I don't own Sherlock.

And now the long awaited chapter (according to your reviews) of actual Sherlock and how he feels when John 'dies.'

Also I love all you reviewers, I could not ask for better.

And I am not a detective who has ignored emotion stimuli for almost his entire life so I have no idea if I got Sherlock right. I probably don't even have half his IQ. I also tried for a stagnant and delayed emotion response but I'm not sure it came out right.

Sherlock would admit that ever since his 'death' he had become slightly obsessed with making sure John was all right and becoming a better detective so that John would allow him back into the flat as right now he was just a liar; and who wants a liar for a flat mate? Every single day, before he heads out to town he checks the surveillance cameras of his old flat and watches his flat mate go about his daily business. He felt something (an emotion, pointless, but still present) at John's lost look the first few days after Sherlock had pretended to die. He watched his dear flat mate go insane, holding conversation with the skull he had left behind calling it 'Sherlock'. Then it all stopped, one day while John was on the phone he had grinned and for the first time it did not seem broken. That was 1 week, 3 days, 8 hours, and 32 minutes after Sherlock had jumped. Sherlock wondered who he was talking to, and what the feeling in his gut was.

Sherlock watches as John stumbles around the flat after that, but he no longer call the skull 'Sherlock' though sometimes he would still talk to it. John often spends his time out of the flat or in Sherlock's room, which makes Sherlock pleased for some reason. It was a normal day then when John went about the flat looking for the skull, muttering about how badly made humans are nowadays. Mrs. Hudson sending him out for milk was rather ordinary too, even though Sherlock knew that no more milk was needed. It was when John did not return by night fall he worried. John always returned by night fall. It took seconds to find out what happened and Sherlock stared at his phone in shock for more than a few minutes.

John was not allowed to die! Sherlock had left so John would be safe, not so that he could die. John was not allowed to die until both he and Sherlock were very old; he was supposed to go peacefully, not murdered. Sherlock's mind seemed to repeat itself, tauntingly telling him that it was his entire fault. If he had not left, John would not have been killed. In the process of protecting John he had killed him. Sherlock felt something trickle down his face and felt empty. He tied to ignore what he learned; he tried to tell himself that it was a trick of the mind. But the image from the web haunted him, the mauled body of John Watson found two blocks from Angelo's. Something nagged at the back of his mind but the image of a dead John blocked it out. He scanned the article again, looking for some clue that the person lying dead was anyone other than John.

The file on the computer did not offer enough info, simply stating all of John's personal effects were found on the body and that Mrs. Hudson had confirmed that those where the clothes that the doctor had been wearing when he left the flat, even the brand of milk in his bag was the one she preferred saying that she had asked him to pick it up early that same day.

He cannot focus on the case that he has courtesy of Mycroft, he tries but the image of John broken, bleeding, dead ("dead," his traitorous mind whispers, "because you left him") distracts him. He cannot shake the feeling that if he had not left, had not pretended to die; John would still be whole, healthy and alive at Baker Street. After two frustrating and agonizing hours he gives up, and texts Mycroft, Coming back to London –SH

For John?-MH

Sherlock feels angry at his brother for being so unintelligent as to not contact him the first second that he knew John was dead or even that John had slipped surveillance. Sherlock knew his brother was cruel and unemotional but he had just enough faith in him as to believe that Mycroft's men were not the ones to kill John; just their lax standards had allowed his killer near.

Yes; dont try and stop me –SH was all the response he gave his brother before donning his coat and exiting into the temperate weather of Tokyo. He happened to know a man who could get him to London in less than a day no matter what orders his brother gave. Whoever killed John, they would pay. Death is too kind for them, so Sherlock will torture them. They killed John, they deserve it.