Chapter 35
Brooke woke up happy. Obviously she had the day off. She worked out for almost an hour in her old exercise bike to release some stress. It was going to be a long day. When she was done she went to the kitchen. She had some juice, grabbed an apple and went back to her bedroom.
Then she took a shower and got dressed. It was almost noon. It was time to go pick up Jack. She was enraptured.
She was putting on her shoes when her cell phone rang. She smiled widely. It was Jack.
– Baby! You're early! I was just leaving! –she said thrilled.
On the other side of the line, a head-to-toe scrubbed Jack didn't know what to say. He was rubbing his eyes, leaning on his locker. "Jack?" he heard her say. – Brooke, I'm not at the airport.
She felt her heart speed up. – What's going on? –she asked frightened.
– Listen… there's been an emergency. I'm at the hospital, I'm going into the OR.
Brooke froze. – What you mean your going into the OR? –she asked, almost frantic.
Jack swallowed. – This patient… he has a massive spinal tumor and if we don't remove it he's going to die. –he explained.
But Brooke was close to lose it. – But why you? Can't somebody else take care of it? Like Marion? She's a spinal surgeon as well, isn't she?
He sighed. – He's actually Marion's patient, but she's not experienced enough. She's assisting, but I've got to do it.
She felt a collision inside. – Can't it wait for tomorrow? You can leave in the first flight and…
Jack cut her off. – No. It has to be done right now. He got here in a critical state.
– But, I mean, there must be like dozen doctors there and you're the Chief of Surgery, how come you can't make someone else handle it? –she demanded.
– I'm the only one qualified for this procedure… Brooke, it's going to be a long surgery… I don't think I'm going to make it to your dad's birthday.
She felt her blood boil. She couldn't utter a word. Jack knew she was terribly pissed. – Brooke I'm so sorry, I know I'm letting you down and I swear to God I wasn't planning on it… But these things happen. I'll do anything to make it up to you. Please, don't make it any harder. –he begged.
Tears rolled over Brooke's face. Why, damn it, why?! – Fine, I have no choice then. –she said, her voice broken.
– Thanks baby. I'll see you tomorrow, okay? –But before Brooke could snap to him that she was so not flying to L.A. the next day and that she didn't want to see him 'cause she hated his guts at the moment, he hung up.
She burst into tears. She felt deception, anger and disappointment, all at the same time. How the hell was she going to explain his absence? She could imagine her mother's face and her reproachful look. She could picture every single member of her family asking why he wasn't there. The idea of her friends giving her concerned looks drove her nuts.
She stayed in her room for an hour, thinking, trying to relax. It was 1:00 O'clock already and her aunts, as well as her parents, were having lunch together. She went to the mirror and touched up her make-up. She didn't want her parents to notice she'd cried. She sighed and walked defeated to the dining room.
At the table, her dad was having a nice chat with the ladies. Her mom was smiling and giving directions to Roberta, one of the maids. Aunts Marilyn, Blanche and Lydiette were also waiting for their meal. They all got surprised when they saw Brooke there.
– Happy birthday daddy! –she said as she held her dad from the back of his chair and kissed him tenderly.
– Hey cookie… I didn't know you were here. –Mr. Julian said.
– I stayed over. I was tired to go home. –Brooke replied casual.
– Are you having lunch with us? –Mrs. Julian asked.
– I am. –she said, as she sat on her usual place, to the left of her dad, in front of her mom. Mrs. Julian asked Roberta to put a service for her daughter.
By that moment, Brooke's family didn't know at what time Jack was supposed to arrive, so they didn't find weird that Brooke was there. They had lunch in peace, talking about the last details for the party.
They were in the middle of the dessert when Mrs. Julian asked Brooke. – Sweetie, at what time do you need the driver? –Brooke raised an eyebrow and looked back at her mom, disconcerted. – To pick up your boyfriend. Or are you driving? –Mrs. Julian questioned.
Brooke felt like choking. Yet she was prepared for the inevitable. She had the last bite of her dessert and wiped her mouth with the handkerchief, whilst everybody stared at her, expectant. – Um, he's not going to make it. –she announced, like it wasn't important. The room went mute. Silence could be cut with a knife.
– Excuse me? –his mother asked, annoyed.
Her aunts glanced at each other with an "It's going to get ugly" look. – He just called me. There was an emergency at the hospital and he's operating on a patient with a spinal tumor. It's a matter of life or death, you know. –she said with an impassive smile.
Mr. Julian felt the tension between the women. He didn't know what was going on. – He's a doctor?
– Yes daddy, he's a spinal surgeon.
– And is he the only spinal surgeon in Los Angeles? –her mom snapped, visibly upset.
Brooke swallowed but kept cool. She looked at her mother determined. – No mom, he's not. But he happens to be the best spinal surgeon in Los Angeles and the Chief of Surgery of the best hospital of the city as well. He has a duty to fulfill, and that duty is to save lives. He's the only one qualified for that procedure, so… –she affirmed relentless, shrugging her shoulders, the same impassive smile on her face.
Mr. and Mrs. Julian knew her daughter well. After she gave her explanation and they looked in her eyes and that smile on her face, they knew it was the end of the conversation. She was shutting off and wasn't allowing any other question, at least at that moment. Mrs. Julian breathed deep and glanced at her husband, who immediately threw her a "Don't" look. Aunt Blanche was looking at the scene, silent. Aunt Lydiette was looking down and Aunt Marilyn was looking away, the three of them visibly uncomfortable.
Brooke broke the awkward moment. – These things happen all the time, believe me. It's no big deal. –she affirmed as she stood up. – Well, I'd better hurry. I have a lot to do and I have to meet my stylist at 6:00. Excuse me. –she said, and then left the dining room, leaving everybody jaw-dropped.
She left her parents' home and went to her apartment. She felt uneasy, but relieved. After all, she was telling the truth. In her mind, she started justifying Jack. He was indeed a miracle worker, she knew that. She knew he was very upset for not being at the party, she heard it in his voice. Please, don't make it any harder, she remembered him saying.
Yet she couldn't help but feel sad and disappointed. But she didn't have time to feel blue. After all, that was a celebration day: his dad, her favorite man in the world –after Jack, to be honest– was blowing his 55th candle.
When she got to her place, she found herself with nothing to do. Everything was ready. She was supposed to be with Jack at that moment. She found herself crying again. When she had no more tears to cry, she went to the bathroom and sank in the tub. She breathed deeply and tried to relax. She stayed there for quite some time.
When she came out, she just sat on her bed, still in her robe, and held her legs tight against her chest. She even bit her nails. The day ran slow, but finally, the time to meet her stylist arrived. She went to the salon, and instead of having a hairdo as planned, she went all the way. She asked for a facial, manicure and pedicure. She also had her make-up done. Then she came back to her apartment and got into her cobalt blue gown. She stared at the mirror. She looked like a million dollars. Jack was definitely missing the chance of getting her out of that dress. Sucker, she thought. She called a cab and went to her parents', who lived as well in the Upper East Side of Manhattan, in a huge penthouse of an imposing condo tower.
For her relieve, once there, nobody said a word about her absent boyfriend, not even her brother. That, she thought, must've been the work of her aunts. It was better off that way, she thought.
Soon all the guests began to show. Family, friends, colleagues, partners, employees, everybody was there to greet Mr. Julian. Brooke was doing wonderfully at her hostess duty. She was giving a warm welcome to all the people that ran into her, smiley and kind as always. Her friend Claudia and her husband arrived. She gave them the same explanation about Jack not being there. Melissa, another of her best friends, and her boyfriend got there as well.
Guests were drinking, eating, smoking, talking and having a great time. Everybody loved Julians' parties. Mr. Julian was enjoying his birthday a lot also. That pleased Brooke. She was having a glass of champagne when Frank Sloan ran into her. Frank was now a partner at her dad's firm, a very talented lawyer.
He was indeed the colleague Ryan was supposed to be with at some Seattle diligence when he cheated on Brooke. Even though Frank was friends with Ryan, when Brooke broke up with him, he always was very supportive. The truth was he'd always had a crush on her.
– Brooke, wow! You look stunning! –Frank affirmed with a smug smile.
Brooke cursed in her thoughts. – Frank! You're here! –she said faking a smile.
– Yeah, there was no way I could miss this party. I don't want to lose my job. –he affirmed blinking an eye.
Brooke threw a short laugh. Frank was a nice guy, but she could sense he was totally into her, and that made her uncomfortable. Besides, he was Ryan's friend, reason enough for her not to rely on him fully. – Right.
– So, Brooke, this boyfriend of yours, where is he? –Frank asked, sipping his drink and looking away, concealing.
She felt her blood boil. She knew he was trying to learn about Jack. – He's in Los Angeles.
– Really? What's he doing there?
– He lives there.
Frank opened his eyes wide, as if he didn't know it. – Is that a fact? Wow Brookie! I didn't know you were into long-distance affairs.
That comment annoyed Brooke. – Oh I am, and it's working beautifully, believe me. –she snapped with a smile.
– That's great, it's awesome, really. But, uh, how come he's not here tonight? I mean, if I had a girlfriend like you, God knows I'd never, ever, leave her alone.
– Well maybe that's why you don't have a girlfriend Frank, sometimes we gals need some space. –she said with that impassive smile of hers.
Frank got the message and felt very uncomfortable. – Yeah… maybe. –he said, sipping his drink quickly. – Well, I'd like to say hello to your brother, see you around Brooke.
– Sure. –As Frank walked away from her, she felt absolutely pissed. All of the sudden, she realized that the fact of Jack not being there meant something to the guests attending the party: they thought she was available. She looked around and noticed a couple of guys giving here the eye. Others were talking to her dad and glanced at her once in a while. Frank was now talking to Terry and she could tell they were talking about her, especially when Frank glanced at her and smiled.
She couldn't take it anymore. She turned around and walked to the terrace, grabbing another glass of champagne on the way. It was freezing outside, but she didn't care. She needed some fresh air. Her parents' flat had an amazing view. The lights of the city shined in front of her. She felt so overwhelmed she didn't feel her body getting colder.
She was sitting on one of the benches, biting her nails, thinking of Jack, missing him, when Ilana placed a shawl on her shoulders.
– I knew you'd be here. –Ilana affirmed, sitting beside her.
– Hey… you're finally here. You're late, though. –Brooke said, blue.
– Um, I've got here half hour ago… I was talking with your mom.
Brooke sighed deeply and rolled her eyes. – She went to you again?
– Yup. –Ilana replied, biting her lip.
– So, besides complaining about Jack not being here tonight, what did she tell you?
Ilana took a deep breath. – Um… She thinks he's married. –Ilana announced. – She thinks that's why you don't want them to meet him.
Brooke placed her hand on her chest. – Oh my God! Oh my God! What did you say to her?
– Well, I told her he's not married of course. Then she asked me everything I know about him.
Brooke swallowed. – So?
– So nothing. I told her what I know, which isn't much Brooke. I told her I've met him only once and that he's a friend of Patrick, who actually introduced him to you, that's all.
– And what did she say? –Brooke asked anxious.
– She felt kind of relieved when I mentioned Patrick. She believed me, don't worry.
Brooke rubbed her temple. – How can my own mother think that? How can she even imagine I'd be capable of being someone's mistress?! –she said indignant.
– Don't blame her Brooke. You keep going to L.A. every single weekend without any formal explanation. You're always evasive about the subject. You've been doing that for three months now, and they just never get to meet the man. What do you want her to think?
Brooke nodded. – Did you tell her about the kids and stuff?
Ilana gave her a concerned look. – Of course I didn't. You're the one who has to tell them about that.
Brook sighed, defeated. – Yeah…
– So, she told me about this tumor patient or something. I'm sorry sweetie… I guess that sucks about having a doctor boyfriend, right? –Ilana asked with a sympathetic smile.
– Yeah… I was pissed at first, but I get it. There's nothing I can do about it, right? Everything's fine… –Brooke said, almost to herself.
Ilana gave her a set look and nodded. Brooke raised an eyebrow. – You don't' believe me.
– What? –asked Ilana, confused.
– You don't believe everything's fine.
– Of course I believe you Brooke. Why wouldn't I?
– I know you. You're giving me that look.
Ilana threw a short laugh. – Don't be so paranoid hon. If you say everything's fine, I do believe you. I trust you enough to believe you know what you're doing. But how about you? You believe everything's fine? –Ilana asked openly.
Brooke couldn't resist anymore and fell apart. Her eyes filled with tears. – I… I don't know. I hate the fact that he didn't show up tonight. I know he's a doctor, I know he's committed to a greater good, but he knew this was important to me. I mean, he's in charge of a whole crew of surgeons… I just… Maybe I'm overreacting, I don't know… –Brooke retorted, shaking her head.
– Um… I don't think you're overreacting Brooke. I get you. Yet I think this is not only about tonight… –Ilana assured.
Tears rolled over Brooke's cheeks. – You were right Ilana. I'm not being myself. I'm holding myself back. –Ilana kept listening. – Sometimes I can't help but feel he's behind this glass wall… I know I can break it, but I just don't know how.
– And why you feel that way? –Ilana asked.
– It's just… I share everything with him, from the most stupid, insignificant thing, to the most important. And he… once he told me I could ask him everything I wanted to know, but every time I do it, he never tells anything.
– For instance?
– Yeah, I mean, the other day I asked him about the plane crash and all he said was that he didn't want to talk about it. Every single time I try to learn about his past, he just shuts down. That can't be good, right?
Ilana thought for a second. – Well… I think he's entitled to leave his past behind Brooke. That's what moving on is all about. What you should be asking yourself is why he not wanting to talk about his past bothers you so much.
Brooke bit her lip and looked down, abashed. – I… I don't know.
– Maybe you're asking the wrong questions. –Ilana stated.
– What you mean?
– Yeah. What would you like to find out, for example?
Brooke replied almost immediately. – I want to know why he never even talks about his family. I want to know what happened to his wife, with details. But above all, I really want to know why it seems like forbidden to even mention her.
– Have you ever asked him like that, with those exact words? –Brooke looked down and shook her head. – And why's that?
– I don't know. That's the glass wall I'm talking about.
Ilana nodded. – Uh-huh… Well, I'd say you're not asking the right questions because, deep inside, you don't really want to know. You're scared Brooke.
Brooke covered her face and burst into tears. – You're right. You're so right… I… What if he still loves her Ilana? What if he thinks I'm not as good as her? What if that's the reason he doesn't want me near his family? You know why I haven't even told him I love him?
Ilana gave her a concerned look. – No, why?
– Because if he doesn't say it back I'm going to drop dead right in front of him. –Brooke affirmed wiping the tears from her eyes. – You were right. I fear he won't respond the way I expect.
Ilana sighed and put a hand on Brooke's shoulder. – I get you sweetie, I totally get you. But you need to tell him all these things. You're getting frustrated Brooke, and that's because the honeymoon's over. You've got to a point where you need to take another step. This is where things get really serious or just fall apart. –Ilana declared.
Brooke nodded. – I know.
– But that doesn't mean things are going to fall apart Brooke. What if he's thinking the same? What if he doesn't talk about all those things because he fears you're the one who's going to get uncomfortable? What if he doesn't say "I love you" because he thinks you're the one who won't say it back?
Brooke opened her eyes wide. – Yeah, I haven't seen it that way.
– Honey, you need to speak your mind. He loves you Brooke, I'm sure he does. There's nothing to fear, believe me.
– How can you be so sure?
– Well, um, I just know. Don't ask me why. Just look at that bracelet of yours, it's gorgeous.
– Oh, don't tell me a bracelet is proof enough for you.
– It's not only the bracelet Brooke, it's what it means. I'm certain he would've never given it to you if he didn't mean it.
Brooke looked at the skyline and sighed. – Yeah, that's what I think, too.
– You just tell him what you feel, all of it. Everything will be okay Brooke. Now, let's go inside, it's fucking freezing here! And you still have hundred pictures to be in and a toast to make, come on.
Both girls went inside, as the party went on. Brooke went to her bedroom to touch up her make-up. She didn't want anybody to notice she had been crying. When she came out she saw her mom walking out of the library, followed by Patrick. That surprised her, she didn't expect him to be there, he never confirmed his attendance. She rushed to reach him.
– Patrick! –she said, grabbing his arm.
– Hey! Brookie! Wow! You're beautiful! –he said with a wide smile. Brooke smiled and looked down. The she reached for Patrick to hold her. – Hey… what's going on? –he asked, caressing her back.
Broke took a deep breath to stifle her tears. – I didn't think you would make it. I'm glad you're here. –she assured.
– How could I miss it? –he asked, giving her a tender look.
– Yeah… What were you doing in there, with my mom?
Patrick threw a smug smile. – I was trying to get her phone number.
– Oh come on. –Brooke said, finally casting a smile. Then she looked at Patrick in the eye and waited for his words.
– She was asking me about Jack.
– Jesus Christ…
– Yeah, it's kind of shocking Brooke. I can't believe they haven't met him yet, why's that? –Patrick asked concerned.
Brooke sighed. – Well, tonight was the night but, well, I guess you know…
Patrick rolled his eyes. – Don't even get me started. Marion just stood me up. She was supposed to meet me at the airport and she just never showed up. When I called her, one of the nurses was kind enough to let me know she was "in the OR with Dr. Shephard, in the middle of a very complicated procedure". –Patrick snapped, fed up.
– Don't be so hard on her. It was an emergency. I don't think she liked not coming with you either.
– Oh please! I know Marion. This patient, the one with the tumor, she knew he needed to be operated immediately. She ran all the tests, she knew it. I'm sure she did it on purpose.
Brooke frowned. – What are you talking about?
– Yeah. She wanted to perform the surgery all by herself. She knew Jack would be here this weekend and she waited for the final moment, so he couldn't get in the picture. She never expected the patient would crack and they would call Jack. She just blew it, as she always does, and she just ruined everybody's night.
Brooke felt relieved when she heard Patrick's testimony. She knew Jack was telling the truth. – Well, there's nothing we can do about it now. –she assured, finally relieved. – So, what did you tell my mom about Jack? –she asked, a little worried.
Patrick noticed. – General stuff, don't worry. But you need to tell them the real stuff, Brookie.
She sighed. – Yeah… But now, I just want to forget about all of this and try to have some fun, what you say?
Patrick threw another of his classical charming smiles. – That's the spirit.
They joined the crowd and at last, Brooke started enjoying the party a little.