Hello! New chap... Keep reading, we're almost there! ;)
In this chap., a heart-breaking Jate scene... don't hate me, that's life people :P
Foxy4ever, thanks as always...
Chapter 45
On Saturday, all the family was gathering at Claire's house. Charlie was back from London, so Claire welcomed him with a barbecue. Margo was in an excellent mood, still thrilled by the idea of Brooke and Jack. She had told Claire all about her and felt very optimistic about the possibility of them working things out.
Claire, on the other hand, was skeptical. She knew Jack was in love with that girl, that's why he was drinking so much and so moody, but she also knew her brother was very stubborn, and once he said "no", nothing could change his mind. He'll see reason, Margo assured with a huge smile. Claire was surprised. Though Margo never said anything negative about Kate and always treated her nice when she was alive, Claire always knew she never liked her. Seeing her so excited was really something. Brooke should be very special to make such a good impression on Margo.
Both women were inside the house, talking. Hurley and Charlie were playing with the kids and Jack was alone, having a beer in the garden, sitting on a patio chair. Of course Charlie was aware of the situation, Claire had told him about it, as well as Hurley, of course. He noticed Jack was there on his own and went to him, and joined him with a beer.
– Hey man…
– Hey… –Jack replied discouraged.
– Hurley and I are going to the studio, to check some of my new tracks. Why don't you come with us? I can use some critic opinions.
– Thanks Charlie, but I'd rather stay.
Charlie nodded. – Right, of course you rather stay. –he said. Jack gave another sip to his beer. And Charlie went on. – I already have my new single, you know? And that record is a bloody award-winner, I'm telling you.
– That's great. –he said. – That's got to be exciting, to have musical talent. How you do it? Where you get inspiration for your songs? –he asked with interest.
– I get it from everywhere. It's what I have inside, what I see around me, you know. I have songs about Claire, about Aaron and Charlene… I have others about what I've experienced…
– That's awesome…
– This new single, for instance, it's called "God's favorite creature". It's about this guy who has a gift, you know, and this gift is his lucky star. But he rejects it and is always trying to run away from it, but he just can't. His star finds him again and again. That's why he's God's favorite creature. –Charlie explained.
Jack laughed shortly. – Sounds like Hurley.
– Oh no, it's not about Hurley. It's about you…
Jack stared at Charlie stunned. Then he shook his head and laughed. – I don't think so. I have everything but a lucky star, believe me. And I'm way far from being God's favorite creature. –he said with resentment in his voice.
– You know, that's exactly what is so bloody unique about you Jack. You're not aware of yourself.
Jack frowned. – What?
– You're the guy everybody wants to be. And you just don't see it. I used that for my song too…
– Why would anybody want to be me?
– Well, where to begin? Because you're a steely doctor, capable of saving lives with nothing else but bamboo and sea urchins. Because you're a natural leader and you're always right. And you're freaking tall and good looking, but I shouldn't be saying that because it sounds bloody gay.
Jack burst out laughing. – You have no idea of what you're saying, man.
– I do. But above all that, Jack, people love you and admire you. That's why everybody follows you. Really, if you were evil, you could start bloody World War 3.
– People don't love me, Charlie. People need me, that's all.
– Sure they need you, 'cause they love you. Seriously Jack, how many times you've found true love? As far as I know, two. But now you have this New York girl who has spent almost 6 days on a plane just for you. –Jack was stunned looking at him with huge disbelief in his eyes. – Yeah, I know about that. And I did the math. –Charlie pointed. – Most of us mortals get lucky if we find it at least once. –he assured. Jack was out of words. Was Charlie right? Was he really rejecting his gift? – So, if I were you… –Charlie said cutting his thoughts off. – I'd stop making everything so damn complicated and just enjoy the ride… See you man. –he said, standing up and patting Jack's shoulder.
When the sun set, Charlie and Hurley left. Jack, Margo and the kids went home. Jack walked into his studio, and the floor was full of Jackie's drawings, scattered all over the place. Jackie always went to the studio to draw, because she said she felt more comfortable there and had more space than in her room. He sat on the floor to see them.
The drawings caught his attention, not only because he remembered what Jackie's teacher had told Claire, but because they showed his daughter's improvement. She was getting very good at drawing, in terms of a child of her age. Another thing he found peculiar was that she was working on a new drawing and had a picture of him leaned on hear easel, like she was trying to copy his face.
– I'm sorry daddy, I'm cleaning my mess right now. –Jackie said from behind him, concern in her voice.
He looked at Jackie. – It's okay baby, I don't mind. You want to show me your drawings? –he said sweetly.
Jackie smiled. – You want to see them?
– Of course I want to see them.
Jackie sat on the floor beside her dad and handed him one of the drawings. It was an autumn scene. A couple was standing in the middle of a park holding hands, leafs falling from big trees, and a dog was sitting beside the woman.
The second one was a Christmas scene. It had a huge tree with pretty ornaments. There was a big table full of food and glasses of wine, and a man and a woman were holding hands too. The woman had a brown dress. The man was wearing a navy suit and a green tie. Also, the woman was wearing a silver-colored bracelet on her right wrist, and beside the man there was a bag with golf clubs.
Then Jack took another drawing. It showed Cat Woman in the middle of candles and Halloween pumpkins. He couldn't get why, but he found all these scenes somehow familiar.
– What about that one, the one on your easel? –he asked Jackie.
– That's not finished yet.
Jack glanced at it. She could see again a man wearing a suit, but under his jacket, Jackie had drawn the Superman suit. He was again holding the hand of a woman with long black hair and a big smile.
– You want Superman to look like me? –he asked Jackie with a smile, referring to the picture of him she had.
Jackie shook her head. – You are Superman.
Jack laughed. He couldn't see what was the big deal with those drawings. Obviously Jackie was painting things that came from her imagination. – So, am I in all your drawings?
– Yes daddy.
Jack looked at them once more. That's when he found what the big deal was. The woman in all Jackie's drawings had the same distinctive features: long black hair, a big happy smile, a bracelet on her right wrist and shoes with high heels. All of the sudden, he couldn't think of anybody but Brooke. – Honey, this woman in your drawings is your mom?
Jackie raised and eyebrow. – No.
– Then who is she? –Jack asked shivering.
Jackie bit her lip. – She's, uh… Lois Lane. –she said wittily.
He gave her a suspicious smile. – Lois Lane huh? I don't think she looks like Lois Lane.
Jackie looked away. Then she looked back at her dad, determined. – You don't look like the Superman of the movies either. –she affirmed.
Jack couldn't believe it. Jackie was drawing him and Brooke. All the scenes in her drawings had happened: the walk to the park, the Christmas dinner, the Halloween. But how could it be? Was his daughter a clairvoyant? He didn't believe in that crap. Maybe she had heard someone talking about it, but who? He never told anyone what he did with Brooke. He found it absolutely disturbing. He was trying to figure it out when Jackie spoke.
– Daddy, if I make a tea for you, will you drink it?
He rolled his eyes. – Honey, I think I've had enough tea. –he said, somehow fed up of that sticky cranberry-sour flavored thing she had made him drink the whole week.
– But it's good for you daddy, I promise. And you won't smell of beer anymore. –she said happy.
He felt ashamed. It was obvious that Jackie could notice he had been drinking. He felt like shit. He didn't want to give that image to his kids. He promised to himself he would never drink in front of them again. – Okay honey, I'll drink it.
– Cool! Come with me daddy! –she said thrilled, believing her potion was finally taking effect.
He followed his daughter to the kitchen. Margo and Brett were there, making coco. Margo had been treating Jack with special kindness. He found it sort of awkward. He couldn't remember the last time his mother was so smiley, but he liked it. At least someone was happy.
He drank Jackie's "tea" and also had a cup of coco to get rid of the taste of his daughter's preparation. Later on he put the kids to bed and read a bedtime story for them. Then he went to his room and tried to watch some TV, but it seemed that the world was plotting against him that day. All he could zap on were ads about shoes, clothes, perfumes and so on. He couldn't help but think of Brooke again. He missed her, he really did.
He felt the impulse of calling her. He even grabbed the phone and was about to dial. But then his dark pessimistic side took over. He couldn't. Because if he finally surrendered and let her in, she would break his heart, because she'd find out who he really was and would abandon him, because he didn't have what it takes. And he didn't want to hate her.
His heart filled with sorrow. He needed to go to the apartment. That was the only thing left of her. When he was there, he could feel her all over the place. And he needed a drink.
Once there he went on with his beat-up ritual.
He got totally wasted and fell asleep on the couch. He left the window open and the cold winter breeze made him shiver and awoke him. The moonlight on his face dazzled him. He rubbed his eyes, everything was blurry. When he finally cleared his sight, he saw a woman facing backwards, staring at the window.
– Brooke?
The woman turned around, but she wasn't Brooke. She was Kate. – Hey… –she said feebly.
Okay, this time I drank too much, he thought. He shut his eyes widely, thinking he'd wake up that way, or stop hallucinating. But she was still there.
– Jack, what are you doing? –Kate asked.
– You're not here. –he said, shutting his eyes again.
– Yet here I am.
– I'm obviously dreaming. –he said, his heart speeding up.
– Fine, let's say you're dreaming. But you have to listen to me… –she stated whilst she sat beside him. – You need to stop.
– Stop what?
– Beating yourself up.
– God, please wake up! –he said to himself desperate.
– Jack, please. Listen to me, I don't have much time. You want to ask me a question, so here I am.
He looked at her frightened. Yes, she was the same Kate he had married, the same one that mothered his children. The same one he loved. She looked disheartened and incredibly sad. – Why Kate? Why you did it? Why you left us behind? –he pronounced, finally asking the questions he needed an answer to since he buried Kate.
Her gaze changed. She looked at him with sorrow. – Because I made I mistake. And it cost me my life…
– I thought you loved me… We were a team… But you just left me… –he said with tears in his eyes.
– I still love you Jack, and I always will. You were always the one.
– Then why Kate?
– Because I didn't learn my lesson. None of us did. But things are not the way you think Jack. And someday you will find out and finally forgive me… –she said with a longing look. – Anyway, that was a long time ago, and you have to move on.
– I can't. I can't move on. I miss you. I can't help it Kate. I'll always love you.
Kate's eyes watered. – I know you miss me, and that's okay. But you don't love me anymore, not in the way you used to. Now I'm just the mom of your kids, that's all.
Jack frowned. – How can you say that?
– Because it is true. You love her. You need to stay with her Jack. She's the one. You found her after all… –she said with tears in her eyes.
He knew immediately she was talking about Brooke. – No… I…
But she cut him off. – She's going to take care of you Jack, and of my children too. No one else can do it, and you know it. Now I have to go. –she said looking at the corridor that left to the bedroom.
– Wait! –he demanded, but then glanced in the same direction and felt an impulse to go there. When he got to the door frame, he saw Brooke lying on the bed in her Cat Woman costume, just as she was the night they first made love. He approached the bed and when he tried to touch her, he abruptly woke up.
He was on the bed, and Brooke's sweater was on his chest. He got up and kept thinking that had been a really weird dream. He rubbed his eyes and felt the hangover running through his body. Then something in the night stand called his attention. There was a little notebook Brooke had left behind. He never noticed it was there before. He took it and opened it.
Brooke had this wacky mania of scrawling on paper whilst she spoke on the phone. She had filled pages and pages of the notebook with black pen. She had scrawled little drawings as stars, suns, clouds, flowers. She had written her name too, and isolated words that Jack supposed she was saying on the phone at that moment. He could find his name too. "I love Jack", he read. "My beautiful boyfriend" was another sentence she had written. I so don't deserve her, he thought.
He shivered and remembered what Kate told him in his dream when, among Brooke's hand writing, he read: "Brooke Julian-Shephard". "He's coming home with me". "Jackie and Brett". "Beautiful kids". "Wish they were mine". He was blown away.