting hand on Trowa's shoulder. Frowning as he saw that quite uncharacteristic behavior from Duo, Heero had come closer as well, to hear the latest news and offer his own small dose of comfort. Until Duo had dragged him off to the other couch in the room to wait for Sally and Iria, leaving the two other young men alone, and Wufei apparently fussing over Trowa, which was very surprising in itself since fussing had never been something Heero associated with Wufei in the first place.
"What is going on?" he whispered to Duo.
Duo turned bright eyes on him and smiled, apparently amused to realize Heero had no clue about the situation.
"You really don't know, do you?"
Heero elbowed him and grunted, careful to keep his voice low so that the two other Gundam pilots wouldn't hear them. But it appeared Wufei was too busy making sure Trowa would finish the mug of green tea that he had been given to care that his love life was being discussed three feet away from him.
"Don't make fun of me."
"I'm sorry, babe. I just… I think those guys won't have that much trouble after all."
Duo had to choke on his laughter as he witnessed Heero assessing the situation with his usual focus. He could have sworn that his lover was calculating the precise space between Wufei and Trowa's bodies, and counting just for how many seconds the Chinese was in actual physical contact with his friend.
"They're not there yet," Heero whispered again, suddenly.
Duo stopped laughing at once, and looked at Heero, taken at unawares by the sudden bout of philosophy. Every now and then, Heero surprised him liked that. Most of the time, he was clueless as to what the most simple interactions between people really meant, and yet in some occasions he could be pretty observant and insightful. With a soft smile, Duo put his arm around Heero's shoulders and gathered him close, kissing the top of his head and nuzzling into the fine brown hair. Heero raised puzzled blue eyes to meet his, and Duo sighed.
"No, they're not," he finally said. "But I trust they will be alright. They have to be. They deserve to be. We all do."
Heero didn't answer, just tucked his head under Duo's chin and waited.
Iria, Sally and Carter came into the office. The psychiatrist had just been informed that his patient had awoken, but had not been allowed to see him yet, and he was impatient to get some news. He looked at the four sitting young men. They were all quite pale, but they looked more rested. Yet, in spite of all his experience as a doctor, Carter would have been hard pressed to say what they were feeling at the moment. They had all schooled their features into unreadable masks when he and the women had come in, and Carter knew why. They didn't trust him yet. He didn't make the mistake to feel offended. He was just beginning to grasp what they all had had to go through in the past years, and he knew that he would have to earn that trust. Bizarrely, he was kind of looking forward to that kind of challenge.
"How is he?" Trowa asked as soon as everyone was seated.
"He's sleeping," Iria said. "Without the aid of sedatives, and under Shannon's supervision. She will alert us should anything happen."
"What happened?" Wufei said, his tone a bit clipped.
Sally sighed, but didn't reprimand him as she usually did when he was showing that kind of attitude. Given the circumstances, Wufei was actually quite restrained, she thought. Of course, he had the whole matter of the inquiry to consider. Then again, it could also have a lot to do with the fact that he was hovering protectively behind Trowa.
"He woke up quite disoriented," Sally finally said. "He didn't know what day we were nor exactly where he was, but he recognized us. Is that right, Trowa?"
Trowa nodded, his hand gripping the mug of tea more tightly.
"He could put name on our faces, but he couldn't situate himself in time, so he didn't really understood what was happening," Sally kept on. "I… I'm sorry, Trowa, I should have warned you…"
"About what?"
Sally looked away.
"In case of a memory loss or of temporary amnesia, traumatic events are often the first things to come back."
"I know that perfectly well," Trowa said coldly.
"Of course, but… I guess it couldn't have harmed to warn you. Because in all of your cases, traumatic events are quite above average."
Duo raised a sarcastic eyebrow. Trowa had had the time to relate everything that had happened, and he too thought that being warned would have been kind of nice.
"What now?" he asked.
"Natural sleep is what will help him most during the next few days," Iria kept on. "Isn't it, Dr. Carter?"
Carter, who had been avidly listening, jumped slightly.
"Yes," he said a bit hesitantly. "Normal R.E.M. sleep is good for the memory, because it's the subconscious that digs out of our brain the stuff that makes our dreams. The more he gets of it the better."
"And while the kitten hibernates, what should we do?" Duo inquired. "You said you had leads."
Iria shot a look to Carter.
"We'll come to it in a minute. Dr. Carter, I will need to speak with you and Shannon. I know you already went through this with Sally, but I need every possible detail on my brother's stay in your clinic… and I would like you to meet him the next time he wakes up. He may have questions on the last three weeks that only you can answer at that point."
"I'll be there," Carter answered. "I've really wanted to help him all these weeks. I'm glad that I can help to at least make something right now."
Iria smiled sadly.
"I know you did your best, Dr. Carter. You simply did not have the means to treat my brother correctly, that is all. I can never thank you enough for what you did. But… now if you will excuse us, there are matters that we need to discuss."
Carter frowned.
"But…"
"I don't have to remind you that this is a Preventer inquiry, do I, doctor?" Wufei interrupted abruptly.
"I am here to help," Carter protested.
"You won't help anyone if you're dead," Heero said quietly, effectively reducing everyone to silence.
It lasted a few interminable seconds before Wufei spoke again.
"You are a civilian. You should not even have been informed of our status as Gundam pilots. You know more than enough."
"They're right," Sally added. "It's for your own safety, Doc. We don't know what we're up against yet. The less you know, the less you're in danger."
"I don't understand," Carter said stubbornly.
Duo slowly got up and crossed the room to face the doctor. He had to look up to stare at him in the eyes, but he wasn't any less intimidating, and Carter shivered.
"It means, translated to good ol' English, that you'll get your ass outta here before we discuss the serious stuff if you know your priorities, Doc. You don't have the slightest idea what we're capable of nor what it takes to put one of us down, especially that one. And if you know what's good for your health, you'll be a nice boy and you won't want to know. You're here to help Cat get better, then do it, and don't ask questions. What you don't know can't hurt you."
Carter gulped and nodded.
"I… sorry."
"Carter…" Sally said, "… if it becomes imperative that you are informed, then you will be. It's just… we have motives to believe that we are into something very dangerous, and no one wants you to get hurt because of it. Believe me, we are not withholding that info because we don't like you or to make life difficult for you. It's just safer that way, both for you and for us."
"I understand. I won't ask questions… but if Quatre's health is at stake…"
"Then we'll share. But we don't know enough yet. Now if you could please…"
"Of course. Excuse me."
He went out silently, closing the door behind him. Duo sighed and went back to sit next to Heero.
"He's nice," he said. "And he really wants to help."
He sounded like he wanted to convince himself, or so Sally thought, but she kept that to herself. There was an awkward silence for a few moments, before Iria broke it.
"You all know what we must talk about, don't you?"
"How can it be?" Wufei asked. "This thing is a piloting program and it was destroyed. I've never heard of any kind of program that could infect the human mind. It's ridiculous."
"We don't know that much about Zero," Sally interjected. "Dorothy was unable to explain exactly what it did, and she only used a mild version of it anyway. Zechs… well, Zechs didn't really understand what the system was all about, and Epyon's system wasn't identical to the one in Wing Zero anyway, since Kushrenada didn't have the scientists' blueprints. In fact, it would be correct to say that Epyon's system, and the one Dorothy used are not even the Zero system, but some kind of altered version. Which means that the only people who really used that specific system were you guys."
"I used it only once and it was more than enough," Duo said vehemently. "That thing should never have been created to begin with."
"It was the same for me," Trowa said. "And for Wufei too."
Everyone turned to Heero, who didn't seem too spooked by the attention. He didn't like talking about Zero at the best of times, but this was different. Quatre needed him to be strong, and he would do anything for Quatre.
"Heero?" Sally asked. "Maybe you can…"
"Zero cannot infect a person's mind in the way Wufei thinks," Heero said suddenly, "but in effect both me and Quatre have been… contaminated by the system."
The only one not to gape was Trowa. He remained absolutely still.
"Zero is a system that foresees all possible outcomes in a battle so that the pilot can choose the best one. However, the system conceives the best outcome as the one that guarantees its integrity and the integrity of the machine. If the pilot and the system conflict, the system can try to overrule the pilot and make its own decision for its own survival."
"We know that already," Duo pointed out. "That and the fact that only you and Cat ever managed to master it enough to fight."
"No," Heero said, shaking his head. "I never mastered the Zero system."
Duo's eyebrows shot up.
"You're kiddin' me, right? I mean, come on, you were the only one who managed to pilot that horror correctly apart from Zechs, and he definitely preferred Epyon's system."
"I was not Zero's first pilot. Quatre was. And it took me a long time before I could just control the system enough so that it would not overrule my decisions. I was in control of the system, but Quatre is the only one who truly conquered it."