Title: For family's sake
Author: 0cloudyday
Rating: PG-13/R
Spoiler: none
Characters: Dean, Sam, John
Warnings:Dark and a lot of angst
Summary: AU. Dean starts acting strange and one day he disappears. A desperate search for a brother and a son is starting.

Disclaimer: I don't owe Supernatural or the characters. All Kripke's.
A/N: My native language isn't English, so sorry for the mistakes.

My life is sooo busy at the moment but I was thinking about writing on everyday. So here is the next chapter. Probably still confusing parts in it. But just ask... I'll try to help as far as I can at this point of the story ;)... And in general: would simply love to get some comments ;).

For family's sake

Chapter 7: Reasons

"Dean, what did you do?" Sam whispered. He couldn't believe it.

"Keeping a promise. I told Mom I would never let anything bad happen to you." Dean said.

"Dean, no..." Sam said, tears running down his face once again.

"It's okay. You still don't know everything... there is a reason why you can never become one of his fellows." Dean said quietly.

"More..." Sam whispered unbelievingly.

„Well, it's not as if I was going to tell you." Dean added. "I just wanted you to know... that I have more reasons."

Sam looked at his brother as if he was crazy. It was as if they were at the beginning again. "You can't say that and expect us not to ask." he said unbelievingly.

"You are still asking? After all that you've learned a second ago... you still want to know everything? Trust me Sammy, you are really better off not knowing." Dean insisted.

"Dean... if you don't want to talk now, fine. But there is one thing I would like to know and I want you to answer me..." John suddenly said. He looked into Dean's eyes and Dean looked back and Dean slowly nodded.

"Since when do you know... all this. About Sammy..." John asked and he could see Dean wince.

"Of all questions, you had to ask this one? Where the hell have you two learned to push the wrong button at the wrong time?" Dean asked angrily.

Neither John nor Sam had expected such an reaction.

"Nine when I learned about this the first time... but I was twelve when I figured everything out..." Dean whispered... he knew this would only cause more shock and a lot more questions. But he actually was so tired right now. Why couldn't they simply go and live happily ever after. He couldn't help it but having his family here, having them near him, somehow caring... it was taking a toll on Dean.

Of course he had watched them, but he had learned to shut out his emotions.. but now it was different. He knew that this was probably the last time he would see, talk and be with them... and that made it so much harder not to tell the truth. Although he knew that the truth would really hurt them...

"Nine?" John repeated in shock and Sam just looked at his brother sadly.

"You could have told me... we would have fixed it somehow." John said sadly. "Dean... with nine... for gods sake."

But Sam suddenly remembered two things and he was pretty sure it had something to do with it.

"Then... the box was really meant for now? Your letter?" Sam asked unbelievingly.

Dean got pale. "No. Sammy. Don't! Don't talk about it..." he said shocked and looked shortly over to Tom and Meg... but they had indeed heard it.

"Don't talk about what, Dean?" Meg asked suspiciously.

"This is a private conversation!" Dean said sarcastically.

"Sammy...?" Meg now turned around to Sam and she stared at him and Sam had the suspicion that she tried to read his thoughts. He wasn't sure if she could do such a thing... but she seemed getting frustrated.

"We will learn it anyway..." Meg said and gave Dean a threatening look.

"Whatever." Dean said indifferently.

"Dean... there was a... a... vision or something I had." Sam said... he still wasn't so comfortable with the thought that he was partly a demon.

Dean looked at him expectantly.

"When Dad went after the Wendigo in Michigan, I was eight years old... did something supernatural attack me that night?" Sam asked slowly.

Dean had to smirk slightly... it's wasn't really funny, but still... the fact that Sam remembered that night, of all... it simply was ironic. He had no idea how... but somehow today his brother and father really had managed to ask all the wrong questions – in his opinion. He somehow knew that he would tell them everything today, as much as he had tried to prevent it.

"You are not supposed to remember it." Dean said calmly.

"And how exactly would you have made sure that I won't?" Sam asked confused.

Damn. Another wrong question. It simply wasn't his day, Dean Winchester decided.

"First of all. As you might have realized by now. Yes. There had been a supernatural being in your room when Dad went to Michigan." Dean enlightened his family.

"Why didn't you tell me? When things like that happen. You tell me. I thought I told you." John said harsh.

"It happened 17 years ago. A lot of things happened that night and I kind of made a promise." Dean said apologizing.

"Dean... for gods sake, could you please just tell the god damn story?" Sam said, now a little tired of Dean's behavior. But before Dean was able to say anything else, Sam was suddenly holding his head.

"Ah.." Sam said, hurt... and he went down to his knees.

"Sam!" John immediately rushed over to his son, while Dean only looked coldly at them.

Meg and Tom meanwhile looked interested. They hadn't expected Sam's powers to grow so fast... but after all it was the reason why they wanted him so badly.

Pictures were flashing in front of Sam's eyes.

Dean was younger. Maybe two years ago. He was holding a young girl and Meg approached them with a knife in her hands. The girl was sobbing. When Meg reached them she slit the girl's throat, smiling – and Dean was just watching, holding the girl when her life left her.

Comparable scenes followed in a flash and suddenly it all played in the future. This time it was Meg who was holding a girl – a girl Sam knew too well. It was Jessica. Dean approached them with a cold glare. "Finish it Dean." Meg teased Dean, who only nodded. And with one move Dean slit Jessica's throat. And she died with the words Sam on her lips.

"No!" Sam yelled shocked.

"Sammy." John said carefully.

"How dare you... how could you...?" Sam whispered.

"Sammy... what happened?" John asked.

But Sam wasn't listening to his father. He felt for the gun he had left on the floor. He took it. Pointed it at Dean and he cocked it.

"Wow... Sammy what are you doing!" John said shocked and tried to take the gun away from his son.

"Get off me. You haven't seen what I have seen... I can't let it happen." Sam said shacking.

"Sam... Sam calm down. Talk to me!" John said. He wouldn't allow one of his sons to die today. Not after all he had learned today. He just wouldn't.

"He... he killed people... he is... he is going to kill people... he is going to kill Jessica." Sam whispered, tears running down his face. "How could you Dean? How could you let all those people get killed?" Sam asked.

"It comes with the job Sammy... it comes with the job." Dean just said looking coldly.

"How can you be so cool about it? We had the talk before and ... I mean. Dean! You want to be the bad person now instead of me? I mean for you the most important thing always had been to safe the innocents. All this changed now?" Sam asked unbelievingly.

"Sometimes people change." Dean said calmly.

"Yeah I guess so." Sam said.

"Sam put the gun away." John said.

Suddenly once again the image of Jessica's death flashed in front of Sam's eyes.

"I can't!" Sam whispered. He was shacking, but he was ready to pull the trigger. He looked into his brother's eyes and he was confused to see relieve in there.

"Sammy." John said and grabbed for the gun once again, but Sam pushed him away – and this time is was different. John could feel a force keeping him away from Sammy. And this scared him even more. He was pretty much sure that Sam didn't even realize it – that he was using his powers.

"I am so sorry, Dean... I am so sorry." Sam whispered... Sam was now shacking even more. He knew he had to... and Dean wasn't even moving...

"Sammy stop it!" A calm voice suddenly said.

Dean went pale, really white when he heard the voice which had been haunting him for so long... he couldn't believe that the person really dared to come here.

Sam didn't know why, but he calmed down. He didn't know the voice – but his subconscious simply trusted the voice. He lowered the gun a little.

John meanwhile stopped fighting the force which was holding him... he went pale too. He looked around, desperate to find the source of the voice. Because he definitely knew the voice. He would recognize the voice everywhere. The voice was still haunting his sweetest dreams and also his worst nightmares... He would recognize the everywhere... everywhere.

And Meg and Tom – they were discontent. Everything was developing pretty well and this interacting wasn't really helping– and the new intruder wasn't really their friend. The person should be, but the person simply wasn't.

"Sammy, don't. He is your brother. And it's not his fault." the person stepped out of the shadows where it had been watching. The person went over to the brothers and stopped in front of Sammy and lowered his gun slowly with her hands, while Sam was only looking with open mouth at her.

And finally John found his voice back. "Mary?" he whispered. Not believing what he was seeing.

"Mom?" Sam repeated his father's words. Still not believing, because the person in front of him wasn't a ghost, but had a solid body. She looked like on the photos Sam had from her. Not a minute older. This simply couldn't be.

"How dare you?" Dean said loud and angrily. "I told you to stay away. I told you to let me handle this. You promised me you wouldn't intervene." Dean hissed.

"Dean!" John said out of reflex. Like a father who was admonishing his son for yelling at his mother.

"Don't just don't. Because you have NO idea." Dean said threatening at his father. "You all are just so damn... Idiots. I simply can't believe that this is happening." Dean said frustrated and he was pacing now. Not looking at any of his family members. While non of them had moved from their spots till now.

"You two have no idea what is going on here." Dean said and was looking at his father and brother. "And you..." Dean was glaring at his mother who was only looking at her son sadly. "... you are the worst. Because you are either a really bad actress or the most naive person I ever meet. For gods sake... i hate you!" Dean said with tears in his eyes.

"Dean..." Mary said sadly and went over to her eldest. She tried to hug him, but he pushed her away.

"Don't okay. Just don't." Dean said angrily. "You should rather talk to your husband and youngest. I think they need you more at the moment." Dean just whispered.

Mary turned away sadly.

"How is this possible?" Sam asked – trying to follow the conversation, while everything in his head was spinning.

Mary turned to Sammy and smiled. She went over to him slowly and was so glad that he didn't back away – well he didn't know the truth yet.

"Hey Sammy. You are such a big boy now." She smiled proudly and she touched his face slightly.

Sam leaned into the touch. "Mom." he whispered. Scared that it was just a dream and that she would disappear any second.

And then mother and son lay in each other's arms.

"I love you Mom... I missed you." Sammy said.

"I love you too Sammy. I love you too." Mary whispered and tears were running down her face. She had dreamed of this moment. She wished it were under different circumstances... but she still savored the moment. She had her baby in her arms...

She never wanted to let go, but she knew she had to and she also knew that everybody was watching her at the moment. Waiting for her next step. For different reasons.

She slowly let go of Sammy. She touched his cheek once again with a smile and then turned around to somebody she had somehow even missed more.

"I am so sorry. I am so sorry." Mary whispered as John took her in his arms.

They stood there for a few seconds. Never wanting to let go.

"I am sorry, I missed you so much. I love you... I don't know what to say. I don't even know how this is possible..." John started to talk.

Mary stopped him by kissing him and he kissed back. When both let go of each other, John's only wish was to get his family to safety.

"So now that everybody said hello, could we come back to business." Meg said snappy.

Mary turned around angrily. "Back off. I can't believe that you two can stand here so cool. You were supposed to stay away from my family. But like a miracle Max is dead now and Sammy and John are here. I am pretty sure that somebody broke the deal!" she hissed as she was standing in front of Meg.

Sam and John were looking surprised at how fiercely Mary reacted.

"No!" Dean said and went between Meg and his mother. He pushed Mary away from Meg. "I told you to stay away for gods sake!" he said angrily. "Why can't you just listen?"

"You ask me?" Mary said angrily and freed herself from Dean's grip. "I tried. I stayed away. But you seriously expect me not to feel the hurt and betrayal your brother felt when you shoot him?" she asked back. "You expect a mother not to come and see what is going on with her family. I didn't leave you alone and I won't do it to Sammy either." Mary said calmly.

"And I wish you had stayed away when it had been about me." Dean said calmly too, but turned away from his mother.

But she wasn't looking at him either.

"Could you please stop... no more secrets, please. Because I seriously can't handle more right now." Sam said calmly and a tear was running down his face. And he really didn't look good.

"Sam..." Dean started.

"And don't come with the... you don't want to know – crap. A few minutes ago I was damn it ready to kill you..." Mary looked at Dean concerned when Sam said it. "...I have no idea what is happening to me – and... all this is jut crazy. Mom is here – the reason why we have been hunting in the first place... and everything is falling apart. I want answers. I just want some answers, please." Sam begged.

"Just ask Sammy, just ask." Mary said after a while, smiling kindly at her youngest. She looked around for a second to make sure that Meg and Tom wouldn't intervene.

Then Mary saw Dean, looking everywhere but at his family. He looked stubborn and mad and she knew too well that he was mad.

"I am sorry Dean!" Mary whispered.

"You already said that and I still don't believe you. I kept my mouth for years to avoid all this and you are just ruin it... go ahead, I won't stop you. But to be honest, I wished you had just died that day in the fire." Dean said angrily.

"And I don't really see what is your problem. I am the one who is responsible, I am the one who will be blamed... and if I had died, Sam would be one of them for two years." Mary said hurt. "Dean I totally understand why you are angry at me, but what the hell is going on in your head? I don't recognize you and some things you are saying or doing simply don't make any sense." Mary said with tears in her eyes. She somehow feared for Dean's sanity.

"Forget it. You wouldn't understand it anyway. You wanted to answer some of your son's questions." Dean remembered his mother, who turned around to the rest of her family after a second. She realized that it had no use to talk now. Dean was as stubborn as she had once been.

"So, what do you want to know." Mary finally said to Sam and John, who both had a kind of a deja vue.

"Is it really you? I mean... we thought you... and if yes. Then why do you show up now?" Sam asked.

Mary smiled slightly. Like Dean had noticed before – Sam was really asking the right questions. "Yes it's really me. I am the woman your father fell in love with, loved and lost. I am the woman who gave birth to two unbelievable great boys. It's still the same body, soul... everything." Mary sighed. "The problem is only that none of you really knew me. That I brought a secret into the relationship, which I shouldn't have. I had hope... I never wanted it to happen like this." Mary said weak.

Dean snort. "Yeah sure." he mumbled.

Mary turned around to him and glared. "You really want to make me angry, Dean? We had this conversation already... for gods sake what the hell is your problem today. You want to get hurt, or what?" she said pissed and she really had to fight not to hurt her son. While Dean still looked at her bored. "You know what... we are talking about it later. As you said, I have questions to answer." Mary calmed herself down and turned back to John and Sam, who were looking at her shocked... John had never expected that Mary would ever hurt her boys.

"As I said. You don't really know me. At least not all of me." Mary slowly said. "Dean told you about the binding ritual, right?"

"About me being a demon, yeah!" Sam said quietly, not looking in his mother's eyes. Afraid to see disgust or other things.

"Yes you are a demon. But for example Max didn't die as a demon. Without the ritual he is only a transformed human." Mary explained and saw the confused faces of her husband and son. "Well Dean also told you that he wasted most of these superDemons. Those few which were created by the binding. Well it was more an understatement. Because Dean actually killed all of them ... except for the one who was created first. There isn't a big army of powerful demons... that is why they are so desperate to create new ones. Why there were so many fires the last few years..." Mary said looking at John.

"What about the first one that was created." John asked and Mary had to smile again. Always the right questions.

"I guess he wishes that he had killed her..." Mary said and was grateful when she felt Dean flinch behind her.

"What are you saying?" John asked pale.

"John you are clever... I guess you know what I am saying." Mary said and looked sadly at her husband, or ex-husband, she didn't really know.

"Okay maybe I am slow on the uptake. But I have no idea what you are talking about." Sam said slowly.

"Oh come on Sammy. You are not stupid... actually you are the clever one in this family. So just once open your eyes when you need to... get that this family is just a big damn lie." Dean said angrily.

Sam was pale now too.

"No." John whispered shacking. "Everything... it was just a lie. For what? To get Sammy or Dean. Mary for WHAT?" John asked angrily and half breaking.

"Nothing was a lie." Mary said with tears in her eyes. "Just let me explain please."

"Explain what? That you were alive all the time. That I raised our sons to hunters so they could take revenge for YOUR death, instead to support the school career?" John asked and he was numb now.

- to be continued -