Chapter 4 – Bailamos?
After that, I stopped acting wierd. I asked her about why she decided to move here.
"Well, LA is kind of cruel. There's a lot of dancers trying to make a living. I wanted to get away from the parties and failed auditions and just have a normal job, you know? Thanks to Mercedes I can even afford to earn a little less because she paid me very well during the 4 years I worked with her. Besides it's New York, what's there not to love?"
"But I'm missing you like crazy,baby girl. The new team doesn't understand half of what i mean. You seemed to read my mind most of the time. If you ever want to come back you are still my number one, okay? The offer still stands" Mercedes' intervention made the whole table start to pay attention to our talk. Not that we were having a moment or anything.
"Thank you Mercedes, but I really want to try to settle down for a while. I've been feeling a little lonely this past year." She lowers her voice like she's admiting she likes to dance naked in her room to Gaga. Yes I do that, there's nothing to be ashamed.
I don't know why but I decide to look at Quinn and she's smiling at me and wriggling her eyebrows at me. I arch my eyebrow and look away but then instead of dropping it, she whispers in my ear instead.
"This one's a keeper"
I blush and Britt looks at me. All I can do is to turn to the nachos which are currently the only thing on this table not making my cheeks red.
I stuff my mouth so much that I have an excuse to be quiet for a while. Brittany, however, is on fire. She's telling stories and everybody's attention is on her.
We are sharing the said nachos and our hands brush together often, we are muttering "sorry" and "you first. no, you first" all the time. The first time it happened I knew Sam and Mercedes were half expecting me to snap at her. They know how I like keeping physical contact at a minimal but with her i'm like a moth to a flame. Besides she's so warm, she's like home. Aaaaand that is embarassing, i didn't think that...must be the beer.
The cool thing about her being on the spotlight is that I can look at her without feeling like a lurker. I can pay attention to her long wavy hair cascading down her shoulders or how lovely she looks like when she's at ease or, I don't know, silly stuff like that. It's like the more I watch the more I want to keep staring. I like how she looks from the corner of her eye to see if i'm paying attention to what she's saying. And I am, I know she adopted a little cat and that it destroys the couch if she doesn't give him attention. I know she only had a week of classes at work but every single old lady decided to move to her class. I even heard that embarrassing story about how she got lost and spent a day in circles on the subway. And I smiled at all of them, but now her mouth isn't moving and I can hear Mercedes's voice like it's outside the bar.
I can hear the silly person butchering Tony Braxton's Spanish Guitar in the background and Quinn's "someone put him out of his misery" and Sam's "Santana did you bring your gun?" But honestly the only thing I'm processing is my beer and the way she is just quietly sitting and humming the song. She's looking at me in the eye so I watch her eyes grow wider at the mention of the gun.
"You have a gun?" She sounds surprised. Oh shit, Sam didn't tell her about my job?
"ye-yeah. I'm a, a cop." I stutter while trying to be nonchalant about it.
"But like a traffic one?" Do I look like a traffic cop to you? I've never been more insulted in my life. I'd be breaking a chair on her head right know if she wasn't so perfect. Perfect? I don't even know her...I'm sure she's not but...seems like it. Oh God, I'm in trouble.
"No, homicide squad." I bite my lip, I wonder what will come first "eww" or "oh my god how can you do that, what kind of job is that?" and last, a personal favourite, "you don't look that tough".
"You must be really smart."
I beg your pardon, I think, and it clearly shows on my face.
"I mean, you arrest criminals, you must do a lot of thinking in your job. You must get home exhausted. I imagine you sit on the couch and just try to get those images out of your head."
She's serious, she's not judging. She's paying attention to what I'm saying. But it's not just that and I can't really decipher what it is. Okay, might as well bring it all out in the open...
"In an ideal world, that would obviously be what I'd do but you see…" I pause and look deep in her eyes, they really pull you in. I always thought people said that about eyes in books so it would look prettier than referring to orbs as they are. Apparently it does happen, you can drown your thoughts in a pretty set of eyes. Hum. " I have my daughter to take care and she's the best way for me to leave work on the threshold of the apartment. She's living with me and her company is what keeps me sane. What gets me going."
I really want her to understand. Laura is not a thing to be accepted or not. She's my priority and nobody can question that. It has to be clear if we are doing this thing, if she wants to give me a shot to date her. I want it, I realize it now, I want her. She's unique and I get a little carried away and I allow myself to think she's the light I need in my life, she's the colour I need. But then I come back down and think I'm being really silly. Sharing some nachos doesn't make you date material and you just told the girl you have a dangerous job and a little daughter. It's too much to take on a first date. Half of a first date, really, because there's a whole bunch of people beside you at the table.
"How old is she? Aww you guys must look so adorable together." Is she squealing about it? Why does she look like she wants to pinch my cheeks and call me cute? She's staring at me like she just saw a baby kitten's picture.
"She's 5. I was married for 3 years with her father but, ever since we split up, she's been living with me."
"Awww a tiny Santana. I hope I can get to meet her. I used to do some babysitting jobs to pay for dance school, I miss being around kids. We seem to get each other. Maybe I can teach her how to dance." She's smiling so hard and it's a bit blinding. I shake my head and laugh. Brittany looks at me puzzled like she missed the punchline of some sort of joke.
"You'll have to forgive me but you are looking at me like I'm a stuffed panda and you are barely keeping yourself from hugging me. I really don't get that a lot." I say laughing and also praying it's okay for me to say that. I just want to know.
"It's just that, don't tell Sam I told you okay? He'll kill me, come closer" I shift closer so she can talk lower over some nerdy looking girl's out of tune rendition of Rihanna's Te Amo that is happening on stage. I can feel her lips against my ear and I'm not prepared for it. The beer isn't helping and i've been avoiding other people's touch like a plague so when she starts speaking so close to me i'm hyperaware of everything. Of how close we are, how my body is responding to her, how much warm she radiates to me. I can't really remember why we shifted so close in the first place and then she says it.
"He said you have a bit of a temper and I don't really get how he can say that. I'm so happy right now because I don't think i've ever met anyone so pretty and so awesome and as sweet as you. Like ever. I hope it's okay for me to say this because it's the truth."
I return to my original position and my nose slightly grazes hers. Not that I could make a bigger fool of myself, I've never been this awkward in my life. I think...except on my wedding day.
"No-nobody ever says I'm sweet."
"Then I guess I'm a lucky girl." She gives me this wicked grin like she knows exactly the effect she has on me and shrugs. Maybe I'm seeing things.
Will comes on stage to tell us it's nearly closing time. They are giving Jewfro, another regular at this place, the chance to sing Bailamos. I'm laughing outloud. I pity the fool for trying to go all Enrique Iglesias. It's totally the most adequate ending to this offensive latin night.
"Well…" I see Britt's hand in my eyesight. Joe and Quinn are nowhere to be seen, Sam and Mercedes are watching me amused …"Bai-la-mos?" I know she said it singing but when she doesn't move her hand I know she's serious. She's asking me to dance with her? I look up. Damn it, she is. She must know that this is the ultimate tacky challenge. I decide that after 3 beers I'm going to accept the challenge. I take her hand and allow her to drag me to the improvised dance floor.
All I remember is twirling and doing silly faces at her. She, however, has to be one of the most graceful creatures on earth. Seriously, they should make National Geographic Documentaries about her. Not that I'm saying that to her, even in my head I can see that people couldn't take it like a compliment or they could think I was comparing them to a killer whale. I get a little carried away and end up singing the song with him. When it's over she giggles and holds me really tight, which is good…which is the best feeling ever.
"I think I like your version better" She says while we are swaying along the end of it. I snort against her shoulder. How long was it since I was this close to someone? I do inhale deeply, like a creeper I must say, so I don't forget her scent.
When we get to the table everybody is getting ready to leave. I go straight to my purse and take a pen out. I wait while she puts her trench coat on and then take her hand. She's still a little flustered since she was the only one doing real dancing in this joint. She looks at me puzzled but allows me to take it. I write my number on her palm and mutter "call me" not loud enough for anyone to hear but I see a hint of a nod and her smile gets wider. I think I'm making a fool of myself but can't bring myself to care. I smile so wide I think the corners of my mouth are going to tear. The bloody cheesy smile stays until I get home, while I change to my pjs and lay in bed.
I check my phone to set the alarm clock to my usual jog before meeting with the guys to discuss the case and I see it.
"I had such a great time. I had to text before your number went down the drain :D have a nice night, Santana"
Just when I thought that smile couldn't grow bigger.
"Same here Britt-Britt. Goodnight." I'm feeling brave as you can tell. But this is good and rare and I intend to cherish it even if it's just harmless, pointless flirting. I need some colour in my life.