I wake up; my entire being is consumed by aches. My bones feel as if they'll break any second, as if my whole body will collapse upon itself. Withdrawals, oh how fucking wonderful. Coming down is the absolute worst part of heroin. That's the part that makes you do so much. I mean, why would I want to sit and be in excruciating pain when I can go score and Lady Heroin will lift my spirits and I'll feel even better. Because then I'll be homeless again. I get out of bed to go bug Sara like a puppy dog for my medicine. I look around the whole house for my sister and she's nowhere in sight. The first thing I think of is what I can go pawn of hers. I walk into the kitchen and see a note.
"Tegan, Here's your medicine. I'm at work, do not leave. I'll be home around noon with some food. Xoxo, Sara." I giggle at the xoxo part and grab my single pill. I open the fridge and look for alcohol, anything to make me feel better. Sara's got some Zinfandel but I don't like wine. She's got a bottle of beer so I grab that and venture the house, looking for some more pain meds. Maybe she's got some codeine or something. I go to each bathroom and open up the cupboards, no pain meds besides Ibuprofen. The only reason I'm not looking for things to pawn is because of Sara. I love her too much. Oddly enough. I want to score and if I think about it hard enough, I'll try to.
An hour or two later, I get up from Sara's bed and walk to the door. I grab the diamond necklace on her counter and go to open the door. It's locked, from the outside. How the hell? The dead bolt is unlocked, so why can't I open the door? I groan and slam the necklace down. "Fuck!" I scream, loudly. I'm so irritated, I still hurt but it's a little numb now. I look at the clock, wondering when Sara's going to be home. Maybe I'll rape her or something. As soon as that thought enters my mind I begin to cry. Innocent little straight Sara and I'm fucking her over. Why would I think of doing that? I collapse on my knees and cry, loudly. I scream and pull my hair and cry. I get into this self-pity session for around twenty minutes when I hear the door open and Sara put a padlock on the counter. She sets down some McDonald's bags and shuts the door with her foot. "Tee." She whispers as she squats down next to me. I sit up and look at her big innocent eyes. "Sar." I whisper back and wrap my arms around her. I can feel Sara cry; I pull away and cup her beautiful jawline in my hands. I kiss her softly. "Don't cry, don't cry." I whisper, my eyes closed as I pull away. She runs her hands through my hair. "What's the matter, Tegan?" I look at her. "I was thinking of bad things. I don't want to hurt you." She smiles, standing up and pulling me up with her. She hugs me again. "I believe in you, Tegan. You can do it, okay?" I pull away from the hug and lick my lips. "Thank you." She giggles and grabs the food, along with my hand and pulls us to the table. She sets down the bag. "I got a variety of things; I don't know what you like." I smirk, "I like it all." Sara giggles again and sits down, pulling out fries and begins eating them in a mouse-like manor. I take out a Big Mac and just go to town. I don't realize how ravenous I look until Sara laughs. I look at her. "Big Macs aren't on the dollar menu." She sighs, "I'm cooking you dinner, tonight. A good hearty steak." My eyes get big. I haven't eaten like that since I was 16. "Thanks, Sara." I smile and finish my meal.
Sara leaves for work again, locking the door from the outside with a padlock. It's sad, and I feel angry but I know that she just wants me to be safe. I wander around the house again, bored out of my mind. I start to hurt again, real badly. Sara calls to tell me she forgot to give me my medicine. I was a big user, my doctor knew it. I injected around 3 times a day and I would chase several times. I'd lost count. I was a heavy user, is all I knew. I lay in Sara's bed and cuddle with myself, crying, moaning and groaning. I took some sleeping pills and I don't wake up until Sara's got dinner cooked. I sit up and she hands me my Bupe and an ice cold water bottle. "Morning, princess." Sara jokes and watches me take the pills. I wish I could inject it, it'd work instantly but I don't know where Sara would have any needles stashed, I'm guessing nowhere. She strokes the side of my cheek. "Come eat. I've cooked you a nice tender steak, medium rare with some skinny asparagus with parmesan cheese and prochetta." She whispers and stands up, grabbing my hands. "Sar?" I ask as we walk to the kitchen. "Yes?" She says, sitting me down and placing a plate in front of me, then pours me a glass of wine. She sits down and begins cutting her steak. This feels like a date, the house has an Italian aroma to it and Sara's even got a few candles lit. Though this meal seems likely to make a mess, the kitchen is clean and the dishwasher is running. Sara's always been so clean, so articulate. "Can we uh… Try something?" I whisper softly. Sara looks at me, "Like?" She bites into the cut up steak she has, and then sips her wine. "God, you're so lovely." I tell her and the emotion I'm feeling actually hurts me. Sara blushes, "Thank you." I dip my steak into the sauce and eat it, looking back up at Sara. "Be my girlfriend, Sara?" I continue eating as she shakes her head. "What about Sid?" I smile, "Fuck him." She shakes her head again, biting her lip. "Tee…"
I sigh, "Fine. Fine. At least, make love to me." Sara chews her food slowly. "Sex. That's it. No strings attached, except that while we're doing this… if you slip up and get high, it's done. I'll be done with you." I groan, "Is that what you're so worried about? I have medication, Sar. I can get clean, I can do anything." She smiles, "Then yes, Tegan. I'll have sex with you." I smile and quickly finish my dinner. "Now?" I ask, eagerly. It's been so long. Sara stands up and grabs our plates. "Fine. I'll be there in a second."
When Sara comes in her bedroom, she's awkward. She looks frail, ever so tiny and small. I smile, shyly up at her. She tucks her hair behind her ear and walks closer. She's donned in a stripped button up and slacks. I stand up and run my fingers through her hair. She looks at me, scared. "It's okay, Sar." I whisper. "I'm a virgin." She says and blushes hardcore. "You don't have sex with Sid?" I ask her, trailing a hand down her back to her bum. Sara's got the nicest bum I've ever seen. It's plump and round. It makes me giggle and it always has. When we were in our teen years, she would walk around in these tiny shorts and her bum would practically hang out of them. I used to slap her bum just to watch it jiggle, then I'd tease her. Sara would always tell me that I'm disgusting because I would constantly touch my sisters bum. I had a fetish for her bum. I loved it. It was the sweetest and most supple thing. Besides Sara's lips, it was my favorite part of her. I also enjoyed her skinny ankles and wrists. They looked so delicate and made her appear absolutely angelic. It's okay, I kept having to tell her. She finally let me kiss her. She melted into the kiss almost immediately. She moaned out and bit my bottom lip. I giggled, falling back onto the bed. Sara began tickling me and I laughed and laughed and laughed. I turned us over and began tickling her. We fell off the bed, me on top of her. "This is how it's supposed to be." She says, her eyes holding an all too familiar glint. She's my sister. She's my twin. She's my other half. I smile, "What?" She leans up, her lips real close to mine. "Fun." She whispers. I nod, smiling. I begin to pull off my t-shirt, then her house, then my sweats, then her slacks. We're nude and Sara's ushering me up and onto the bed. I lay Sara down and get in between her legs. I lower my pussy on hers and kiss her slowly while I grind against her. Sara whines and we continue this until Sara decides to get on top, she sits down between my legs and her pussy makes a funny noise from the air getting pushed out of it. She freezes and looks down at me, her eyes wide. I look at her and smile, grabbing her hands and pulling her on top of me. She's blushing very hard and I giggle, "It's fine, love." She sighs and kisses my cheek. "You're lovely." She whispers and knots her fingers in my hair. I smile and kiss her lips. "I love you." I whisper, slowly. She sighs and lays down on me.
Neither of us came that night and it was probably the most terrible and awkward sex I've ever had but that fact that I had it with Sara made it all the worthwhile. Sara's began taking me to work, just because she feels bad that I sit at home all day. I play on her computer and I watch TV. It's very boring but I love spending time with Sara. The sickness from withdrawals has stopped and I'm a step closer to recovery. I still think about shooting up, all the time. I think about how better that high is now that I'm clean. I tell Sara when I want to get high and she's working on ways to distract me. Most recently, we had sex to sustain my want for heroin.
"Sara." I say, biting my lip. She was sweeping the kitchen. I looked very sheepish in my big sweater and sweat pants. I must look so sloppy to Sara but I feel so comfortable in my outfit. "Yes?" She says, placing the broom against the fridge and running her hands through her long hair. I smile, sadly. "I'm craving." She steps closer, her hands at her sides. She's wearing shorts that were similar to the ones she used to wear. Her legs are long and skinny. Her thighs are tiny. I look at them, checking her out. She notices. "Are you just horny or…?" I giggle, "Thanks to those shorts." She laughs, "Oh God, Tegan! I'm supposed to be cleaning, y'know." I nod and grab her hands. "Can we make out?" She nods and pulls me to the couch. She sits down and pulls me on top, but I shake my head. "Switch." I tell her, kissing her quickly before getting off of her and sitting next to her. She climbs on top of me and my hands go straight to her bum. She smirks, "You used this as an excuse to get in my pants?" I lick my lips and kiss her cheek. "Maybe a little. It's a great distraction, though." She giggles, agreeing with me.
My thoughts are interrupted by Sid, yelling at Sara. It's muffled but I can hear that he's pissed. He's found Sara and I in bed together and won't listen to any reason. Sara's crying and screaming. I get up and open the door. "Stop yelling at her." I state. He turns to me. "Why the fuck are you two naked in bed together?" I lift my hands up, "Look, I forced her into it." This was half true. The main reason Sara was sleeping with me was to keep me here. She didn't know that I knew this. He raises an eyebrow. "Who in their right mind fucks their sister?!" I smile, "Me." Sara grabs Sid's arm and pulls him towards her. "Look, don't tell the authorities, Sid. It was a onetime thing, I swear to you." He looks at her, "I couldn't ever hurt you, Sara. But this slut sister of yours… She has to go." Sara nods and my heart drops, I scoff and push past her, grabbing my shoes and a backpack, stuffing it with a few clothes and I rush out the door quickly. The first thing I'm going to do is score some heroin.