TITLE: Fool
AUTHOR: BlueCardigan
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Foyle's War and am not making any money from this.
A/N: This is a one shot follow up to my earlier post. I tried to get as close to Sam's voice as possible. This is un-beta'ed, so let me know if I missed any typos.
Sometimes Sam wonders if she was an absolute fool for not taking Andrew back when he offered. It was like one of her friends had said once, it's not like she's drowning in offers and really she should have been jolly grateful for a dashing young man like Andrew. She would have taken the sentiment a lot more seriously had not the same friend refused two offers of marriage from rather well off young men in order to marry a poor student the next month. Second baby one the way now. Only went to show really.
The problem was that sometimes she felt Andrew was just as uncertain about being together as she was. When they were together she put it down to the stress of war and the uncertainty of the future. Later when he was gone she wondered if it was that they were doing it because they should, because they were the same age, because they both loved his father, because she had simply been there when he was. Much later she thought maybe there was a grain of truth in that. They should have gone well together, but nothing ever felt … right. They had liked each other well enough but the ease with which they talked hadn't gone into any other part of their relationship. When they kissed, well it was lovely but so very careful. Tense arms and stiff backs, no getting carried away in the moment like she saw in films. Its not that she doesn't care for him, she does rather dreadfully, but she wonders if there hadn't been a war whether it would have turned into anything other than vaguely brotherly affection.
Oh well, she thinks it's all much of a muchness as she did turn him down and it's too late to worry about it now.
It's become a lot easier to not think about it now, but for possibly the worst possible reason. To borrow a phrase from her dear mother, another had caught her eye but it was simply out of the frying pan into the fire because there was no way Paul Milner would look twice at her.
His wife had been stately and beautiful, Edith had been all grace, they were both so different to her they might have come from another world.
The problem was of course that, well, he was good looking and one of the best men she knew and he had a way of smiling her sometimes like they were sharing a secret conspiracy. It made her heart speed up and she got breathless. He is usually so composed, but now and then his eyes are laughing though his mouth is grave, which was a line she had read in a rather good crime novel and rather liked.
It's almost enough to make her think about going home. Well, not really because the thought of spending her afternoons sewing and dealing with her nieces and nephews practically makes her break out in hives.
There's nothing for it really, because there is no one she would rather be a fool for than Paul and one day she will screw up her courage and make him love her.
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