WEDNESDAY EVENING

13 JUNE 2001

MAC'S APARTMENT

GEORGETOWN

"Aun' Mac!"

As Mac locked the SUV, she heard her godson's exuberant voice call out to her. Looking down the street, she saw Harriet and AJ coming toward her, AJ squirming in his mother's arms, reaching towards his godmother.

As they reached her, Mac plucked AJ out of Harriet's arms, holding him tight as he wrapped his little arms around her neck, threatening to cut off her air supply in his excitement. "Hiya, AJ," she gasped as she struggled to loosen his grip. She managed to pull one arm away, wrapping his small hand in hers to prevent him from grabbing onto her neck again. Pressing a kiss to the top of his head, she thought how simple this was, how peaceful. Would that she could find that feeling in the rest of her life.

"You okay, Mac?" Harriet asked, studying Mac critically.

"Oh, we're fine," Mac said, settling AJ on her hip. "It's hardly the first time I've nearly been choked by him, and I'm sure it won't be the last."

Harriet started to say something, probably to protest that wasn't what she meant, but at the slight shake of Mac's head, the other woman sighed, smiling slightly.

Mac relaxed a little as she realized that Harriet wasn't going to push, not yet anyway. There was no telling, however, how long that was going to last. "Shall we go inside?" she suggested, nodding towards her building a couple hundred feet up the street.

As they walked, they talked about inconsequential matters – the mini heat wave that had enveloped the city the last few days, AJ's latest finger painting masterpiece from day care, Sturgis' first encounter in court with Loren.

After the tension between Sturgis and her the last couple of days, a part of Mac had privately enjoyed his discomfiture when Loren had tried to sandbag him in court during a case he'd taken over for Harm. Mac, as part of her duties as chief of staff, had been in court this morning as an observer. After the previous day, it was darkly pleasant to see some of what he'd dished out to her thrown back at him.

Between her trip to Quantico and Sturgis having sat in on Fleming's interviews with the guests from the rehearsal, Mac had managed to avoid him for the rest of Monday after their confrontation that morning. The next day, he'd cornered her after lunch, somehow knowing that she didn't have anything too pressing on her plate and had insisted on a full interview.

Objectively, she had to admire the fact that he'd been very prepared to question her. He'd asked every question she'd thought he would and a few she'd been hoping he wouldn't. After the interview, she'd felt raw and exposed. She'd answered every question truthfully, unwilling to jeopardize Harm's case any more than it already had been, but some of what she'd had to tell Sturgis were things she hadn't had a chance – or been able – to tell Harm yet. She hated that feeling of vulnerability, even if she knew intellectually that it was a necessary evil.

As they entered her apartment, Mac set AJ on his feet. He immediately began toddling around the apartment, peeking around furniture and corners. "Jingo," he called, glancing into the bedroom. "Jingo."

"Jingo's not here, AJ," Harriet said. She glanced at Mac with a shrug. "Ever since I told him we were coming to see you, he's been babbling about Jingo. I didn't even think that Jingo would probably be at Harm's apartment since you live over there now."

Mac knelt down as AJ turned back to them, a confused look on his face. "Where Jingo?" he asked.

"Jingo's with Uncle Harm," Mac said.

AJ came back over, throwing himself at Mac. Looking up at her, he said in all seriousness, "Uncle Harm has owie."

"Yeah, Uncle Harm has an owie," Mac concurred sadly. She glanced at Harriet, not sure what else to say. She didn't know how much Bud and Harriet would've told their son about what had happened to his godfather – or how much AJ might've understood.

"Honey, why don't you sit on the couch and look at your book?" Harriet suggested, pulling a pop-up book out of his diaper bag and holding it out to him. Obediently, he took the offered book and hoisted himself up onto the couch with a little boost from Mac.

"Bud and I didn't know what to tell him," Harriet said quietly as they moved to the other side of the room where Mac had the gifts stacked. "Mac, you should have seen him that night we were waiting for word on Harm. We were all at JAG, and at one point, AJ walked over to Harm's office and kept asking where he was. Mr. Burnett told me later that AJ even had Chloe in tears with his questions."

"Then when we saw Harm at the hospital on Memorial Day," she continued, "we made the mistake of talking about having seen him where AJ could hear us. He threw a little tantrum when we tried to explain why he couldn't see his godfather."

"I guess kids know more than we realize about what goes on around them," Mac said just as softly, pulling over a small box of packing tape and markers that she'd dropped off the day before.

"We tried to tell him that Harm had an owie, and that the doctor was trying to make him better," Harriet continued, glancing at her son. AJ had become engrossed in his book, babbling to himself as he turned pages and ignoring the two women. "I think the 'owie' part was the only thing that stuck with him."

"I guess it'd be hard for him to really understand what's happened," Mac replied, talking about more than a two-year-old's comprehension of Harm's injuries. Brushing the thought aside, she grabbed a collapsed box from the pile leaning against the wall – also brought over the previous day – and began assembling it.

"Actually," Harriet said, picking up her own box and grabbing a roll of tape, "I was thinking about asking you and Harm over to dinner soon – whenever he's up to it, of course. I'm sure Harm would like to go someplace besides Bethesda, and I think it would make AJ feel better if he could see Harm for himself."

"We'll see," Mac said non-committally. "I know he's starting to get a little stir-crazy sitting at home, even with his family dropping by to keep him company, but it might be too soon. Yesterday, he'd convinced his parents that he felt fine and that they should all go out to lunch. When I got home from work, he was in bed with a slight fever. Trish was getting on him for trying to do too much."

Mac left out the fact that she and Trish had nearly gotten into an argument over the incident. She'd pointed out to her mother-in-law that she should've known Harm well enough to know that he'd try to become active before he was ready, with Trish countering that Harm knew his own limits and she respected that. Mac had been about to argue that that assertion didn't seem to fit with the way that Trish had been hovering, when Frank had stepped in, suggesting that both women were operating on next to no sleep and that both had Harm's best interests at heart.

Knowing that Harm could probably hear every word they'd said, the women had agreed with Frank that they were both tired and worried about Harm, but it had been an uneasy truce. Conversation had been strained between Trish and Mac until the Burnetts had left, saying that Harm wasn't up to dinner with the family.

Mac had masked her relief at their departure, although it'd been harder to hide her concern that Harm wasn't feeling well. That had led to a little bit of tension between the two of them, Harm snapping at her, and then just as quickly apologizing, saying tiredly that he was sorry for worrying her. She'd graciously accepted his contrition and tried to put it from her mind, only to be awoken during the night by a nightmare, the details of which were shrouded in mist. She just knew that it had something to do with everything that'd been left unsaid that evening, hovering on the tip of everyone's tongues.

"Shall we get started?" Mac suggested, forcing the memory from her mind and trying to concentrate on the unpleasant task before her. "Last night, while Harm was resting, I made a list of everyone who'd sent gifts with their addresses. There's a few that I don't have addresses for, mostly Mic's friends and relatives from Australia, and the boxes the gifts arrived in had already been tossed out. I thought we could go ahead and box those up and write who they're going to on the outside. I'll have to see about Mic taking care of those."

Harriet began assembling her own box, biting on her lower lip nervously. "What is it, Harriet?" Mac asked after a long moment, uncomfortable under the scrutiny.

"I was just wondering if you'd spoken to him since…" she began hesitantly.

"Since Norfolk or since I found out he'd spoken to Commander Fleming?" Mac finished. Before Harriet could reply, she continued, "The last time I spoke to him was when we had breakfast that morning at IHOP. He hasn't tried to contact me since then."

"I guess it's hard for him," Harriet said.

"Yeah," Mac murmured distractedly, "to come so close…"

Sensing that Harriet was about to say something, Mac gestured towards some boxes still on the floor that she and Mic had never gotten around to unpacking. Gifts, mostly those coming from Australia, had still been arriving right up until the day before the aborted wedding, so Mic and Mac had originally decided to wait until they returned from their honeymoon before opening anything. Some of the earlier arriving gifts had been taken out of their shipping cartons already, their bright wrappings of white bells and red roses mocking Mac with their hint of promises broken. "If you want to start writing 'Return to Sender' on those," she suggested, "I'll start packing these others back into boxes."

~*~*~*~

A few hours later, after breaks for dinner and to take care of a diaper change for AJ, the gifts were divided into three piles. The largest pile of boxes was addressed and ready to be taken to the post office. A second, smaller pile of gifts was unboxed, having come from co-workers at JAG. Mac was planning to discreetly take those to work to return to the givers. The last group was boxed and had names on them with no addresses. All of those had come from Australia, and Mac would leave it up to Mic to take care of them, resolving to talk to him about it when she returned her engagement ring. She just wasn't sure yet when that would be. She knew she had to deal with it, but couldn't bring herself to face him again just yet.

"I guess that's everything," Mac remarked. She glanced at the couch, where AJ had fallen asleep shortly after his diaper had change. When she'd suggested Harriet bring AJ with her, Mac hadn't considered that someone would need to watch him while the gifts were carried out. "I need to pack up a few things to take over to Harm's, and then I'll start carrying this stuff down to the SUV."

"You haven't taken all your stuff over there yet?" Harriet asked, curiosity apparent in her voice.

"We've got limited space," Mac explained, gathering up a few books. "Harm's cleared some space for me, but it's not nearly enough for all my things, so I've been trying to limit what I take over there."

"Have you thought about getting a new place together?"

"The topic has come up," Mac replied. "Harm mentioned it when we were clearing out some space in the closet for me, but with him still recovering, it's not really a good time right now to deal with the hassle. Maybe after he returns to work, we'll have a chance to look for a place."

Getting a place of their own was high on her list of things to do once Harm was well enough. When they'd been making space for her things, Mac had stumbled across some of Renee's stuff. Under different circumstances, the look on Harm's face might have been amusing, almost as if he'd been wondering how some of that stuff had gotten there. They'd boxed the stuff up, but Harm hadn't been able to contact Renee to have her come pick it up. The box sat near the door, a visible reminder of the mess their lives had become in the last few weeks.

Glancing around, Mac realized there were probably some things of Mic's lying around her place. It brought home for her the need to have a place that was theirs, not hers or his, places that came with the attendant ghosts of past lovers. It seemed a little silly in light of everything else, but one of the first things she'd done her first day in Harm's apartment had been to change the sheets on the bed, as if by doing so she could banish the memory of the other woman who'd shared his bed less than two weeks earlier. "It wasn't supposed to be like this," she murmured.

"Like what, Mac?" Harriet asked, startling Mac. She hadn't realized she'd said that out loud.

"So…complicated," she admitted with a heavy sigh. She looked away, uncomfortable at being like this, even with Harriet, who was her best friend after Harm.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Harriet offered. "Sometimes it helps just to have someone else listen."

"I don't know," Mac said reluctantly, hoping Harriet would take the hint.

"Okay," Harriet agreed. "If you ever want to talk…Anyway, if you want to keep an eye on AJ for a few moments while you gather up some of your stuff, I'll start taking these boxes down to the SUV"

Mac turned back around, her façade utterly calm. "Sure," she agreed, crossing to her desk where she'd tossed her purse earlier. She pulled out her keys and held them out to Harriet. "The remote is for the SUV. Thanks, Harriet."

Harriet smiled as she took the keys. "You're welcome," she replied.

Closing the door behind Harriet, Mac rested her head against it with a sigh. She looked over at the couch to find AJ awake, staring at her with large blue eyes. Smiling sadly, she went and picked him up, her eyes brimming with tears. AJ reached out a pudgy hand, pressing it to her cheek. It was so easy at that age, she realized, to be blithely unaware that actions had consequences.