Part 22 – Change configuration

"Did you really have to do that, Duo?" Quatre sighed.

Duo winked and smiled, totally unrepentant.

"If I hadn't done it, it would have taken them ages to get out and we've got better things to do."

"Like what?" Trowa asked politely.

Duo looked at Trowa. He was wearing that completely blank face they all knew too well.

"Stop it, Bang Boy," Duo said mock-threateningly. "Doesn't work on me, remember?"

Trowa's face lost the appearance of a perfectly chiseled mask, and he smiled.

"Doesn't hurt to try once in a while," he said, shrugging. "What's up?"

"Sally knows," Heero answered.

A moment of tense silence followed that statement. Quatre frowned and looked at his friends worriedly.

"So that's why… What exactly does she know?" he asked.

"What is why?" Duo asked.

"I just… overheard some stuff I was apparently not supposed to hear," Quatre said distractedly. "I think Sally may have gotten careless because she's been too used to talking to Iria over my unconscious body, and she forgot I was awake… but still, what did she find out exactly?"

"She's got all of your abilities sorted out, and she knows you're all full New Types," Duo explained.

"What about you, Maxwell?" Wufei asked, feeling he already knew the answer.

"I managed to avoid detection, but she suspects something. That, and… well, Doc Carter may be just a little bit too observant," Duo added pensively. "I think he too knows something's up with me, he just can't say what. But every time, I can feel him wondering what the hell is going on! It's almost fun! By the way, Sal told Iria, Carter and Shannon about it."

Wufei groaned and flopped down in a chair.

"Any other good news?" he asked grumpily.

"I know your headache wasn't provoked by you having your periods," Duo deadpanned.

"I was not really worried that it was the actual problem, thank you," Wufei answered sarcastically. "But… it shouldn't have happened…"

"Well, in fact, Sal said that as full New Types, we're entering the final stage of development. Apparently, the hormonal changes of adolescence also affect our abilities."

"Just great. What does it mean concretely?"

"What you went through yesterday," Heero said. "I suppose you know the symptoms well enough. I had some too at the beginning of the year."

Quatre turned to look at Wufei.

"Are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

"Yes," Wufei answered. "I just… wasn't expecting it. Whatever it was."

"I think your power answered to mine."

Wufei frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"I couldn't shield properly and I was in pain. My power was reaching out to find some kind of solace. And yours just answered. You created that… thing… and I could rest there. Just like you did before, when I was asleep."

Quatre frowned too.

"I didn't feel any symptoms recently that I can recall…"

"You're projecting a lot more," Trowa interrupted quietly.

"Really? I didn't realize… well, I wasn't really in a state to realize anything lately, anyway…"

"So what do we do?" Duo asked.

Unconsciously, they all turned to look at Quatre, who couldn't help smiling at that instinctive movement. Somehow, it felt good to know that whatever had happened, his friends still looked for him to find a solution when they were lost. It gave him an odd feeling of satisfaction, like they were giving him his place back in their midst. For the first time in a long while, he suddenly felt truly at home.

"Well, Sally only warned Iria, Dr. Carter and Miss Shannon because it's only fair they should know who they're working with. Let's face it, if our powers are expanding then we are potentially dangerous even for ourselves. I suppose she asked them not to tell anyone…"

"It was more along the line of 'if you do tell even a living soul I'm gonna chop you in pieces so tiny you wouldn't find them with an electron microscope', but that was the basic idea."

"Of course, I suppose she didn't even realize someone was eavesdropping," Quatre added with a smile and a sideways look to Duo.

Duo looked offended, and Quatre patted his arm.

"I know, I know, you're better than that," he said soothingly. "It's just… well to sum it up, they know, and we know they know, but they don't know we know they know… is that making any kind of sense?"

Trowa blinked. So did Wufei. Duo scrunched his nose and Heero seemed to be very focused on the sentence Quatre had just said. Quatre almost laughed out loud when the Japanese suddenly nodded to show he had understood.

"Well, then, we have no reason to act differently. As far as Sally knows she has been observing from the outside and she has been careful, so there should be no reason we should even be aware she knows."

"Is it me or is that woman grossly underestimating us?" Wufei asked.

"Not us, Wu-man," Duo corrected. "Me."

Wufei looked at Duo pointedly, but didn't grace that statement with an answer.

"We just have to be careful," Quatre went on. "This widening of our abilities could happen at any time, because of circumstances we can't control."

"So you remain the only one out in the open," Trowa said.

"Heh. I'll be on the front lines for once."

"Is that really what you think?" Wufei asked suddenly.

"Huh?" was the only thing Quatre found to answer as he turned to look at his Chinese friend. This time, Wufei was looking right back and not avoiding his gaze, and he looked dead serious.

"Do you really think you never were on the front lines before?" he kept on. "You've taken as many hits and wounds as the rest of us, if not more. Is it fair for us to let you be the one exposed again?"

"Wufei, I…"

Quatre stopped, not knowing what to say. He had not expected that kind of reasoning coming from Wufei. But the Chinese just shook his head with a little smile.

"Just do as you wish," he said. "But don't forget the backup team this time."

And he got up to leave. As soon as he was out of the door, Quatre turned to Trowa, a look of urgency on his face. Trowa nodded, and followed Wufei out. Quatre was about to open his mouth to speak when Duo's hand kind of prevented him from doing so. The blond pilot looked up at his best friend, surprised, and Duo winked at him.

"It's okay, we're gone already," he said gently. "Good luck with him."

"Thanks," Quatre answered.

Duo gave him an enthusiastic kiss on the cheek, and got out. Only Heero remained in the room, looking at Quatre thoughtfully. Quatre almost blushed under the scrutiny of the stare. There was very little he could hide from Heero, and he had never wished to do so. Ever since their time together in Sanc, Quatre had had the feeling that Heero was on the lookout, guarding his back even from afar, like a protective big brother would. It was quite different from the feeling of having forty Maguanacs or even twenty-nine big sisters watching your back.

Eventually, Heero got up, walked closer to the bed, and sat down next to Quatre. Taking the smaller boy in his arms in a gesture that had slowly become familiar in the last months, he deposited a feather-like kiss on his forehead. He looked at him deep in the eyes, and the ghost of a smile appeared on his lips.

"Take care of him," he whispered. "You all deserve it."

Quatre nodded.

"I will, Heero. I promise I will. Thank you."

Heero smoothed some of the strands of hair framing Quatre's face, then got up and disappeared through the door too.

"Wufei, wait."

Wufei didn't slow down. Nor did he go any quicker, for that matter. Right now, he was just trying to understand why the hell he had said that to Quatre. Stopping to listen to what Trowa had to say was not really high on his list of priorities. He had an idea that he wouldn't like it anyway.

Unfortunately, Trowa didn't leave him a choice. No matter how fast Wufei usually was, Trowa was still the tallest of all of them, and he caught up to his Chinese friend without a problem, suddenly extending in his arm in front of Wufei and blocking the way.

"Stop running away for once in your life," he snapped abruptly.

Furious, Wufei glared at Trowa.

"I am not running away!"

Trowa raised a sarcastic eyebrow.

"Oh yeah? So you're taking a trek at high speed through the corridor just for fun, not to avoid any of the unpleasant things you imagine I am going to tell you?"

Taken at unawares, Wufei just glared some more, then dropped his gaze to the floor.

"I shouldn't have said it like that, in front of everyone," he muttered.

Trowa sighed exasperatedly.

"I'm gonna end up knocking myself out on walls between you two," he said through gritted teeth. "Wufei, Quatre needs to hear those kinds of things. I think being honest with him is the very least you can do. I'm tired of always hearing him belittle his own accomplishments and I can't always have the strength to remind him that. So, by all means, feel free to do it."

"But it's just wrong for me to go and blurt that out when you didn't even really have proper time to talk this out, and I…"

Wufei's beginning rant was abruptly stopped. Because it was kind of hard for him to both rant and be quite thoroughly kissed at the same time. Black eyes widened in shock. That was quite an unexpected reaction, even if Trowa had said countless times that Wufei would not be coming between the two of them and that he too had feelings for Wufei. The Chinese responded to the kiss almost automatically, somehow unable to control his own body as he felt himself melt. When Trowa finally let him go, Wufei's cheeks were burning.

"Why did you do that?" he eventually asked in a choked voice.

"Because I've been wanting to for ages," Trowa answered. "Why did you kiss back?"

"I… don't know," Wufei answered truthfully.

He had been too shocked by Trowa's announcement that both he and Quatre wanted him to really pay attention to it. Trowa… loved him too. Trowa wanted him too, not just Quatre. It hadn't seemed quite real up until now.

Wufei jumped when Trowa's hand fell gently on his shoulder.

"He wants to see you, Wufei. Don't make him wait."

Wufei nodded numbly, and began to go back, when he suddenly noticed that Trowa wasn't following. He shot a questioning look back to his friend. Trowa just shook his head.

"He only wants to see you," he said. "He needs to talk to you alone, and I'd only be in the way. I'll be back in an hour."

"But…"

"No discussion," Trowa interrupted. "I think you deserve a bit of time alone with him right now, so go before I change my mind and kick your ass all the way back there."

Quatre's hands were twisting the sheets impatiently when the door finally hissed open. He looked up, almost afraid that he'd see Trowa standing there, about to tell him that Wufei had managed to get away. He almost sighed in relief when he saw Wufei enter the room. But the boiling tension inside Wufei made him tense up too, and when the other young man walked straight to the window and looked outside, not turning his gaze to him even once, Quatre grew uncomfortable.

Silence stretched, going from weird to heavy and from heavy to embarrassed. When Quatre finally spoke, his own voice sounded horribly harsh and loud to his own ears.

"I had this whole little speech planned in my head, you know. Rehearsed and prepared. But it sounds incredibly corny now that I think about it, so it may be best for me not to inflict it upon you."

Only silence answered him. Quatre looked at his friend's profile, a bit worried. Wufei hadn't moved, hadn't turned to look at him.

"Wufei?"

Another moment of tense silence, before Wufei talked in a hushed voice.

"I only have one question. Why?"

Quatre swallowed. At least, he had gotten an answer. Or more exactly a question. Yet, it was something, and his power was now calling to him to ease the confusion he felt in Wufei.

"Do I need a reason?" he asked softly.

This time, Wufei did look at him.

"I need to understand… Just how long have you known?"

Quatre patted the bed, and Wufei reluctantly sat down, not looking into Quatre's eyes for the moment.

"I knew the moment it started, Wufei. I couldn't help knowing."

"Then why did you never say anything?" Wufei asked suddenly.

"Wufei, I was just as scared as you were!" Quatre said impatiently. "Just remember, we were all together for the first time ever, it seemed like this war was turning into a big mess, Trowa didn't have his memories back yet and I was in the middle of one of the greatest guilt trips of my existence, so what did you exactly expect me to do? Come out right there and tell you I knew you had feelings for me? I am not that suicidal, and I'm sure you'd have reacted quite badly if I had done that at the time."

"I didn't mean…"

"I know, I'm sorry… it's just… I didn't know what to do, Wufei. I had never even thought that you'd look at me that way, you know."

"Neither did I," Wufei said softly.

"Then… what happened?"

"Zero happened," Wufei said simply.

Quatre winced. He didn't really fancy speaking about that ever again. Unfortunately, Zero seemed to have played the greatest part in the midst of the recent events in his life.

"I only knew what Heero had told me of the incident and you know how forthcoming with information he was at the time," Wufei kept on. "I have to admit I watched you closely in the beginning. I wanted to be sure that you weren't about to snap on us, before I realize that it was useless… that whatever had happened, you were obviously strong enough to pull yourself through it. Something that I failed to do myself."

There was short silence.

"You helped," Quatre suddenly said.

Wufei frowned, and Quatre laughed a bit.

"I know, you're not aware of it, but it's true. You know, during our first days on Peacemillion, there were times when I was so tired of it all… the war, the killing, Trowa, Zero… I was exhausted half of the time, and when I was, I couldn't control my power very well, which meant I would get even more tired. So… I always took note of where you were. Because like that, when you were meditating, I could sit not too far away and tap a bit into it to have some quiet. It became my refuge, after a while."

"You never told me…" Wufei said, amazed.

"I felt bad to have 'borrowed' that without asking," Quatre said defensively. "But I just couldn't help it. There were times where I needed a break so badly… I think it's during these moments, when I was resting there with you, that I fell in love with you. Just because you were there for me, even if you didn't know it."

"I… I had no idea…"

"I really apologize for not asking, though," Quatre kept on.

Wufei waved the concern away. Right now, he was not avoiding Quatre's gaze anymore. It was quite a shock to learn that he had actually been a support for both of his friends, without even knowing it, at a time when in his opinion he had been little more than a useless kid going blindly after his revenge.

"You know, I even felt a bit guilty at times," Quatre admitted.

"Why?"

"Because… I was stealing these little moments from you, and also hiding it from Trowa… I know it wasn't like that, but… it felt a bit like cheating on him sometimes, but I was so afraid to tell him!"

Up until now, Wufei had not realized just how difficult it had been for Quatre too. At one point, he had been stuck between a lover who didn't remember him and a friend who had feelings for him and for whom he had feelings too. Wufei certainly didn't blame him to have tried to make the best of both situations given the troubled times they were experiencing.

"When did you tell him?"

"After you disappeared with Altron, once we had dealt with the P3 faction. I was worried about you, and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I just… blurted it all out and hoped for the best. I had the greatest surprise of my life that day."

"I'll bet," Wufei muttered, remembering his own shock at being told that both Quatre and Trowa wanted him.

"Wufei, I… I fell in love with you, maybe for selfish reasons, I don't know… but I did. And I need you. I cannot explain it, I'm not even sure that I want to, it's just that way."

Wufei swallowed, a bit too choked to trust his voice at the moment.

"Trowa told you that already, it is entirely up to you. I love you too much to lose your friendship, if that's the only thing you're willing to give …"

"Stop being stupid," Wufei cut in abruptly. "You know perfectly well what my feelings for you are."

"Yes, but it doesn't mean I have a right to take advantage of them," Quatre said firmly. "I will not try to influence you on this. I can only tell you what is in my heart and let you decide, Wufei. I was willing to let Trowa go for his own happiness. I'd do the same for you if you needed it."

Quatre closed his eyes, not really sure that he wanted Wufei to answer right now. He jumped a when he felt a hand brushing his bangs away. Opening his eyes, he found Wufei staring at him, a mix of admiration and pure awe in his black eyes.

"You are really strong," the Chinese whispered. "You have always been… The strongest of us all."

Quatre began to shake his head, but the hand caressing his hair went down to his cheek and stopped it.

"Of course you are," Wufei went on. "I guess this is why I've always admired you so much… at least after I came to the realization that you were not the inadequate soldier I had thought you to be."

"I couldn't have made it without all of you," Quatre whispered. "Especially you, Wufei. Because you were my strength when I couldn't go on at the end of the war."

"Then maybe I didn't fight in vain," Wufei said very softly.

Quatre frowned, feeling the delft-doubt and loathing settle down in his friend's mind again.

"I don't understand, Wufei. Why would your fight have been vain? The war…"

"I never fought a war, Quatre," Wufei interrupted.

Quatre decided that it was better to shut up and let Wufei talk. Obviously, whatever this was about had been on his mind for quite some time.

"You four, you had a mission," the Chinese started. "Free the colonies, fight for peace, whatever. You did it for something you believed in, to protect your loved ones or people you felt were important. I couldn't have cared less."

He laughed bitterly.

"My only goal in this war has always been to find the one responsible for planning the biological attack on my colony in AC 194 and kill him."

"Treize…" Quatre muttered, stroking his chest in that familiar move. "And… who did you lose in that attack?"

Wufei smiled sadly. Of course, you had to trust Quatre to be that perceptive.

"My wife."

There was a moment of tense silence as Quatre absorbed the information.

"You were… married?" he finally asked cautiously, keeping his voice carefully guarded and neutral.

"Yes. Arranged marriage. She didn't like it anymore than I did, and she used to beat me up and call me a weakling, because I had no interest in fighting."

"That is something I have a hard time believing…" Quatre said with a shy smile, as if not sure that a bit of humor would be welcome at that point. Thankfully, Wufei's shoulders relaxed a little, but the sad look in his eyes remained.

"You all had something or someone to protect, Quatre. But I didn't have anything. Nothing else but my anger, my thirst for revenge and the ghost of a girl I never knew how much I loved before I lost her."

"And once you had killed Treize you didn't even have that," Quatre finished.

"I never really wanted to win that fight!" Wufei said angrily. "I never expected to be the last man standing after that! I just wanted it to stop, and I thought he at least could have the decency to do it for me!"

"You shouldn't feel bad about it, Wufei," Quatre said soothingly. "People may believe that Treize was a hero and gave his life for the war to end. I guess to some extent it's true, and he did. But for me, he took the easy way out. And you didn't."

"But I was weak enough to finally be the one who helped him achieve his plans," Wufei retorted. "And I was so blinded that I ended up helping the Bartons instead of fighting them."

"There is no greater strength than acknowledging your weaknesses, Wufei," Quatre said quietly. "And you were the one who taught me that. You were always so striving to be strong, and so frustrated by your own limits. But you never gave up. Even when you were lost and in doubt, you kept fighting on and on, to find your answers, even if it burnt your wings."

There was a small silence.

"I'm tired, Quatre," Wufei finally whispered. "Tired of fighting. Tired of being someone I don't even recognize. Tired of living with ghosts."

Before the Chinese could protest, Quatre pulled him into a hug. His arms wrapped themselves around Wufei's body, holding him close, and unconsciously he put his own hands around Quatre. The blond young man reached behind him and untied his hair, and Wufei didn't protest, letting Quatre massage his scalp.

"You can rest here, Wufei," Quatre said. "For as long as you want. You did it for me once, the least I can do is return the favor."

"I don't know if I can."

Quatre suddenly took the Chinese pilot at arm's length, watching him severely.

"The only one holding you back is yourself, Wufei. But… I know I have to respect your choice. Still I hope you can let me be here for you, as a friend. I love you."

Wufei just nodded. But he couldn't say the words. Quatre smiled and put his hand on Wufei's heart.

"I know," he said. "I know. Take all the time you need, Wufei. Just remember that we are here, for you. Because we love you, and you did so much for us."

"Maybe… maybe I just needed something to protect, too," Wufei finally said. "Or someone."

Quatre raised an eyebrow.

"I hope that you're not referring to me, Chang," he said acidly. "Because if you and Trowa gang up on me to try and make me believe I am a fragile little thing, there's going to be some serious ass-kicking, I'm warning you."

Wufei's eyes went comically wide, and Quatre laughed, stretching as he let go of the Chinese.

"I feel all rusty," he groaned. "I should start exercising again."

"Maybe I could help you with that," Wufei suggested, looking at Quatre with a more professional eye. "You didn't lose much weight, but most of what disappeared would be muscle mass…"

"I would love that," Quatre answered with a smile. "And I appreciate, really, that you're being that open-minded and patient with us, you know."

"I should be the one to thank you for your patience."

"I know that we are asking a lot, Wufei. I know just how much we confuse you. But we both love you, and nothing is going to change that. I know you love me, but I also know that I wouldn't ask you to compromise your ethics for something you're not comfortable with. You're one of the greatest friends I ever had, and I don't want to lose this. But you have to know that whatever you decide, there will always be a special place for you in my heart. And in Trowa's heart."

"Trowa kissed me," Wufei said abruptly.

His cheeks reddened all of a sudden when he realized what he had said.

"This just… came out all wrong," he stuttered, looking at Quatre with a scared expression.

To his surprise, the blond was just smiling a bit cockily.

"About time, too!" he said with a laugh. "He's had you all to himself while I was out, and he was enough of a gentleman not to start anything. I'll have to thank him."

"So you're not angry?"

Quatre shrugged.

"I love him, I love you, and I know he loves me and he loves you. I don't see a problem here. The real question is, are you angry that he kissed you?"

"No… I don't think so. More like… befuddled."

Wufei jumped when he realized that Quatre had scooted closer. The blond young man took Wufei's face in his hands, forcing the Chinese to look at him in the eyes.

"Did you like it?" he asked in a husky voice.

"What?"

"I know Trowa is a very good kisser. So tell me… did you like it?"

"I… yes," Wufei answered, feeling his cheeks burning so hot that it was a wonder he hadn't caught fire now.

And before he could think any further, Quatre's face grew alarmingly close and a soft mouth went down on his, caressing his lips and gently asking permission to go further. And like before in the corridor, Wufei felt his own body refusing to obey him as he opened his mouth to welcome the deeper kiss. By the time Quatre released him, he was panting.

"And did you like that one?" Quatre asked in a voice that was nothing short of sultry.

"Starting the fun without me?" a voice asked from the door.

Wufei jumped again and turned around, discovering Trowa standing there. How long he had been there, Wufei had no idea. He was still trying to fathom that both Quatre and Trowa had kissed him and were both looking perfectly okay with it. The only expression on Trowa's face was a soft smile.

"I wouldn't dream of it," Quatre answered with a smile of his own. "It's just not fair that you got to kiss him first, I think."

"He didn't give me much choice, now did you, Wufei?" Trowa said lightly, coming to sit on the bed too.

"The way I recall it, it was the other way around," Wufei managed to answer with a trace of his usual biting humor.

"I didn't plan it, you weren't expecting it, same difference. Did you have a good talk?"

Quatre squeezed Wufei's hand.

"Yes, I think we did," he said.

"We did," Wufei agreed.

"But…" Trowa said.

"I need to think," Wufei finished.

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Trowa said with a little smile.

"Just take your time, Wufei," Quatre said, sending a dark look to his lover. Trowa even pretended to cower a bit. "It's not like we're going anywhere. Whatever you choose, we will be waiting for you. Thank you for at least giving us a chance."

Wufei shook his head.

"No. It should be I thanking you both. You are the ones giving me a chance. I'll try to be worthy of it."

"Oh, you are, Wufei. Don't you ever doubt it, you are."

Wufei just smiled and went out without another word.

Quatre snuggled up to Trowa and sighed contentedly. Trowa smiled, running his fingers through the light blond hair.

"So… did you tell him everything you wanted, you minx?"

"Most of it, and I'm not the one who jumped him in the corridor," Quatre answered in a chuckle.

"You jumped him in your bed," Trowa said pointedly.

"I can't really help my location at the moment," Quatre reminded him a bit dryly.

"I know," Trowa just said, and Quatre's irritation vanished into thin air.

Trowa had always been able to do that to him. He could ruffle his feathers like no one else, but he would always be the first one to smooth them back in place. There was no wonder he got on so well with big cats. Quatre often thought that he was probably easy to handle for someone who until recently earned money by riding a lion.

"So… what do you think?" Trowa asked, breaking the comfortable silence.

"I think that maybe if he understands that he can forgive himself, he will find his way to us naturally."

"Why does that remind me of someone?"

Quatre didn't answer immediately, just snuggled closer.

"I know I have issues about that," he finally mumbled.

"This is why you can spot them easily on another person's face, Cat. I don't blame you for having issues. God knows you've got enough reasons to have them. I would blame you if you didn't try to get over them."

"I'm trying. And… I know he's trying too, but there are days when it's so damn hard… days when I don't even want to look at myself in the mirror, for no reason at all. I bet it's the same for him."

There was another silence, before Quatre spoke up again.

"You really don't mind me talking to Dr. Carter?"

Trowa kissed the top of the blond head.

"Cat, we agreed that by letting Wufei in, we admitted that we couldn't bring everything we were hoping for to each other. I know that you are not comfortable discussing certain things with me. It makes me sad, but I understand, just as I hope you understand why I don't feel comfortable talking about my childhood with you. This is bound to take some time. And… Dr. Carter genuinely wants to help you, even if he has no idea what he agreed to. Not accepting help that is freely offered would be the stupid thing."

"Wouldn't you want to talk to him?"

Trowa shook his head.

"No, Cat, I don't think I'm ready for that. One day, maybe. But not now. But if you need to talk to someone, I know I shouldn't stop you. And… I've got no reason to be jealous, right? It's not like you intend to ask the doc to join us too."

"Trowa!"