AN: If you find any mistakes with what I have written, please do tell me, I would love to hear it and I will try to make those changes.
It had been almost six months that Hakkai had been looking for Gojyo. This was the first and only clue he had. It was the only sighting of Gojyo. The woman had said, they 'looked similar'. He had wondered what the woman meant by that. Gojyo's vermillion hair would be the one thing that would give it away. Hakkai didn't know anyone else with hair like that.
The woman said she thought that she had seen him, she gave Hakkai the address of the place where he was now. He had done the polite thing and knocked before entering, but received no response and the desire to find Gojyo was too strong to wait to see if anyone would show up. He had searched as much of the lower levels, some of the doors wouldn't open no matter what he did. He even tried picking the locks but that didn't help him, they still wouldn't open. He was starting to wonder if this really was the building she meant or if this was some kind of sick joke.
He was finding it a little off putting that he wasn't seeing anyone and more than slightly disturbing. He wanted to scream for Gojyo, he didn't want to give up looking till he had made it all the way through the building. Even then he wasn't sure if he'd give up. There hadn't been any sign of Gojyo since he went missing and Hakkai wasn't going to believe that Gojyo was gone for good, not till there was absolute proof that he couldn't get Gojyo back. Even if he was given absolute proof, he wasn't likely to believe it. He didn't think that he would be able to handle losing Gojyo. He might lose it even more than he already has.
He turned quickly on his heal when he heard the ding of an elevator. At the far end of the room a man with jet black hair stepped out. He hoped that it was Gojyo, but not seeing the vermillion hair, his hopes were dashed.
From this distance he couldn't make anything out but a man with short black hair in a suit. Hakkai walked slowly towards the man. He needed to ask the man if he had seen Gojyo around here, but at the same time Hakkai wasn't sure if he really should.
As he walked forward the only thing the man really did was light a cigarette. It took the man a little while before he walked slowly, almost lazily towards Hakkai. He couldn't see anything threatening about the guy's manner. As Hakkai got closer to the man, he could make out clearly the twin scar lines that he knew so well and the pain that went with them. He froze (desibleving, seeing correctly, right). Not sure he was seeing this. The scars on the face were the only thing really familiar. The red hair and eyes had both been replaced. He felt like he was looking in a mirror for the colour of the man's eyes. They were almost the same shade of green as his. It was more than slightly disturbing to see that colour on someone who looked like his Gojyo.
He felt his heart breaking when this man who looked similar to Gojyo, but the man didn't look liked he knew who Hakkai was. The smile he knew so well and used to seeing when Gojyo greeted him didn't play on the man's face. He now understood what the woman meant about this man looking like Gojyo. Yet, he wasn't willing to believe that it wasn't Gojyo. The smell of the man's cigarettes was the same as Gojyo's. Hakkai ache for that sent and when it hit his nose he was reminded of how their little flat didn't smell like that anymore. He missed the smell and wanted their little flat to smell like that again. It was as addicting as the Gojyo himself. He wanted to know if Gojyo was pretending not to know who he was or if it really was a man impersonating Gojyo.
He definitely looked like Gojyo – minus the change to the hair and the eyes. However, he wasn't sure and wanted...no needed to know if it was true, "Go-Gojyo is that you?"
Hakkai closed his eyes; he couldn't stand looking at the confusion on the man's face. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream, it was even harder to hear the man speak and hear the voice that he knew so well. The one that haunted his dreams night after night, the voice that wouldn't leave him in his waking hours. "That isn't my name. If you need to know for future reference it's Kenren." he was haunted by Gojyo in every aspect, like a ghost that wouldn't leave.
Everything froze; he knew that it was Gojyo's voice. It has to be him, but what has happened? How can he not know his own name or who I am? This has to be a bad joke, it just has to. Hakkai thought.
He was struggling to think about what he could say to this man that resembles his love. He needed to say something, he had to know what happened to the man that he loves, but nothing was coming to him.
Before he could decide on what to say to him, he was being kissed. Yes, this was Gojyo, it tasted like him and the way that he kissed. He knew this all too well and missed it. He found himself leaning into the kiss, he couldn't help it. It felt so right and was welcomed. He could feel that Gojyo was putting everything into it. He couldn't help but moan into his lover's mouth, he knew that the rest was just a bad joke. He would try to find out why, from him later on why he had said those things. Right now he just wanted to enjoy the moment of finally getting Gojyo back. This was him; there was no longer any doubt in his mind.
Gojyo broke the kiss and it left Hakkai trying to catch his breath. Gojyo took a hold of Hakkai's hand as he stepped back and placed the leather wrist band into it. "I think that this belongs to you." Gojyo said as if he had not just taken part in the passion filled kiss. Hakkai's heart sunk faster than it had risen when Gojyo had kissed him.
He looked at Gojyo questioningly, it was the one thing that he had always wore. Hakkai had given it to him as a birthday gift a couple years ago. There were cracks in the leather from how much he had worn it. The only time that Hakkai had seen him take it off was when he had taken a shower or when he was working on his car. Being given this back broke his heart; it felt like it had been just shattered into a million pieces with no hope of ever becoming whole again. He had felt this pain before and Gojyo was the one to put all the pieces back together again. He couldn't take this. He didn't think that he could handle Gojyo leaving him. Ever since Kanan, Gojyo had been there for Hakkai, and he had been his whole world. Gojyo was the one who kept him from going crazy; he stayed himself all thanks to Gojyo. He could only mumble 'why', over and over again. He was starting to wish for death again, like when Kanan had died. It would be easier to take than having Gojyo walk away from him...
Gojyo didn't say anything; he just leaned over and gave Hakkai a brief kiss, with a soft mutter, so soft that Hakkai barely heard him, "I'm sorry. I don't have a choice, forgive me."
Hakkai had only heard that tone a couple of times, he could tell that it was hurting Gojyo as well. How could this be hurting him, he choose to say those words. He has no right to feel hurt.
Before he could say anything more to Gojyo, turned and headed back towards the elevator as it chimed again. Out walked an attractive woman. Hakkai couldn't believe what he was seeing. Gojyo slung his arm around the woman's tiny waist after giving her a kiss on the cheek. They headed for a door only a few steps from the elevator together. Hakkai felt like someone was trying to stab needles into the remnants of his shattered heart.
"Gojyo? What is going on?" he called after them too stunned to do anything else. He didn't want to watch Gojyo walk away with some woman.
Gojyo called over his shoulder, without looking at him, "My name is Kenren, not this Gojyo that you seem to be confusing me with." He left through the door before Hakkai had the chance to answer, letting the woman go first.
Hakkai wanted to scream and chase after him. His world was crashing around him. He couldn't stand this. He ran to the door and tried to open it. It wouldn't move and there was no lock to pick. He tried calling after Gojyo to get him to open the door, but either Gojyo couldn't hear him or was ignoring him. He wasn't sure which option he hoped for. His legs gave out from underneath him, falling to the floor and leaning against the door, while silent tears streaked his face. He didn't move from that spot, he couldn't move from that spot. He didn't know how long he sat there before the tears stopped and he slowly got to his feet and left.
His mind was telling him that he should have expected this, he knew all too well that every time he found some shard of happiness it was taken away from him in the cruellest manner. He left undecided on what he should do. It seemed as though Gojyo didn't know who he was or his own name. He didn't know if he should take anything from Gojyo's apology or just let that go as well.