FRIDAY AFTERNOON
15 JUNE 2001
HARM'S APARTMENT
NORTH OF UNION STATION

"Bloody hell, Rabb," Mic blurted out the first thing that popped into his mind. "You look like hell."

"Mic," Harm said, obviously surprised. If he'd had to make a list of people least like to show up out of the blue at his home, Mic would have been at the top of the list. He wasn't even aware that Mic knew where he lived. It wasn't like they had socialized outside of events involving the entire JAG staff, except for that one evening involving the double-date from Hell that Harm would rather forget had happened.

Suddenly, confronted with the sight of an obviously still-recovering Harm, Mic found himself questioning the wisdom of coming over here. Maybe he should have called Sarah and asked to meet her somewhere. He didn't like Rabb – never had – but he hardly looked like he was in any condition to deal with this right at the moment. Mic could barely admit it to himself, but he felt sorry for the man.

He'd known the accident was bad, but that knowledge had not prepared him for the reality of seeing Harm for the first time since before the crash. He'd never seen Harm look so….vulnerable. His hair had barely begun to grow back, making him look like a Marine recruit who'd had a little too much cut off on his last trip to the barber and Mic could make out the beginnings of what was obviously a still healing surgical scar on the side of his head. His normally healthy complexion was that of someone just getting over a long illness. The man in front of him hardly fit the image of the larger-than-life reputation Rabb enjoyed.

"Hey, Jingo," Mic said, noticing the dog at Harm's side. Recognizing a friendly face, Jingo rubbed his head against Mic's leg in greeting. Mic petted Jingo's head, keeping his gaze on a wary Harm. "I'm here to see Sarah."

"Mac's not home yet," Harm replied, stating the obvious. Mic had realized as soon as he'd seen Jingo on the leash that she couldn't be home. He doubted that she would let Harm walk the dog in his condition if she was around to do it.

He also noted Harm's use of Sarah's nickname. Mac was Harm's buddy, his best friend – as loath as Mic was to admit that last fact. He couldn't imagine calling his wife, the woman he loved, by anything but her beautiful first name. Mic hadn't thought of her as 'Mac' in a long time, and he was surprised that Harm did.

"Not yet," Mic said. "I called JAG and they said she had already left for the day." He hadn't noticed her Corvette parked in the alley behind the building where Harm's SUV was parked, so he had already figured that he had beaten her there. He just hadn't really thought beyond that to the fact that Harm probably was at home and would hardly be happy to see him. Maybe he should have waited in his car for her to get home and stopped her before she entered the building. Bloody hindsight. With everything that had happened, it was hard to think clearly sometimes.

Harm hesitated and then stepped aside, silently motioning to Mic to come in. Murmuring something to the dog Mic couldn't hear, Harm detached the leash from Jingo's collar and hung it on a peg behind the door. "Can I get you anything?" Harm asked, although Mic could tell from his tone that it was more out of politeness than anything else.

"No, I'm fine," Mic said. He took a seat on the couch while Harm stood leaning against the bar. "How are you doing, Harm?"

Harm's eyes widened in surprise at the question. Mic Brumby was not only making small talk with him, but expressing concern about his condition? Harm studied Mic for a long moment, and decided that the other man seemed nothing but sincere. Finally, he replied, "I'm getting better. I still probably have a few weeks before I'll be cleared to return to work. Longer than that before I can see about being cleared to fly."

"Guess it's a good thing you've got Sarah to take care of you," Mic blurted out before he could think better of it. Damn. He hadn't meant to let his anger show in front of Harm. In other circumstances, he'd be ready to settle things the same way they had been forced to in Sydney, but not now. It was hardly a fair fight at the moment. But someday….Rabb was obviously going to be fine if he was talking about eventually getting back up in the air. The man had the Devil's own luck. If Rabb said he was going to fly again, it was probably going to happen. In other circumstances, he could appreciate the man's determination. Right now, however, that determination was keeping Mic from the woman he loved.

Harm shook his head. "I know you don't believe this," he said, his tone neutral, "but that's not why I married Mac." If there was going to be an argument, Harm was determined not to be the one who started it. He was going to take the high road if it killed him.

Deciding that at this point he might as well go for broke, Mic persisted, "As I recall, you were the one who told me that you didn't think of Sarah that way."

Harm looked down at the bar, unable to refute the truth of that statement. It was hardly the first dumb statement that he'd ever made regarding Mac, and unfortunately it hadn't been the last. Several of them had even been in front of Mic, so he supposed that he could make allowances for Mic's inability to let go. Harm had done a pretty good job of letting Mic believe that he had no interest in Mac as a woman. The man had believed one thing for months and now was being confronted with the exact opposite. His world had been turned upside down, and although Harm would never admit it to Mic, he could understand.

"I just find it odd," Mic continued when Harm didn't respond, "that you didn't think of Sarah that way for years - until you almost died and she was about to marry someone else."

"Look Mic," Harm said, a hint of frustration showing through in his voice. He took a deep breath to steady himself before continuing. "I'm not going to discuss Mac with you because our relationship has nothing to do with you. What is between Mac and me is just between us, just as your relationship was between the two of you."

"How can you say your relationship with my fiancée has nothing to do with me?" Mic asked, struggling not to shout in exasperation. "Sarah and I were going to get married right up until you decided you had to get back at all costs and dumped a multi-million dollar aircraft in the bloody ocean. What were you going to do? Stop the wedding?"

Harm went into the kitchen and slowly fixed himself a cup of coffee. He figured that if he kept his hands busy, he would be less tempted to throttle Mic. He told himself that he should make allowances because Mic was in denial, that he knew how hard it was to let Sarah Mackenzie go, but he was having a hard time feeling much sympathy for Mic. The man was holding on too hard. Harm was glad that Mac wasn't home to deal with this. She had so much to deal with at the moment. She didn't need Mic to make everything worse than it already was.

"Mac made her choice," Harm said in an even tone, still trying to avoid provoking Mic. "I know what it's like to lose someone you love, and I can understand. *Mac* decided that she wasn't going to marry you. That was her decision and hers alone."

"Was it really her decision? Did she change her mind because you seduced her into her bed?" Mic asked. At Harm's silence, he continued, "Yes, I know about that. Sarah and I talked about it when everyone was in Portsmouth to see you in the hospital."

Coming out of the kitchen, Harm took a seat on one of the bar stools, deciding it was time to rest his knee before it started aching again. He took a sip of his coffee as he considered how to reply and winced. He hadn't been paying attention while he'd been fixing the coffee, and he'd added too much sugar. "I know this is not what you want to hear," he said, setting the cup aside, "but Mac is the one who decided to come down to Norfolk. I didn't influence her in any way."

"Assuming that's true," Mic pointed out, "you didn't turn her down either. You knew she was getting married in a few days, and you slept with her anyway. You didn't care that she was marrying me or that you had Renee just waiting for you to commit to her."

That was true for the most part. Harm had been at a low point when Mac had shown up at the officers' club, emotionally raw and vulnerable. He couldn't pretend anymore. He could have no more pushed Mac away at that moment than he could have denied himself. There was a part of him, deep down, that hated himself for letting the entire situation go as far as it did, to the point where the only way they could be together was to betray the people who loved them.

But Mic was wrong to think that he hadn't cared that Mic and Renee were in the picture. That was what made this situation such a mess. It wasn't Mic or Renee's fault that they couldn't be loved the same way in return. In a way, they were innocent in this situation. Neither he nor Mac should have let those relationships go on as long as they had. It was obvious now, but hindsight was twenty-twenty.

"Or she couldn't turn you down," Mic continued in the silence. "You must have been very persuasive, given the closing argument of your life to get her into your bed."

"Whatever you want to believe," Harm said dismissively. He wasn't about to admit to Mic Brumby, of all people, just how torn he was inside about how everything had happened.

"I'm sorry that Sarah is going to be hurt by the investigation into the crash," Mic said. "Do you realize what it is going to do to her, when it comes out that you were so desperate to get her away from me that you made a foolhardy decision to fly into a storm? Is it worth dragging her down with you?"

"Mic, I had no intention of stopping the wedding," Harm admitted. "The decision not to go forward with the wedding was Mac's." He ignored Mic's last question. There was a part of him that was afraid that was exactly what was going to happen.

"Yes, she decided that," Mic spat out, "after you damn near killed yourself."

"Mic, there wasn't going to be a wedding…."

"You made sure of that, didn't you?" Mic spat out.

Harm shook his head. It was becoming more apparent with every word out of Mic's mouth that he was in denial about the wedding, about his relationship with Mac, about everything. It was just as obvious that nothing he was going to say would change Mic's mind. The thing was a part of him could understand what Mic was feeling. Harm had been in denial himself. It was a defense mechanism to avoid the pain. And eventually, you became so convinced of the lie that it became the truth. It was probably easier for Mic to see him as the bad guy, rather than face the fact that Mac hadn't loved him the way he'd loved her.

While he was considering his response to Mic's last assertion, he was startled by the sound of the door knob being turned. There were only two people who had an open invitation into his apartment, and he knew it wasn't Sergei. He would have called before coming over, worried interrupting his rest. That could only mean it was….

"Sarah," Mic said, getting up from the couch as she entered the apartment.

Harm slid off the bar stool, but hesitated. His first instinct was to go to Mac and take her in his arms, but that would be rubbing Mic's nose in it. He didn't want to do that.

Stopping short, Mac looked from Mic to Harm warily, wondering what she had just walked into.

"No bloodshed, luv," Mic said with a grin. Despite the tension, he couldn't help the smile. Even after everything, she still had the ability to stop his heart. "Ra….Harm and I were just talking."

Mac's eyes met Harm's, silently wondering if talking was all that had been happening. Not that she thought they would get into a physical fight again, not right now. Mic would want any fight to be an even one, and right now, Harm was no match for the fit former boxer.

Harm nodded at the unspoken question in her eyes. "We were just talking," he confirmed. "Look, why don't I leave you two to talk? I was just about to take Jingo for a walk when Mic showed up."

Mac went over to Harm and put her hand on his arm, turning her head slightly so Mic couldn't hear what she was saying. "You sure?" she asked in a whisper.

"Yeah," Harm replied, just as quietly. He flashed a grin, but Mac noticed there wasn't the normal sparkle and life behind the expression. "Jingo's probably getting antsy anyway. We were literally about to walk out the door when Mic showed up."

"I'm sorry," Mac said sadly, shaking her head. "You shouldn't have had to put up with him." Mic was her problem to deal with, and Harm was being dragged into it when he should be completely focused on his recovery. She hated that she had put Harm in that situation.

"It's okay, really," Harm insisted. "It was….tense, but it could have been worse."

Harm squeezed the hand on his arm, then went over to the door and grabbed Jingo's leash. Jingo eagerly trotted over to have the leash put on. "I'll probably take him around the block," he said, giving Mac an idea of how long they would be gone. "It will be good exercise for me."

Smiling at Mac while pointedly ignoring Mic, Harm turned and led Jingo out of the apartment.

Mac sighed after the door closed behind Harm, setting her purse on the bar and fiddling with the strap as she turned to face Mic. "Mic," she said, "it wasn't a good idea for you to come over here."

"We need to talk, Sarah," he insisted. He took a step towards her, but she held up a hand to stop him. She thought it would be easier if she could keep some distance between them. Not that she thought Mic could persuade her, but maybe it would help him get the message that they were over.

"I suppose we do," Mac admitted. "But you should have called me and I could have met you someplace. The last thing Harm needed was you showing up here unannounced."

"I did call JAG," Mic said. "The petty officer who answered the phone said you had left for the day just a few minutes before I called. I wasn't sure where….what your living arrangements were, so I stopped by your apartment. Rabb's brother told me where to find you. I guess he didn't know who I was, especially since I told him that I needed to discuss a case with you before tomorrow."

"Oh, Mic," Mac said wearily. Now Sergei was being dragged into her problems without even knowing it. As far as she knew, Sergei didn't know who Mic was specifically, although she was sure by now that he had heard something of the unusual circumstances of that horrible weekend. She was sure Mic had been utterly charming in getting her location out of Sergei. That was his way of getting what he wanted. She knew that all too well. "I guess it is a good thing you stopped by, because I have something to return to you."

Turning away from him, she went into the bedroom and searched through one of the dresser drawers until she found what she was look for. Clasping her right hand tightly around whatever was in it, she returned to the living room. Taking one of Mic's hands in hers, she opened her right hand over his upturned palm.

After Mac pulled her hands away, Mic started for a long moment at the diamond solitaire she had placed in his hand then closed his fingers around it, the setting of the ring digging into his palm. "Sarah," he said softly, lifting his eyes to meet hers.

"I should have returned the ring to you when we were down in Portsmouth," she said as she crossed her arms over her chest as if she was cold. "There was just so much going on….I know that's not an excuse for letting this go on as long as it has."

"I didn't want the ring back," Mic said.

Mac shook her head, fighting back tears. Mic was a decent man and he truly loved her. It wasn't his fault that his love was not what she needed to make her complete.

"Mic, I'm married to Harm," she reminded him. "I intend to stay married to him."

"Sarah, I can give you the world," Mic said, "everything you've never had and always wanted."

"I know," she admitted in a mournful tone. "And I'm so sorry, Mic. It took me too long to realize this, but your everything isn't what I needed."

"And Rabb is what you need?"

"Yes," Mac replied. "I just didn't know how much until I almost lost him."

"That's the thing, Sarah," Mic said. "You shouldn't have almost lost him because he never should have been in the air that night. You have to realize that."

Mac opened her mouth to say that it was her upcoming wedding which almost cost her Harm, but she realized that Mic was too far into denial to believe her. It was something that he would eventually have to face for himself. She wished she knew how to get him to finally accept that fact.

"Look, Mic," she said as she mentally calculated how long Harm had been gone and when he could be expected back, "Harm should be back soon. He's been having problems with his knee since the crash, so he probably won't go too far in walking Jingo."

"You think I should be gone before he gets back," Mic said.

"It's for the best," Mac replied simply.

Mic reached out and put his hand on her shoulder. He wanted more, wanted to take her in his arms and dry her tears, but he decided it was better not to push too far. Not now. If he was patient, surely she would realize that he could give her everything she needed more than Rabb ever could. Rabb had left once and their relationship had not been the same after he had come back. Mic was determined not to make the same mistake. Leaving would mean ceding the field to Rabb, and there was no way in hell he was going to do that. "If that's what you want for now, Sarah," he conceded. "Just think about what we mean to each other. I *can* give you everything you want."

"Goodbye, Mic," she said, slipping away from him and heading towards the door. She opened the door and reluctantly, he started to go through it.

Before he entered the hallway, he stopped and turned back to her. "I do love you, Sarah," he said. "Please remember that." He then left the apartment and went to wait for the elevator.

Mac closed the door behind him and rested her head against it, giving free reign to her tears. Harm was right – it could have been worse. But Mic still wouldn't see what was right in front of him, that she didn't love him the way he deserved to be loved. It was her fault that she'd led him on for so long, had let him believe that she loved him just as much as he loved her. Now she was the one who had to fix it, but God help her, she couldn't figure out how.

Brushing the tears from her face, she headed to the bedroom to change out of her uniform. As she kicked off her shoes, she caught sight of a piece of paper lying on the bed. She picked it up and unfolded it.

Mac,

Jingo was quite insistent about needing to go for a walk. We'll be back soon, if we're not already back by the time you get home.

Love,

Harm

"Love, Harm," she read the closing words out loud, smiling in spite of her current mood. She would never grow tired of hearing those words. Setting the note aside, she quickly changed into a t-shirt and denim shorts. At a bit of a loss, she sat on the bed, pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her head on top of her knees, closing her tear-filled eyes.

That was how Harm found her a few minutes later when he and Jingo returned. While Jingo went to get a drink, Harm joined Mac in the bedroom, sitting down next to her, wrapping his arms around her. With a quiet sigh, she snuggled into his embrace. "How are you?" Harm asked, worry evident in his tone.

"I'm fine," she replied, pushing everything aside. She didn't need to burden Harm with how much she had screwed up. She could only hope right now that the fallout would be minimized. "I just hate how much I've hurt Mic. He still isn't willing to accept that it's over, that I'm not going to come back to him. I don't know how to convince him."

"It's hard to let go of someone you love. In a way, I can understand."

"I know," Mac agreed softly. It crossed her mind that he was talking about Diane, but she quickly pushed the thought from her mind. It had come between them in Sydney, and she was determined not to let it happen again. "And maybe Mic will have to figure out how to let go on his own. He obviously doesn't want to listen to anything either of us has to say."

"He thinks that I seduced you into my bed in Norfolk," Harm said. "He didn't want to even consider the possibility that you came to me."

Mac lifted her head and pulled away slightly to look into his eyes. "You talked about Norfolk?" she asked with apprehension. What else had they talked about?

"He said the two of you had talked about it while everyone was down at Portsmouth," Harm said. "You didn't tell me about that."

"You knew I'd met with Mic," Mac replied, telling herself not to get defensive. She'd had her reasons for keeping that part of the conversation from Harm at the time. He hadn't needed to deal with it on top of everything else at the time.

"But you didn't tell me that he knew we had spent the night together before I left for the Henry," he pointed out.

Mac hesitated a moment before replying. She could hear the hurt in his voice, the trepidation that there was something else he didn't know, something Mic may have said or done. "You were still in ICU," she reminded him.

"I could have been there for you," Harm insisted.

"Harm, you weren't in any condition at the time to deal with my issues," she said, cradling his face in her hands. "There was nothing you could have done. Unfortunately, this particular issue *is* mine to deal with. I have to handle Mic on my own."

"That doesn't mean I can't be there for you after…." He leaned forward and gave her a gentle kiss. "For better, for worse, remember?"

"I know," she said, blinking back tears.

Harm wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him, her head resting on his chest. They let the silence envelop them – there didn't seem to be anything left to say. Or maybe there was too much to say for which words just couldn't be found.

Author's notes - Boy, that was quick, wasn't it? I had been expecting to have a little trouble with this part because I figured that it would be difficult to capture the exact tone I wanted for this part. This part almost wrote itself, which was surprising to me. And as a reminder, this is not the Mic of 'Stormy Weather'. He may be in denial, but he's basically a good guy, which is hard for me to say, as I never did like the character (the way he forced Mac's hand in "Boomerang II", "Surface Warfare" and "Family Secrets" and treated her like a trophy in "Florida Straits" did a lot to form my negative opinion of the guy - and let's not get into the jacka** he was in "Adrift II"). And as an officer of the court, he thinks he's doing the right thing in his deposition regarding Harm's crash. He has a fiduciary responsibility to come forward with information which is pertinent to the investigation. Mic just doesn't know how to let go yet (ironic, huh?). He will eventually figure it out (and before the end of this chapter). There are also a couple of hints in this part of things that will help build towards the climax of this chapter. I won't say too much about that, except that the end of the chapter will incorporate events from early season 7, just occurring in a slightly different timeline. For example (which won't give too much away), the case that Harm worked on in 'New Gun in Town' will be part of 'Lean on Me', but Mac won't be on the Guadalcanal as she was on the show at the same time.

And to whet your appetite for the next part - part 10 will see the final appearance of Renee Peterson, but not before she finds out some information which she passes on to Mic. This information will just confirm for Mic his suppositions about Harm and Mac's relationship and further re-enforce for him that he's doing the right thing. Another hint - this information will be related to a dangling plot point from 'Chapter II - If Tomorrow Never Comes'.