A/N: Who saw the episode last thursday? Words cannot describe how good those actors are, and words REALLY can't describe how heartbreaking it was to see Arizona begging Callie to find another way, and hearing Cristina describe their time in the woods to Owen.
Well, anyways, here's a new chapter for you, sorry it's a bit late, I had a little more work than usual this weekend...
Callie shut the door once again, but this time, no tears came. This time, all she felt was guilt. How could Arizona hate her this much? Callie had cut off her leg, sure, but it was to save Arizona's life. How could it be that Arizona hated Callie for saving her? For not letting her die? Didn't Arizona understand that if she'd died, Callie would have died with her? And their baby girl would have been left all alone in the world with no parents. Callie sighed, and went back to Sofia's room. She checked on Sofia, making sure that her blanket was fuzzy side up, like she liked it, then sat down in the rocking chair by the crib. All Callie could think about was Arizona's hatred of her. Why is she hurting so bad? Callie mused. She'd done amputations before, and while some patients were angry, patients mostly resigned themselves to their fate. But Arizona…she wasn't working through it. She wasn't even trying.
Callie sighed, wanting to help her wife, but not knowing how. She got up, and after once again checking on Sofia, she left the room. She moved listlessly around the apartment, hoping that she'd find something to keep her hands busy. Of course, there was nothing. Arizona, being raised by a military man, had cleaned the apartment regularly, up until the last month or so. And even then, the last cleaning had been so rigorous that Callie couldn't find anything that she thought was worth cleaning. She drifted, opening the refrigerator a few times, even though she wasn't hungry. She just felt…lost. She didn't want to go back inside to face her wife's hate-filled gaze. She didn't want to leave Sofia alone, but she couldn't stay in this house anymore. Besides, if it really came down to it, Arizona would get up to save Sofia if something bad happened. Callie grabbed her coat and keys, and for the second time today, walked out the door.
Callie glanced around the hospital, wondering what had brought her here. Her shift was over, she didn't have any patients to tend to, and hell, her pager was still at home. She took the elevator up to the surgical floor, but froze when she saw Derek. She slowly walked out of the elevator and stood by her newfound friend. "Hey. How are you doing?" Callie whispered, hoping not to incite any anger. "I could ask you the same question," Derek whispered back, smiling slightly. Lately, the only person who'd been able to console him was Callie. Even though Meredith was the one who'd been with him in the crash, she hadn't known Mark the way he and Callie and even Arizona had. And since Arizona wasn't really willing to talk about anything, last he checked, Callie had become his main confidante. Callie didn't return the smile, instead opting to tell him about what had happened between her and Arizona. "Arizona's still not talking to me," she started. "All she does is…lay there. She doesn't move, she barely eats, barely drinks, she just…lays there. As if nothing or nobody else matters."
Derek glanced up from his charting. "Just give her some time, Callie. It's a big loss."
"Derek, I gave her time. It's been a whole month since the surgery. But she won't look at Sofia. When she looks at me, all I see is hate. She spends her days staring at the far wall of our bedroom. I sleep on our couch and—"
Derek cut her off gently. "Callie, basically everything you just said is about you. Have you tried thinking about how she feels? She lost her leg, Callie! And you were the one to take it away from her. Just give her some time. Or if you want her to get better, at least try to come at her from her point of view, instead of just trying to shock her out of it with how hard it is for you. Callie, it's gonna take time," Derek finished quietly. He packed up his charts and left. "Derek!" Callie called after him. "Thank you." Derek nodded once, and then continued walking away.
Having heard Derek's suggestion, Callie first stopped at a bakery to pick up some of Arizona's favorite chocolate chip cookies. She'd had the good fortune to get them right as they were being pulled out of the oven, and she hoped the smell would at least be able to get Arizona to turn around when she walked through that door again. She talked to herself all the way home, trying to understand where Arizona could be coming from without having herself trying to defend every point. Eventually, she reached her door, and tried to keep herself from freaking out. She fished her keys out of her pocket, balancing the box of cookies in one arm. She walked in the room, hoping that she wouldn't wake Sofia. She crossed over to the bedroom door, bracing herself once again. She'd decided to put down the cookies on her way, and she regretted it now, having nothing to occupy her hands with. Callie decided against knocking, and this time instead walked right in. To her surprise, Arizona was sitting up, although still dead-eyed. Of course, it was already better than Callie'd hoped. She took a breath, and sat down next to Arizona. Arizona glanced over at her, but it wasn't a curious glance. Callie decided to focus on the fact that she'd at least shown some interest by looking over. She started off slowly. "Arizona…tell me how you feel. This whole time I've just been focusing on how hard it is for me…and I thought about how hard it was for you, I did, but when I did, it was always in conjunction with how much it hurt me, and…" Callie trailed off, not knowing where to go from there.
Arizona had looked at her sharply when Callie had begun, and hadn't looked away since. The light blue of her eyes had grown dark, and Callie wondered if she'd made the right choice by coming in to try to talk so soon after the failed first and second attempts at communication. Arizona sat still and silent for a long time, so long, in fact, that Callie got up to leave, certain that Arizona wasn't going to speak. She was halfway to the door when Arizona's voice finally sounded behind her, speaking just one word, "Calliope." Hearing her name spoken so hollowly, so sadly, sent shivers down Callie's spine. Slowly, carefully, Callie turned around. She looked at her wife, who had since returned to her dead eyed stare. She was sure she'd imagined it, until Arizona spoke again. "You want me to tell you how I feel? Fine. I feel betrayed. You promised me, Calliope. You made an honest to God promise that you wouldn't let anyone take my leg. You swore that you'd find another way. You told me…you told me you wouldn't give up. So I feel betrayed. And however bad you feel about it, it can't ever make up for the fact that you betrayed me. I get that I was dying, okay? I get it, and in your position, I might have done the same thing. But look at me, Callie. This isn't a life. I used to be able to walk with our daughter. Stand at an OR table. But now…this is what I am. Weak. Alone. A cripple. And I get that people work past being an amputee, that they get past their disability. I get it. Seriously, though? I'm still trying to work past getting over the fact that my wife is the one who disabled me. So forgive me if I'm a little angry, or distant, or mean." This last line was delivered scathingly, meant to burn a mark in Callie as permanent as Arizona's missing leg. Instead, it had the opposite effect. Even though it was undeniable that Arizona hated her, at least now she knew why. She could work with that. She nodded once, trying her best not to smile, and turned away from Arizona. Before she left, she faced Arizona once more, and offered, "If you want, I bought the cookies that you really like from the bakery…I can bring some to you if you want." She hadn't expected Arizona to accept, and she wasn't surprised when stony silence was her only answer. She left the room, happy that despite the fact that their conversation hadn't been one of the light, happy ones of old, that at least they'd finally had a conversation. And now, Callie couldn't help the slight smile that spread across her face now that she finally had some way of fixing the most important bridge she'd ever burned.
A/N: I hope you liked it! I keep trying to get into Arizona's head, because for me it makes a little more sense...the challenging part is making Callie seem like a good guy while still being Arizona's bad guy. Hmm...it's so difficult when you've got two really good sides to a story that should be black and white. As always, R/R! Constructive criticism is welcome; criticism for the sake of criticism is just sad.