A/N: Again, thank you all for the favs, alerts, reviews, they make me really happy. So please, keep reading and reviewing, and faving, and... Well, you get it, keep being awesome dear readers! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
''Meet you up in 30 -Jack''
The message displayed on Shepard's private terminal made her mood brighten. She was definitely looking forward to this downtime with Jack. They hadn't really gotten a chance to meet after the Cerberus raid on the Citadel and Udina's failed coup. She had promised they would see each other before the Normandy had to leave and Shepard was a woman of her word.
War was slowly taking its toll on Shepard and she knew it. 'You won't lose it, you're a big girl, and you are one step from destroying these bastards' she kept telling herself. The past day had been a living hell, an unexpected hell. It was one thing to go down the hill head first in a mission, knowing more or less what was waiting for them but yesterday, Cerberus had taken them by surprise and Shepard still felt like a rookie for not seeing it coming. The thought made her teeth grit and hands clench into hard-rock fists and she was shaking with anger. Tension, as well as fear –fear to fail, to be the cause of Galaxy's downfall, were insinuating into her veins like a lurking entity slowly taking over her. She hadn't told anyone about it because she had to keep her head high and appear flawless, doubtless or else, everyone would drown with her. Shepard was determined to keep their heads out of the water for they believed in her and with that thought in mind, she slipped in the shower, the warm water allowing her to forget about everything for a short, but revitalizing moment…
…Everything but what had happened between her and Joker only a few hours ago. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach as she remembered the amazing love making they had had. Yesterday may have been hell but she sure had spent its last hours in heaven. Jeff had given her more hope, more strength and Shepard had woken up less restless than the nights she had spent alone, the warmth of his arms making her fall into a dreamless sleep. 'I might use this argument to convince him to sleep with me again' she let herself wonder, chuckling and feeling utterly happy for the first time in a very, very long time. They hadn't gotten a chance to talk, except for when he had briefly told her he had to take his shift that morning, leaving a quick peck on her cheek, and she suddenly felt anxious at the idea of what would happen next time they would see each other. 'Natural, just stay natural and it'll be fine' she cheered herself up, rolling her eyes at her teenager-like attitude.
As much as she enjoyed thinking about these small matters, there was still a war hitting them and she had to face it. More than her duty, it was what Shepard was made for, what her heart beat for and what her hands were built for. The innocent child that had joined the Alliance had been like a raw piece of clay that War had molded into the woman she had become. Clay was breakable though and deep down, in a dark corner of her mind, Shepard felt that this war that had made her, sooner or later, it would break her. Shoving the thought away, she made her way out of the cabin and down to the bridge, knowing it was only a matter of minutes until Jack would be there.
Once in the CIC, Shepard took a deep breath and went straight to the cockpit, hoping she would have a minute to greet Joker. As much as she dreaded their encounter, she wanted to get rid of it now so she could enjoy her day with Jack just fine. All hope was gone when she noticed James and Kaidan talking with him.
'Did I make the right decision?' she pondered, looking at the latter. Horizon was way behind her and she had hoped it would be the same for him, yet Kaidan had kept throwing accusations at her, doubting her, raising all the dirty questions she had kept buried deep. Of course, Shepard wondered what they had really done to her, her mind still not quite believing that someone dead could be brought back to life; but she had been able to keep the self-disgust and questions in lock until the mission on Mars. Choosing to ignore the rising anger, Shepard was about to greet the three men when Alenko and Vega turned around to leave, greeting her with a simple, friendly "Commander" for Kaidan and a joyful "Lola" for James.
"Major, James" she replied, smiling, not getting enough time to say any more, as the airlock door switched open, revealing Jack.
"Shepard", she said, nodding.
"Jack, nice to see you."
Jack took a look at her surroundings, her eyes stopping on the 2 men leaving, an appreciative look in her eyes and a sly smile forming on her lips. "You know Shepard, if I didn't know you so well, I would think you choose your men on other criteria than effectiveness…" she said, her eyes never leaving Kaidan and James' rears.
"You know I am a tasteful woman…" Shepard replied and winked at Jack who chuckled a little.
"Can I really believe I just heard Jack, the official Grumpy of the Normandy, chuckle!" Joker said from the cockpit, proudly smiling at his own joke.
"Fuck off, Joker!" Jack shouted, rolling her eyes.
"Ooooh, as classy as I remember!" Joker jovially replied "I guess some things never change."
Jack raised an eyebrow, her thumb pointing toward Joker and said to Shepard "He still doesn't shut up, does he?"
"Well, he was right about one thing, you two still fight like kids in a sandbox" Shepard stated, her eyes going back and forth between the two, and then shook her head, suddenly thinking that they had had good times on the Normandy SR-2 despite being under the colors of Cerberus and the weight of going on a suicide mission over them.
She wished she could get her crew back –more than her crew, what she wanted back was that conviction, determination, from not only herself but from other people, that they would do it, they would succeed, no matter what the price was in the end. The thought led her to think that by allowing Kaidan to join them on the Normandy, not only had she wanted him for he was one of the most powerful biotic she knew, but also because she wanted to bring the good old times back.
"Yea, yea," Jack replied, shrugging, "And I see you're still an asshole Joker, but as you said, some things never change"
"Ouch!" Joker dramatically brought his hand to his heart but failed to hide the big smile on his face.
"Are we done now, kids?" the Commander asked, an eyebrow rose.
Jack puffed and headed to the exit but Shepard remained in place for a second, her eyes never leaving Joker's. From the way his eyes were burning into hers, sending shivers down her spine and awaking the butterflies in her stomach, she knew that, again, there was no need for words; they understood each other in silence and as he was offering her a small, almost shy smile, her face broke into a grin as she followed Jack and exited the Normandy.
Focus.
Breathe in.
Aim.
Shoot.
Breathe out.
"Not bad" admitted Jack, seeing as though the 3 bullets fired by Shepard had left a single hole, right on the target's heart. Shepard was glad to see some improvements. She had never really been good at shooting sniper rifles and the Specters' shooting range was a great opportunity to train and try out all kinds of weapons. She never missed a chance to practice when the Normandy was on the Citadel and today she had chosen to share this little privilege with Jack.
"Not bad yourself" Shepard replied, looking at the Claymore in Jack's hands, impressed that she could shoot so well without whinging at its more-than-heavy recoil, "You handle this baby like a real Krogan."
"If I was to say the only good thing that Cerberus did to me, I would say that these bastards turned me into an all-powerful bitch with a high resistance to pain and bullshit." She calmly replied, ready to fire one last time, in a perfect position, eyes locked on the target, holding her breath and as her finger pulled the trigger, the loud sound escaped the shotgun.
"All-powerful bitch with a high resistance to bullshit?" Shepard nodded, "Hell yeah, that does sound like you!"
She leaned against the wall, a heavy sigh escaping her mouth. They had spent pretty much two hours shooting and she was starting to feel the aftermath. Jack and Shepard had spent hours on the old Normandy in the Armory –especially when Jacob was not there, modding and working on weapons together. It had been somethingto convince Jack that she was trustworthy but once Shepard had dug a little hole in Jack's barriers, things had gone quite smoothly.
As Jack joined Shepard against the wall, they remained silent for a while until the commander turned to look at her friend and say "Hey, there is another good thing that Cerberus did; they brought us together and I'm quite thankful for that" and she offered her a small smile. Jack, in her usual half embarrassment and half gratitude, started scratching at her neck, avoiding Shepard's gaze, and mumbled something that sounded like a thank you.
As if remembering that this was just her and Shepard, and no reason to feel uncomfortable, Jack shrugged and giggled, adding "I guess you're right Shepard. Since we're being all touchy-feely right now, I wanted to tell you…" she paused, certainly careful to choose the words that would make her sound friendly but not corny. Shepard knew how hard it was for Jack to open up and as much as she had grown and changed, deep down Jack was still the scared little girl fucked up by Cerberus.
"…than-thank you for allowing me to rebuild my life and for making me a better person." Jack started walking back and forth in front of Shepard who crossed her arms and silently listened. "You… You allowed me to see that there are some good things left in this world and that they are worth fighting for. The kids at the Academy, hell, they have become family but I would not be here if you hadn't started the process of making me believe that I have my place in this Galaxy," She stopped, looking at Shepard, a radiant smile on her face "So yea, thank you Shep." And coming closer, she warningly added "but you fucking better never repeat what I just said. I have a bad girl reputation to keep."
"You have my word," Shepard stated, feigning to feel threatened "but does that mean you won't let me call you Mama bear when you're among your kids?" and she burst into laughter, shortly followed by Jack.
"Should I remind you that you're exactly the same when it comes to the crew of the Normandy?" Jack started "Well, although I hope you and Joker don't play the "call me daddy-call me mommy" game…" suggestively waggling her eyebrows at her.
"Wh-what?" Shepard incredulously asked, her eyes growing wide and trying to hide the blush on her cheeks.
"Oh come on, don't be such a pussy Shep… I saw the way you looked at him when we left the Normandy… And even though he and I are not people's persons, it's a habit of us to observe people, to see what others don't see and I know you've had it bad for him for a long, longtime."
Shepard rose to her feet, raising her arms in defeat "Yea, well, I guess I am unmasked!" She wasn't really ready to talk about him so soon. Of course, she didn't want to keep their relationship private but being a careful woman, she also wanted to see if things would work out between them first. She was at loss for words and she mumbled a few things like "It is not-" or again "He is…" and finally "Oh well, I give up.", hiding her face in her hands.
"Wowowowow Shep, calm down. You don't owe me an explanation." Jack placed a reassuring hand on Shepard's shoulder and kept going "If anyone deserves to be happy, it's you."
"I don't deserve it more than anyone else." Shepard huffed, pleased by the change of subject.
She was about to protest some more but Jack shushed her up and added, her face looking wiser and calmer than ever before "Bullshit! The Galaxy owes you more than one and you need to keep yourself sane. Keep the Commander fucking Shepard attitude for the media. "
Shepard pondered the words that Jack had just given her and it tore the soldier in her apart to admit that maybe she was right, and that she had to agree. She had never ever let her private life influence her duty but boy, did she need something more than just fighting. Joker was giving her the opportunity to enjoy whatever time was left and she would not let it slip away. It would not stop the war around them but it –them, it would make her world a little brighter.
"Fine!" Shepard finally uttered, "but let me tell you that I owe my sanity to people –friends, like you, Jack, who always supported me and made me believe in myself. I would be a heartless bitch for thinking that I did it all by myself. Know that whatever happens-"
Anger suddenly distorted Jack's features and she was in fury "Don't talk like that, Shepard! It does no good to you or me or anyone else to think that you are not going to make it!" An uncomfortable silence sat in between the two friends as she was slowly calming down. Shepard felt stupid for wording her own fears out, especially since she had been so good at keeping them for herself. Yet, she felt like she should not be sorry for that and Jack had been right to react that way for she should have known better than talking like there was no hope left.
"I'm sorry…" Shepard started out but Jack cut her off once again, with a benevolent tone "Please, don't be… I didn't… I didn't mean to snap at you-"
"I know." Shepard replied, looking in her friend's eyes, the only way to reassure her that they were good, "I know."
None of them wanting to let another silence creep in, in an unspoken agreement, Jack grabbed the Claymore once again and Shepard took hold of the Black Widow and they both fired until the deafening sounds escaping their rifles wrapped them up and released all the tension and anger and unsaid words. Shepard had always felt like shooting was a relaxing occupation that had brought her to deal with all kinds of problems and reflections.
During her basic training, she had spent many hours at night, shooting the pain of Mindoir away, in the soulless, dark, cold shooting ranges of the Alliance. There was a salvation to be found in the pull of a trigger, in the cluster of power stuck in just one bullet; it was empowering. Then there was the firing sound, so deep, so releasing, making Shepard's heart beat faster for a second. Finally, there was the poignant silence that left her empty, in a way, purified and exhausted.
The first time Shepard had had to shoot, not a target of paper but a living being, blood had frozen into her veins. It was so far from the safety offered by firing blanks and from the rewarding peacefulness afterwards. It was her duty though and she had trained hard to do it, to avenge the ones who had died for nothing.
As Shepard was firing the last bullet and her heartbeat was slowly turning back to normal , she heard the ping of her Omnitool, a new message awaiting her.
"From: Flight Lieutenant Moreau
Subject: Hackett on vid-com.
Get your ass here, Commander, Hackett wants to talk to you in 30 minutes.
PS: And I already miss you ;)"
Shepard blushed a little but tried not to stay still and start drooling like a teenager who received her first love note. She knew she had to hurry and told Jack about the message. They made quick work of leaving the shooting range as clean as when they had arrived and they finally made their way back to the Normandy.
When both friends arrived at the Docking bay 24, Jack gave an awkward and unexpected quick hug to Shepard and added, before parting "Do you know why you're the best fucking leader, Shep?"
Shepard shook her head and Jack replied, with a half-smile "Because you give us all faith. Never under-estimate your power to lead and make people believe." On these last words, Jack faced Shepard one last time, offering her a sharp salute which made them both wholeheartedly laugh.
Shepard made her way to the Normandy, her mind peaceful. 'Am I really some kind of hope bringer?' she wondered. She decided it was better not to think about it too deeply for they had a war to face and the down time was over. Putting the Commander mask on, she entered the space ship and made her way to the Communication room.
A/N: Next chapter, we will be meeting with the Quarians!
Also, I was thinking that the first two chapters of this story are apart and maybe it should stay this way. It means I would have to start a sequel instead of loading new chapters to Heaven. I don't know, what do you think?