A/N: this is a short interlude that didn't' seem to fit anywhere else, yet seemed necessary as it's from the original, and helps to set the stage for the last half. It depicts more of the emotions they're feeling; it's things like this where I didn't know if I did as good a job. It's easy to overdramatize something like this, and how hard it was for such people. This is part of the problem I had in the diary-type entries.
Chapter Six – March, 1943 – Planning, Praying, and Weeping
Heidi cringed slightly as Carl led her swiftly down the steps. "Run," the boy whispered, mindful that they may need to scamper later. Running down steps was not a major problem, though Gretchen still worried someone might break a leg. Their co-ordination had become rather good from all the practice, though.
The children, with Gretchen trailing, carrying papers, scurrying with Micah, Isaac, and Moses to the tunnel. Heinrich crawled to the emergency exit and climbed up the rungs. He enjoyed climbing. He slowly opened the trunk's lid and crawled out into the brush, peering around. Seeing nothing, he whispered "clear one."
It was Albert's turn to shimmy up the escape, and he also looked around, saying "clear two." The others followed, with Oskar hoisting Moses up to Albert. Moses fussed, as he didn't wish to be held, but the others knew it was necessary - they would not be certain the three-year-old could climb up quickly, if at all. Even Heidi required assistance.
With no need to return that way, they closed the emergency tunnel, and walked into their own yard, surrounding the Jews s none could see them. The Jewish children felt little fear at being outside, as they moved in part of an elaborate system. As Gretchen watched, Heinrich and Heidi tipped the rainwater barrel, and Carl led the Rubin children down that tunnel. Albert glanced at his watch in the moonlight as the rest of family walked into their house. Carl tapped on the basement door, and Heidi opened it to let him into the main floor.
The Schultzes met in the living room. Oskar and Gretchen gave plaudits - complete with hugs - and suggestions. Albert insisted that "some way must be found to keep Moses from fussing." He kept his complaints under control, though, for their mother had worried on several occasions that they were becoming too much like a military unit. However, he had controlled himself very well since the talk with Kinch. Heidi tried to remember a time when they were not hiding Jews, but could not. The Jewish children, meanwhile, continued to think about how amazing it had felt to actually be outside. The fresh air felt so good, even though it was very chilly.
As the discussion continued, Heinrich and Heidi played "the watching game" out the living room window. They challenged each other to see who could spot something first - be it a certain color, an animal, a person, or a vehicle. They were a regular part of their day, especially when Heidi was alone with Gretchen while the others were at school – she would go to Kindergarten next fall, as she hadn't turned five until September. The games, while fun, were intended to build in them the capacity to watch the window for signs of Gestapo activity.
Oskar smiled. Once the discussion ended, he turned to Carl. "It was your idea; I believe you should go down the trap door first. We installed the rope ladder while you did your homework."
Carl grinned excitedly. The nine-year-old ran into the bedroom and moved several boxes before revealing a hidden piece of plywood, below which there were no floorboards; it was simply a little thicker than the rest of the flooring, to keep people from suspecting a trap door existed. He opened the "door," squatted, pulled the rope up part way as he glanced toward the floor, and breathed deeply. "Do not look down," Oskar suggested.
"Ja, that is a good to say that, after I have done it," he said with a mix of laughing and scolding. He ensured that he had a firm grip, and jumped, the top knot holding his hands in place.
Micah glanced nervously, and ordered the others to hide behind boxes. He picked up a crowbar, which stood out of view near the box. He did not think anyone could have found the trap door, but he was not sure. Quickly, he noticed that the one who climbed down was not an adult. "Carl, you scared me," he reprimanded his friend.
"Sorry," came the sincere and embarrassed boy. He had forgotten the password used when delivering food. "What was it I was supposed to say?"
Oskar overheard and chose to say nothing about the lapse. Micah's comment and tone would be enough for Carl. He stated as he descended - "Joseph, it is me, have you had any dreams."
"Oh, yeah, thanks" came Carl as Micah instructed his brothers to come out of hiding. I guess we don't practice that part too much, he noted. Moses ran over and tried to climb up the rope, but he couldn't pull himself up to the next knot.
"Heinrich and Heidi might have trouble rising quickly too," regarded Oskar, "but that does not matter; we must only be ready to go down briskly. Albert, good job helping Heidi, but see if you can hold her and do it so we are even faster; I will do the same." He told the others to descend, and advised everyone to be ready. "Albert will test us within the first couple hours." He glanced at his brother, signaling him to consider that an order to do so, although he knew with Albert's love of it, he didn't have to order him to do it.
As Oskar trekked upstairs to watch and to listen for knocks at the door, Heinrich spouted that "I worry about what will happen; I wish we knew how this would end."
"Sometimes I still cannot believe Mother does not know," remarked the girl.
Gretchen squeezed Heinrich and Heidi. "Patience is one of the hardest virtues," she admitted soothingly. Yes, Gretchen noted, children are built differently. She recalled Frederick stating that the Lord taught adults to be more patient by having them deal with kids. She thanked the Lord that Jesus came from His throne in Heaven to suffer at her level.
"At least the practices are routine," Albert remarked. The eleven-year-old stated that "if you know what to do if we flee, and have done it well in the past, you will be fine if we have to." A glimmer in his eye, he shot a query at Heidi - "What is your imaginary name?"
Hardly skipping a beat, she exclaimed - "Gretchen Gruber!" Heidi received a big hug for this. She relished this style of play. Indeed, the family had incorporated several of her imaginary friends, as well as their own fake names, into their "play." Albert elicited the correct counterfeit names from the Rubin children, as well, and they, too, received many warm hugs. I wish it were as simple as he tells them, Gretchen considered with a sigh.
The matriarch ceased her worries as Albert spoke. "You all did very well. I am glad we built that door, Oskar told me a while back he had been wondering about noise, too, should the Gestapo be at the door and we have to flee down the steps." Especially at night, Albert pondered.
"And I am glad you are being more positive, and willing to give out so much more praise," Gretchen told him, putting her arm around him. "It is a lot easier, isn't it?" She didn't embarrass him by mentioning that part of why she knew it would be easier was because he was dealing with the fear he felt at times.
"The only problem is," Micah managed to joke, "even with the new toys and games Mr. Schultz developed, we will use everything in the world in 'Twenty Questions' by August." The group snickered. At least they try to be with us a lot, mused the eldest Jewish child. We shall never fear with them near - or with the Lord near. He felt enormously pleased that they spoke so often of God's love, for he sensed little love from others in their nation.
"Mother," Albert inquired, "when we get free, we will adopt the Rubins, right?" Gretchen remarked that to the Lord, they had already done so. "Then, will they change their names?"
Gretchen shook her head vehemently, her curls bouncing on Heidi's face and tickling her. "They were the Rubins' blessing, and must always remember their heritage." She told the refugees that "I want you to always recall your Jewish roots, even if you all believe in Jesus as Messiah and become Christian Jews." After a few more minutes of talking, Gretchen walked upstairs, carrying her sleepy daughter.
Oskar considered his favorite memory verse as he glanced skyward out the window, the city darkened lest the Allies bomb more easily. Would he need to walk through that "valley of the shadow of death," to lead the group through such an ordeal? He wasn't sure, but he recalled a number of times when they'd been at level three, all but going to the Hoovers'. Near discovery convinced him that the Lord was watching, in that they were not discovered, and that their practices paid off magnificently. However, concern over his ability gnawed at him until he pondered the real force behind them all. "Praise the Lord," he uttered.
His mother snuck up behind him after a while. She felt much less like a drill sergeant and more like a loving mother, willing to do it all out of her love for her children, which was what she wanted to be all along. Oskar had gained incredible respect as the group's leader. Could the fellow who Schultz dealt with and ignored be any better, she wondered. Certainly, being older, he would be more skilled. But, she couldn't imagine him being much better than her band of heroes at a similar age, always willing to dream the big dreams.
Oh, how I wish I could give these children a normal childhood, she thought, putting an arm around him. "I am so happy I do not have to work; if I did, I would never be able to help the Rubins, Gretchen meditated. Our biological kids play for a while, outside when the weather is decent, and come in to play with the other three in spurts. Homework is intermingled with caring for them after dinnertime. I sometimes provide them the answers if it has been a tough day, so they can help the Rubins a little more; I still make sure they know them for tests, though.
"It is not what it was like years ago, is it, Oskar?"
Oskar tried to sound brave. However, it was quite difficult for him. "We could not imagine it would be exactly like that, with the war."
"I mean, you do not play like before, you do not...I don't know. It seems like you are missing out on so much that I enjoyed as a child."
Oskar put his arm around his mother. "It is still good. Carl says the Nazi propaganda steals more because we are taught to hate, and he cannot stand to hate." The thought made her smile. Maybe I just think too much about the Rubins, considered the mother. "I wish Father had come home for Christmas, but it worked out well. We had fun eating in the cellar. So, do not feel bad. We have good memories. And, they say that the taunts, and worse, really hurt them. Now, they feel love and joy surrounding them in their little hideaway."
"That is true." Sure, living in a basement was no fun, but as she told Oskar, right now, "there are likely Jewish children who, in their short lives, know no joy at all, at any time before they are killed by our sadistic leaders." The thought brought tears to Oskar's eyes, but he knew he couldn't afford to show compassion toward Jews in the open, even when he thought nobody was watching. So, despite his mother's assurance, he merely wept a couple tears, then went to pray.
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Oskar gazed out at the pitch black darkness, and thought about all that they had been through. "This land of lies will be defeated, I can feel it," he told himself, feeling a little more confident each day. He struggled, but knowing the love that everyone – even his father, back at Stalag 13 –helped him to think it could be done, despite all that had been taken away. "Our leaders said German superiority would win out, that we were somehow better than anyone, and that some races deserved to die. Well, those lies are going to be destroyed; there is no master race, we are all one and all loved the same by God. It is we who condemn ourselves when we reject Him. I don't know how some of this will turn out, but I continue to pray, now mostly for a quick end to the conflict, in addition to wisdom and courage, plus time to prepare, should we flee. One day, history will look back on this as the worst example of inhumanity ever. I earnestly hope later generations will realize that these monsters did indeed rule Germany."
He knelt and prayed, willing to weep in secret over all that he'd lost, and over his nation. "Oh Lord, save our nation. Heal our land from this ugly dark spot, and never let it be forgotten, no, never let us be capable of repeating such an act. Let us not look to people, riches, nature, or any other thing, lest we take our eyes off You, the giver of life and author of our Salvation. For when we turn to anything that does not promote human life, we condemn ourselves to possibly live through yet another Holocaust, for we place ideas above people, one life above another. May these evil Nazis be utterly destroyed, their despicable deeds loathed by all forever. May those who perish be remembered forever, so we do not come close to repeating our cruel ignorance."
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Gretchen considered the terrible price the Jews paid. She prayed once more that their effort be worth it, and then walked into her room. In the secret envelope containing several documents, one which, should they flee, they would tear up and eat, she pulled out a picture of Mr. and Mrs. Rubin. She felt she had better remind them more of their heritage, and recalled a wonderfully fun time spent with the Rubin family years ago. Yes, she thought as she went downstairs, this would be a good story to tell.
Moses was not yet asleep, which made her grateful. This would make a perfect bedtime story for him. Before she could speak, Heinrich noted that "Isaac said he hoped a war could not last a thousand years. We would all be dead by then, wouldn't we?"
"Yes, well, the tide is turning. It will not last that long. I brought something to show you, and then I have a wonderful bedtime story about the old days." This was her term for when the Rubins were living. She showed the photo to Moses. "Do you know who this is?"
An anguished look covered Gretchen's face as Moses thought, first for a second, then for a moment that seemed like forever. Oh, no, thought Gretchen, does he not recall anything? Though comprehension came slowly to the three-year-old, Mrs. Schultz began to bawl at the wickedness being done.
Micah, wishing to stop the crying, whispered "that is our parents who died."
A light bulb went on in the tot's head. He knew he'd recognized the people, but it had been so long since he'd seen them, he wasn't sure from where. He hugged Gretchen. "I sorry, Mother," came Moses, "I will remember them the next time." He knew Mrs. Schultz must be very hurt, but his embraces could not stop the sobs, for Moses had done what he often did, calling Mrs. Schultz "Mother." After two years of darkness, he could not show the kind of excitement toward the picture of the couple that he used to show.
Gretchen could not bear the thought, but she knew she eventually needed to come to grips with the fact that for Moses, the emotional bond had been broken, thanks to their evil leaders. While the older Jewish children wept a little at seeing the photo, Moses showed little emotion, even after recognizing the people. Slowly, the memory made him cry some, but Gretchen knew his memory, his very heritage, could not be completely restored.
Gretchen never told the story that night. She could not bring herself to speak.