CHAPTER TWENTY

"Kent." Joe said after finishing his lecture, and showing the Commander out. "A word."

Emerson looked nervously around at the others, who were all staring at him. Getting to his feet he followed Joe out of the dining room and into the kitchen, keeping as much distance between him and Joe as possible. He watched Joe pour himself a drink, shrug out of his jacket and take a seat as the small kitchen table. The atmosphere was suffocated with its awkwardness. Emerson stood across the room, his back to the counter and his hands in his pockets to conceal that they were shaking. His heart was pounding faster than a Grand National winner, to the point he almost couldn't breathe and his head was ready beginning to throb.

Joe finished his whiskey quickly, the glass hanging between his fingers as he watched Kent closely. The younger man looked awful, dark rings beneath his eyes and an empty, defeated look on his face. He wished this was necessary, that he hadn't screwed up so badly. Fear bit into his gut as he riffled through his mind for the apology he had to give, knowing that in all likelihood the man wouldn't accept it. "Kent…" Joe glanced at the door then back to the junior officer. "…Em, I…" he rubbed at his forehead, closing his eyes for a moment. Taking a breath Joe jumped in with both feet. "For a while there I didn't trust anyone. I didn't trust Miles, I didn't trust the Commander, and I didn't trust you." he sighed. "I was wrong, I'm sorry." Joe's gaze locked with the man's dark eyes, pleading for forgiveness.

Emerson's heart leapt at the confession. "I was there the night the incident room was burgled." He stated shamefully.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Joe frowned.

"I couldn't do anything to stop them." Emerson replied guilty, gaze down at his feet in shame. "I didn't want you to know."

"From now on leave your ego out of it." Joe smiled softly up at him. "All that matters to me is the truth."

Emerson looked at the beige floor tiles sadly.

"Em, I…" Joe got to his feet and began to walk towards the younger man. "…I know I screwed up." he sighed again, getting closer. "…and I really am…"

"Sorry, excuse me." Buchan said suddenly marching through the kitchen and out of the back door, Miles not far behind.

Joe and Emerson watched them pass and exchanged curious looks.

"Do you think I should…?" Joe asked, watching the door slam closed behind the two men.

Emerson shrugged and looked down at his watch. "I should go, before Robin gets suspicious."

"We have work to do." Joe stated. "And we haven't finished our conversation."

Emerson hung his head. "Officially I'm still on suspensions, it'll look a bit suss if I vanish along with the rest of you. - As for the conversation…." he looked up and met Joe's blue eyes. "I think that should wait till this is all over, when we can really talk."

Joe stepped back, nodding. "I guess you're right."

"I'll see you tomorrow morning then." Emerson turned to leave but was stopped by Joe's hand on his arm, causing him to look back.

"Em." he said softly. "I really am sorry."

The younger man nodded sadly. "I know." then he walked out of the room and the house.

Joe fell back onto the chair. Bracing his elbows on his knees, he hung his head low, carding his fingers through his blonde hair, his eyes clenched tightly closed. He'd thought he'd just messed things up a little, now after seeing Emerson, he knew he'd done more than that, their relationship was damaged, he could see it in the man's face and he feared it was beyond repair.

He sat there wondering why. Why he'd so easily given into the dark voices and doubts. It wasn't as if Emerson had given him any real reason to believe he was a traitor and in hindsight it was bloody obvious that Emerson would have lied about what happened in the incident room. Anyone who'd gone through what he had would have done the same. So why had he jumped to the worst case scenario? Staring down at the tiles he thought hard on the question, and hated the answer that was clawing at the back of his mind. Because he'd wanted a reason to escape. Because he was having doubts, more about his relationship than about Emerson himself. He'd thought he was happy, no he was happy. He loved Emerson, but part of him wasn't ready for the commitment. He knew it was irrational, after all they were practically living together, they'd been committed for nine months, but somehow in that dark recesses of his mind where all his fears and doubt dwelled, it hadn't been real until Emerson had said 'I love you', and he'd heard it from his own lips. He'd been able to fool himself it was just another fling until he was faced with the pain of actually losing the man. Then it was all very real and he'd gotten scared.

Now he was scared that irrational fear had destroyed his relationship completely and whether he and Emerson would be able to work this out or whether it was over for good.

~WHITECHAPEL~

Emerson lay staring up at his ceiling still a little dazed from his meeting with Joe. He was back on the case, unofficially, and Joe had apologized for accusing him of being a mole, which were all good things, except he didn't think he could just forgive and forget and go back to normal. Joe's public accusations had embarrassed and hurt him deeply. He'd made him feel the worst he'd ever felt over the past couple of days. And would he even be able to go back? Knowing Joe didn't completely trust him, whole heartedly. Would he always be waiting for the next accusation, the next breach of trust? How could they carry on with their relationship with that shadow hanging over them? Emerson knew the answer. They couldn't. He'd known almost from the moment Joe had thrown him out of the station, they were over. Though part of him couldn't help but hope it wasn't forever. Maybe one day they could fix what had gone wrong, but for now Emerson couldn't see a future for them and knowing that somehow made things easier, all he could do now was concentrate on the case. When it was over, then him and Joe could sit down and have the talk, until then all he wanted was to bring down the men that had destroyed his life.

~WHITECHAPEL~

Swing at Jimmy gave Joe a feeling of justice. He put all of his anger and hostility behind each punch. He'd gotten what he'd needed with the first swing; the others were because he wanted the bastard to pay for what he'd done to Emerson, for destroying the man's confidence. He couldn't blame the Kray's for destroying his relationship, he'd come to realize that was all on his head, but he needed to release his frustration on someone, and no one was more deserving than Jimmy Kray. So he swung and swung, each punch connecting with the other man's face as he was backed against the robes. He could hear Miles yelling at him, but he wasn't listening, all he could think about was what the bastard had done to Emerson and it fuled his anger. He was pretty sure he would have pummeled the man to a pulp if Steven Dukes hadn't pulled them apart.

Joe walked back to Miles feeling just that little bit more at ease. Now they had the DNA to prove his theory that Jimmy and Johnny weren't Kray's at all, it was only a matter of time before the Kray's, or whoever they were, were behind bar.

He arrived back at Buchan's with a bloody and bruised face and feeling on top of the world. He saw the concern in Emerson's face and felt his heart skip. At least he didn't hate him completely.

"Someone hit you sir?"

The word didn't carry the same teasing playful tone it once had and that hurt. Because he would have paid to hear that word on Emerson's lip, now he wished he'd never hear it again, said with such emptiness. He forced a smile on his face for the sake of the others. "Jimmy Kray."

"The boss beat seven bells out of him..." Miles said proudly. "…and gave me a heart attack in the process."

Emerson looked between the two men. "Wasn't that rather dangerous." he said as calmly as he could, his gaze burning into Joe's. The secret message of 'Are you trying to get yourself bloody kill' clear in his face.

Joe scoffed dismissively. "Hardly."

Miles looked between the two for a moment before turning to Mansell. "Did Buchan get the envelope?" Mansell held the thing out to the older man. "Great, well I'll get this to Llewellyn. - You better clean yourself up boss." Miles said turning to leave.

John broke his gaze from Emerson's and turned, heading for the bathroom. He'd barely been in there a few minutes when there was a knock. Opening the door, he smiled at the younger man. "Hey."

"Thought you might need this." Emerson said, holding out a small green first-aid box.

Joe took it and for a brief moment their fingers touched, causing both men to inhale sharply.

"We need to talk Em." Joe said softly, his gaze fixed to the man's dark brown eyes.

Emerson shook his head. "Not now…" he sighed regretfully. "…when this is all over, when the Kray's are gone, then we can….talk."

Joe's heart dropped into his stomach, they didn't need to talk, he could see it already written in Emerson's face. "It's over isn't it?"

Kent slumped against the doorframe, staring down at the blue carpet. "Is it such a surprise? Joe, you may have thought I betrayed you and the case but the truth is that you betrayed me. I thought we had something important and special, I thought we trusted each other, but at the first real hurdle you fell. Can you honestly expect me to just go back?"

Joe rested his shoulder against the same frame with a soft moaned. "No. I screwed up, I know that. I guess I was just hoping you'd see it as…"

"One of your breaks." Emerson looked up through his lashes. "I can't keep putting your mistakes down to one of your bad days. It's not fair, on either of us."

"I know. - I just…" Joe turned Emerson's face up to his, his palm flat against the man's cheek, his thumb rubbing gently. "…I just don't want to lose you. - I never did."

Emerson couldn't meet his gaze. "But you have." he murmured, pulling out of Joe's grasp. "You better clean up, sir."

Joe watched Emerson walk away, tears burning behind his eyes. How was he meant to carry on now? How were they meant to work together? Maybe a transfer was in order. This had been what he'd dreaded for the outset. It wasn't the starting that had made his so nervous at the beginning, it was the finishing. Because somehow Joe had always know it wasn't going to last.

TO BE CONINUTED….

THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING.

A/N: There may only be one more chapter now. Sorry it's so short and that it probably sucks.