Chapter 20
Brooke couldn't sleep that night. She kept replaying in her head all the words Jack had said. She felt so sad… Exhaustion finally made her sleep. The next morning she left her room, checked-out and went to the airport.
During the flight, she started to feel mad at herself. Why did I even get interested in him? We live in different cities, he's way older than me, why on Earth did I think this could work? It's ridiculous…
She repeated in her mind million reasons to forget about it and pretend nothing ever happened. In fact, she thought, nothing ever happened at all. They only shared some meals, that was all. No matter how much she tried to put herself together, she soon found herself crying. Fuck, Brooke! Since when you're such an asshole?
When she got to New York, she quickly grabbed a cab and went home. She lived in a lovely condo at Manhattan, which had an amazing view of the city. It was cozy and decorated with excellent taste. All the walls and furniture were white, and it had wooden floors covered with beautiful rugs. On the walls she had paintings and photos of her with family and friends, as well as some pics taken during her model years. Brooke loved photos. Her life was reflected on the walls of her apartment.
She scattered her luggage in her room and went right to the bathroom. She got into the tub and tried to relax, but it didn't work. Her mind was fixated on the image of Jack, his smile, his eyes, his perfectly built body, his kisses… Brooke was going insane when a yelling Ilana came in.
– Where the fuck have you been?!
– Hi sweetie, it's good to see you too… –Brooke replied, reluctantly.
– You were supposed to call me when you landed to go find you at the airport!
– Really? I'm sorry, I forgot.
– I've left zillion messages on your cell phone, I was worried Brooke!
– I'm really sorry…
– Alright, just get out the damn tub. –Ilana left the bathroom and Brooke did what she was told. She put on her robe and went to her bedroom. Ilana was waiting.
– So, how did it go? –she asked Brooke.
– As usual, I have tons of paper work for tomorrow, but I'm almost done.
– I'm not asking about work…
– Then what you're asking about?
– Um… your high school sweetie.
– Well, I haven't seen him like in 10 years… –Brooke replied, trying to be amusing, but her joke just fell flat.
Ilana knew Brooke perfectly and knew she was upset. – Come on Brookie, talk to me.
Brooke gave her friend a long look. – We broke up. –then Brooke thought for a second and smiled wryly. – Wait. I guess that's not fair to say, since we were not even a couple! –she corrected, sarcastically.
They both sat on the bed and Brooke started to tell her with meticulous details the last two weeks, in Jack terms. Ilana listened patiently to every single word, though she'd already heard half of it.
Brooke went on. – Then yesterday he tells me I deserve someone who's always there for me and since he doesn't want to hurt me, he needs to "think things over", because he's not sure if he can be "that person". –Ilana was looking at her, concerned. – And that's it… So, what you think? –Brooke asked, finally ending her narration.
Ilana thought for a minute. – I think it speaks a lot of his character…
– Well, yeah! It says he's an asshole and a pussy, he panicked after just two weeks! It's not like I was asking him to marry me or to give me his fucking sperm!
– Okay, that's enough, I'm done with you. –Ilana snapped abruptly. Brooke stared at her friend with huge disbelief in her eyes. Ilana went on, nonstop.
– I can't believe how shallow you're being, Brooke!
– I am not shallow! –Brooke replied, anger in her voice.
– Then stop acting like that! – lana replied, desperate. Brooke shut up, giving Ilana a questioning look. – Jesus, Brooke! We're talking here about a man who lost his wife just 24 months ago! Hasn't it occurred to you that he loved her? That he might actually miss her? We're talking about the woman who mothered his children, for God's sake! And you just want him to throw himself at your arms because you are Brooke fucking-lovely Julian!
Brooke's eyes were wide open, shocked. – I'm not… I don't want him to throw himself at my arms…
– Yes you do! You call him an asshole and a pussy because he's being responsible for both of you!
– What you mean?
– I mean he's being mature enough to see all the consequences that could come with a new relationship in his life. He's a father, which means he has to take care of his kids too. Haven't you thought what it means to lose the person you love, Brooke? Well, multiply that by two, because he also carries the suffering of these kids, who lost their mom as well. And that's not all, he's taking care of you too!
– Oh really? Why?
– Because, let's get real hon, another man would've just nailed you without giving a shit. You were wide open. You wanted him and there was a hotel room available. He could have just a one night stand, but instead he cared for your feelings, because he knows you deserve better, and he respected you. That means he cares, Brooke. And, if you ask me, you're the one who should think things over…
– Think what? –Brooke asked, confused.
Ilana took a deep breath, trying to calm down. – Look, since the night you told me he has children, I wanted to tell you, but I had to do it in person. Let's say you work things over and you manage to have a long distance relationship, which I believe you can…
– So?
– What will happen if he doesn't want to get married again Brooke? What if he doesn't want to have more children? Are you willing to give that up for him? Have you even thought of that?
Brooke replied almost immediately. – You know what I think about marriage. It's just a formality, is the bond what matters.
– You're not listening Brooke! God! Yeah, I know the crap you say about marriage, but that's just because you had a bad experience and you want to believe it doesn't matter to you. Besides, you feel that way because you haven't met the right guy. But if Jack asked you, you'd marry him within an hour. I'd put money on that.
– You're out of your mind… –Brooke said, almost whispering.
– Brooke, let's be honest, please. Let's say you are okay with that, that you don't want a big wedding and you don't want to experience motherhood in a biological way. But what would happen if you wake up one day and decide that's not what you want anymore? Would you walk away from him and his kids just like that? You wouldn't just break Jack's heart, you would hurt these kids too, because they would also make a bond with you. Or are you planning on staying out of the picture forever and pretend they don't exist?
Brooke was stifling her tears. – Of course not…
– Then understand it, honey. Jack knows all of these. I'm sure he can handle things, he's a survivor, Brooke. But he can't afford to make his kids suffer for circumstances they can not choose. You get it, do you?
– Yeah… you're absolutely right. But I wouldn't Ilana, I would never abandon them.
– Well, we don't know that, especially if you're not willing to think it through. Is this what you really want Brooke? Do you want to share a man with his children for at least other 14 years, maybe? You have to know that these kids will always be on top of his priorities. He's responsible for them, and so you'll be if you decide to be a part of his life. That's not so simple, hon.
– I know.
– Well, I'm not sure about that. All I've heard for the last two weeks is how perfect he is, how beautiful his children are, how amazing his sister's blue eyes are and how cool is that Charlie the rock star is his brother-in-law. You're not getting the big picture dear.
Brooke couldn't fight it anymore and burst in tears. – You're right, I'm so stupid.
– No, you're not. You just happen to like him a lot. I don't blame you, he's gorgeous Brooke. And I'm sure he's a good man, I told you that before. Now for what you tell me, I really believe he is. But you've got to understand this guy has issues to figure out. He's probably been sad longer than he can remember, grieving his wife's death. Then Miss Perfection comes along and happens to like him. Of course he's going to panic! He's not used to feel this way about a woman anymore. He's probably very confused.
– You're right. I just hadn't seen it that way. –Ilana gave Brooke a sympathetic look. Brooke sighed. – I should've slept with him at least. –she said, trying to relieve the tension.
– You will, eventually. –Ilana affirmed.
– Stop…
– I mean it Brooke. I know he likes you, I saw how he looked at you, and now I know he cares about your feelings. That's why you need to think it through, so when he calls you, you'll have made up your mind and be sure about your decision.
– Well, you don't have to worry. He won't call me…
– He will. Just give him some time…
Brooke smiled at Ilana, not believing what she had just said. – Okay, then.
– Fine. Now just go to bed and have a nice sleep, okay? I'll se you tomorrow at work.
– Alright. Thank you, Ilana.
– Thank you my ass! You still have to make him write his memoirs. –Ilana replied playfully, blinking an eye.
Brooke just rolled her eyes. – Night sweetie…