this chapter is dedicated to my band mates who have been the best friends one could ever ask for.

"So? Would you like to pick a song and perform it for us now?"

A sudden loud clanging noise followed by the sound of the door slamming startled everyone in the room. Jake had kicked a classroom chair to the side and stormed out in rage. Naomi looked at once to Seth, but the latter just wore a stoic look on his face. If the boy was in any way affected by the outburst of his fellow band mate, he did a good job in hiding it.

Naomi bit her lip and frowned slightly as she looked at Seth uncertainly. The boy had an unusual amount of confidence in her for someone who only got to know her less than half hour ago, and it showed in his eyes. Naomi almost felt bad that she was going to disappoint him. The truth was, she couldn't sing for nuts. Her mom had said so before; even Thomas had advised her to focus on playing the guitar whenever she started to sing in the garage.

"I'm sorry," Naomi said finally, her head lowered slightly to avoid Seth's gaze. "But I can't sing. Thank you for giving me a chance anyway," she added as she turned to walk towards the door.

"If you're worrying about the backup, my keyboard's here for you," offered Erik as he hurriedly stood up, alarmed that Naomi was leaving.

"And… and the drums too, if you need them," continued Dan in a low and slightly sheepish voice as he cleared his throat. Naomi arched her brows in surprise at Dan's change in attitude towards her.

"Don't look so surprised. I just don't want our band to miss out on a talent," added Dan quickly upon seeing Naomi's astonished look. Naomi couldn't help smiling at Dan's inadvertent compliment.

"We're all ready to back you up," said Seth with a smile, "Won't you do us the honor now?"

"But I really wasn't lying just now when I said I couldn't sing. My voice's awful. My singing's awful," explained Naomi exasperatedly.

"That's for us to judge," said Seth with a wink as he stood up to get his bass guitar out of its case and walked to one of the amplifiers to plug it in.

Naomi watched helplessly as Erik, and Dan took their respective positions in front of the keyboard and the drums as well.

She had no choice now, had she?

Naomi sighed in resignation as she shifted her guitar in position. This is so going to be the joke of the century.

"So?" asked Erik with a grin as he turned to Naomi while adjusting the controls on the keyboard.

"Well… The only song I can think off my head right now is High and Dry by Radiohead, but-," began Naomi.

"High and Dry by Radiohead, it is!" Erik cut in abruptly and soon after, Dan came in with his drum intro.

Naomi was caught off guard and almost forgot to play the guitar at the third bar of the song until Erik laughed at her and she realised something was amiss.

"Two jumps in a week, I bet you think that's pretty clever don't you boy

Flyin' on your motorcycle, watching all the ground beneath you drop"

The image on the television flickered a little for a few moments then went back to normal. Someone was singing on stage in a makeshift tent, the kind you see being set up at carnivals. Naomi could hear that the people around the camera were cheering and talking loudly. Although the screen was not very clear, Naomi saw that the lady on stage who was singing was a pretty, young lady in her 20s. She wore a polka-dotted dress that was either orange or red, one couldn't really tell because the colors on the screen weren't sharp enough.

"You'd kill yourself for recognition, kill yourself to never ever stop

You broke another mirror, you're turning into something you are not"

The singer was obviously an amateur singer, but she had a sweet-sounding voice and the audience were clearly enjoying themselves, what with all the wolf-whistling and cheering every now and then.

"Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry"

The camera zoomed in on the banner that was hanging at the top of the tent that was splashed with bold red paint, "HAPPY 28TH BIRTHDAY, EDDIE!"

Naomi's mouth went dry at once.

Eddie. That's what she heard her dad's fans used to call him back when his band was famous. Edmund "Eddie" Campbell.

This was a video of her dad's 28th birthday celebration. With his band mates and his fans probably.

Naomi's brows arched in surprise as the camera zoomed in on the lady singing. The unmistakable pair of blue eyes, wavy blond hair, features which resemble her own so much.

Mom.

"It's the best thing that you've ever had

The best thing that you've ever, ever had"

Naomi watched quietly as on-screen, her dad had walked slowly up on stage and her mom, still singing, was holding onto the microphone while glancing sideways at her dad, the bliss that was evident in her smile could be detected from a mile away.

"So don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry"

All around the camera the audience were cheering wildly as the song ended and her dad leaned forward and kissed her mom on the lips. "Thank you," he mouthed sincerely at her after they pulled away and the cheers continued.

"Hellooo," said Eddie with a wide grin as he gently took the microphone from Gina.

"Thank you all for this lovely surprise. I've never expected myself to be celebrating my birthday at the age of 28… I'm a little too old for all those party hats and poppers you know. And never in my wildest dreams would I have expected such a huge turnout for my birthday party. And that my lovely and stage-shy girlfriend would be singing to the world and complaining what a rebellious boy I am."

The audience roared with laughter as Eddie turned to Gina with a boyish grin.

"But you know what, even the most rebellious boy on earth is willing to be tamed by the beautiful angel sent to him from heaven," continued Eddie, turning now to face Gina. He got down on one knee, and the audience downstage let out a gasp. Gina was seen cupping her mouth with both hands.

"Gina, my love. All this while, you've kept me grounded when I felt lost; stood by me when I was down and out… Held me when I had no strength to carry on. Thank you for being my angel all this time. I could never imagine a life without you, and I would never want to imagine one without you in it. …Gina dear, would you let me have the honor to love and protect you to the last of my breath?" Eddie said into the microphone as he dished out a ring from his pockets, all the while looking up sincerely at Gina.

"I would never leave you high and dry," he added with a smile.

There was a distinct silence as the audience held their breath awaiting Gina's response to Eddie's proposal. When she finally nodded silently, smiling in tears, the people all around burst out in screams and cheers. The television screen was jerking up and down erratically as the camera appeared to be jumping with the crowd too.

Naomi reached out her hand and stopped the tape immediately. She got the tape out of the player, ran back up to the attic and put it back exactly where she had found in the chest. That chest of things belonging to her dad that her mom had wanted to keep out of sight but had not the heart to throw out after her dad left. That chest of things that was a reminder of her father's betrayal of the family.

"So don't leave me high, don't leave me dry," that sweet singing voice kept coming back to haunt her even as she shut her eyes in vain to sleep that night.

After so many years of learning to hold them back in, the tears somehow found their way back again.

When Naomi opened her eyes again, she felt something wet on her cheeks. As she wiped it off, she glanced around the classroom and momentarily remembered that she was still at the audition, singing with the accompanying instruments of Seth, Erik and Dan.

Had she finished singing? She wasn't even sure if she sang at all.

"God, Naomi!" yelled Erik excitedly as he leapt across the room and gave Naomi a light smack on the back. "That was fucking brilliant! I knew you were screwing with us when you said you couldn't sing!"

Naomi rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly. "Well…"

"You did a great job," said Seth as he walked over to Naomi, smiling widely. "You could improve a lot more on the techniques, but your voice quality and musicality are exactly what we are looking for in a vocalist," he added.

"Yeah, the emotions you put in that song was so… fucking powerful," said Erik as he shook his head slightly in awe.

"Welcome to our band," offered Dan with an awkward smile as he walked over gingerly to join the trio.

"Thanks," said Naomi distractedly, still a little confused and dazed by what just took place.

OK, I applied to be the guitarist of a rock band because of a dare but I ended up being the vocalist of the said rock band? This is far too complicated…

"Wait," asked Naomi suddenly. "What about Jake? He doesn't want me here."

"Well," said Seth with a nonchalant shrug. "We've finally found the vocal gem our band's been looking for since forever. If he and that big ego of his can't suck that up, then they are both free to leave our band."

The door slammed open at this moment and in stepped Jake.

"I don't give a fuck about vocalists. You can keep the bitch if you want," said Jake as he grabbed his electric guitar and packed it in his case.

"Mind your words, Jake," warned Seth, his temper obviously rising. Naomi wondered for a moment how the usually calm and collected Seth would look like when he flared up. "You know what? I think you're gonna need her help in future. She might not be able to read notes but her techniques are far better than yours and you kno-."

"Shut the fuck up, Seth. What do you know? You're just a fucking bassist. Don't try to act like the boss over here just because you're the fucking band leader," snapped Jake as he walked out with his guitar and slammed the door behind him.

Naomi thought that anyone else would have gone forward and picked a fight with Jake over his words, but Seth just sat back in his chair and held his cool. Naomi was starting to admire this lad for his patience and self-control.

"Come on, guys, I'm okay," said Seth with a reassuring smile as he caught sight of the worried looks from all around him.

"Besides, we've got no time to lose," he added as he removed his glasses to clean them with his shirt and held them against the light.

"It's time we get famous."

"Uhm, ... Naomi Campbell?"

Naomi stopped short in her tracks as she came out of her classroom. The timid-looking girl standing before her was alternating between looking down at the floor shyly and stealing short and furtive glances at her. Classes were over half an hour ago, and the corridors were mostly empty now. The girl must have been waiting for her outside the classroom for quite some time.

"…you are?" replied Naomi cautiously. Her defence mechanism was always automatically set in place when it comes to strangers. Despite the girl looking relatively harmless, Naomi was still wary. Moreover, she wasn't used to people knowing her name after years of oblivion as the high school outcast.

"I'm… I'm Cathy Johnson… I… We're in the same Math class…" said the girl as she lifted her head up and brought it down soon after. There was something in those blue eyes that made her afraid to look into them.

Naomi noticed the girl had rather large and pretty eyes when she looked up, but she didn't remember seeing her before.

"Oh. Do you need to borrow today's notes or something?" asked Naomi. That seemed the only reasonable explanation to why the girl was looking for her.

"No, no, no…" said the girl hurriedly.

"I… I saw you the other day… at the arts carnival… I thought you sang well… no, you were fantastic… and I just wanted to let you know… I'm… a… big fan…" The last few words were mumbled so softly Naomi almost didn't catch it. The girl blushed as she took out a plastic box from her bag and handed to Naomi.

"I made these for you myself. I hope you'll like it," said the girl shyly with a little smile.

Naomi's hand reached out distractedly to take the box while still trying to process what the girl had said. She said she's a big fan. Jesus, I have a fan now?!

And all this while, she was thinking that whenever their band performed in school, nobody really gave a damn.

"I…," started Naomi as she stared at the box in her hand, but the next time she looked up the girl named Cathy had already disappeared.

As Naomi opened the box, she saw a note pasted on the inside of the lid, written in colorful ink and meticulously decorated with patterns and stars. "You rock, Naomi!"

Inside the box was filled with rows of bite-sized home-baked cookies stacked on top of one another.

"If you're asking for my opinion, I'm telling you no," said Gina as she took the tray of chicken from the oven with a pair of kitchen gloves.

"But Mom. I swear. If we don't make it good after a year, I'll apply to go to university," Naomi explained, chasing Gina around the kitchen.

"Naomi darling," said Gina as she put the tray of chicken on the tabletop and turned to Naomi. "Don't you understand? It's not that I don't believe you won't make it."

"Then what? If you do believe in me why are you stopping me from going after my dreams?" cried out Naomi, finally unable to hold her exasperation in.

"Because I'm afraid for you, my dear," said Gina, her concerned eyes boring into Naomi's angry, watery eyes.

"It's not an easy world out there like you think. You're gonna get bullied and put down by people and thrown around like you're worthless. Your father and his band had to roam the streets for seven years before their talent was finally recognised. And another three years before they had their first record. Do you really think one year would be enough for you to make it to somewhere? Don't be so naïve, Naomi. You're only wasting your time at the end of the day."

"Put it simply, you just don't think I'm good enough," said Naomi spitefully.

"You know I don't mean that…" Gina defended herself.

"Dad didn't make it good in life as a musician, and you think that I won't either," added Naomi, knowing that this was what would hurt her mom the most.

"Don't bring your father into this," said Gina, hurt evident in her voice.

"You always thought he was a good-for-nothing for pursuing music, don't you? And then you chased him away from our family. And now it eats you to see that I'm about to take the same path that he did. It eats you to see that I take after him, not you!" yelled Naomi, who was crying now.

"Stop it," said Gina weakly.

"You were the reason why he left our family. You fucking pushed him to that woman-," Naomi didn't manage to finish her sentence because a sudden blow across her cheek had left her in shock.

Gina stood there looking at Naomi with tears in her eyes, her lips quivering as her hand was held in a raised stance from the slap.

"You were right, I was too naïve. You didn't believe in dad, why the fuck would you believe in me now!" Naomi lashed out as she wiped her tears on her sleeves and ran out the house onto the streets.

Gina tossed in her bed and glanced at the digital clock on her bedside table. It was 1:49 in the morning and Naomi was still not back yet. She knew she had no real cause for worry; the girl must have gone and looked for Thomas after running out of the house this afternoon.

Since Naomi was little, she never had many friends. Because Eddie's band had to tour several times a year around the region to perform and he wanted the family to stay together, their family was always on the move, and that meant that addresses and schools were never permanent. Thomas was the only friend Naomi ever had; his dad was the bassist in Naomi's dad's band, and their family suffered from the same nomadic fate as Naomi and her mom. Maybe it was because their family backgrounds were so similar, Naomi took to Thomas easily and confided in him freely even though he was a boy. When Thomas' father died in a road accident on one of the band's tours, the band was so devastated they decided to disband and go separate ways, not wanting to replace him with a stranger. Naomi's dad lost a great friend in Thomas' dad, and since that incident he was never really the same again.

Gina bit her lip as a tear flowed down her cheek onto her pillow. The night she and Eddie fought in the kitchen over whether they should let Naomi quit school and pursue music, she knew that everything was over. She knew in her heart that whether or not Naomi should go to a music school was never the concern at hand; Eddie just needed an excuse to bring up what he'd really wanted to say for a long time now. Gina had known about the other woman for quite some time, and she was biding her time all this while; waiting for Eddie to be truthful with her. But Eddie proved himself to be the coward in the relationship like he always was, even as he walked out on both mother and daughter, he had conveniently blamed everything on Gina.

Gina wiped the tears away quickly and closed her eyes pretending to sleep as she heard a hand on the door knob. She could recognize the sound of Naomi's footsteps as she walked in the room making the floorboards creak under her weight. After a while, she heard her leave again.

Gina felt her heart ache momentarily for having slapped Naomi earlier in the day. The poor girl hadn't had it easy all these years. She knew Naomi adored her dad a lot, and despite all that Eddie did, Gina hadn't wanted Naomi to think badly of her dad. That was why she had never told her the truth all this while, and never would.

Although on the surface Naomi had appeared angry at her dad for walking out on her, Gina knew that she still missed him very much. Otherwise she wouldn't have continued playing the guitar; the guitar was like the symbol of the father-daughter's relationship since Naomi was little. Naomi played the guitar to remember her father, even if she didn't admit so.

That was the reason why Gina became more receptive to Naomi playing the guitar after Eddie left. Naomi became more withdrawn than she already was after her dad left her without a word. Music became sort of a sanctuary for her, and Gina just didn't have the heart to take it away from her. Over time, she realised what Eddie said that night at the kitchen actually did make some sense; Naomi was really talented at the guitar and her talent deserved to be developed further. She and Thomas discussed about it behind Naomi's back, and they both thought Naomi should get out of her comfort zone and start opening up to people other than her four permanent audience (Thomas, Gina and their two dogs, Nietzsche & Voltaire). And hence that incident at breakfast where they deliberately prodded Naomi to join a band.

And now, three years later, Naomi had asked to take a year off before starting university to travel with her band and seek performing opportunities on the road. By right, Gina should be happy that her plan to get Naomi to open up to others had worked successfully, but somehow she couldn't help feeling that this would turn out badly. Gina had seen the lives led by Eddie and his bandmates while they were on the road; there was temptations and dangers lurking in every corner everywhere. What if something bad happened to Naomi? She'd already lost Eddie. She really couldn't afford to also lose the one thing she had left in her life.

Gina swallowed back a tear as Naomi's words came back to her.

You didn't believe in dad, why the fuck would you believe in me now!

She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and exhaled deeply.

She had made a decision.

And now for some sleep.

One morning several days later, Naomi caught sight of a large note on top of a knitted purple sweater on the dinner table as she skipped down the stairs like usual.

The note read in large cursive handwriting that she recognised at once as her mom's.

Gone to Granny's for a few days. Be gone before I come back lest I change my mind. The sweater's for colder days – you would appreciate it when your band is down and out and has no money to pay for the heating in the van.

All the best and I love you. Remember the door's always open when you need home.

p/s: I believed in your dad, THAT'S WHY I believed even more in you now. Make it good.

Naomi smiled as a tear fell from her cheek onto the note, smudging the words.

The bed creaked loudly as Naomi turned on her side and stared at the ceiling above her. The paint was peeling off and had dubious water marks that suggested leaking, but Naomi wasn't really bothered as she studied them distractedly. After being on the road for three months, she had learnt to shrug off all these trivial things she noticed that constantly reminded her of the comforts that were waiting for her at home.

The September air was chilly to the bones, and the lousy heating in the room wasn't helping matters. Across the room the boys were already snoring in their hammocks, their amplifiers and instruments laid haphazardly amongst all the clutter of backpacks, beer bottles and pizza boxes.

The band had been in London for almost a month now, trying to play at various clubs across the city, but none of the club owners wanted to hire them as a permanent band. Their earnings accumulated for the past months were running out quickly, and because the weather was turning cold, they could no longer stay the nights in their touring van and had hastily rented this rundown ghetto apartment in the south of London.

Naomi stared out the window looking for stars, but there were only dark clouds in the night sky. A few evenings before, she was out on the streets to get some food for everyone when she was taunted by a group of hoodlums on the streets who were making lewd comments about her legs and the sorts. As she tried to ignore them and walk away, the boys encircled her and came closer. Naomi swore she had never felt more afraid and vulnerable in her entire life, and she thanked her lucky stars when Jake and Dan appeared at the right moment and barked at those people to fuck off.

After the incident, Naomi kept wondering to herself if she was really suited to doing all this. Her mom was right; the life on the road wasn't as easy as she had imagined. The band faced many more rejections than opportunities during this time; they had to sleep uncomfortably on many nights; she was cold, hungry, tired and frustrated at their worst; and most of all, she missed her home and her mom and Thomas very much.

Was she really chasing after what she called her dreams all this time? Or was she just wasting her time going after something that would turn out to be nothing in the end? If she couldn't take the difficulties thrown in her face after three months, how was she going to survive the rest of the nine months?

Her mind went back to the note she saw on the dinner table that morning a few months back.

I believed in your dad, THAT'S WHY I believed even more in you now. Make it good.

Naomi buried her head in her pillow and was determined to sleep those thoughts off.

"Well, the card is upright," Naomi directed her explanation to Dan, who was the only one paying attention as she laid the card on the coffee table. Around the table, Erik was fiddling with his mobile; Seth appeared to be listening but was obviously distracted.

"It signifies power, inspiration, creation and lots of potential… Like a new beginni-," Naomi couldn't finish her sentence because the sound of the door slamming open made all of them jump in surprise.

"Wow," began Jake sarcastically as he walked in the room. "Playing with fucking tarot cards, aren't we now? You know what? I don't need them tarot cards to tell us the fate of our band. I'm fucking telling all of you now - The Inclining Backyards is finished. We are fucking screwed and over," burst out Jake angrily as he flung his bag onto the floor.

"What's your problem this time, Jake," said Seth in a tired tone, like Jake's flare-up was another daily affair.

"It's been fucking seven months now. What the fuck have we accomplished? Huh?" demanded Jake as he looked around the room directing the question to the members. Dan and Naomi looked down dejectedly; Erik looked away and rolled his eyes.

"Playing at almost every single club across London who pitied us enough to take us in? And getting kicked out again by the next week? We're fucking going the wrong way, man. Why the fuck can't all of you see it?" continued Jake.

"We're not going to be some rich asshole's pet band just because they've got the money, Jake. Money isn't what we want," replied Seth quietly.

"REALLY?" asked Jake quizzically. "Money isn't what we want? Have you opened your fucking eyes lately to see the fucking hellhole that we've been living in for four months? Money isn't what we want, Seth. But it's fucking what we need right now. You're just too damned fucking myopic to see it."

"Won't you wake up your idea, Jake?" said Erik who hasn't spoken till now. "Didn't you see how that dirty old bastard was leering at Naomi the whole time he spoke to us? He isn't interested in our music at all. He only wants us to be his private band so that he can keep Naomi as his own."

Naomi blushed. She thought she was the only one who thought the way the rich guy who had expressed interest in their band, Mr Richardson, had looked at her was inappropriate and suggestive; she didn't know that Erik had noticed too.

"And the music he made us play is fucking rubbish," remarked Dan. "We're a fucking rock band. And he's making us play classical funk with the drums and on the electric guitar? It's a fucking joke, Jake. And all his rich ass-kissing socialite friends don't fucking know music. Honestly, they wouldn't have noticed if it were a group of tone-deaf apes playing the oboe on stage instead. The whole event was just fucking hypocritical," he added hotly.

"I'm not fucking saying that we should play for him forever, you morons. I'm saying that we suck him dry, get enough money and go on and play the music that we want. Without money, did you really think we can make it past next month anyway?!" sputtered out Jake, enraged that everyone was against him.

"It's not a matter of how long we're playing for him. Don't you understand? We don't want to be held hostage by anyone; we don't want our music to be owned by anybody but ourselves. We want to play OUR music because we love it. Not because of the money," said Seth as he stood up. His voice was calm but Naomi heard the underlying anger that was threatening to explode any time.

"So you think I want the money for myself? The money goes to the band at the end of the day. Why the fuck do you think I care so much? Don't you fucking see we're much better off playing classical funk to a bunch of musically retarded assholes than to waste time in this fucking apartment playing with fucking tarot cards?" yelled Jake as he pointed at the coffee table laid with tarot cards. Naomi shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

"All I'm saying is. No matter how down and out we are, remember why we are here in the first place," continued Seth. "We're here because of our passion in our music. If we lose that we'll lose everything."

"Spare me your fucking noble philosophies about passion and the fuck," snapped Jake as he marched out the room and slammed the door behind him.

The next morning, Naomi woke and sat up in her bed to realise that the air in the room was amiss. The boys were all up and standing nearby, their faces pale and in a state of shock as they stared blankly into space.

Erik caught Naomi's eye and managed out the words, trembling slightly.

"Jake's gone. He came back in the night and left… with all the funds we saved all this time. All 900£. He took the van too."

Seth, who was standing near Erik with an empty look on his face, fell back abruptly onto the chair behind him and buried his face in his hands.

Naomi knew then that everything was over.