TITLE: Fool
AUTHOR: BlueCardigan
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Foyle's War and am not making any money from this.
A/N: I don't know what happened here. This will probably be rewritten.
It happens so simply, not a thunderbolt from heaven but a softly something of the something, whatever that quote was.
It was a day in early spring; it could have been any day at all, no interesting murders or anything at all to get their teeth into. On that day (very nearly at the end of the war though she doesn't know that at the time) Sam Stewart realises that Paul Milner actually cares for her.
She also realises that he will probably never do anything about it.
It's so absurdly simple that she rather thinks she will have to make up a grand romantic story to tell the children because they will never believe that one day while waiting by the car outside the station for Mr Foyle she catches Paul's eye, they share a smile and in his eyes she suddenly realises what she's been seeing all along. You could have knocked her down with a feather when she realised it wasn't in her mind, it does take just a beat too long for him to look away, and when he does there is the slightest suspicion of pink on the tips of his ears.
There's no time to think because suddenly Mr Foyle comes out of the station and they are on their way but its there, going over and over in her mind.
She keeps her customary post by the car while Mr Foyle asks questions and quietly files the information away in that fascinating mind of his. She would normally be salivating for a chance to observe but really, it's Paul she's watching. Under the respectable clothes that would please her mother and besides the honest, trustworthy face that her father would know the value of, is a man Sam has admittedly gone a little crazy over. She was raised by vicars and church women so she is very careful to consider marriage in the proper order before she speculates on Paul's shoulders and smile and well… oh her greataunt was right, she was probably going to burn in hell. The old bat
There's only one thing for it really.
If you can say anything about her, it is that once Sam Stewart makes a decision she never hesitates in following through.
When she was younger Sam had a friend who, bless her, was somehow incapable of making even the simplest of decisions. Lizzie was simply hopeless. She would drive Sam absolutely wild as she went over every possible outcome and half the time while she was doing that the thing she was trying to decide about would wander off or simply expire of old age. Lizzie could dither over choice of pudding.
Sam was many things, but a ditherer was not one of them.
She is also not one for subtlety. This is probably why when they are back in the office that evening and Paul is still out chasing leads that Mr Foyle turns to her thoughtfully and asks what is bothering her.
She tries to dodge the question, replying with a bright smile and a "Nothing Sir!" and though he lets it pass it's clear he doesn't believe her for an instance. Mr Foyle is observant, it's what makes him such an excellent policemen and it's probably why when Paul comes in Mr Foyle is watching her face, not the door. Work is dispensed with and then as Paul takes his leave of them both it is his face Mr Foyle is watching. Mr Foyle watches the closed dor for a moment and Sam can actually hear then penny drop.
"Ah," he says quietly.
This is the part that makes Sam feel wretched. Sam has a father and she has uncles and though he is not one of them she feels for Mr Foyle just the same as she does for them, and she knew that at one time at least he had hoped she and Andrew might make a go of it. She can't look him in the eye, afraid to see anything like disappointment there but she can't give up Paul. Not now that there is the slightest chance he might feel even a portion of what she does, even if he didn't feel for her he was still one of the best men she knew and oh lord.
"Sergeant Milner is a good man." Mr Foyle observes.
She can't help the smile that comes, as wretched as she feels. Because she knows that even taking away the partiality she had and yes, Paul Milner was a good man. Absolutely nothing like her ideal man as a girl, not dashing or anything, but she is just old enough, has seen just enough of the world to realise the value of a man like Paul Milner. If they… came to anything Sam would not wear gowns and jewels but she never had all that much use for them anyway. No servants, but she was too used to looking after herself to be comfortable with other people doing the work anyway.
She was not all that romantic when it really came down to it, but she had absolute faith things would turn out all right. The thing was she knew how much work would go into it. As lovely as it was to imagine a life of roses and cream, the long and the short of it was that they would fight, there would be hard times as well as good but with Paul Milner she believed faithfully even the bad times wouldn't be that bad. Except for the … other thing, that was all there was to it.
She wanted to say that to Mr Foyle, but there was no way to get the words out.
She heard him sigh. "Sam you look like you're about to be executed."
She can only shrug. Probably the only time she felt worse was when she was little and she was caught repeating a curse she learnt from a cousin and her father had to punish her and the look on his face was worse than going without dessert for a week because he looked so disappointed.
She isn't ashamed though, and it is this thought that makes her finally lift her head. She is not the least bit ashamed of what she feels and her hope, a little more fragile now that a few hours have passed, that he might …
Well, she is not anyway.
The amusement in Mr Foyle's eyes makes her feel a bit foolish and that gets her back up slightly, helping to shove the last bit of anxiety away.
"You know, it's a nice evening, I think I might walk home tonight. Why don't you see if Sergeant Milner would like a lift home?"
As she dashes off, her slightly coltish run that makes him realise how young she still is, Christopher Foyle allows himself a brief moment of paternal affection and wonders when he will get to make the same suggestion to Andrew. Assuming Andrew gets rid of that godawful motorcycle he's been writing about.